(no subject)
Continuing to work on Dae. It's only a matter of time before I have everything in place. He continues to be a comfort, a source of companionship, an escape. And a growing necessity for my continued survival. I'm not sure what it is now that keeps me from stepping out of the house and not braining the first dull face I see. This place is so - unappealing these days. My ability to be compassionate and respectful for those I'm trying to hold in high esteem is strained.
Bloodaxe came to me and asked how I knew Pook. Said he needed to know. I argued that he did not. I argued that he never felt the need to know previously, so Pook's involvement with me hardly seemed like a factor with weight enough to tip the scales. He wouldn't leave me be about it. So I told him. I made it short and sweet, pulled the bows and frills off what could have been a very embellished, dramatic tale. I held it back until he left, but I snapped somewhere along the line.
He should know better.
With how I hold together, with how I have to wrap myself in this safety net of it's okay you're really a good person it's not your fault.
He knows that. He knows how easy it is for those dilusions to fall apart. He knows how shaky the ground is around me and he gets upset that I didn't simply relive everything I've been through so he could feel like he's in the know? When I told him that I kept it a secret because it was for my best interests all he could say was that it wasn't in anyone's best interests to lie to him. As though he were some -- where in the hell does he get off, as though that is the most important thing to this whole -
Pook asked me before if anyone knew. I said no, no one did. I didn't tell them because they didn't need to know, not because I felt like they would care, or felt like they would turn me in. He said he didn't care so much about who I was as he did the fact that I didn't volunteer the information.
I'm sorry, the last time I volunteered that information, Lind
I was acting in my best interests not telling anyone. You don't volunteer information like that. You keep it a secret if you have any sense of intelligence about you and I'm not that stupid. I know better than to go around telling others who I am was. And how could he have any right to be angry with me about this? He's never volunteered anything about himself. I found out what I know on my own. He's a damned hypocrite and the fact that he's more upset that I kept it from him than he is about the actual implications of the lie itself is absolutely shameful and childish.
We don't need any of this. I don't need any of this. I have things to do, business to take care of, hopes and dreams to crush and destroy. I refuse to feel anything remotely resembling fear or guilt or
gods he was my best friend when I felt I had none why did he look at me like that
Bloodaxe came to me and asked how I knew Pook. Said he needed to know. I argued that he did not. I argued that he never felt the need to know previously, so Pook's involvement with me hardly seemed like a factor with weight enough to tip the scales. He wouldn't leave me be about it. So I told him. I made it short and sweet, pulled the bows and frills off what could have been a very embellished, dramatic tale. I held it back until he left, but I snapped somewhere along the line.
He should know better.
With how I hold together, with how I have to wrap myself in this safety net of it's okay you're really a good person it's not your fault.
He knows that. He knows how easy it is for those dilusions to fall apart. He knows how shaky the ground is around me and he gets upset that I didn't simply relive everything I've been through so he could feel like he's in the know? When I told him that I kept it a secret because it was for my best interests all he could say was that it wasn't in anyone's best interests to lie to him. As though he were some -- where in the hell does he get off, as though that is the most important thing to this whole -
Pook asked me before if anyone knew. I said no, no one did. I didn't tell them because they didn't need to know, not because I felt like they would care, or felt like they would turn me in. He said he didn't care so much about who I was as he did the fact that I didn't volunteer the information.
I'm sorry, the last time I volunteered that information, Lind
I was acting in my best interests not telling anyone. You don't volunteer information like that. You keep it a secret if you have any sense of intelligence about you and I'm not that stupid. I know better than to go around telling others who I am was. And how could he have any right to be angry with me about this? He's never volunteered anything about himself. I found out what I know on my own. He's a damned hypocrite and the fact that he's more upset that I kept it from him than he is about the actual implications of the lie itself is absolutely shameful and childish.
We don't need any of this. I don't need any of this. I have things to do, business to take care of, hopes and dreams to crush and destroy. I refuse to feel anything remotely resembling fear or guilt or
gods he was my best friend when I felt I had none why did he look at me like that