Unaware that I’m tearing you asunder…

[sexytarawitch]

My dreams were filled with images that I wanted to do anything to scrub them out of my memory. I wasn’t sure what made my heart hurt more, killing people or the idea of Spike and I fighting for years

Comments

[theurbancowboy]

I was drowning in whiskey and perfectly fine with that little fact. I couldn't get those goddamn eyes out of my head. Women, why the fuck do I let them consume me? I'd ignored Lilah for years, and kept Eve from getting attached; it's Darla's fault. Angel's goddamn family, all comes back to them doesn't it

[sexytarawitch]

He invites me in and that takes something off my shoulders. I don't know how much but it's enough for me to not question it and follow him in.

My arms still wrapped around me I look around the apartment and the smell of liquor is heavy in the air and it's all over him. So much so that the memory of my father catches onto me for a moment before I shake it off.

What to I want? If I knew would I be here? Would I be questioning my own sanity?

"I...I didn't ha-have anywhere to go...I-I'm s-sorry..." I murmured, keeping myself small and wishing that I could just vanish or maybe even rewind time and never come here. "I s-shouldn't...I shouldn't have come..." I small sob escaped my throat and I closed my eyes for a moment before wiping my eyes. "I-I'll go..."

I started to head for the door. This was a bad idea. A very bad idea.

[theurbancowboy]

I glare at her, she's just going to play the pitiful little girl and walk out. What the fuck? I jump up and move to block her path to the door.

"Fuck that, tell me why you are here, in my living room, soaked to the goddamn bone and shaking with tears," and not with your fucking vampire lover?

I'm standing there, the bottle abandoned next to the couch, my hands shoved in my pockets giving away that I'm more hurt than angry despite my words and my tone of voice. Fucking women! I could scream at her for making me feel this way when she's standing there and looking like that.

How could someone like her be there and do that? And look like that when she's crying?

I look at her and have to force myself to keep my face stoney and uncaring. Fuck her for doing this to me.

[sexytarawitch]

The smells coming off of him send me into a tailspin and I back away from him, moving around the room and trying to get myself together. "I..."

The urge to get angry was starting to push over my sorrow and I had to do my best to hold it down. "I-I'm sorry I w-wasn't there to h-help with the tattoo's..." I offered patheticly. "T-things h-happened...s-shouldn't have happened...I just..."

I swallowed hard and I could feel myself get even colder from the wet clothes and I wondered if vampires could get sick or anything like that. It's not like I have an instruction manual.

Brushing my hair away from my face I stopped walking and looked over at him. "Things...things went so w-wrong..." I paused when I looked at him, when I really looked at him, causing me to gasp. "Lindsey?"

Moving over to him I let the senses coming off of him wash over me as I tried to touch his face. "W-who hurt you? D-did they...did they find you? The people you were h-hiding from... I-it was my fault they f-found you..."

[theurbancowboy]

She practically recoils away from me and walks around my room like a caged animal. What the fuck is wrong with her? She apologizes to me, fucking apologizes about the tattoos? Women! She thinks I give two flying fucks about tattoo's when she's standing there looking like death warmed over after three weeks of not seeing her and just a day of knowing her

[sexytarawitch]

He flinched away from me and I don't know why but it stung, but that only stung half as much as the anger that was pouring off of him now. More and more I knew it was a bad idea to come and I wondered if the rain would clear up enough that I could watch the sunrise. It seemed like my best option right now, above everything else.

He started speaking and his words were like slaps in the face, causing me to step back till my knee's hit the edge of the couch.

"Oh god..." I murmured, covering my mouth and looking at him, knowing he was telling me the truth. "He...how..." If I thought things were crushing down on me before I was wrong.

I felt lied to, I felt betrayed...I felt trapped.

"I-I'm sorry...I didn't...I didn't know...I w-would have stopped him if I knew..." I started babbling, unsure if I was making any sense at all.

The room started to spin out of control, or was it my life? Funny, I don't have one anymore. It was taken by a posessive vampire that thinks I'm a trophy. Want's to keep me as his and only his"H-how...oh god...h-

[theurbancowboy]

Fucking hell. I could kill the bastard now, if I thought I stood a chance, bet I could find his crypt and douse him in holy water before shoving a very sharp stake through his heart. If I thought I was angry at the son of a bitch before I was wrong. No now, knowing she'd come here for a reason, because something was really wrong, and now she was breaking down in my goddamn living room

[sexytarawitch]

He pulled me to him and he felt so warm and he smelled good and he felt good. I started to sob into his arms, everything inside me coming pouring out like bile that I just needed to purge

[theurbancowboy]

She was flipping out and I could only stare as she kept babbling on about Spike taking everything away. We were on the floor, she was crying and stratching at her skin and I grabbed her arms but she was strong, too strong and determined

[sexytarawitch]

I could feel his anger rise and he tensed up, but he didn't move away like I thought. He realized and I knew it even before he spoke, I just watched numbly as he held my hands.

He was so warm. So aliveMy eyes went wide and I looked up at him in almost horror. "No...oh god no...I n-never..." I sobbed and felt my heart hurt when I remembered that night. I looked down at our hands, my blood covering his hands as he held them

[theurbancowboy]

I didn't know what the hell she was talking about take away what's left of the girl? it took me a full minute to process the weight of her words. She still had her fucking soul.

Somebody give the boy a prize, of course she did, this wasn't some elaborate act for her to come here and kill me, she really wanted help, she wanted something, to be protected and held and she wanted to stay as she is.

"Your soul,"

Fuck if I wasn't doomed to relive Angel's fucked up little tragedy. How's that for devine justice, someone's trying to tell me something and I'm not so sure I like the message. She somehow kept her soul and he tried to take it away. That mother fucking son of a bitch. I'd kill him or die trying and that was a fucking promise. But first things first.

"He comes near you and I'll kill him," I moved and picked her up carefully, not minding the slight twist of my gut. Fucking whiskey.

I walked her into my bedroom and laid her down carefully on my bed.

[sexytarawitch]

I felt him pick me up almost like a ragdoll and bring me to his room. "N-no...please...no more..." I whispered, shaking my head as he laid me on the bed, I moved back from him, my eyes darting around trying to find an escape or something. "D-don't...don't want to be tied up...I don't...I don't want any more games...please..."

My eyes caught sight of his belt on a nearby chair and I closed my eyes tightly, crying even harder. "Please...n-no...I-I'll behave...I won't...I won't make you mad...please don't...I don't w-want...I don't want to play...always...always makes me hurt...I don't want to bleed anymore..."

I wrapped my arms around my knees as I cried, everything twisting and pulling inside me. "No...no hurt...I w-won't...he's a friend...won't hurt him...Don't...never knew him, didn't get the chance...I sh-shouldn't be here. S-should go...w-watch the sunrise..." I nodded and looked around. "Y-yes, yes best to end it. Ma-ke it stop...ashes to ashes dust to dust, dust can't hurt, can't harm..."

[theurbancowboy]

"Tara, snap the fuck out of it."

I say it calmly but firmly. I'm tempted to try to slap it out of her, but considering her reaction to being picked up and well all of it, I don't think that would be the best idea.

"No sunrise, no one's hurting you or me, so just snap the fuck out it alright? I can't help you like this."

What the fuck am I suppose to do now? What? I have no fucking clue, so I just sit there and stare at her, waiting for the lucid, beautiful girl I'd met near a month ago to come back to me. I'll kill that bastard, I'll kill him and spit on his ashes. I just want to shake it out of her, I don't have the patience for this shit. I know I should be caring and calm and bend over backwards to calm her. I might very well be in love with this girl, but fuck if I know her well enough to do a damn thing to help her when she's going crazy in my apartment.

"You gotta help me out here."

[sexytarawitch]

I swallowed hard and looked up at him, nodding and biting my lip. "I-I'm sorry...I can't...everything's so crazy...I can't...I can't seem to balance everything

[theurbancowboy]

I had to keep myself from swearing when her cold hands came into contact with my chest, she did some kind of magic and the pain was just gone. Well now that could come in handy I guess. Her hands were still there, resting against my skin and her head rested against my chest

[sexytarawitch]

I felt him relax and put his arms around me, I did the same, putting my hands on his warm skin and closing my eyes. A soft moan escaped my lips and I pressed my body to his.

Swallowing hard I tried to get my brain to settle again as it started to spin out of control. "I feel so numb Lindsey, I can't feel...I don't know what's going on with me."

I started to cry softly, swallowing hard before I spoke. "D-do you really? Do you really want me around? I mean...Last time you got hurt, I don't want you hurt..." It's not like Spike could hurt him, but he did have access to money to pay someone - again.

"I'm so cold..." I pulled back slightly from him, feeling upset that I got his clothes wet. 'I'm sorry...I..." I sighed and swore silently when I realized I left all the clothes that I bought at the Magick Box. "I didn't...I don't have anything...I...I can't do anything right..."