The Gang: Chapter 1 - Benedict Davidson

[zelda_queen]

Raxis: Hello peeps, I'm back for another go with Queeny! :D

ZeldaQueen: Glad to have you, Raxis! *to the viewers* Folks, you all remember Neil. How could you not? Hogwarts Exposed can only be forgotten through heavy drinking coupled with a lobotomy.

Raxis: I'm not sure that's sufficient.

ZeldaQueen: Possibly the best we could do. In any case, we sang

Comments

[das_mervin]

Would not normally comment before reading, but the LJ-cut is borked, so all of that NSFW stuff is visible for all to see.

[zelda_queen]

Ah, sorry about that. ^^; Lj's been doing that to my posts for some reason. Should be fixed now, though.

[white_wolf03]

Not quite fixed, unless it's only showing in my friends page.

[erikalyndis]

It's appearing in full on my friends page, but it was fine earlier.

[gehayi]

Hard, green, unripe blackberries followed him around, impassively.

Because blackberry bushes LOVE wandering around the woods following stupid twelve-year-olds that the bushes don't care about. Riiiight. Also, by saying that unripe blackberries are both green and hard, Neil has just said the same thing three times.

Knickerless for sure, but still lying there, being tickled, being… what else might they do to her? He didn’t know, didn’t dare imagine. They wouldn’t rape her would they?

YES! THEY WOULD! THAT WOULD BE WHY THEY TOOK OFF HER UNDERPANTS! AND EVEN IF THEY HAVEN'T RAPED HER YET, HOLDING SOMEONE DOWN AND TICKLING THAT PERSON ARE BOTH KINKS. KINKS ARE SEXUAL ACTS. AND SINCE BOTH SEXUAL ACTS ARE BEING DONE AGAINST THE GIRL'S WILL--WITHOUT HER CONSENT--THIS MEANS THAT THEY ARE SEXUAL ASSAULTS.

AND THE FACT THAT YOU THINK EITHER IS ALL RIGHT, BRENDAN, TELLS ME THAT YOU ARE A MOUSE TURD AND THAT YOU NEED TO DIE IN A FIRE.

(I'm trying to explain this clearly. That isn't easy when you're trying not to explode.)

[chibi_regalli]

I know, right? Everyone knows blackberries just get up and walk around when they're bored.

Yeah, even if they aren't going to rape her (which we all know they are, because this is a Neil story), THEY HAVE ALREADY COMMITTED SEXUAL ASSAULT. THIS IS A CRIME. Hell, according to UK law, I think they could be charged as adults for this.

So yeah. FUCK YOU, NEIL. MAY YOU GET THAT AMAZONIAN FISH PARASITE THAT MOVES INTO YOUR PENIS AND PROCEEDS TO CAUSE YOU IMMENSE AMOUNTS OF PAIN. MAY IT LIKE YOUR URETHRA SO MUCH, IT INVITES FRIENDS TO MOVE IN AND START A FAMILY, AND MAY THAT FAMILY START IN YOUR SCROTUM. AND THAT GOES DOUBLE FOR THE LITTLE SOCIOPATHIC WASTE OF PIXELS THAT IS YOUR NEW SELF-INSERT.

[mibamonster]

Oh my God. Neil. I hate you so, so, SO MUCH OH MY GOD DIE IN A FIRE YOU FILTHY SICK FUCK FKDAJSFKL;ASJKFJDASKL;FJDKFAJKL;.

Sorry.
I just didn't think I could hate ANYONE more than Emily from HE.
But I do.
Benedict, fuck you. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FKAJDFK;SJFKJKL.

[mibamonster]

That's what I was afraid of...

[sith_droideka]

Neil created a worse character than Emily?

Please tell me this is the only one...

[tsukasabuddha]

My impression of Benedict/Neil: "Oh, Napalm Girl!" *fap* *fap* *fap*

And the stiltedness, my god!

[szaleniec1000]

Have you read Hogwarts Exposed? All the characters talk like incredibly pompous robots.

[szaleniec1000]

It's the same in Hogwarts Exposed. Absolutely everything has to involve sex, to the extent that characters' canon personalities are overwritten to instead make sex their primary motivation.

While he waited he ran the whole scene through his mind again, trying to recapture every detail. It was the breast that kept gnawing at his attention, and kept him agitated.

Yep, that's Neil alright. He's obsessed with the things. What little I've read of this story suggests it's at least as bad as Hogwarts Exposed, so I'll be following this review with interest. About the only thing I can say in its favour, from the "damning with faint praise" pile, is that at least the POV isn't hopping around like a caffeinated rabbit like it does in HE.

Raxis: This appears to be set in Britain, judging from the above locations, and in Britain you begin primary school at age 11, see Harry Potter.Minor correction: you begin secondary school at age 11; primary school is ages 4-11. And yes, it's set in Britain, and no, Neil doesn't know any more about what

[zelda_queen]

That's why I argue that these guys are even WORSE than the HE crew. Most of the characters of HE were stolen from HP canon, so Neil had to at least TRY to pretend they still had their canon personalities, which included life beyond sex. These guys? Nothing. NO motivation beyond sex.

[szaleniec1000]

The example that comes to mind (because it's relatively recent in my HTE sporking and stuck in my head) is this:

"I somehow get the feeling Timmy and Ron are taking about two very different type of treats." Tonks said with a laugh.

Given that canon!Ron is notably fond of sweets, snacks and double helpings at Hogwarts feasts, there's no reason they should be talking about different types of treats. That's what I mean when I say that introducing sex has overwritten his canon personality. Harry and Hermione have similar moments. (Also, characters laughing at their own jokes is another Neilism that pisses me right off; does The Gang have any of that?)

[zelda_queen]

"Also, characters laughing at their own jokes is another Neilism that pisses me right off; does The Gang have any of that?"

Not that I noticed. There really isn't much "humor" in this, per say.