(no subject)
it's Saturday night...maybe the fourth Saturday I've had to work in a row...lots of overtime at work...this is the most tired I've been on a Saturday night in a couple of months...I feel like all I do is eat, sleep, kitty chores, work, and prep for work...i'm having to skip a hour or more of sleep a day just to feel like i'm actually living my own life...
and now, house/dog sitting on a Saturday night...by myself...(with beer, at least)
too much alone time lately....it's starting to wear thin...it sucks when your best friend lives an hour away...
under the surface, reality is staring to feel less real...things sometimes take on a superimposing "watery" effect...sometimes, edges of things radiate outward in my peripheral vision and stops when i'm looking directly at it, like a misbehaving child...everything is solid, logically, but it "feels" like I could reach out and pass my hand right through the scenery like it's being projected onto a curtain...I can't figure out how to peek around the curtain yet..i'm scared of what's waiting on the other side..is it enlightenment? madness? some hybrid of both? am I strong enough to see where the rabbit hole leads?
too much alone time? not enough sleep? natural progression of mental illness?
I don't have any answers to these questions at the moment...i'm not sure how to go about seeking the answers...for now, i'm going to spend this Saturday night, alone in a house that doesn't belong to me, away from my bed and my cats, drinking beer...send a few texts, chat on the phone with snook..try to make the most of this situation that i'm not entirely fond of until it's time to start yet another week of overtime...
....maybe i'll have more to say at some other point...
and now, house/dog sitting on a Saturday night...by myself...(with beer, at least)
too much alone time lately....it's starting to wear thin...it sucks when your best friend lives an hour away...
under the surface, reality is staring to feel less real...things sometimes take on a superimposing "watery" effect...sometimes, edges of things radiate outward in my peripheral vision and stops when i'm looking directly at it, like a misbehaving child...everything is solid, logically, but it "feels" like I could reach out and pass my hand right through the scenery like it's being projected onto a curtain...I can't figure out how to peek around the curtain yet..i'm scared of what's waiting on the other side..is it enlightenment? madness? some hybrid of both? am I strong enough to see where the rabbit hole leads?
too much alone time? not enough sleep? natural progression of mental illness?
I don't have any answers to these questions at the moment...i'm not sure how to go about seeking the answers...for now, i'm going to spend this Saturday night, alone in a house that doesn't belong to me, away from my bed and my cats, drinking beer...send a few texts, chat on the phone with snook..try to make the most of this situation that i'm not entirely fond of until it's time to start yet another week of overtime...
....maybe i'll have more to say at some other point...