The owl the owl is a lonely bird/it chills my hear with dread and terror
Good day today with Sandra. We've had such a busy, hardworking week, the both of us and this weekend is sooooo deserved.
I've sersiously been studying my ass off, it's weird but I'm glad. I've missed my old way of school where I'm on top of things and attentive.
We tried to find this cool tarot/palm reader today but they moved for renovation so we just went to this Jesus store instead, and I got a nice stone, bookmark, and 2 movies (Lion King + Marilyn Monroe!) for a buck each :D Than walking for 2 miles and some Thai food for after where we met up with her email pen pal (who has awesome hair) and dinner with Jeremy and Brittany at Damon's. Never been there before but it was nice, though they burnt Jeremy's salmon the fiends. We tried to watch A Knight's Tale after and got most of the way through, but it's so scratched up *sigh* Too much watchage.
Sandra managed to kick me in the face today, Jeremy's fault, lol. But whatevs, it all ended in laughs, motrin and puppy eyes of apology.
I love taping things on video cassette when I can't watch the rest. It makes me feel like I have my DVR at home.
Doing homework tomorrow, going to Potomac Mall for kimonos, and getting food to make my quiche for the ritual. *sigh* Busy day. No church obviously.....cause of the ritual and all. So it'll be the cheating, half hour mass on Thursday again to catch up. Oh well.
Westboro Baptist Church is coming to campus next Monday for Pride Week. I'm so disappointed and angry, I feel dirty and sad. I don't even want to think about it, I feel so helpless when I do. That kind of hate is so misadvertised, using God's sanction, and there's no way anyone can tell them different. It's just, like looking into a giant Tsunami to me, no matter how much you want to stop and change it, it's still gonna come.
I should really read tonight, but I don't wanna. Homework of couse, but I'm just so tired from so much food I wanna sleep anyways, fanfiction or no fanfiction.
I love feeling my legs right after a shower, all shaven. I know that's weird it just feels nice....and makes me feel cleaner. Smooth is calming to me.
So glad that test in Language and Culture was moved to Wednesday, not Monday anymore. Or I'd be fucked.
I have my LJ paid account back! Yay Dad's credit card and him being nice enough to let me use it. I can even add more icons :D
I've been catching up on Supernatural (project) from the beginning, and am almost halfway through the first season. It's weird seeing how young they are...but no less hot and angsty. Soon I'll be able to go back to flisting, and all will be well.
I miss Dylan.....though I know this whole self-imposed withdrawel thing is good for the long run, and it's only for another month or two, I just miss talking to him.. I got used to every month, it was really easy. Sad, sad, girl. I need to just focus on other things, because my mind has no discretion and brings up the bad with the good whenever I think of him. I tend to wince as much as I smile.
I may be able to go to Ireland this summer, though I have to get a letter of recommendation by Friday and it's at least $5000 to go, even if I do get that scholarship. But it would be beyond awesome to go. *yearns* One of my dreams since I was a toddler.
For the past couple of months everything's settled down and been sliding into place. Been seeing Bren more than ever, school's going great, saw Dad last week, Erika all the time, Eric lots. Porn's steady, as is fanfiction. Everything's better than fine. But I'm just kind of beferit during it,at the center. Like....something's not connecting? Maybe I'm worrying for nothing or looking too closely, but I'm not happy. And I'm vaguely worried. The days pass quickly and I'm myself and all, but I want to feel more alive. I don't know whether through contemplation or doing something more enregetic to shock myself out of this funk, or immerse myself in sad films to feel deeply again. I just....don't like feeling unsatisfied. It scares me more than being locked out or being a failure, I'd rather die of sensory overload than be numb. Wish I could get drunk on a more regular basis. I know how that sounds but I don't care. I like knowing what works and what doesn't. And I get tired of my routine of movies, porn, comedy, books, and food sometimes. I should just stay over at Erika's more. Can join the bff at her drowning, the nice thing is she wouldn't mind. And I haven't drunken alone yet, I don't wanna start this early.
Talked to Nicole yesterday, it was such an unexpected relief. She was with the bf and happy and we talked on her new malfunctioning bluetooth while she was in the car. I told her how I got high and the debacles during and she laughed and made me feel all sweet and warm inside. As per normal. I miss Bubbles more than I knew.
Infomercials are my new crack. It's really not productive or even that enjoyable to watch, but I get sucked in at night regardless, and I just watch and watch. It's so very not good but addictive. Mmm, steak knives and workout equipment.
K, bloated and tired. Gonna wind down with taped Bones epi and a program on supernatural links to the presidents on the History channel I also taped. Did I mention I love my little old VCR TV? I wanna bring it to my first apartment and house. It's mine and I named it Hephaestes cause it's old and decrepid but it works hard and makes beauitful images that keep me entertained.
I've sersiously been studying my ass off, it's weird but I'm glad. I've missed my old way of school where I'm on top of things and attentive.
We tried to find this cool tarot/palm reader today but they moved for renovation so we just went to this Jesus store instead, and I got a nice stone, bookmark, and 2 movies (Lion King + Marilyn Monroe!) for a buck each :D Than walking for 2 miles and some Thai food for after where we met up with her email pen pal (who has awesome hair) and dinner with Jeremy and Brittany at Damon's. Never been there before but it was nice, though they burnt Jeremy's salmon the fiends. We tried to watch A Knight's Tale after and got most of the way through, but it's so scratched up *sigh* Too much watchage.
Sandra managed to kick me in the face today, Jeremy's fault, lol. But whatevs, it all ended in laughs, motrin and puppy eyes of apology.
I love taping things on video cassette when I can't watch the rest. It makes me feel like I have my DVR at home.
Doing homework tomorrow, going to Potomac Mall for kimonos, and getting food to make my quiche for the ritual. *sigh* Busy day. No church obviously.....cause of the ritual and all. So it'll be the cheating, half hour mass on Thursday again to catch up. Oh well.
Westboro Baptist Church is coming to campus next Monday for Pride Week. I'm so disappointed and angry, I feel dirty and sad. I don't even want to think about it, I feel so helpless when I do. That kind of hate is so misadvertised, using God's sanction, and there's no way anyone can tell them different. It's just, like looking into a giant Tsunami to me, no matter how much you want to stop and change it, it's still gonna come.
I should really read tonight, but I don't wanna. Homework of couse, but I'm just so tired from so much food I wanna sleep anyways, fanfiction or no fanfiction.
I love feeling my legs right after a shower, all shaven. I know that's weird it just feels nice....and makes me feel cleaner. Smooth is calming to me.
So glad that test in Language and Culture was moved to Wednesday, not Monday anymore. Or I'd be fucked.
I have my LJ paid account back! Yay Dad's credit card and him being nice enough to let me use it. I can even add more icons :D
I've been catching up on Supernatural (project) from the beginning, and am almost halfway through the first season. It's weird seeing how young they are...but no less hot and angsty. Soon I'll be able to go back to flisting, and all will be well.
I miss Dylan.....though I know this whole self-imposed withdrawel thing is good for the long run, and it's only for another month or two, I just miss talking to him.. I got used to every month, it was really easy. Sad, sad, girl. I need to just focus on other things, because my mind has no discretion and brings up the bad with the good whenever I think of him. I tend to wince as much as I smile.
I may be able to go to Ireland this summer, though I have to get a letter of recommendation by Friday and it's at least $5000 to go, even if I do get that scholarship. But it would be beyond awesome to go. *yearns* One of my dreams since I was a toddler.
For the past couple of months everything's settled down and been sliding into place. Been seeing Bren more than ever, school's going great, saw Dad last week, Erika all the time, Eric lots. Porn's steady, as is fanfiction. Everything's better than fine. But I'm just kind of beferit during it,at the center. Like....something's not connecting? Maybe I'm worrying for nothing or looking too closely, but I'm not happy. And I'm vaguely worried. The days pass quickly and I'm myself and all, but I want to feel more alive. I don't know whether through contemplation or doing something more enregetic to shock myself out of this funk, or immerse myself in sad films to feel deeply again. I just....don't like feeling unsatisfied. It scares me more than being locked out or being a failure, I'd rather die of sensory overload than be numb. Wish I could get drunk on a more regular basis. I know how that sounds but I don't care. I like knowing what works and what doesn't. And I get tired of my routine of movies, porn, comedy, books, and food sometimes. I should just stay over at Erika's more. Can join the bff at her drowning, the nice thing is she wouldn't mind. And I haven't drunken alone yet, I don't wanna start this early.
Talked to Nicole yesterday, it was such an unexpected relief. She was with the bf and happy and we talked on her new malfunctioning bluetooth while she was in the car. I told her how I got high and the debacles during and she laughed and made me feel all sweet and warm inside. As per normal. I miss Bubbles more than I knew.
Infomercials are my new crack. It's really not productive or even that enjoyable to watch, but I get sucked in at night regardless, and I just watch and watch. It's so very not good but addictive. Mmm, steak knives and workout equipment.
K, bloated and tired. Gonna wind down with taped Bones epi and a program on supernatural links to the presidents on the History channel I also taped. Did I mention I love my little old VCR TV? I wanna bring it to my first apartment and house. It's mine and I named it Hephaestes cause it's old and decrepid but it works hard and makes beauitful images that keep me entertained.