Zydrate Comes in a Little Glass Vial
Badfics! The Genetic Opera
presents:
How not to write GraveRobber
Grilo Badfic Edition
Warning NC-17. Contains awful, awful sex!
NSFW YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
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I have apparently take it upon myself to avenge all wrongs done to Repo! One fic at a time. There is just so much gold on ff.net. I really am confused where all the pet names come from. Did I miss something? Sure he calls Shilo kid, but I missed the bit where he calls her sweetheart or princess.
A Note: I have nothing against Grilo. I ship Grilo, I read Grilo, and that gives me a pretty good perspective on how ooc GraveRobber is in most Grilo fics. There is good Grilo fic, actually came across some smashing Grilo on my badfic hunt, but there is much more bad.
Graverobber interrupted Shilo with a kiss, and then breathed against her lips, "You're my girl now, Sugar - I'm gonna look after what's mine." GraveRobber, as you know, is a southerner, sugar. Let's make 'sugar' the first item on our list: Things GraveRobber should never say, shall we?
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Graverobber drained the brown-glass bottle, "Alright, Bug?"
Shilo smirked, "Sure. I was just wondering why you followed me to work if you were busy and weren't going to see me for months?"
He leaned on the bar, towards her, "I lied…a little. I'm going to see you as much as possible…and as much of you as possible."
The alcohol must have destroyed his verbal filter for the time being, but Graverobber didn't truly care - he just smirked at Shilo wickedly.
She grinned back, "I thought you didn't want to play..."
Graverobber growled, moving his face closer to hers so they were barely inches from each other, "I'm the master, Kitten, and I'm not going to give in - you'll lose." OK, so far we have sugar, bug and kitten.
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Graverobber woke and expected to see the little pale vixen still clinging to his body but to his disappointment there was not black hair mussed about and lying on his shoulder and no pale smooth leg hitched on his hip. He sighed and touched the cold sheets beside him. OK, next item on the list: little pale vixen.
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I looked him staring directly into the blue eyes. I couldn't help but nod. Before staring at the girl entangled around his leg pulling at his zipper. He seemed to notice because he shooed the girl away and going to pet my my head down not looking at him then realizing I am covered in blood. He let out a laugh. "Looks like you sparrow could use a shower." I nod and with that I follow him down the alley way. Sparrow, folks.
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Shilo: that answer might work on a scalpel slut you just met on the street but I've been around you for six months now, I know when you are trying to bullshit me, and I know you don't do anything without a reason
Graverobber playfully pointed at Shilo.
Graverobber (mockingly): ohhhh Shilo said a swear.
(Mockingly) Oh! GraveRobber isn't five!
- -
She was stunning as usual. She had removed the wig, her natural hair brushed to her jaw line and shining. A soft black nightgown clung to her gently, the thin straps leading to a graceful neckline. It brushed against her thighs, clean and pure white once more. Her cameo hung from her neck, the gold glinting in the soft light.
His angel.
Now fallen angel, thanks to him. This is a portion of a charming rape=love fic, angel. Yes, GraveRobber is angsting about nearly raping her. And, it gets better (read: worse). Shilo and GraveRobber are thrown into a sex scene that would be too cheesy for most romance novels. Have a sample:
Glancing up at her face, eyes a touch wide at the deliberately sultry tone the last half of that staitment held. She had her lower lip caught between her teeth, her big dark eyes 'innocently' glancing out from under her lashes. Making up his mind, he rose to his feet, letting her hands go after offering his own reassuring squeeze.
"Yeah, baby. I can make it feel good again."
His voice was a powerful thing to her, it held the power to melt her knees like nothing else in the world.
And:
She was exquisite, and he couldn't help but gasp at the sight of her laid out before him. Ghost white skin, ample curves and long limbs. Her face was flushed a faint pink, eyes closed and head ducking in embarrassment.
"You're Beautiful..."
Also:
"Scream for me, baby. Please?"
Dear god, they're trapped in a terrible porno:
"Ride me, Shilo. I'm all yours."
Now, my personal favorite:
"Shilo... Gods, kid... I love you."
A white light exploded behind her eyes, body shaking with the intensity of her climax. A startling warmth filled her in pulses, his body quaking in time with the new, strange heat.
"Graves... oh gods Graverobber..."
Tell me I'm not totally immature? Tell me that someone else is cracking up laughing at the concept of Shilo yelling “GRAVES!” during her climax. And the fact that GraveRobber screams “I love you!”
To make the whole thing more cliché, somewhere in there amidst all the descriptions of Shilo's “moist petals” and “the seed of her desire” and well as her “dripping sex” and how “length of him was both enticing and terrifying” there is a line about Shilo having self inflicted scars on her stomach. That's right, this is a cutting fic too.
Well, I leave you now with that astounding exercise in cliché, and hopefully a few terrible mental images.
And now for the list.
Things GraveRobber should never say in fics:
Sugar
Bug
Kitten
Pale little vixen
Sparrow
Baby