Run Away and Join the Office
Okay... I have decided (as of um last night) that to assist myself in feeling better about myself (can you tell I intellectualize this *just* a tad? ;) ) I will start finding one thing each day to be proud of. Preferably this will be something that I have done that day, and it doesn't matter how big or small it is. The point is just for me to realize that right now maybe my small steps *are* big steps and that's important.
Yesterday the thing I was proud of was that I managed to eat decently, like I am working at, even though I was all nervy and stressed. Here's what I ate yesterday: br'f'st: granola bar, light raspberry yogurt, glass of carrot/apple/passionfruit juice... lunch: peanut butter sandwich, carrots, 100cal snack pack & 100cal cookie thing.... snack: granola bar... dinner: .5c new potatoes roasted, 1 mini hamburger (leftover thing) w/ piece of cheese, salad greens w/ light dressing (~70cal?), 1 slice turkey, and pudding cup (~100cal)... The pudding cup at the end was prolly a bit of an indulgence, but I figured that I had no morning snack and so I allowed it to myself. :)
What's really incredible is this: that's a lot of food @.@ I am being told to eat a lot of food. It was *hard* to eat breakfast... I eat breakfast usually when relaxed not when in a rush. So, working it in will be a challenge... But *hey* I am good at eating ;) I just need to work it in properly, so that my relationship with food is more solid. It's not easy to be so conscious of what I am doing, but i am working at it, and in time it should become easier... Well, let's hope it will.
I got home and chickened out of exercising >.< I really should have packed my work out clothes cause by the time I got home it was late and I would have had to dash over there... and I didn't. That wasn't a healthy decision.
HOWEVER: I made sure that I did find said clothes for this morning and lo and behold... I went and exercised! yes, that's right... My fat butt got up... ate breakfast (1.5C cheerios, 1 banana, and skim milk) and then went and exercised! Today I will be proud that I made the decision to be good to myself and I exercised. All in all did about ~45minutes worth and then another 15 minutes cooling down/stretching. I take it a bit at a time and always think after the first 15 minutes, " I hate this... I hate this... 15,16,17,18,19,20... oh thank god this station is done." but after I get done with 30 minutes I'm usually thinking,"Oh hey... I can do one more round of this! it's only 15 more minutes. Just one more rotation!" So, there you have it. it might be a small thing, but i will focus on this and feel good about it.
Side notes: finished Agnes Grey Last night. Do not understand why Charlotte liked it better than Tenant. This post is long enough so I don't think I want to detail it out, but maybe I will later. If not, people can ask me about it if they wish. last thing: cannot believe i did not watch any of the Alito coverage yesterday. I totally forgot about it, and will have to do some catch up there. Bleh.. still need to read for Gunther too. :) and um, just because it makes me smile (from Mike Doughty's American Car):
My circus train pulls through the night
Full of lions and trapeze artists
I'm done with elephants and clowns
I want to run away and join the office