something to celebrate
Three years ago from now I was in labour, my midwives were arriving, and I was excited to meet my new baby!! I couldn't wait to hold her tiny, warm body and finally see her sweet face. Abby's labour was painful and demanded my full attention, but none of us had any indication at all that Abby's birth would be anything but normal and uncomplicated.
Today, I'm trying to remember those last few days and hours before her birth. So much of Abby's Days are surrounded with sadness and grief and I really want to remember the joyful anticipation and the excitement of her labour and birth. She was born, she was alive, I held her and kissed her. We were all relieved when she finally slipped from my body, and we were all so happy. On my bedroom wall I have pictures from her birth and I love looking at them, seeing pictures of her alive, seeing my love and happiness as I held her.
The little window of time of pure joy surrounding Abby's birth is so....little. I squeeze myself into that tiny space and try to feel it with my whole soul, to remember the joy and love and anticipation, not the heartache and grief. That'll come tomorrow.
I spoke with a friend today on the phone and she asked me what I was doing.
"Decorating a cake.
Oh? For who?
For Abby.
Oh, you celebrate her birthday?
Of course we do!"
Of course we celebrate Abby's life! Even if I knew that she would die, I would do it all over again just to have that short time with her.
So right after lunch today, I filled my dollar store cake decorating tube with homemade lemon buttercream icing, and decorated Abby's cake. I talked to Abby while I did it, telling her how happy I was that she was born. And tonight, my girls will sing Happy Birthday while I cry and take pictures. We will celebrate the day of her birth, her life, the joy she brought to us all.