Rudolph the red nosed reindeer should have told Santa to shove it.

[alex_antonin]

http://www.cracked.com/article_18601_4-bad-lessons-rudolph-red-nosed-reindeer-teaches-kids.html

Ha! I never liked the Rudolph story or song. Personally, I prefer my own version:

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Then Rudolph, he said, "Oh fuck you,
Every one of you assholes!
You teased me and excluded me,
But suddenly you need me, hoes!"

"Well fuck all of that shit, Santa,
I hope your sleigh crashes to Hell!"
Then Rudolph ran off to join a coven
With a goth reindeer named Belle.

Then all the reindeer hated him
as they wept and cried and got sick,
"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you're a real fuckin' prick!"

Or this version:

Rudolph, the red-hosed reindeer
had a very shiny hose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer "games."

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your dick so bright,
won't you ride my ass tonight?"

Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out "orgy!"
Rudolph the red-hosed reindeer,
you'll go down in history!

Cross-posted from http://alex-antonin.dreamwidth.org