Nutrisco et exstinguo Chapter IV - Utraque unum
A.N.: This chapter may seem like a filler to you, but it really isn't - my intention is to do a character study after all, and that includes all main characters from Sherlock, even if the focus is always on our favourite detective and blogger. Here we have Molly rambling under the shower, but rambling about the pair. If it just bores you to death (which would be sad - I find Molly very interesting and amusing, not a dull character at all), you can just skip on to the next chapter: the Fall.
Thanks to all my readers and to those of you who put this fic on alert or added it to their favourites. Hope you'll keep enjoying it. Please R&R!
Nutrisco et exstinguo means "I feed from it and extinguish it"
Utraque unum means "both into one"
Warnings: Rating for this chapter is K+
Edit: this chapter has been kindly betaed by Sianco and BritChick101. All my thanks :)
Chapter IV: Utraque unum
song: Around you, by Ingrid Michaelson
xXx
Molly always turned the radio on when she was in the shower, because it filled the silence of her lonely flat. Well, not that lonely since she got Toby - but like most cats, he wasn't very talkative. Plus, she enjoyed listening to music while hot steaming water was poured on her body, and it helped her relax after a hard day's work.
Her little blog online, which she called her diary, used to have the same effect on her. Until Jim came along and she was so disgusted with him and with herself that she just dropped it altogether.
Jim. This was crazy. She was 32 already, but she was fawning over a self-proclaimed high-functioning sociopath who flirted with her only to get what he wanted, and her last boyfriend had been some psychotic criminal mastermind - a friend of Sherlock's, of course. Well, when she said friend...
It had all ended awfully - she had read about it on John's blog - it really was dreadful business. Once again, she had been fooled. But so had Sherlock, for that matter. It must have been a blow - not only to his pride, but because John had been in danger because of it. Because of him. And truth be told, Molly was so glad the doctor kept claiming he was straight, because he obviously was the closest to what Sherlock had come to a relationship.
oOo
I call you my friend
And that's all that I do
Why do I have to pretend
To find ways to be around you?
oOo
She giggled under the water. She just loved it when the song playing matched her thoughts perfectly! It made her feel less... alone. Oh God, she really was becoming a mad spinster...
But really, that song was just so fitting to the funny pair she had come to love.
oOo
You've been there all along
Holding my hand like you do.
Why do I feel that it's wrong
To love to be around you?
oOo
Yes, she decided, she was over Sherlock. OK, so maybe she wasn't, but it was pathetic, because since the whole incident with Irene Adler she had known for sure she didn't stand a chance. Not because of Miss Adler, in fact. But for one thing, Sherlock had been nice to her. He had actually apologized after having so stupidly mocked her and her silly gift without knowing it was addressed to him. That's when Molly realized how much he had changed since he had met John - and she wasn't saying John had a good influence on him or anything like that, no. Rather, Sherlock was willing to make efforts to adapt, to change himself to please the doctor. Not all the time, of course - he still acted like a prick and ruined all his dates and considered he should be his number one priority. But wasn't that all too telling?
oOo
And I think I'm losing my mind
Maybe I've been hopelessly blind to your beauty
And you have a sweet sinful smile
I'm in trouble
Cuz you turn me upside down and around and around
oOo
She wouldn't say his smile was sinful, really. Was it? It certainly was a knowing smile though, one that suggested some secret understanding; one she had seen the pair share numerous times. She had never thought Sherlock capable of being so intimate with anyone. The detective wasn't especially nice to John, because that just wasn't what he did. But he blatantly wanted to have the ex-soldier by his side at all times, which amazed Molly, as she always believed Sherlock to be the "as-soon-as-I-get-what-I-want-I'm-off" type. Maybe he just couldn't get enough of John. Indeed, while still being his usual arrogant self, she had noticed the detective was extremely careful not to push the doctor over the edge - if this hadn't been Sherlock, she could have sworn the man was insecure.
oOo
Do you feel what I feel? Well?
Do you feel this way too?
That every wound seems to heal when I am around you
oOo
She couldn't help but smirk while shampooing her hair. That would be a first for the consulting detective now, wouldn't it? Not that she would want him to experience some heart break - she wasn't that petty, and no matter what she told herself, she still loved the eccentric man dearly. But she had realized that just like John couldn't truly have a relationship with anyone else as long as he was with Sherlock, similarly there was no way Sherlock would bother with someone else between them. Moreover, he seemed genuinely content with the doctor alone, and unlike John he didn't care if people thought he was gay or bi or only fancied aliens.
oOo
And I must be losing my mind
Maybe I have been hopelessly blind to your beauty.
And you have a sweet sinful smile
I'm in trouble
You turn me upside down and around and around and around
oOo
Now hair conditioner. Blind, that's definitely what they were. Or just in denial. But she couldn't fathom Sherlock being in denial - however, he had surprised her many times since John. Yes, 'John' had been a real event in his life, that she did not doubt - possibly the only true event worth mentioning at all. So maybe the detective was well aware, but didn't want to risk John leaving him if he tried anything. … She laughed out loud. She couldn't really picture Sherlock 'trying' anything either, truth be told. The man was just so... awkward. And was in fact a complete moron when it came to sentiments - he hadn't even guessed her present was for him until his eyes had seen the name tag, for Christ's sake!
oOo
And I must be losing my mind
Maybe I have been hopelessly blind to your beauty.
oOo
No, really, if anything was ever to happen, John would have to initiate it. But the doctor was adamant about his sexuality. Molly idly wondered why. It was widely accepted nowadays anyway. John was just so damn lucky to have the detective want him, and he was bloody stupid for denying himself if he wanted him back.
Wow, that was a lot of cursing words for one sentence, Molly, she told herself.
OK, so maybe she wasn't that over Sherlock. But she had still given up. Hence her frustration with how the two men handled - or rather didn't handle - their relationship. Well, maybe all would come in good time.
oOo
And you have a sweet sinful smile
I'm in trouble
You turn me upside down and around and around and around
oOo
But there were still so many ways things could go wrong! Sherlock could suddenly feel vulnerable and exposed and throw John out - oh, she knew he wasn't above that 'I-love-him-so-I-can't-see-him-anymore' crap (even if the Sherlockian version would probably be something like 'Your-mere-presence-hinders-the-Work-and-only-brings-trouble-so-get-out'). John could do something ridiculous too if he didn't get over his sexuality issues before he entered his midlife crisis and ran away to marry some woman and have two kids and a dog in a cottage. But all in all, Molly trusted the pair to figure something out on their own. She wasn't close enough to them to give her thoughts on the subject anyway - she didn't matter. If worst came to worst, though, she would certainly try her best to patch things up. Who knew what Sherlock would do to cope if they ever had a row and John left for good - he hadn't touched cocaine once since the doctor had entered his life, of that she was certain, and he was even trying to stop smoking. Admittedly he had decided that before he even met John - Lestrade had made sure of it - but Molly knew the detective would've eventually got bored, and then he wouldn't have had a reason to not give into temptation. With John by his side, he had a good enough smiled.
Ha, so maybe the consulting detective had met his match at last!
oOo
And I must be losing my mind maybe you have a sweet sinful smile
I'm in trouble
Cuz you turn me upside down and around and around
oOo
Molly wouldn't say John was making Sherlock lose his mind - quite the contrary, in fact. Sherlock was great at deduction and induction, using reason to analyse and organize data, but John could teach him how to use reason to orient himself. She couldn't believe her ears when she had first heard the detective in the morgue turn to John and ask in a small voice: Not good? Then she had realized; Sherlock always turned to John when asking this now. He only ever asked John. She wondered if the doctor understood it correctly. It seemed obvious to her that he wasn't so much asking if this was good according to society and people in general, but that it was according to John. It was then she started to observe the detective more closely - not in a lecherous manner, thank you very much. But she wanted to know if this really was what she thought it was: Sherlock cataloguing each and every one of John's reactions; his glances, words, facial expressions and gestures, all recorded and studied so as to try and not mess things up between them and not overstep the boundary (something in John's principles, perhaps) that would separate him from the doctor permanently.
oOo
Turn me upside down and around and around
Turn me upside down and around and around
oOo
As she was rinsing her hair, she looked back on the day and thought that something had definitely been off. She couldn't quite put her finger on it - and so she had sounded like a fool when she had tried talking to Sherlock about it, tried to convey her support, and that he could rely on her, because she would always be there. It may have seemed quite pathetic, especially when she had made it clear she knew it would always be John and not her, but she didn't care. She had come to appreciate both men, and she had known Sherlock long enough to notice when something was troubling him. She just didn't know what could be wrong, and she couldn't really envision the detective coming to her for tips on how to tell your flatmate you were in love with him and that you wished he would stay by your side forever. She blushed. That just sounded so much like marriage! Oh my God. What was she thinking, really, musing of the pair's wedding in the shower when they weren't even dating? She was glad nobody could read her mind, because surely, as John would put it, people would talk.
And really, she must be a freak to wish that the man she fancies would get hooked up with his male flatmate as fast as possible. But then again, wasn't that what Meena had said? That what a girl needed when single and over thirty was either a cat or a gay best friend? Well, Molly already had Toby, but she wouldn't say no to the other option, either.
OK, now she was freaking even herself out. Chuckling, she turned the water off and got out of the shower, into her pink dressing gown, just in time for the end of the song - so sweet, she thought dreamily.
oOo
My feet don't touch the ground when I'm around you
When I'm around you, you, you, you, you...
oOo
She had no idea just how literal that statement was soon to become.
xXx
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