Ugh.

[zoemathemata]

did I tell you I cut back on my meds to half? ya. it's not working out.

Comments

[sgamadison]

First: hugs from a Vulcan type who only recently learned the value of a good hug

[zoemathemata]

Thank you, bb. Sniff. Your comment made me cry in a good way! I feel/hope that today is teh 'bottom of the barrel' day and then tomorrow things will hopefully start looking up. I'll up my dose and hopefully within a few weeks, be back on a bit more of an even keel

[sgamadison]

Well, I've been struggling a lot this past year as well, and one of the kickers for me is that I too, have been reduced to frothing-at-the-mouth rage at the animals for stupid stuff--a sure indication that I am not getting enough sleep, that I'm working too hard, and that I'm incredibly frustrated with my life at the moment.

And that's not the person I want to be.

I'm glad you made this post. You're not the only one fighting demons and sometimes it helps to know that. Sometimes you just need to vent and it is easier to do that with people who aren't standing right in front of you. ;-)

[locknkey]

I don't know you, but you are just full of strength and good common sense. :) And, you are so right, knowing we aren't alone and hearing someone else talk about what we're going through makes the burden less. *hugs*

[greeneyes_fan]

Hang in there. It's good that you realize it isn't working, and you're willing to keep trying. Yes, brain chemistry does really messed up things to you, and it's tough to realize what's going on while it's happening.

[zoemathemata]

Thank you!
It's so frustrating that at the time you need to be rational and make good decisions you're left with this IRRATIONAL mess of a brain. I spend a lot of time telling myself to count to ten before I say or do anything and then trying to think it through. I think things will get better now.I hope.

[shaddyr]

Dude. It really sucks when it sucks. Which you well know.

*HUGS YOU*

I wish I could actually offer something helpful or constructive, insightful and full of meaning. I got nothing but HUGS.

[zoemathemata]

Hugs are appreciated!!!
Hey are you coming ot squee?

[shaddyr]

I would really like to. I want to. I don't know if I will be able to. But, even if not, I will be with you guys in spirit and squee.

I have not given up hope.

If I *DO* manage it, I still need to hit someone up to share a room with (or a couch with) or something. But I didn't want to ask someone to share and then not be able to go, you know?

[zoemathemata]

If you do come, selenic76 and I are sharing a room and we have a couch available!

[goddess47]

{{hugs you fiercely}}

[zoemathemata]

Hugs you back!

[locknkey]

*super giant hugs*

You are not a failure. You've said here so many times what I've tried to put into words. It's so hard to explain and so hard not to beat yourself silly over it.

And when we know we aren't being ourselves (I take meds for depression, too)it's often a case of wrong dosage. It';s not failure, it's just not yet. You will get there. I often use the mantra one thing at a time because that's all I can do and it staves off all the pressure of what I can';t so (which is overwhelming).

Love you, bb! And if you ever want to talk dlmusiel @ gmail.com

Also a while back you suggested doing some timed writings and I'd love that. I know having someone else I'm committed to helps me. I don't do as well on my own right now. :)

*more hugs*

[zoemathemata]

Thank you! It's so true that the 'one thing at a time' enables you to focus in. Like sometimes, it really helps me just push all the other anxiety inducing things aside. I always sort of 'Scarlett O'Hara' them and say I'll think about them tomorrow.

If you want to write, I'm *hoping* to get some done tomorrow Tues and Wed as I'm off work. if you have any open times, let me know! I know it's short notice!