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[bikini_season]

Okay, I'm STILL not done cleaning my room! I moved on to my closet today and now all of my dressers, closet, countertops, etc are like minimalisticly (new word, like it?) clean--nothing on them barely. But, I have a pile of stuff to donate and a pile of papers, etc... to look through still. Hence, it's not done yet

Comments

[social_girl]

"I always have this deep down feeling of wanting to tell someone about my ED, but just for them to know, not to get help. does that make sense?"

it makes perfect sense. i feel that way a lot of the time, too. i want to talk about my problems, especially my e.d., but i don't want others to get involved in my life and try and "fix" me. it may be because i'm always listening to other people talk, and for once i would like someone to listen to me. i guess that's what my live journal is for ... and besides, it's too dangerous to tal. i know that if someone tried to put me into recovery i'd sooner kill myself than get better, and that's what all of the people i know would do if they knew my secret (which sometimes doesn't seem so secret). i like this pain too much, you know what i mean? *sigh* i don't think i explained myself too well ... haha. i'm not supposed to be online! oh, well. your lj is inspiring, not just from e.d. stand-point, and i love reading it. it's motivated me to clean out my closet this week! the one thing i'm afraid of finding is some old lunch i lost in the mess and didn't throw out after school was over because i had no idea it was lurking somewhere out of sight ... we'll have to wait and see! won't it be disgusting if i find something?! i wish you strength and willpower throughout the rest of your fast! <3 ally

ps: your teacher must be crazy. your poem is amazing, and obviously related to anorexia. how could she not see that? it's just as well she didn't i suppose.

[bikini_season]

No, you explained yourself perfectly! I know exactly what you mean about always listening to other people. Even if I do talk to people, I can't talk to them about ana, one of the most important parts of my life, I think that's why I feel like that.
Thank you so much! I never considered my journal inspiring :) I love reading your journal too. It's great how you write about normal stuff, and then you just include ana like how it would feel to think about it. Like it's your train of though, but ana isn't a secret...wow, that made no sense whatsoever! I always wonder though, do your friends from real life read that? It seems like the people who comment really know you and just overlook the ED thing.
I was so scared of the old lunch thing too! I found an old cooler from cheerleading and I was soooo scared to open it up lol. luckily it was empty!
Thanks for the well wishes (although I b/p'd yesdetray twice, thats beside the point lol ):)

<3Jaquelyn<3

[social_girl]

actually, i have three people i know in "real life" who read my journal, but they live about 45 minutes away and they all are very understanding about keeping everything i write perfectly secret. i know i can trust them because one of them is dealing with depression and the other two have home issues (nothing serious, but enough that they know not to talk about my problems openly) so it kind of evens things out and we're on the same level. these three people i trust with everything and they are the only people i know who have access to what i write. even my best and closest friend doesn't know my lj exists! i don't know if my friends' ability to keep my secret makes them "good" friends or "bad" friends ... but i don't care. as long as they don't tell anyone, ie. my parents, i'm fine with them reading and commenting on my journal. i have the exact same access to their own journals, so i guess if worse came to worse i could always blackmail them. although i really hope i never have to!!!

don't worry about b/p'ing. as awful as this sounds, at least you got rid of "it." ughh. i wish i could still purge, but i can't anymore because every single time i bring up blood and that scares me senseless. i always thought i was willing to risk dying for this ... but not that way. it's not worth the risk. an extreme amount of exercise, although harder, is safer than purging repeatedly to make up for mess ups. i hope you aren't putting yourself in that kind of danger. :)

<3 hope you're doing better today!