105 - That All-or-Nothing Thing
It just occurred to me that in the space of about 10 days, I've gone from no dance (besides what I teach) all the way up to four numbers to choreograph or resuscitate and three upcoming performances. Always feast or famine with me.
Ironically, isn't that the same as the all-or-nothing I'm so determined to stay away from? I guess the difference is that one is a mindset/thought process while the other is an activity level ... or perhaps an indicator of current privileges/blessings. Maybe if I stop letting fear and anxiety force me away from the things I love, I won't find myself wallowing in the famine/nothing side again.
Another random thought: in the congregation, these things I do are called "selfish pursuits." But what is life without some activity that we do just for the simple enjoyment of it? If all we do from waking to bedtime is "apply ourselves," why will we even want to bother moving about our days? Even God himself said that we should eat and drink and rejoice in the good that our hard work and our labors afford us. The arts, to me, are nothing more than a rejoicing in what God has given us and, for me, my commentary on the world that is; both the world that he made and the one man is trying hard to superimpose over it.
Having read the Bible myself, several times, front to back (yes, really), I have yet to see any indicator that God, himself an artist and musician (look and listen around to what he has created sometimes), has a hatred for art or the artist.
A big part of my journey, which I'm making through my writings in this journal, is making "the truth" and my life my own. No more living a single day according to the way anyone else thinks. God gave me a mind, he gave me a heart, he gave me his writings so that I might peer into his mind and heart to the infinitesimal extent a human mind can. It is my responsibility to read, to meditate, to look/listen around to all that he has done (not what man has done) and then to apply it to my life and my life to it. I try hard to do that every day. I do fall short every day. But everyday I try diligently to show to him that I appreciate all he has given me. I can do better and I will never stop trying; neither will I neglect to live fully, to the best of my ability, every day that he has given me. It is a gift from God.
I had a lot more to say this morning than I thought I did.
Ironically, isn't that the same as the all-or-nothing I'm so determined to stay away from? I guess the difference is that one is a mindset/thought process while the other is an activity level ... or perhaps an indicator of current privileges/blessings. Maybe if I stop letting fear and anxiety force me away from the things I love, I won't find myself wallowing in the famine/nothing side again.
Another random thought: in the congregation, these things I do are called "selfish pursuits." But what is life without some activity that we do just for the simple enjoyment of it? If all we do from waking to bedtime is "apply ourselves," why will we even want to bother moving about our days? Even God himself said that we should eat and drink and rejoice in the good that our hard work and our labors afford us. The arts, to me, are nothing more than a rejoicing in what God has given us and, for me, my commentary on the world that is; both the world that he made and the one man is trying hard to superimpose over it.
Having read the Bible myself, several times, front to back (yes, really), I have yet to see any indicator that God, himself an artist and musician (look and listen around to what he has created sometimes), has a hatred for art or the artist.
A big part of my journey, which I'm making through my writings in this journal, is making "the truth" and my life my own. No more living a single day according to the way anyone else thinks. God gave me a mind, he gave me a heart, he gave me his writings so that I might peer into his mind and heart to the infinitesimal extent a human mind can. It is my responsibility to read, to meditate, to look/listen around to all that he has done (not what man has done) and then to apply it to my life and my life to it. I try hard to do that every day. I do fall short every day. But everyday I try diligently to show to him that I appreciate all he has given me. I can do better and I will never stop trying; neither will I neglect to live fully, to the best of my ability, every day that he has given me. It is a gift from God.
I had a lot more to say this morning than I thought I did.