Soap Bubbles (1/1)
Title: Soap Bubbles
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Owen/Tosh, Jack/Ianto (in an approximate 3:1 ratio)
Rating: Hard R for sexual content, obvious genderfuckery, and Owen's filthy mouth.
Spoilers: Nothing specific; pre-Reset
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: A sequel to Riding a Bicycle, in which Jack, Owen, and Gwen had their genders flipped by an alien device. In this story, Jack and Ianto head out for a date while Owen and Tosh autopsy an alien and discover a very immediate reason why Torchwood Three needs more than one shower.
Author's Note: Just so we're all clear, this story involves mildly graphic sex between two women, one of whom is technically a man. So, Owen/Tosh genderfuck girlslash, though I think I managed to keep it from being a PWP, don't ask how. Everyone clear? A very belated birthday present for such_heights. :D
This whole fucked-up gender-swap thing would be a hell of a lot less annoying if Jack and Ianto hadn't apparently decided to redo every sex act they'd ever committed, Owen thought sourly to himself as he watched Ianto pacing impatiently in front of the rolling door. He'd been stumbling across CCTV footage of them shagging like bunnies on practically every surface in the Hub. And they weren't even ashamed of it. That was what made it truly, truly irritating.
"Jack," Ianto called, sounding even more annoyed than he had three minutes ago, "the reservation is for half past eight."
"I'm coming!" Jack's voice, that was decidedly feminine but not so much that you couldn't tell it was Jack when he was talking (which was really fucking weird, damn it), drifted down from his closed and shuttered office.
Ianto made a strangled sound of frustration and rolled his eyes so hard he probably strained something.
"Come on, Ianto," Owen called from the autopsy room, where he (he was not thinking of himself as a "she" and had made it quite clear that no one else was to, either) was trying to actually get some bloody work done, thanks all the same, "he's a woman now, you can't expect him to miss out on any womanly experience, including being horribly late for a date because he's still putting on his face."
"He'd just better be wearing knickers this time," Ianto said darkly. "I was quite clear that I'd never take him anywhere again without him wearing the proper undergarments. That was one of my favorite bars he got us kicked out of." Ianto was actually wearing something other than a suit (on Jack's insistence), and his fitted t-shirt and black jeans were making Owen decidedly uncomfortable. All the estrogen coursing through his system was obviously clashing with his sexuality, and it was really hard to work when Ianto was standing there in tight jeans that Owen really wished weren't sort of turning him on.
"You two are getting sickeningly domestic," Owen muttered disgustedly. "All these dates."
"Though I'm sure you won't believe me, Owen, I actually like being out in public with a gorgeous woman on my arm."
"Well, I think it's lovely that someone around here besides me is getting out every now and then," Gwen said warmly as she walked to her desk with a stack of files, giving Ianto a pat on the arm and a smile as she passed him.
"That whole 'carrying files on your hip' thing doesn't really work when you're a man, Gwen," Owen shot at her, looking back down at his work. "And how exactly is Rhys, these days?"
Gwen flashed him a cheeky (still with the slight gap between her front teeth, which oddly hadn't changed) smile. "Just fine, actually. Rhys is just fine with having a man sharing his bed, because Rhys is completely secure in his sexuality, unlike certain people who are deciding not to make the best of this experience, Owen Harper."
He looked up in annoyance to find her standing on the upper level of the autopsy room. "Two things: one, I think you're lying, and two, I liked being a bloke, thank you very much."
"And I liked being a woman, but being a man isn't so bad, once you get past the whole 'peeing-standing-up' thing."
"It'd be the whole 'peeing-sitting-down' thing that would put me off," Ianto interjected, before sighing loudly and yelling, "Jack!"
"I'm right here!" Jack came hurrying out of his office, and there was a general gasp from all members of the Torchwood team.
Ianto blinked, hard, staring at the captain as he (though it was very hard to think of Jack as a man in any way, shape, or form at the moment) hurried down the stairs probably faster than was prudent given those heels. "Isn't, ah, that skirt a bit...?"
"Gorgeous?" Jack's grin was flirtatious, challenging, smug, and any one of a number of things that made Owen swallow very hard. Goddamn it, that was not a woman, that was a man, he reminded himself, tightening his grip on the scalpel. Jack gave a girlish toss of his hair, shining dark locks purposefully catching the light. "I really like it."
Ianto was staring at him steadily, the muscles in his jaw evidently working as he fought for something to say around the dull flush in his cheeks.
Gwen and Toshiko were staring avidly at Jack's ensemble, and the envy was apparent even to Owen. "Can I have that skirt when you're done with it?" Tosh mumbled almost inaudibly, eyes glued to Jack's backside.
Jack glanced over his shoulder, still beaming. "You like it?" he asked almost girlishly, giving a little twirl for their approval. Owen had to stifle a giggle--a snort, not a giggle, only girls giggled, he reminded himself sharply--at their hardened captain wanting the other "girls" to approve of his outfit. Thought it was quite a nice outfit. And by "quite nice," Owen mostly meant "tight".
"You look...very nice, Jack," Gwen managed to say, swallowing hard as she sat down. Owen hid his grin when she crossed her legs, evidently having a little bit of trouble with incidental arousal herself.
Well, since everyone else was doing it... Owen caught Jack's eye and wolf-whistled with a decidedly lascivious leer as he climbed the stairs out of the autopsy room. "Lucky I'm trapped in this womanly body, Jack, or I might be a bit embarrassed right about now."
Jack's look was only mildly surprised. "Why, Owen. Never thought I'd hear anything like that from you about me."
"Don't get used to it. Nice cleavage."
Ianto's face was still very firmly set as he regarded Jack. Jack looked back at him pleasantly, and finally Ianto said very quietly, "What did I say about knickers?"
"I'm wearing them," Jack protested innocently. "Why do you--oh, this skirt isn't that tight, Ianto."
"I'm surprised you didn't have to sew yourself into it." Ianto's eyes, however, didn't match the disapproval in his voice, and Owen felt another one of those weird involuntary shivers accompany the irrational thought god, be nice if he looked at me like that before he could quash it.
Damn it, he was straight. He really needed to stop being turned on by men. Or men in women's bodies.
"Come on, we're almost late," Ianto said abruptly, jerking his head toward the door. "Ladies first."
Jack smiled, lifting his head proudly as he walked out of the Hub. Ianto flashed a smile at the rest of the team and, as he turned, smacked Jack lightly on the bottom.
Jack's high-pitched yelp of surprise sent the others off into gales of laughter, and before the Hub door rolled closed after them, they caught a glimpse of Ianto slamming Jack against the wall and kissing him hungrily.
Gwen and Tosh dissolved into giggles again, and Owen looked at them with a significant grin. "I'm amazed he waited that long. I mean, phwoar. Jack's got some legs, eh?"
"I'm not really qualified to comment on that, Owen," Gwen said primly, turning back to her computer.
Owen rolled his eyes and leaned against Tosh's workstation. "Tosh? Eh? Come on, I know you fancy girls, too."
Tosh made a choking noise and ducked her head, blushing furiously. "I...er...well, yes, Jack seems to be graced with beauty no matter what his gender."
"Thank you, Toshiko," Owen said graciously, nodding to her. "Now. I need an extra hand on this autopsy. Someone needs to help with the rib spreader so I can get at the organs in the thorax; this thing's too big for me to do it by myself. Tosh, c'mon."
She groaned in pain as he tugged her up out of her chair. "Oh, no, make Gwen do it--"
"Actually, I was just leaving," Gwen said hurriedly, switching off her computer and grabbing her jacket off the back of her chair. "I promised I'd be home for dinner, you two have fun with the, er, ribs and--bye."
Tosh swore under her breath. "Have you ever seen anyone run that fast?" she exclaimed in disgust.
"Nope. Autopsy, Tosh."
"But I'm really close to cracking the gender machine, Owen," she protested as they descended the steps.
He grinned at her, flipping his tied-back hair as he turned back. "You're running a program to fill in the gaps in your algorithim. Should take another two hours. I looked while I was over there."
Tosh cursed quietly again. "Owen, it takes me ages to get the smell out of my clothes when I help you," she protested plaintively as she half-heartedly donned a pair of rubber gloves.
"Don't care," Owen said cheerfully, handing her the rib spreader.
"You're being disgustingly chipper."
"Ogling a pretty bird in a skirt's made me feel a bit better."
"Owen!" Tosh sounded shocked in that half-laughing way she had when she wasn't really sure if he was serious. "That's Jack."
He made an indelicate sound. "Believe me, I know. But he looks like a woman, that's the whole problem." Owen sighed as he shook his hair back behind his shoulder and started placing the rib spreader. "I mean," he continued, "this whole business is just so bloody weird. I get turned on when I look at myself in the mirror. But I know that I'm really a man, so it's like I'm attracted to a man, and Jack's not helping, and I used to think Gwen was fit, but she's a man, now, too, but she still looks almost like herself, and it's all very--" He glanced up, glaring at Tosh. "You're not supposed to be laughing."
"Sorry," Tosh giggled, tying her hair back with a band around her wrist. "But it's so... I mean, you're Owen, you never have sexual crises." She was being awkward-Toshiko, with that little grin she got when she tried to laugh off what she was saying.
"Yeah, but then again, I've never been turned into a girl before."
Tosh grinned slightly and half-shrugged. "True." He was looking down at the alien corpse, so he didn't catch the expression on her face when he heard her say quietly, "You're a very pretty girl, though."
Owen had discovered that he blushed easily in this body, and was mortified to realize that he was doing so the instant he realized what she'd just said. He looked up, trying not to seem as surprised as he felt, and flashed an obviously embarrassed Tosh a quick grin. "Aw, thanks, Tosh." His own words drifted back to him--Come on, Tosh, I know you fancy girls, too--and another one of those weird shivers rocketed down his spine. O-o-o-o-kay. Let's just get on with this before I need to change my knickers. God, I hate female hormones.
They worked in a semi-awkward silence for a few moments, the quiet punctuated by the odd cracking sound, squish, or severely grossed-out noise from Tosh.
Finally, Tosh broke the silence with an uncomfortable, "So, um, doing any experimenting?"
"Beg pardon?" Owen asked absently, probing at a promising-looking sac attached to what he presumed to be the trachea.
"With your...female body."
It took him a moment to register what she'd just asked, then his head snapped up. "What?"
"Not that kind of experimenting!" Tosh added hurriedly, obviously mortified. "I mean, buying clothes, getting men to buy you drinks in bars, fixing your hair, wearing makeup..."
Owen frowned at her. "Do you really think I'd be interested in that?"
"Well," Tosh floundered, "if I were a man, I'd...do things like that..." She blushed and added in a rush, "and maybe the other kind of experimenting, too."
He blinked. "Wow, Tosh."
"Don't tell me you haven't!" Tosh said heatedly, defenisve. "I mean, multiple orgasms, Owen, come on, I know you would have given it a try."
"Tosh!" His voice was embarrassingly high. He was blushing again, and once more awkwardly a bit turned on. It was like being a teenager again, for Christ's sake, walking around in this perpetual haze of almost-arousal. "Wh--I--okay, no, all right? As a matter of fact, no. Do we have to talk about this?"
"Well, no--"
"Then can we not?" Still blushing, he looked determinedly down at the alien on the table, very much aware that Tosh had a little smile on her face. He closed his eyes, pained, and sighed, looking back up at her. "Look, Tosh--"
His scalpel tugged on the interesting sac, and suddenly something green fountained out of the creature's open mouth.
Tosh shrieked and jumped back, absolutely drenched in the stuff. "What the hell--aaahh!"
"Oh, ow--fuck--! What is that, acid?" Owen rubbed frantically at his hands, which were burning like he'd stuck them in boiling water. "Tosh, your eyes--"
"No, it didn't--oh, ohh my God, that hurts--"
Owen grabbed her wrist and yanked her toward the stairs. "Shower, Tosh, shower, come on--"
Brains on autopilot, they ran blindly for the shower (a solitary installation in the lavatory, which Ianto had always nagged Jack about, them being a team of five and all), Owen yanking off his stained lab coat and throwing it in a heap by the door as they staggered into the small, tiled room. Tosh threw back the shower curtain and scrabbled for the taps as Owen kicked off his shoes. "Hot, get it hot, Tosh," he ordered frantically, fumbling at the zipper on his jeans.
"It hurts, it hurts--" Tosh exclaimed through gritted teeth, simultaneously kicking off her shoes and yanking her shirt off over her head.
"I know, I know--" Owen pulled off his own shirt, throwing it unceremoniously into the sink and in too much of a panic and thinking shit, shit, it's soaked all the way through to my skin, all over to notice that he and Tosh were in their (also soaked with acid) underwear.
Having somewhat of a practical streak in her when the situation required it, Tosh had shed her bra and bottoms and was about to climb into the shower when Owen's frustrated "damn it fuck fuck fuck--" made her turn. Owen's arms were awkwardly reaching behind him, fumbling with his last item of clothing: the clasp of a bra he was obviously unused to wearing. "I can't--get it off--fuck--!"
Hastily, Tosh slapped his hands away and popped the clasp, then dragged him into the shower and under the spray.
They stood, breathing hard and frantically trying to scrub the alien acid off their skin, when it abruptly occured to both of them that they were naked, in a shower together, and quickly spun away from each other with hurried exclamations.
"Oh God--"
"Sorry--"
"--my fault--"
"--I shouldn't--"
"--um--"
"--er--"
If the silence had been awkward in the autopsy room, Owen thought anxiously, it was even worse in the...shower. Oh, God, he was naked, in the shower, with Tosh. Tosh, of all people. Tosh, who was nearly as bisexual as Ianto and Jack. Tosh, who fancied him apparently regardless of what sex he was.
Shit. Shit, shit.
"We really need to get another shower put in," Owen muttered, still blushing, his back to Tosh.
"Yeah, we should petition Jack," Tosh agreed hurriedly, her back to Owen.
"Yeah."
"Right."
The water splashed as they very self-consciously spread the water over their limbs, rinsing away the acid.
Owen glanced at the single bar of soap. "Wash your back?" he joked halfheartedly. Tosh's silence grew even more embarrassed, and Owen drew an awkward breath between his teeth. "Or...or not, just a...joke..."
Tosh let out a tentative chuckle, and Owen breathed a little bit easier. "I could do yours."
He couldn't help but grin. "Nothing you haven't seen before, right?"
"Well, no--but, well, I know what you mean. Female body and all that."
"Right, yeah, that, exactly." He was babbling. Why was he babbling? He was having Thoughts About Tosh Washing His Back, that's why he was babbling--oh, Christ--
Well, he supposed he should be thanking God that he wasn't still a man, otherwise this shower would be getting much more awkward right about now. Accidental naked showers with coworkers were awkward enough without accidental erections.
He couldn't believe he was thinking about that at a time like this.
"Sorry about the acid," he mumbled, almost inaudible over the water.
"Sorry I distracted you," Tosh replied just as quietly. "Talking about...stupid things..." She laughed once, uncomfortably. "I mean, what you do in your own body's none of my business, I shouldn't have--"
"I did," he interrupted abruptly, his voice terse.
He could almost hear her confusion. "Sorry?"
"What you asked. About the...other experimenting. I lied when I said no." He'd just sprayed her with acid, he could give her a little something in return. Answering her questions was...a little thing. Just a little thing. Didn't mean anything. Wasn't trying to lead into anything. If he repeated that to himself enough times, he could almost believe it.
"Oh," Tosh said quietly, still confused, her mind going back and replaying the conversation. "I--oh. Oh." He could tell the exact instant when she started to blush. His back was about three inches from hers in the tiny shower, he could feel the extra warmth from the flush that spread down over her skin.
Tosh always blushed like that--cheeks first, down her neck, across her shoulders, then when she wore a low-cut top he could see her blush on-- why the hell was he having these thoughts right now, of all times?
"Yeah," he said quietly, wishing he'd kept his mouth shut. "Because, you know, when am I gonna get another chance like...like this..." Like this. In the shower. With Tosh.
No. No, no, no no no nonononono. Do not. Do not even think.
Tosh was so quiet he had a hard time making out the words she repeated. "When am I going to get another chance like this..?" Was she talking to herself?
Owen's heart leapt into his throat as Tosh said quietly, "Owen. W-wash my back?"
"Tosh?" His voice was embarrassingly high again, but Tosh didn't seem to notice.
"Please?"
His eyes flicked back and forth between the bar of soap in its dish, and the wall he'd been determinedly staring at for the past few minutes. "I'd have to--I mean, you--you don't want me looking at your backside--"
"I don't mind."
She was so quiet. Determined. Like she'd screwed up all her courage and was forcing out each sentence when all she wanted to do was climb out of the shower and run.
He'd sprayed acid all over her, for fuck's sake. He owed her one.
And he sort of... Maybe he... Tosh...
His heart thudding so loudly he was sure she'd hear, Owen picked up the bar of soap and turned around, rolling it between his hands to make a lather. His hands shook to an absurd degree as he reached out, and he was ridiculously afraid to put his hands on her shoulders.
do it, just do it for fuck's sake
Tosh gasped quietly as his hands tentatively touched her shoulders, tracking the soap across her shoulderblades, where her neck met her spine, a little down her back, and she reached up and pulled her wet hair off her back to give him better access. The water wasn't cold, why was she shivering? ...Oh. Oh, this is a really bad idea... Swallowing, Owen rubbbed his soap-covered hands down her spine, tracing the delicate bones with the fingers of hands he was still having a hard time getting used to.
He brought his hands back up to her neck, massaging it gently before repeating his first motions, covering her back with white froth before nudging her more under the spray to rinse it off.
"Owen..." Her voice was a little shaky, and something caught inside of him.
"Tosh."
"Can I--?" Her head turned ever so slightly towards him, eyes not looking over her shoulder at him but desperately staring at the floor.
"Can you what, Tosh?" His voice, low and unwantedly husky, sounded almost like his old voice.
She was biting her bottom lip, kneading it between her teeth, playing with the ends of her hair in small, controlled gestures. "I--I've seen you naked on accident--but not like this--I mean, it's not really you, though, is it? I--Owen, can I--"
"Would you turn around?" he asked quietly, hoping it didn't sound as much like a plea as it did in his head.
Tosh inhaled sharply, closed her eyes, and then turned to face him.
Owen's blood felt a hundred degrees hotter as his eyes dragged up and down her body. Oh, God. Oh, fuck. Oh, this couldn't really be happening. "Tosh, you can open your eyes." His voice grated against his throat.
There were droplets of water on her eyelashes as they fluttered open, and Tosh's eyes seemed even darker than usual as she looked him up and down.
Owen had studied himself long and hard in the mirror. He wasn't as gorgeous as Jack, but he figured he was good. Better than good, if he let his ego talk, but honestly... He was still thin, less wiry and more lean, and he had a nice enough chest, but-- Tosh didn't look like she was breathing when her eyes traced his figure.
He'd never felt that attractive in his life.
He was dripping wet, in a shower, with a gorgeous woman who thought he was equally gorgeous.
Fuck.
Tosh's eyes fastened on his, and there was a kind of wildness about her eyes he'd only seen when she was panicked, stressed beyond belief, at her breaking point--
Her breaking point?
With a tiny gasp of breath, Toshiko broke.
Owen's eyes went wide with shock as Tosh's hands clamped down on his shoulders and dragged him into a heated kiss. Unthinkingly, he closed his eyes, reaching up and tangling his hands in her wet hair, tilting her head and kissing her back, hard. He'd never felt this, not at all--everything was wet and slick and sliding and Tosh's breasts against his was something he'd never thought he'd feel, ever. There was so much heat, sparks in places that had never felt that kind of heat before. He was hyperaware of just how many places, exactly, she was touching him. And it was so, so many. Oh, God.
"Owen--" Tosh gasped, hands cupping his face, "I--"
"Shh," Owen breathed, kissing her again. He couldn't talk right now. Everything would shatter and he'd realize what the hell he was doing. And stop. Oh, God, don't. Don't stop.
Tosh's hands were everywhere. How could the woman have so many hands? Owen was clutching her shoulders, holding on for dear life--he wasn't any taller than her now, he could pull back and stare straight into her eyes if he wanted to, but he wasn't going to pull back because Tosh was the most amazing kisser, really, how could he never have realized or cared before?--because he'd never done this before, never had this body before, never felt Tosh like this.
Felt-- "Tosh--" His voice was choked, strangled--her hands--
"I know," she breathed. "Owen...let me--"
His hips rocked against her hand, and he pressed against her, bit down on her shoulder to stifle he didn't know what--a moan, a scream, because holy, holy, holy fuck Tosh-- He felt like a child, a virgin, writhing in her hands because she knew everything about this and he knew nothing, nothing, nothing at all about what he was feeling--
oh oh oh God Tosh Tosh stop don't come on come on come
It was a scream he was stifling as he pressed his face into her shoulder.
There wasn't enough air, there was too much water, too much Tosh.
He was vaguely aware that he was pushing her back against the cold wall of the shower, that he was shaking, that there was an undefinable, glowing heat beneath his skin. He was more aware of Tosh's hands clutching at him, her body shivering uncontrollably as his hands roamed her skin, her soft cries against his lips.
The water was starting to run cold, and forgotten soap bubbles pooled in the drain.
- - -
They'd had to wash their own clothes, so they were both wearing some of Jack's new clothes that Owen had braved Jack's bedroom to retrieve, towels around their shoulders to keep their dripping hair from soaking their clothes. Tosh had made tea, neither of them daring to touch Ianto's coffee things, and they sat on the couch in a dead silence, staring into their cups.
They'd had sex. Oh, God. They'd had sex. Owen couldn't quite believe it. In the shower. Because of that fucking dead alien still lying on his autopsy table. If it hadn't already been dead, he would have killed it.
"Owen," Tosh began quietly, and Owen jumped, glancing involuntarily at her. She was staring into her tea mug, her face set. "Can we talk about this?"
"We probably should."
She hesitated again, licking her lips, and offered, "I'm not saying it was bad--"
He almost laughed. "Because it definitely wasn't."
A tiny smile touched her lips for a brief moment, then it was gone. "No," and he could hear the amusement in her voice. "No, it wasn't. But still--"
"Yeah. Best not to--"
"Yeah." They sat in silence for another long moment. "It wasn't--I mean, the fact that you're a woman wasn't the only reason I... I like you when you're a man, Owen, you know that."
Owen couldn't help but laugh. "Tosh, the thought never crossed my mind, honestly." Well, it had. But still. It was pretty silly. "And the fact that I'm a woman doesn't--I mean--well, I always fancy women, you know--"
"Very well." Tosh was definitely smiling, and hesitantly, their eyes met. Owen offered a sheepish grin. Tosh grinned back, then said seriously, "But, Owen, let's just..."
"Nothing's different," he said quickly. Too quickly. "Sex is sex. It's not...not something to be embarrassed about. We're good, you and me."
"Right." Tosh brushed her hair back, her smile faint. "Good?"
"Good." He gave her a brief smile and took a sip of his tea.
They were good.
Nothing had changed.
Damn it, he wanted out of this female body.
He could still smell her hair.
No.
No, nothing had changed.
He shot her a glance over his mug of tea, and she looked...normal. Tosh. His friend, Tosh. His Tosh.
They were good.
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Owen/Tosh, Jack/Ianto (in an approximate 3:1 ratio)
Rating: Hard R for sexual content, obvious genderfuckery, and Owen's filthy mouth.
Spoilers: Nothing specific; pre-Reset
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: A sequel to Riding a Bicycle, in which Jack, Owen, and Gwen had their genders flipped by an alien device. In this story, Jack and Ianto head out for a date while Owen and Tosh autopsy an alien and discover a very immediate reason why Torchwood Three needs more than one shower.
Author's Note: Just so we're all clear, this story involves mildly graphic sex between two women, one of whom is technically a man. So, Owen/Tosh genderfuck girlslash, though I think I managed to keep it from being a PWP, don't ask how. Everyone clear? A very belated birthday present for such_heights. :D
This whole fucked-up gender-swap thing would be a hell of a lot less annoying if Jack and Ianto hadn't apparently decided to redo every sex act they'd ever committed, Owen thought sourly to himself as he watched Ianto pacing impatiently in front of the rolling door. He'd been stumbling across CCTV footage of them shagging like bunnies on practically every surface in the Hub. And they weren't even ashamed of it. That was what made it truly, truly irritating.
"Jack," Ianto called, sounding even more annoyed than he had three minutes ago, "the reservation is for half past eight."
"I'm coming!" Jack's voice, that was decidedly feminine but not so much that you couldn't tell it was Jack when he was talking (which was really fucking weird, damn it), drifted down from his closed and shuttered office.
Ianto made a strangled sound of frustration and rolled his eyes so hard he probably strained something.
"Come on, Ianto," Owen called from the autopsy room, where he (he was not thinking of himself as a "she" and had made it quite clear that no one else was to, either) was trying to actually get some bloody work done, thanks all the same, "he's a woman now, you can't expect him to miss out on any womanly experience, including being horribly late for a date because he's still putting on his face."
"He'd just better be wearing knickers this time," Ianto said darkly. "I was quite clear that I'd never take him anywhere again without him wearing the proper undergarments. That was one of my favorite bars he got us kicked out of." Ianto was actually wearing something other than a suit (on Jack's insistence), and his fitted t-shirt and black jeans were making Owen decidedly uncomfortable. All the estrogen coursing through his system was obviously clashing with his sexuality, and it was really hard to work when Ianto was standing there in tight jeans that Owen really wished weren't sort of turning him on.
"You two are getting sickeningly domestic," Owen muttered disgustedly. "All these dates."
"Though I'm sure you won't believe me, Owen, I actually like being out in public with a gorgeous woman on my arm."
"Well, I think it's lovely that someone around here besides me is getting out every now and then," Gwen said warmly as she walked to her desk with a stack of files, giving Ianto a pat on the arm and a smile as she passed him.
"That whole 'carrying files on your hip' thing doesn't really work when you're a man, Gwen," Owen shot at her, looking back down at his work. "And how exactly is Rhys, these days?"
Gwen flashed him a cheeky (still with the slight gap between her front teeth, which oddly hadn't changed) smile. "Just fine, actually. Rhys is just fine with having a man sharing his bed, because Rhys is completely secure in his sexuality, unlike certain people who are deciding not to make the best of this experience, Owen Harper."
He looked up in annoyance to find her standing on the upper level of the autopsy room. "Two things: one, I think you're lying, and two, I liked being a bloke, thank you very much."
"And I liked being a woman, but being a man isn't so bad, once you get past the whole 'peeing-standing-up' thing."
"It'd be the whole 'peeing-sitting-down' thing that would put me off," Ianto interjected, before sighing loudly and yelling, "Jack!"
"I'm right here!" Jack came hurrying out of his office, and there was a general gasp from all members of the Torchwood team.
Ianto blinked, hard, staring at the captain as he (though it was very hard to think of Jack as a man in any way, shape, or form at the moment) hurried down the stairs probably faster than was prudent given those heels. "Isn't, ah, that skirt a bit...?"
"Gorgeous?" Jack's grin was flirtatious, challenging, smug, and any one of a number of things that made Owen swallow very hard. Goddamn it, that was not a woman, that was a man, he reminded himself, tightening his grip on the scalpel. Jack gave a girlish toss of his hair, shining dark locks purposefully catching the light. "I really like it."
Ianto was staring at him steadily, the muscles in his jaw evidently working as he fought for something to say around the dull flush in his cheeks.
Gwen and Toshiko were staring avidly at Jack's ensemble, and the envy was apparent even to Owen. "Can I have that skirt when you're done with it?" Tosh mumbled almost inaudibly, eyes glued to Jack's backside.
Jack glanced over his shoulder, still beaming. "You like it?" he asked almost girlishly, giving a little twirl for their approval. Owen had to stifle a giggle--a snort, not a giggle, only girls giggled, he reminded himself sharply--at their hardened captain wanting the other "girls" to approve of his outfit. Thought it was quite a nice outfit. And by "quite nice," Owen mostly meant "tight".
"You look...very nice, Jack," Gwen managed to say, swallowing hard as she sat down. Owen hid his grin when she crossed her legs, evidently having a little bit of trouble with incidental arousal herself.
Well, since everyone else was doing it... Owen caught Jack's eye and wolf-whistled with a decidedly lascivious leer as he climbed the stairs out of the autopsy room. "Lucky I'm trapped in this womanly body, Jack, or I might be a bit embarrassed right about now."
Jack's look was only mildly surprised. "Why, Owen. Never thought I'd hear anything like that from you about me."
"Don't get used to it. Nice cleavage."
Ianto's face was still very firmly set as he regarded Jack. Jack looked back at him pleasantly, and finally Ianto said very quietly, "What did I say about knickers?"
"I'm wearing them," Jack protested innocently. "Why do you--oh, this skirt isn't that tight, Ianto."
"I'm surprised you didn't have to sew yourself into it." Ianto's eyes, however, didn't match the disapproval in his voice, and Owen felt another one of those weird involuntary shivers accompany the irrational thought god, be nice if he looked at me like that before he could quash it.
Damn it, he was straight. He really needed to stop being turned on by men. Or men in women's bodies.
"Come on, we're almost late," Ianto said abruptly, jerking his head toward the door. "Ladies first."
Jack smiled, lifting his head proudly as he walked out of the Hub. Ianto flashed a smile at the rest of the team and, as he turned, smacked Jack lightly on the bottom.
Jack's high-pitched yelp of surprise sent the others off into gales of laughter, and before the Hub door rolled closed after them, they caught a glimpse of Ianto slamming Jack against the wall and kissing him hungrily.
Gwen and Tosh dissolved into giggles again, and Owen looked at them with a significant grin. "I'm amazed he waited that long. I mean, phwoar. Jack's got some legs, eh?"
"I'm not really qualified to comment on that, Owen," Gwen said primly, turning back to her computer.
Owen rolled his eyes and leaned against Tosh's workstation. "Tosh? Eh? Come on, I know you fancy girls, too."
Tosh made a choking noise and ducked her head, blushing furiously. "I...er...well, yes, Jack seems to be graced with beauty no matter what his gender."
"Thank you, Toshiko," Owen said graciously, nodding to her. "Now. I need an extra hand on this autopsy. Someone needs to help with the rib spreader so I can get at the organs in the thorax; this thing's too big for me to do it by myself. Tosh, c'mon."
She groaned in pain as he tugged her up out of her chair. "Oh, no, make Gwen do it--"
"Actually, I was just leaving," Gwen said hurriedly, switching off her computer and grabbing her jacket off the back of her chair. "I promised I'd be home for dinner, you two have fun with the, er, ribs and--bye."
Tosh swore under her breath. "Have you ever seen anyone run that fast?" she exclaimed in disgust.
"Nope. Autopsy, Tosh."
"But I'm really close to cracking the gender machine, Owen," she protested as they descended the steps.
He grinned at her, flipping his tied-back hair as he turned back. "You're running a program to fill in the gaps in your algorithim. Should take another two hours. I looked while I was over there."
Tosh cursed quietly again. "Owen, it takes me ages to get the smell out of my clothes when I help you," she protested plaintively as she half-heartedly donned a pair of rubber gloves.
"Don't care," Owen said cheerfully, handing her the rib spreader.
"You're being disgustingly chipper."
"Ogling a pretty bird in a skirt's made me feel a bit better."
"Owen!" Tosh sounded shocked in that half-laughing way she had when she wasn't really sure if he was serious. "That's Jack."
He made an indelicate sound. "Believe me, I know. But he looks like a woman, that's the whole problem." Owen sighed as he shook his hair back behind his shoulder and started placing the rib spreader. "I mean," he continued, "this whole business is just so bloody weird. I get turned on when I look at myself in the mirror. But I know that I'm really a man, so it's like I'm attracted to a man, and Jack's not helping, and I used to think Gwen was fit, but she's a man, now, too, but she still looks almost like herself, and it's all very--" He glanced up, glaring at Tosh. "You're not supposed to be laughing."
"Sorry," Tosh giggled, tying her hair back with a band around her wrist. "But it's so... I mean, you're Owen, you never have sexual crises." She was being awkward-Toshiko, with that little grin she got when she tried to laugh off what she was saying.
"Yeah, but then again, I've never been turned into a girl before."
Tosh grinned slightly and half-shrugged. "True." He was looking down at the alien corpse, so he didn't catch the expression on her face when he heard her say quietly, "You're a very pretty girl, though."
Owen had discovered that he blushed easily in this body, and was mortified to realize that he was doing so the instant he realized what she'd just said. He looked up, trying not to seem as surprised as he felt, and flashed an obviously embarrassed Tosh a quick grin. "Aw, thanks, Tosh." His own words drifted back to him--Come on, Tosh, I know you fancy girls, too--and another one of those weird shivers rocketed down his spine. O-o-o-o-kay. Let's just get on with this before I need to change my knickers. God, I hate female hormones.
They worked in a semi-awkward silence for a few moments, the quiet punctuated by the odd cracking sound, squish, or severely grossed-out noise from Tosh.
Finally, Tosh broke the silence with an uncomfortable, "So, um, doing any experimenting?"
"Beg pardon?" Owen asked absently, probing at a promising-looking sac attached to what he presumed to be the trachea.
"With your...female body."
It took him a moment to register what she'd just asked, then his head snapped up. "What?"
"Not that kind of experimenting!" Tosh added hurriedly, obviously mortified. "I mean, buying clothes, getting men to buy you drinks in bars, fixing your hair, wearing makeup..."
Owen frowned at her. "Do you really think I'd be interested in that?"
"Well," Tosh floundered, "if I were a man, I'd...do things like that..." She blushed and added in a rush, "and maybe the other kind of experimenting, too."
He blinked. "Wow, Tosh."
"Don't tell me you haven't!" Tosh said heatedly, defenisve. "I mean, multiple orgasms, Owen, come on, I know you would have given it a try."
"Tosh!" His voice was embarrassingly high. He was blushing again, and once more awkwardly a bit turned on. It was like being a teenager again, for Christ's sake, walking around in this perpetual haze of almost-arousal. "Wh--I--okay, no, all right? As a matter of fact, no. Do we have to talk about this?"
"Well, no--"
"Then can we not?" Still blushing, he looked determinedly down at the alien on the table, very much aware that Tosh had a little smile on her face. He closed his eyes, pained, and sighed, looking back up at her. "Look, Tosh--"
His scalpel tugged on the interesting sac, and suddenly something green fountained out of the creature's open mouth.
Tosh shrieked and jumped back, absolutely drenched in the stuff. "What the hell--aaahh!"
"Oh, ow--fuck--! What is that, acid?" Owen rubbed frantically at his hands, which were burning like he'd stuck them in boiling water. "Tosh, your eyes--"
"No, it didn't--oh, ohh my God, that hurts--"
Owen grabbed her wrist and yanked her toward the stairs. "Shower, Tosh, shower, come on--"
Brains on autopilot, they ran blindly for the shower (a solitary installation in the lavatory, which Ianto had always nagged Jack about, them being a team of five and all), Owen yanking off his stained lab coat and throwing it in a heap by the door as they staggered into the small, tiled room. Tosh threw back the shower curtain and scrabbled for the taps as Owen kicked off his shoes. "Hot, get it hot, Tosh," he ordered frantically, fumbling at the zipper on his jeans.
"It hurts, it hurts--" Tosh exclaimed through gritted teeth, simultaneously kicking off her shoes and yanking her shirt off over her head.
"I know, I know--" Owen pulled off his own shirt, throwing it unceremoniously into the sink and in too much of a panic and thinking shit, shit, it's soaked all the way through to my skin, all over to notice that he and Tosh were in their (also soaked with acid) underwear.
Having somewhat of a practical streak in her when the situation required it, Tosh had shed her bra and bottoms and was about to climb into the shower when Owen's frustrated "damn it fuck fuck fuck--" made her turn. Owen's arms were awkwardly reaching behind him, fumbling with his last item of clothing: the clasp of a bra he was obviously unused to wearing. "I can't--get it off--fuck--!"
Hastily, Tosh slapped his hands away and popped the clasp, then dragged him into the shower and under the spray.
They stood, breathing hard and frantically trying to scrub the alien acid off their skin, when it abruptly occured to both of them that they were naked, in a shower together, and quickly spun away from each other with hurried exclamations.
"Oh God--"
"Sorry--"
"--my fault--"
"--I shouldn't--"
"--um--"
"--er--"
If the silence had been awkward in the autopsy room, Owen thought anxiously, it was even worse in the...shower. Oh, God, he was naked, in the shower, with Tosh. Tosh, of all people. Tosh, who was nearly as bisexual as Ianto and Jack. Tosh, who fancied him apparently regardless of what sex he was.
Shit. Shit, shit.
"We really need to get another shower put in," Owen muttered, still blushing, his back to Tosh.
"Yeah, we should petition Jack," Tosh agreed hurriedly, her back to Owen.
"Yeah."
"Right."
The water splashed as they very self-consciously spread the water over their limbs, rinsing away the acid.
Owen glanced at the single bar of soap. "Wash your back?" he joked halfheartedly. Tosh's silence grew even more embarrassed, and Owen drew an awkward breath between his teeth. "Or...or not, just a...joke..."
Tosh let out a tentative chuckle, and Owen breathed a little bit easier. "I could do yours."
He couldn't help but grin. "Nothing you haven't seen before, right?"
"Well, no--but, well, I know what you mean. Female body and all that."
"Right, yeah, that, exactly." He was babbling. Why was he babbling? He was having Thoughts About Tosh Washing His Back, that's why he was babbling--oh, Christ--
Well, he supposed he should be thanking God that he wasn't still a man, otherwise this shower would be getting much more awkward right about now. Accidental naked showers with coworkers were awkward enough without accidental erections.
He couldn't believe he was thinking about that at a time like this.
"Sorry about the acid," he mumbled, almost inaudible over the water.
"Sorry I distracted you," Tosh replied just as quietly. "Talking about...stupid things..." She laughed once, uncomfortably. "I mean, what you do in your own body's none of my business, I shouldn't have--"
"I did," he interrupted abruptly, his voice terse.
He could almost hear her confusion. "Sorry?"
"What you asked. About the...other experimenting. I lied when I said no." He'd just sprayed her with acid, he could give her a little something in return. Answering her questions was...a little thing. Just a little thing. Didn't mean anything. Wasn't trying to lead into anything. If he repeated that to himself enough times, he could almost believe it.
"Oh," Tosh said quietly, still confused, her mind going back and replaying the conversation. "I--oh. Oh." He could tell the exact instant when she started to blush. His back was about three inches from hers in the tiny shower, he could feel the extra warmth from the flush that spread down over her skin.
Tosh always blushed like that--cheeks first, down her neck, across her shoulders, then when she wore a low-cut top he could see her blush on-- why the hell was he having these thoughts right now, of all times?
"Yeah," he said quietly, wishing he'd kept his mouth shut. "Because, you know, when am I gonna get another chance like...like this..." Like this. In the shower. With Tosh.
No. No, no, no no no nonononono. Do not. Do not even think.
Tosh was so quiet he had a hard time making out the words she repeated. "When am I going to get another chance like this..?" Was she talking to herself?
Owen's heart leapt into his throat as Tosh said quietly, "Owen. W-wash my back?"
"Tosh?" His voice was embarrassingly high again, but Tosh didn't seem to notice.
"Please?"
His eyes flicked back and forth between the bar of soap in its dish, and the wall he'd been determinedly staring at for the past few minutes. "I'd have to--I mean, you--you don't want me looking at your backside--"
"I don't mind."
She was so quiet. Determined. Like she'd screwed up all her courage and was forcing out each sentence when all she wanted to do was climb out of the shower and run.
He'd sprayed acid all over her, for fuck's sake. He owed her one.
And he sort of... Maybe he... Tosh...
His heart thudding so loudly he was sure she'd hear, Owen picked up the bar of soap and turned around, rolling it between his hands to make a lather. His hands shook to an absurd degree as he reached out, and he was ridiculously afraid to put his hands on her shoulders.
do it, just do it for fuck's sake
Tosh gasped quietly as his hands tentatively touched her shoulders, tracking the soap across her shoulderblades, where her neck met her spine, a little down her back, and she reached up and pulled her wet hair off her back to give him better access. The water wasn't cold, why was she shivering? ...Oh. Oh, this is a really bad idea... Swallowing, Owen rubbbed his soap-covered hands down her spine, tracing the delicate bones with the fingers of hands he was still having a hard time getting used to.
He brought his hands back up to her neck, massaging it gently before repeating his first motions, covering her back with white froth before nudging her more under the spray to rinse it off.
"Owen..." Her voice was a little shaky, and something caught inside of him.
"Tosh."
"Can I--?" Her head turned ever so slightly towards him, eyes not looking over her shoulder at him but desperately staring at the floor.
"Can you what, Tosh?" His voice, low and unwantedly husky, sounded almost like his old voice.
She was biting her bottom lip, kneading it between her teeth, playing with the ends of her hair in small, controlled gestures. "I--I've seen you naked on accident--but not like this--I mean, it's not really you, though, is it? I--Owen, can I--"
"Would you turn around?" he asked quietly, hoping it didn't sound as much like a plea as it did in his head.
Tosh inhaled sharply, closed her eyes, and then turned to face him.
Owen's blood felt a hundred degrees hotter as his eyes dragged up and down her body. Oh, God. Oh, fuck. Oh, this couldn't really be happening. "Tosh, you can open your eyes." His voice grated against his throat.
There were droplets of water on her eyelashes as they fluttered open, and Tosh's eyes seemed even darker than usual as she looked him up and down.
Owen had studied himself long and hard in the mirror. He wasn't as gorgeous as Jack, but he figured he was good. Better than good, if he let his ego talk, but honestly... He was still thin, less wiry and more lean, and he had a nice enough chest, but-- Tosh didn't look like she was breathing when her eyes traced his figure.
He'd never felt that attractive in his life.
He was dripping wet, in a shower, with a gorgeous woman who thought he was equally gorgeous.
Fuck.
Tosh's eyes fastened on his, and there was a kind of wildness about her eyes he'd only seen when she was panicked, stressed beyond belief, at her breaking point--
Her breaking point?
With a tiny gasp of breath, Toshiko broke.
Owen's eyes went wide with shock as Tosh's hands clamped down on his shoulders and dragged him into a heated kiss. Unthinkingly, he closed his eyes, reaching up and tangling his hands in her wet hair, tilting her head and kissing her back, hard. He'd never felt this, not at all--everything was wet and slick and sliding and Tosh's breasts against his was something he'd never thought he'd feel, ever. There was so much heat, sparks in places that had never felt that kind of heat before. He was hyperaware of just how many places, exactly, she was touching him. And it was so, so many. Oh, God.
"Owen--" Tosh gasped, hands cupping his face, "I--"
"Shh," Owen breathed, kissing her again. He couldn't talk right now. Everything would shatter and he'd realize what the hell he was doing. And stop. Oh, God, don't. Don't stop.
Tosh's hands were everywhere. How could the woman have so many hands? Owen was clutching her shoulders, holding on for dear life--he wasn't any taller than her now, he could pull back and stare straight into her eyes if he wanted to, but he wasn't going to pull back because Tosh was the most amazing kisser, really, how could he never have realized or cared before?--because he'd never done this before, never had this body before, never felt Tosh like this.
Felt-- "Tosh--" His voice was choked, strangled--her hands--
"I know," she breathed. "Owen...let me--"
His hips rocked against her hand, and he pressed against her, bit down on her shoulder to stifle he didn't know what--a moan, a scream, because holy, holy, holy fuck Tosh-- He felt like a child, a virgin, writhing in her hands because she knew everything about this and he knew nothing, nothing, nothing at all about what he was feeling--
oh oh oh God Tosh Tosh stop don't come on come on come
It was a scream he was stifling as he pressed his face into her shoulder.
There wasn't enough air, there was too much water, too much Tosh.
He was vaguely aware that he was pushing her back against the cold wall of the shower, that he was shaking, that there was an undefinable, glowing heat beneath his skin. He was more aware of Tosh's hands clutching at him, her body shivering uncontrollably as his hands roamed her skin, her soft cries against his lips.
The water was starting to run cold, and forgotten soap bubbles pooled in the drain.
- - -
They'd had to wash their own clothes, so they were both wearing some of Jack's new clothes that Owen had braved Jack's bedroom to retrieve, towels around their shoulders to keep their dripping hair from soaking their clothes. Tosh had made tea, neither of them daring to touch Ianto's coffee things, and they sat on the couch in a dead silence, staring into their cups.
They'd had sex. Oh, God. They'd had sex. Owen couldn't quite believe it. In the shower. Because of that fucking dead alien still lying on his autopsy table. If it hadn't already been dead, he would have killed it.
"Owen," Tosh began quietly, and Owen jumped, glancing involuntarily at her. She was staring into her tea mug, her face set. "Can we talk about this?"
"We probably should."
She hesitated again, licking her lips, and offered, "I'm not saying it was bad--"
He almost laughed. "Because it definitely wasn't."
A tiny smile touched her lips for a brief moment, then it was gone. "No," and he could hear the amusement in her voice. "No, it wasn't. But still--"
"Yeah. Best not to--"
"Yeah." They sat in silence for another long moment. "It wasn't--I mean, the fact that you're a woman wasn't the only reason I... I like you when you're a man, Owen, you know that."
Owen couldn't help but laugh. "Tosh, the thought never crossed my mind, honestly." Well, it had. But still. It was pretty silly. "And the fact that I'm a woman doesn't--I mean--well, I always fancy women, you know--"
"Very well." Tosh was definitely smiling, and hesitantly, their eyes met. Owen offered a sheepish grin. Tosh grinned back, then said seriously, "But, Owen, let's just..."
"Nothing's different," he said quickly. Too quickly. "Sex is sex. It's not...not something to be embarrassed about. We're good, you and me."
"Right." Tosh brushed her hair back, her smile faint. "Good?"
"Good." He gave her a brief smile and took a sip of his tea.
They were good.
Nothing had changed.
Damn it, he wanted out of this female body.
He could still smell her hair.
No.
No, nothing had changed.
He shot her a glance over his mug of tea, and she looked...normal. Tosh. His friend, Tosh. His Tosh.
They were good.