Breaking Dawn: Chapter 2 - Long Night
Projection Room Voices: And the ten minute break is up. Sporker ZeldaQueen must now return to the Sporking Chamber.
ZeldaQueen: Fudgebuckets. *stuffs a bag of Dove chocolate into her pocket and steals a bowl of popcorn and water before re-entering the Chamber*
Projection Room Voices: ...You know, you don't have to sneak it in there. You're allowed to bring food.
ZeldaQueen: Just start the Media.
Chapter 2 - Long Night
ZeldaQueen: You're telling me. Okay, we open up with Bella and Edward together and, before even finding out when or where we are, we get Bella whining about how much she's going to miss Edward. We're actually in Bella's bedroom, where the two are having their nightly kissing session. Bella rhapsodizes for a paragraph or so on how she is amazed at how natural Edward's kisses feel and how he looks at her, "Like I was the prize rather than the outrageously lucky winner". *groans* I know that Meyer's trying to imply here that Bella can't believe that Edward feels luckier to have her love than she does to have his. But given his controlling and possessive behavior thus far, coupled with the fact that she actually uses the word "prize"...Yeah.
Oh, and we also get more plot catching up, where we are reminded/told about how Edward looks like an angel and can read everyone's mind except for Bella's and how grateful she is that he can't see her innermost thoughts and desires. Pretty sensible of her, considering that he apparently feels entitled to snoop around in everyone's heads regardless of their knowledge. Perhaps when he was human he liked to rummage through people's backpacks and purses and being turned into a vampire enhanced that trait as well. *finds another note from the future* Oh, and her gratitude that her thoughts are private? Seems that they go straight out the window later.
So, getting back to the actual plot, we find out that Bella is so upset because Edward will be leaving her to go to his bachelor party. That's right ladies and gents - she is going on about how much she'll miss him and he's leaving her for one night. Part of one night actually, since they're together right now! Good God, how dependent on him is she? (Answer: very). And Edward actually seems to seriously consider passing on the party to spend the rest of the night with Bella. Erm, Edward? Aren't you the least bit bothered that your fiance can't seem to go without your presence for a few hours (which she most likely won't even be conscious for)? They start to talk about the wedding, Bella gets horny and suggests that they get practicing for the wedding night, and Edward freaks out over the idea of sleeping with her when she's human. Bella drops this one:
"How different it would be when he didn't need to worry about me anymore. What would he do with all his free time? He'd have to get a new hobby."
ZeldaQueen: For the love of God Bella, you're actually acknowledging that he spends so much time obsessing over you! Again, that might be flattering except that it really speaks badly of how much faith Edward seems to have in her ability to take care of herself, which I personally would find quite insulting. And again, it's hard to totally hate on Edward for that, since Bella has proven herself to be about as capable to take care of herself as a two-year-old and probably would get struck by lighting and squashed by a falling tree if he weren't following her everywhere. Seriously, given how her Dream Man all but puts her Self Insert into a stroller and rolls her around everywhere, I almost am wondering if Meyer has some kind of daddy issues.
And then we move onward to the whole guilting and regrets part. Edward reminds Bella how she'll lose her friends and family. She displays a modicum of sadness over cutting out her parents, but shows almost no sorrow at getting rid of her friends, even going so far as to make fun of Mike. SELFISH! She and Edward start talking about how being frozen forever at age eighteen is every girls' dream (speak for yourself, some people hate their eighteenth year) and then move on to yet another topic: having children. Because, you see, vampires cannot have babies as their bodies cannot change. And most of the female vampire Cullens (see: Esme and Rosalie) have made it clear that they would trade their beauty and immortality to have a child of their own. But Bella wants none of that and laughs it off. *Is hit in the head with another note from the future* OW! *reads* Huh. Apparently this will all be coming back to bite us in the rear. How wonderful. Oh, and lest I offend anyone when talking about this topic, I have no problem with women who want to be moms or housewives. It's a tough job that some people love and some people don't and if you love it, that's wonderful for you and I know what you're doing can be just as difficult as working on a career. When I complain about Bella and Co just wanting babies and everything, it goes deeper than just wanting to be a mom. It's that almost every single woman in the series wants babies and those who don't or can't mostly seem to be evil or bitter or shallow and there really doesn't seem to be too much of a female character who is happy and nice and alright with not having children. Anyway, I'll be talking more about it later, as indicated by this letter from the future, so yeah. Anyway, Edward starts going on about he wishes he weren't denying Bella the joy of having children. And that ends rather quickly when Jasper and Emmett show up at the window to kidnap Edward to his bachelor party. Thank the lord! Oh, and this little bit is also actually pretty funny, with Emmett dragging Edward off for the party and telling Jasper not to tell Bella what they have planned. But then Jasper tells her anyway which I found a bit of a letdown because (A) It really would be funny if it were left to the reader's imagination what vampires did for bachelor parties and (B) According to Jasper, they'd just be eating Grizzly bears, which they did on a fairly regular basis for meals.
Bella is left alone to whine and contemplates all of the things about her wedding. She takes care to bring up how the Denali clan will be coming from Alaska, save for one member (Irina) who is angry with the Quileute wolves for killing Laurent (who she had a thing for). So Bella is worried about the clan and the wolves being together at the wedding. Oh, and she's also upset that Tanya (a member of the clan who had a thing for Edward before) will look a lot prettier than her. Nice to see Bella worrying about important things there. Bella tells the readers how hard it is for vampires to live in such large groups like the Denali clan and the Cullens do, and then we get her flashing back randomly to Carlisle telling her about Immortal Children, infants that were turned into vampires. And while these kids were unbelievably adorable and lovable, apparently they were impossible to control and thus were verboten and that's how the Clan lost their mother (she made one). Erm, question: shouldn't the strength boost a vampire gets be proportional, no matter how old they are? Even if a child has no form of control over themselves, they're still children with - presumably - a vampire parent to keep an eye on them. If the kid started to have a tantrum, couldn't the parent just pick them up and hold them still, or carry them off into the mountains or something? Same if the kid wanted to feed - couldn't the parent restrain an infant long enough to feed it a chicken or something? And why is this being mentioned just now? Surely this isn't some lame attempt at foreshadowing, is it? And look, is that Bella having a Symbolic Dream about trying to protect a vampire toddler on a mountain made of the bodies of her friends and parents? I wonder where this is all going. It's just throwing me on so many loops! Let me out of here, this is freaking boring!
Projection Room Voices: Fine, chapter's over, take five.
ZeldaQueen: About freaking time! *munches popcorn*
Onward to: Chapter 3: Big Day
Back to: Chapter 1 - Engaged
Return to: Table of Contents
ZeldaQueen: Fudgebuckets. *stuffs a bag of Dove chocolate into her pocket and steals a bowl of popcorn and water before re-entering the Chamber*
Projection Room Voices: ...You know, you don't have to sneak it in there. You're allowed to bring food.
ZeldaQueen: Just start the Media.
Chapter 2 - Long Night
ZeldaQueen: You're telling me. Okay, we open up with Bella and Edward together and, before even finding out when or where we are, we get Bella whining about how much she's going to miss Edward. We're actually in Bella's bedroom, where the two are having their nightly kissing session. Bella rhapsodizes for a paragraph or so on how she is amazed at how natural Edward's kisses feel and how he looks at her, "Like I was the prize rather than the outrageously lucky winner". *groans* I know that Meyer's trying to imply here that Bella can't believe that Edward feels luckier to have her love than she does to have his. But given his controlling and possessive behavior thus far, coupled with the fact that she actually uses the word "prize"...Yeah.
Oh, and we also get more plot catching up, where we are reminded/told about how Edward looks like an angel and can read everyone's mind except for Bella's and how grateful she is that he can't see her innermost thoughts and desires. Pretty sensible of her, considering that he apparently feels entitled to snoop around in everyone's heads regardless of their knowledge. Perhaps when he was human he liked to rummage through people's backpacks and purses and being turned into a vampire enhanced that trait as well. *finds another note from the future* Oh, and her gratitude that her thoughts are private? Seems that they go straight out the window later.
So, getting back to the actual plot, we find out that Bella is so upset because Edward will be leaving her to go to his bachelor party. That's right ladies and gents - she is going on about how much she'll miss him and he's leaving her for one night. Part of one night actually, since they're together right now! Good God, how dependent on him is she? (Answer: very). And Edward actually seems to seriously consider passing on the party to spend the rest of the night with Bella. Erm, Edward? Aren't you the least bit bothered that your fiance can't seem to go without your presence for a few hours (which she most likely won't even be conscious for)? They start to talk about the wedding, Bella gets horny and suggests that they get practicing for the wedding night, and Edward freaks out over the idea of sleeping with her when she's human. Bella drops this one:
"How different it would be when he didn't need to worry about me anymore. What would he do with all his free time? He'd have to get a new hobby."
ZeldaQueen: For the love of God Bella, you're actually acknowledging that he spends so much time obsessing over you! Again, that might be flattering except that it really speaks badly of how much faith Edward seems to have in her ability to take care of herself, which I personally would find quite insulting. And again, it's hard to totally hate on Edward for that, since Bella has proven herself to be about as capable to take care of herself as a two-year-old and probably would get struck by lighting and squashed by a falling tree if he weren't following her everywhere. Seriously, given how her Dream Man all but puts her Self Insert into a stroller and rolls her around everywhere, I almost am wondering if Meyer has some kind of daddy issues.
And then we move onward to the whole guilting and regrets part. Edward reminds Bella how she'll lose her friends and family. She displays a modicum of sadness over cutting out her parents, but shows almost no sorrow at getting rid of her friends, even going so far as to make fun of Mike. SELFISH! She and Edward start talking about how being frozen forever at age eighteen is every girls' dream (speak for yourself, some people hate their eighteenth year) and then move on to yet another topic: having children. Because, you see, vampires cannot have babies as their bodies cannot change. And most of the female vampire Cullens (see: Esme and Rosalie) have made it clear that they would trade their beauty and immortality to have a child of their own. But Bella wants none of that and laughs it off. *Is hit in the head with another note from the future* OW! *reads* Huh. Apparently this will all be coming back to bite us in the rear. How wonderful. Oh, and lest I offend anyone when talking about this topic, I have no problem with women who want to be moms or housewives. It's a tough job that some people love and some people don't and if you love it, that's wonderful for you and I know what you're doing can be just as difficult as working on a career. When I complain about Bella and Co just wanting babies and everything, it goes deeper than just wanting to be a mom. It's that almost every single woman in the series wants babies and those who don't or can't mostly seem to be evil or bitter or shallow and there really doesn't seem to be too much of a female character who is happy and nice and alright with not having children. Anyway, I'll be talking more about it later, as indicated by this letter from the future, so yeah. Anyway, Edward starts going on about he wishes he weren't denying Bella the joy of having children. And that ends rather quickly when Jasper and Emmett show up at the window to kidnap Edward to his bachelor party. Thank the lord! Oh, and this little bit is also actually pretty funny, with Emmett dragging Edward off for the party and telling Jasper not to tell Bella what they have planned. But then Jasper tells her anyway which I found a bit of a letdown because (A) It really would be funny if it were left to the reader's imagination what vampires did for bachelor parties and (B) According to Jasper, they'd just be eating Grizzly bears, which they did on a fairly regular basis for meals.
Bella is left alone to whine and contemplates all of the things about her wedding. She takes care to bring up how the Denali clan will be coming from Alaska, save for one member (Irina) who is angry with the Quileute wolves for killing Laurent (who she had a thing for). So Bella is worried about the clan and the wolves being together at the wedding. Oh, and she's also upset that Tanya (a member of the clan who had a thing for Edward before) will look a lot prettier than her. Nice to see Bella worrying about important things there. Bella tells the readers how hard it is for vampires to live in such large groups like the Denali clan and the Cullens do, and then we get her flashing back randomly to Carlisle telling her about Immortal Children, infants that were turned into vampires. And while these kids were unbelievably adorable and lovable, apparently they were impossible to control and thus were verboten and that's how the Clan lost their mother (she made one). Erm, question: shouldn't the strength boost a vampire gets be proportional, no matter how old they are? Even if a child has no form of control over themselves, they're still children with - presumably - a vampire parent to keep an eye on them. If the kid started to have a tantrum, couldn't the parent just pick them up and hold them still, or carry them off into the mountains or something? Same if the kid wanted to feed - couldn't the parent restrain an infant long enough to feed it a chicken or something? And why is this being mentioned just now? Surely this isn't some lame attempt at foreshadowing, is it? And look, is that Bella having a Symbolic Dream about trying to protect a vampire toddler on a mountain made of the bodies of her friends and parents? I wonder where this is all going. It's just throwing me on so many loops! Let me out of here, this is freaking boring!
Projection Room Voices: Fine, chapter's over, take five.
ZeldaQueen: About freaking time! *munches popcorn*
Onward to: Chapter 3: Big Day
Back to: Chapter 1 - Engaged
Return to: Table of Contents