Comments | bikini_season: (без темы)

bikini_season

(Untitled)

Jul 22, 2004 03:30

Okay, I'm STILL not done cleaning my room! I moved on to my closet today and now all of my dressers, closet, countertops, etc are like minimalisticly (new word, like it?) clean--nothing on them barely. But, I have a pile of stuff to donate and a pile of papers, etc... to look through still. Hence, it's not done yet ( Read more... )

Comments 11

icybluana July 22 2004, 05:43:23 UTC

yea i kknow what you mean, im the same way i want someone to know but at the same time i dont....but that was pretty brave of u to write that poem. what grade was that?

bikini_season July 23 2004, 06:38:41 UTC

It was aactually from the very beginning of this past school year (senior)
i'm glad you understand how I feel, I thought I was the only one...it seems weird to want someone to know, but it's just so lonely.

stonerville July 22 2004, 09:43:44 UTC

i can't believe your teacher didn't say something, expecailly since her daughter and sister had/have anorexia. crazy.
i understand what you mean about wanting to tell someone, but not to get help, just for them to know. when i was 11 i felt the same way, and then my mom caught on without me telling her and then i really didn't want her to know. it's so much easier keeping it a secret, trust me.
<3<3.

bikini_season July 23 2004, 06:44:18 UTC

Ya, I couldn't believe that about my teacher either, she is a little off though. I don't know.
I always have this debate with myself on whether or not to tell my Mom (mostly because I feel like she is partialyy responsible. I know, that's terrible) but then I'm like ya, it might be good to get it off of yopur chest, but imagine what would happen if she knew. I might try to get a therapist at college though, because they're free lol and no one has to know about it.
How is it around you mom now? is she suspicious?

it's weird. stonerville July 23 2004, 09:09:39 UTC

my mom is always suspicious and always worrying about it. i have been hospitalized over 10 times, and even when i am doing well she still thinks i'm not eating. it's a struggle and we don't get along well at all.
take care,
sam.

Re: it's weird. bikini_season July 23 2004, 14:33:21 UTC

I'm so sorry to hear that hunny :(
Do you think the hospitalization helps? Do you want to recover?
feel better
<3 Jaquelyn <3

Thread 5

(The comment has been removed)

bikini_season July 23 2004, 06:47:53 UTC

I was 17 when I turned that in, but ya, I understand that. Now I'm glad she didn't say anything.
What do people do in the hospital? That would be terrible! I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I was watched all the time and everyone was makng sure I was eating/not purging! blech, that would be so terrible.

social_girl July 22 2004, 18:17:42 UTC

"I always have this deep down feeling of wanting to tell someone about my ED, but just for them to know, not to get help. does that make sense?"

it makes perfect sense. i feel that way a lot of the time, too. i want to talk about my problems, especially my e.d., but i don't want others to get involved in my life and try and "fix" me. it may be because i'm always listening to other people talk, and for once i would like someone to listen to me. i guess that's what my live journal is for ... and besides, it's too dangerous to tal. i know that if someone tried to put me into recovery i'd sooner kill myself than get better, and that's what all of the people i know would do if they knew my secret (which sometimes doesn't seem so secret). i like this pain too much, you know what i mean? *sigh* i don't think i explained myself too well ... haha. i'm not supposed to be online! oh, well. your lj is inspiring, not just from e.d. stand-point, and i love reading it. it's motivated me to clean out my closet this week! the one thing i'm afraid of ( ... )

bikini_season July 23 2004, 06:55:51 UTC

No, you explained yourself perfectly! I know exactly what you mean about always listening to other people. Even if I do talk to people, I can't talk to them about ana, one of the most important parts of my life, I think that's why I feel like that.
Thank you so much! I never considered my journal inspiring :) I love reading your journal too. It's great how you write about normal stuff, and then you just include ana like how it would feel to think about it. Like it's your train of though, but ana isn't a secret...wow, that made no sense whatsoever! I always wonder though, do your friends from real life read that? It seems like the people who comment really know you and just overlook the ED thing.
I was so scared of the old lunch thing too! I found an old cooler from cheerleading and I was soooo scared to open it up lol. luckily it was empty!
Thanks for the well wishes (although I b/p'd yesdetray twice, thats beside the point lol ):)

<3Jaquelyn<3

social_girl July 23 2004, 15:10:48 UTC

actually, i have three people i know in "real life" who read my journal, but they live about 45 minutes away and they all are very understanding about keeping everything i write perfectly secret. i know i can trust them because one of them is dealing with depression and the other two have home issues (nothing serious, but enough that they know not to talk about my problems openly) so it kind of evens things out and we're on the same level. these three people i trust with everything and they are the only people i know who have access to what i write. even my best and closest friend doesn't know my lj exists! i don't know if my friends' ability to keep my secret makes them "good" friends or "bad" friends ... but i don't care. as long as they don't tell anyone, ie. my parents, i'm fine with them reading and commenting on my journal. i have the exact same access to their own journals, so i guess if worse came to worse i could always blackmail them. although i really hope i never have to ( ... )