MY IDEAS ABOUT GENDER & MYSELF
I have been having some interesting thoughts and feelings lately and wanted to share them. I wondered whether there were any other people who agree or disagree with my new stance on things.
In my opinion there really is no such thing as a finite man or a woman in a gender related sense. There are definitely many people who are physically male and female, but gender as a means to encapsulate these forms does not make so much sense. I believe that gender is mostly an artificial concept that that arisen from society’s need for order.
The binary gender concept has been used as a way to keep people who appeared in a certain role to perpetuate Western society (I speak of Western society because I was born and raised within it). This seems to be a pretty efficient way to create order on the surface. There must have been so much push and power behind making sure males were men and females were women. In these modern times, however, the ideas and feelings are changing. In relation to this it could be suggested that the binary gender system we know of now was never in born in us in the first place.
If the binary gender is an artificial concept created by eons of society then maybe any other genders that are expressed aren’t real either and just an act of expression. Binary gender is all around us wherever we go, and we can’t escape it. Gender has been perpetuated throughout generations. A little girl or a little boy is bombarded with gender since day one. Gender almost becomes something we accept without question.
This brings me to wonder whether Gender Dysphoria would exist if there were no such binary gender construct existing in Western society. Some Transvestites wear clothing associated with the female sex and feel they are expressing their femininity through this expression. They may sometimes adopt what they deem a female role. I believe this is another example of gender taking its hold on society and the trouble it causes. It is also suggested that Drag Queens create an illusion of being a woman. This is, however, only showing how much of an illusion and flawed gender really is.
If males display traits that are considered feminine, society believes these people deviate from the gender norm. The opposite could be said about females displaying traits that are considered masculine. There are too many examples in the world like this who are often feel comfortable as males or females to the point that they don’t want or need to change their sex or even their “gender”. For a start this suggests that there is no such thing as masculine and feminine traits. There is too much overlap to suggest gender is real.
Many years ago I believed someone was a man or woman because of certain personality traits. We can’t deny that behaviour must be due to nature due to sex hormones you have or the way your brain is configured. I have relinquished myself of the terms man and woman in my life now. There is not enough evidence for me to believe they naturally exist.
I believe I exist in a non-gendered state of mind today where I have found many advantages and disadvantages. One advantage is that I have freed myself from my own personal rules of the binary gender and am learning how to express myself in a more relaxed manner. It does feel quite difficult to expression ones freedom from gender in society where it exists all around. Freeing me from the male gender was a step I was partially subconsciously and consciously over Christmas 2007. There were many fears or the unknown and anxieties about my existence as I went along but now I am becoming calmer.
It is, however, slightly un-chartered territory and I am slowly working out how to express who I am and my appearance. My preference of appearance tends to fall on the feminine side and not the androgynous side of things. I do tend to feel more comfortable on the female side of society.
I am, however, in a slightly sheepish way trying to physically and mentally emphasise to people that I am not a man. This does seem to involve feminisation though I do not rule out creating a non male or female appearance. The latter does not really make much sense in my life at the moment. I am still working with ideas about changing my sex. I reiterate that I do not want to change genders for it is no sense.
Circumstances have allowed me to be a genderless person and that I will always be. I often wonder how I would have been as a person if I had been born female. It would be nice to think I would be genderless but I really think I would have fallen into a female gender role like the majority and not posed any questions towards it.
I feel sad that nature didn’t allow me to have a female body and instead gave me a body that doesn’t fit properly. My life journey is no longer about gender and is more about finding a comfortable place to exist. I like to think that one day I will find where I fit into the human race. If it be female then I will be one heck of a cool female, if it will be neutral then I will be one heck of a cool neutral person, if it be male then it will be one heck of a cool androgynous person. I look forward to the getting somewhere and am on my way as I speak.