I cried so much

I've asked myself and others "why?" so many times today that I feel like a five year old...

I hate you for the power you still have over me and  the fear you have permanently burned into my heart...

my back hurts from spending a good portion of the day in bed...depression is difficult, silly, pointless, and stifling..i need better tools to combat this..

i'm still fighting a cold...still waiting on phone calls...still cranky for absolutely no reason...nothing is changing...speaking about this fact probably isn't helping anything..neither is sitting on my bum waiting for change...