[insert poetry]

[insert terribly sad song]

[insert strong-willed dedicated icon]


( Read more... )

Landlord literally said to me that "things would get a lot easier for me" if I "wore nice pantyhose". 'Or else' was implied, he couldn't have shouted 'for him' louder than it was with him just looking at me like that. And I, I am an idiot, because I panicked, because I considered, because I lost control, because I ruined myself, because I cried and ( Read more... )

God, what a weekend. Even the housemates knew things were wrong, drinking tea in one of their rooms and talking hoarsely and smiling (as if nothing mattered. As if everything mattered. What could I do?) and telling the other at the kitchen table that I'd be fine. One told me to "delete that sick junk off my phone" ("you sadistic, selfish, ( Read more... )

I don't know, guys. Part of the insomnia is that I already slept about six hours from seven thirty till one thirty, but part of it is sheer tossing and turning and worrying. I know, I know, nothing I can do now, it's no longer about what I should've or could've done but about what I did, and yet - I can't sleep ( Read more... )

Feel better. Had something to eat, some fruit, and even though I was nauseous most of the night and all morning/day till just now, I was hungry when I took the tangerines ( Read more... )

Fuck life, fuck life, fuck all of this.

(I'm telling myself it's because I have no serotonine left in my body after last night, but I don't quite feel-believe it. Rational logical answers don't do it today.)

Ice-cold thoughts.

Dear you, don't call me a drama queen when I tell you, in private, that I'm not all that happy with the review for the reading last night.

Dear you, understand that entering my territory but not coming to visit me or at least say hello in person is in fact an enormous insult to me.

Dear you, I cannot believe you want to do that ( Read more... )

You see, there are wolves in my heart and they lick my face clean n' kiss my teeth sharp, it's hardly a wonder things are like they are, the nights are too long these days the self-made beds too warm, it's not that I'm colder you just make me feel as if I should be older than had been our deal. I want to be anything that makes you happy baby but ( Read more... )

OH HI THAR UPSET RACHEL COMING IN

:((((

There's something distinctly nauseating about the inner bell that rings out when someone you've known for years lies to you about something - extremely important. There's the sensor, the radar that tells you when someone's lying, and suddenly the knowledge is everywhere, hurts your head, gets you off-balance.

The last time I felt it like this it ( Read more... )