Major Changes
Something is off about Daniel from L.A. Or maybe it's just my past traumas. Little things like my reading his piece and getting back to him within a day, and then he asked me to send him a piece of mine, so I did, and two days have now gone by. I will ask him about it because I'm tired of having this happen with people-especially with people who've asked me to read their pieces.
Also, He canceled on me last night an hour before he was supposed to come over. He said he was sorry he had to cancel last minute, but he met up with his friend, who might be able to get him a job at Buzzfeed. He offered to come over later, which makes it a little better (I guess)...but that would've meant his coming over at 9:30/10, and I'm concerned about anything turning into a booty call.
I know he's in an unstable position. He has no job or apartment. He's trying to get settled and figure out if he's even going to stay.
I'd feel much better dropping him if I hadn't given him my piece. But I guess that's the thing with creating something-you just send it out, into the world, and have to dismiss all the people who don't appreciate it.
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I'm trying to calm myself over this moving thing. Moving is always stressful, but this is the first time I'm doing it alone-no John, no parents, no Josh or Robin. Adrian came over to help me on Monday, which amazed me. But I still have so much to do, and the movers are coming on Saturday. I just hope I have enough boxes and bags and such. I hope the kitchen stuff isn't broken. The movers are going to cost $200. Everything is costing me a lot of money. I'm trying not to think about it, though. That brain fog is coming and going, and I think it's because of the stress.
I think I've figured out whom John's dating. She's not as pretty as me, which is stupid to say and I hate myself for thinking that, but I guess it's normal. I defriended him yesterday because I needed to stop looking in on him. He's not mine anymore, and I'm not his. I need to get that into my head, that it's okay to be alone. It doesn't feel like it yet, but that's part of the process. It's a grieving cycle, and I've put it off for about four to five years-the relationship should've probably been over after year one or two. Six years of being with John, off and on, are closed. Yeah, I guess the reality of it all is still getting to me.
Also, He canceled on me last night an hour before he was supposed to come over. He said he was sorry he had to cancel last minute, but he met up with his friend, who might be able to get him a job at Buzzfeed. He offered to come over later, which makes it a little better (I guess)...but that would've meant his coming over at 9:30/10, and I'm concerned about anything turning into a booty call.
I know he's in an unstable position. He has no job or apartment. He's trying to get settled and figure out if he's even going to stay.
I'd feel much better dropping him if I hadn't given him my piece. But I guess that's the thing with creating something-you just send it out, into the world, and have to dismiss all the people who don't appreciate it.
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I'm trying to calm myself over this moving thing. Moving is always stressful, but this is the first time I'm doing it alone-no John, no parents, no Josh or Robin. Adrian came over to help me on Monday, which amazed me. But I still have so much to do, and the movers are coming on Saturday. I just hope I have enough boxes and bags and such. I hope the kitchen stuff isn't broken. The movers are going to cost $200. Everything is costing me a lot of money. I'm trying not to think about it, though. That brain fog is coming and going, and I think it's because of the stress.
I think I've figured out whom John's dating. She's not as pretty as me, which is stupid to say and I hate myself for thinking that, but I guess it's normal. I defriended him yesterday because I needed to stop looking in on him. He's not mine anymore, and I'm not his. I need to get that into my head, that it's okay to be alone. It doesn't feel like it yet, but that's part of the process. It's a grieving cycle, and I've put it off for about four to five years-the relationship should've probably been over after year one or two. Six years of being with John, off and on, are closed. Yeah, I guess the reality of it all is still getting to me.