the beginning of the end... again.

[bluesgal]

And so it ends. I will update more later but for now, I just feel empty. In his eyes I called it off, in mine he made it final. I don't believe in blaming someone else for the end of a relationship when they're the ones still trying to keep it together.

I am sad for the loss of comfort. I did not want that to change but it seems it had the opposite effect. We can no longer sit by the fire under a blanket together. I will no longer be able to fall asleep in his arms. Laughing at his cute like quirks will seem inappropriate. The warm spot from his hand on my knee as I drive us together will now be cold. Feeling safe when he is near will be a thing of the past.

For that, I am sad... and that is the him I miss. But to move forward, he must mean nothing to my heart and it is hard to separate all the above into a small folder and file it away as a thing of the past. It was something I had been looking forward to all day; reconciliation. And to realize I was lied to, perhaps by myself, is what hurts the most.

I have work tomorrow. And all week. I do not have the luxury to feel... I must get over this quick. As so for now, I try to remain numb.