Friendship

[brioi]

I seem to only write in this thing when I’m depressed or going through something where I feel it is beneficial to vent what is on my mind. I had made the decision to delete this thing because I felt that no one really reads it, or probably even cares. Today I came to the computer, feeling that familiar need to purge some inner negativity, and

Comments

[volupteveg]

Remember the post where I quoted camus, "An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself." Well I think that is really true in so many ways.

Because we are able to watch ourself, monitor our emotions and perceptions and have the ability to question them we often feel as though it is OUR problem to deal with and no one else should have to listen to it..
So when the emotions and questions come up we don't want to burden others with them-- or we feel guilty when someone feels bad for us or offers advice or help.
(Is this because we feel we don't deserve to be helped or that we don't trust that others truely care and want to help us?)

You shouldn't have to feel bad about writing out your problems in your journal. It doesn't make you a baby, it makes you self aware and I think that is important.

I don't know about everything your going through but I do think I can understand some of what it feels like to not have reciprocated support.
Something I recognize in myself though........
1. People can't help me if I don't open up and let them know something is wrong..... my friends may know when something is up but no one can read our minds.
2. When someone does reach out I spend a lot of time wondering what they want from me... I did that all growing up. In fact just the other day someone in one of my classes opened a door for me and it made me cry... I actually felt sorry for this person because they burdened themself with holding a door open for me and perhaps I felt I didn't deserve it. Now I was having a terrible week but it did make me realize that PEOPLE TRY.
Very few people will ever understand us... few people will ever really care... but when someone reaches out there shouldn't be a question of "what's in it for them?"

What's in it for them is that you are an amazing person. Maybe they can't tell when something is wrong because you don't feel like you deserve to have your problems listened to and validated?
Also, maybe some of these people have built a relationship with you that does not run as deep on both sides? I have friends who have known me long enough for me to open up and others who only know me as laid back and silly.

I don't know if any of that helps or is applicable..