Friendship

[brioi]

I seem to only write in this thing when I’m depressed or going through something where I feel it is beneficial to vent what is on my mind. I had made the decision to delete this thing because I felt that no one really reads it, or probably even cares. Today I came to the computer, feeling that familiar need to purge some inner negativity, and

Comments

[volupteveg]

I totally understand what you mean.....
It's difficult to trust someone and difficult to see why anyone would care anyway. I tell people things... but rarely do I ever talk about things deep down. When I am in the most pain I just want to be alone because I recognize that it doesn't benefit anyone else.
We are all pretty selfish deep down.... and we all want something from someone but at the same time we all connect on some level.

Real friends are very hard to come by... I think you have to go through a lot of aquaintances before you can recognize the permanent ones.

It's easy to loose faith in humanity..... I do it all the time... but if you are capable of really wanting to understand and care for someone.. there are plenty of people who want to care and understand for you.

[brioi]

I appreciate your ability to label something that seems so complex. I think the phrase “losing faith in humanity” is very accurate to what I was struggling to articulate

[volupteveg]

Thats because my friends only hear what's on the surface.. they make jokes because that's how they deal with still being my friend and not having to really care about what's wrong.

Or they offer me advice when all I want is to talk it out.

Some relationships are like that.. and in some ways it's comforting but in others I just realize that they really can't help me with CORE issues because I never talk to ANYONE about that stuff.
Not even my counselor.

________________
Anyway, that's kind of what that post made me think of.
It's hard to open up to people.. if you don't let someone know something is wrong-- how do they know what to ask?
Sometimes you just have to say it and accept that some people will try to listen and others will change the subject.

I don't think your feelings are unwarented. We all want to feel connected and understood and there is nothing wrong with wanted something important out of relationships with people. <3

[brioi]

I think that is my point. It would be so refreshing to be around someone that knows you well enough to know when something is wrong. They understand you well enough to clue in that you are not okay and you need to talk. But for someone to even feel that from you, they must pay a certain amount of attention and actually make an effort to see you for who/how you are. I can tell when people arond me are not well. It surprises my friends how I seem to know when things are wrong in their lives. I'm just saying...it would be nice to have that reciprocated occasionally

[volupteveg]

Remember the post where I quoted camus, "An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself." Well I think that is really true in so many ways.

Because we are able to watch ourself, monitor our emotions and perceptions and have the ability to question them we often feel as though it is OUR problem to deal with and no one else should have to listen to it..
So when the emotions and questions come up we don't want to burden others with them-- or we feel guilty when someone feels bad for us or offers advice or help.
(Is this because we feel we don't deserve to be helped or that we don't trust that others truely care and want to help us?)

You shouldn't have to feel bad about writing out your problems in your journal. It doesn't make you a baby, it makes you self aware and I think that is important