My Inner Life: Chapter 4 - Back In Hyrule
ZeldaQueen: Well, we're just speeding along and we haven't had Sue-fawning for some time so that's pretty much what this chapter's for. Hooray.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 4 - Back In Hyrule
Back in Hyrule
ZeldaQueen: Meanwhile, back on the ranch…
"Welcome home, how was thy honeymoon?" The King questioned.
ZeldaQueen: TERRIBLE!
"We had the time of our lives." Link winked and a grin happed upon his face.
ZeldaQueen: Stop with the innuendo! He’s the king, he shouldn’t want to know about that (well he probably does, but that’s beside the point)!
And ‘we had the time of our lives’? Really, Link’s Queen? Well, that just fits perfectly when you use words like ‘happed’ (which I’m not sure is even a real word)
"It was very beautiful, thank you soo much." I said hugging the King tightly.
ZeldaQueen: THERE IS ONLY ONE “O” IN “SO”!!! AND STOP HUGGING THE KING! YOU ARE NOT HIS DAUGHTER!
"I really enjoyed the time with Link."
ZeldaQueen: I’ll say!
Just then Zelda spoke up. "A fairy from the forest has sent word that the Great Deku Tree wants to speak with you both."
ZeldaQueen: Um, fairies don’t leave the Kokiri Forest. Navi was the exception, only because she was with Link. And fairies certainly aren’t messengers
Link and I exchanged glances. "The Great Deku Tree has summoned us?" I said as I looked back at Zelda.
ZeldaQueen: (Zelda) “Didn’t I just say that, you air-headed tart?”
"Yes the word came in this morning."
ZeldaQueen: Because the Great Deku Tree has nothing better to do than wait for the Sue’s return!
Link looked at me with a confused look.
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 9 (Yes, I don’t care if I gave it two or not. That one’s just stupid!)
"We had better not keep The Great Deku Tree waiting." Link inquired.
ZeldaQueen: “Inquired”? Wah - ? What is he asking? Is English not this Suethor’s first language?
"Jenna my daughter
ZeldaQueen: SHE’S NOT YOUR DAUGHTER! SHUT UP!
I will have one of your horses saddled and brought to you."
ZeldaQueen: That’s what she said
I nodded and then the King and Princess Zelda returned to the castle.
ZeldaQueen: And they couldn’t have had this conversation in the castle…why?
After a few minuets a stable hand came with my brown mare "Star Dancer."
ZeldaQueen: Why is that name in quotes? Is she suggesting that that is not really the horse’s name?
Link helped me up into the saddle then mounted Epona.
ZeldaQueen: Please stop using that word
Link gently booted Epona
ZeldaQueen: - out the window
and she took off at a gallop. I then followed.
ZeldaQueen: - with short, poorly-constructed sentences
We headed to Kokiri forest. It was not a long ride, but we had to make haste.
ZeldaQueen: “Not a long ride”? Are you kidding me, Suethor? Have you even seen the OOT map of Hyrule? I repeat - Hyrule Castle is at the northernmost part and the Kokiri Forest is at the southernmost. It takes Link almost an entire in-game day to go from one to the other using the most direct path. In short, the two are probably the farthest away you could get. Did you really play this game? I don’t believe you did
As we arrived at the entrance to the Kokiri forest, Saria was there to greet us.
ZeldaQueen: Because the Sage of the Forest hasn’t got anything better to do than greet the Sue
"You made it, The Great Deku Tree is waiting." Saria said as we dismounted.
ZeldaQueen: (Saria) “What the -? Could you two wait until you’re not in public to do that?”
"I will have your horses tended to. Please go on."
ZeldaQueen: (Saria) “For I am just a servant for you, despite being one of seven with incredible power and responsibilities in the game”
We each exchanged looks then entered the Kokiri Village.
ZeldaQueen: Why? You’ve already been to this forest, it’s not like it’s so weird for you to be back
All of the Kokiri watched us as we make our way through. Then when we reached the entrance to the Great Deku Tree's meadow, Mido the Kokiri leader was waiting.
ZeldaQueen: (Mido) “I see you as the Sue you are. YOU! SHALL NOT! PASS!”
"You must hurry, the Great Deku Tree is waiting." Mido said as he ushered us onward.
ZeldaQueen: (Mido) “Hush! Hush! I’m the husher!” (Yes, I’m cribbing jokes from The Muppet Show. I’m trying to save my sanity, cut me a break)
We walked down the path and into the meadow.
ZeldaQueen: Which ought to have taken all of three steps, so why are you taking so long?
As we stood in front of The Great Deku Tree he awoke from his slumber. "Link and Jenna, thoust has arrived." Come come, sit I have great news for thee."
ZeldaQueen: (Great Deku Tree) “For I too hath been twisted from canon as is thy Sue’s will. You shalt be given something entirely contrary to canon, as the Suethor doth wish”
Link and I sat down in the grass and awaited for the Great Deku Tree's news.
ZeldaQueen: You can’t be bothered to stand before the guardian of the forest? C’mon people, he doesn’t take that long to talk!
"Link, "Hero of Time"-thou art courageous, ye saved Hyrule and hast taken a wife."
ZeldaQueen: I love how being courageous and saving Hyrule are put on the same level as marrying the Sue. And stop putting titles in quotes!
"Jenna, thou art spiritual, ye lost thy family, then began a vagabond's journey. Now thou hast taken a husband.
ZeldaQueen: Well, that was contrived. Seriously, when have we seen her being “spiritual”? And “a vagabond’s journey”? As if! The little pest has been given nothing but the best since the first page of this fic!
Shall ye seek the blessing of child?" I turned to Link and we exchanged smiles as we said "Yes."
ZeldaQueen: Something which Jenna has never shut up about, I might add. Hope they’re all pretty and cute, or else she’ll let a Dodongo eat ‘em so she comes across as sympathetic
"Since Hyrule is at peace now things are all well, but the Desert Man may some day return. I give each of ye a Guardian Fairy to protect ye."
ZeldaQueen: Excuse me? What? Why? Why would the Great Deku Tree give Jenna a fairy for protection? Only the Kokiri get them! Link only got one because he was disguised as a Kokiri!
And “protection” my butt. Spoilers folks - the fairies do fuck all to actually protect them. Not like it’s a surprise really, how useful was Navi for protection in the game?
Just then two fairies, one with a pink aura and one with a blue aura flew over to us.
ZeldaQueen: Oh my God, they’re getting “His” and “Her” fairies. Shoot me now
"I cannot believe that fairies really exist." I thought to myself.
ZeldaQueen: You already saw the fairies! You’ve seen them for all those months you’d been boinking Link! Why is this all so shocking to you?
I watched as the blue fairy flew over to Link. "Long time no see Link. How I have missed you."
ZeldaQueen: Oh Navi, I’m so sorry. Not even leaving canon could save you from this fic
Link looked at the fairy and smiled big.
ZeldaQueen: Now Jenna sounds like a hillbilly. “Yep, he smiled real big Jethro!”
"Navi, my old friend, I have missed you too. How have you been since last we saw each other?" Link inquired the blue fairy.
ZeldaQueen: By the way that’s worded, it almost sounds like Navi is questioning Link. And I love how little emotion there actually is in any of this. Link’s just been reunited with his old friend (and we get no explanation of where she went or what she had been up to) and he’s just like “Hey! How’ya been?”
"Oh great. I see you have taken a wife. She is truly beautiful, Link. You two will make beautiful children together."
ZeldaQueen: *grinds teeth* Stop going on about how beautiful their kids are going to be! Why is that always the first thing that comes to people’s heads? Seriously, everyone’s asking them if they’ll be having kids or assuming that they’ll be and then they start appraising the looks of said future kids! Am I the only one who finds that creepy?
And also, Link’s Queen? I’ve got a challenge for you - have two characters talk for more than five sentences without bringing up (A) Link’s marriage and (B) how pretty/smart/wonderful/witty Jenna is
The fairy smiled at Link then flew over to me.
ZeldaQueen: How does Jenna know that Navi smiled? The fairies in the game are just balls of light. They don’t even have mouths!
The Pink one behind her.
ZeldaQueen: Apparently “pink” is now a proper noun. Silly me. And why is that a separate sentence?
As the fairy hovered in front of me her blue aura seemed so beautiful, so peaceful.
ZeldaQueen: So Sue-d up
"My name is Navi and this is Lilly."
ZeldaQueen: “Lilly”? Ohhhh, Link’s Queen I really hate you now.
Lilly is my name. My real life name. As a matter of fact, that’s also how it’s spelled. And you gave it to the pink, Sue-fairy.
GAH!!!
"Hello." the Pink fairy said. "We will be the Guardian Fairies for Link and you from now on."
ZeldaQueen: For no reason whatsoever, I might add
Navi inquired.
ZeldaQueen: Why is she using that word? Nothing was being asked!
I could not believe I was getting a fairy.
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, me neither!
They were only told in storybook tales where I came from.
ZeldaQueen: No explanation for that, either. Just a convenient way for the Sue to already know about stuff she shouldn’t. It really smacks of Rose Potter knowing things through Muggle law or Muggle TV shows she conveniently saw as child and which we only hear about as the plot demands
But as I looked at Navi and Lilly, I was glad they were not just myths. I was glad to have a fairy partner.
ZeldaQueen: Link’s Queen, you do know that “fairy” and “partner” have other meanings, right? Or isn’t Link enough to satisfy Jenna?
Navi then flew back over to Link and Lilly came over to me. "Hello Jenna, its nice to meet you." Lilly said as she hovered in front of me. As I looked at the Pink Fairy, I was glad that she was my Guardian.
ZeldaQueen: And of course the Sue gets the pink fairy! I mean, yeah in the game there were reddish fairies, but those were only for healing! Besides that, the fairies were really only white or blue! Again, this is just Rose Potter, when she turned into a pretty, golden mermaid instead of a scraggly, grayish one from canon
"Lilly, I think we are going to be good friends."
ZeldaQueen: I’m getting some sinister vibes from this, like “We’re going to be good friends or else!!!” I’m almost reminded of a Barney fanfic where he gets children to help him take over the world
"As do I." Lilly responded.
ZeldaQueen: (Lilly) “After all, I’m an OOC Sue groupie, so I’ll never contradict or disagree with you! Tee-hee!”
Then I got up and went over to Link. I threw my arms around him and looked into his eyes. His eyes seemed to glow in the sunlight.
ZeldaQueen: STOP THAT! CAN YOU GO FOR TWO MINUTES WITHOUT REMINDING US OF HOW YOU AND LINK ARE SOO DEEPLY IN WUV???
I laid my head against his chest and begun to think to myself.
ZeldaQueen: That must have been quite a chore
"A Guardian Fairy." "I would have never dreamed." "It is not a myth, this is real." "And I am very lucky."
ZeldaQueen: Yet again, I left that in because it seriously gives me the impression that this Jenna character is demented. I like to imagine that the Suethor’s thought process is like this, when she drapes herself over her Nintendo 64 and dreams over how hawt Link is
Just then The Great Deku Tree spoke again once more. "Thou art courageous and thou art spiritual will be protected if the Desert Man should ever return.
ZeldaQueen: Link’s Queen really sucks at this Ye Olde English thing, if you can’t tell
Then your Guardian Fairies will help protect ye.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, the ability to Z-Target will be soo useful if Ganondorf returns.
I guess the Suethor never made it to the final boss fight, in which it’s made quite clear that Ganondorf can keep the fairies away from him! Some help!
When thou hast thy first born, return to see me."
ZeldaQueen: Gee, I wonder what that’s about?
With his words spoken The Great Deku Tree returned to his slumber.
ZeldaQueen: Dang, looks like the Great Deku Tree has narcolepsy
I held Link's hand as I looked at the two fairies.
ZeldaQueen: Because you’re so co-dependant on him that you can’t go for more than a second without physical contact of some sort
"This is truly a great gift The Great Deku Tree has given us."
ZeldaQueen: Actually no, the fairies are quite useless. If you actually took time off from wanking while playing OOT, you’d already know that
Then I looked back at Link and he nodded in agreement.
ZeldaQueen: I don’t understand this. Having a fairy companion shouldn’t be so amazing to Link. He’s had stuff far more useful than Navi. Like an empty bottle.
Link and I then kissed before we started for home.
ZeldaQueen: (Suethor) “Did you see that? Did you? Yep, Link LOVES ME SOO MUCH!!!! HA!”
When we returned to Kokiri Village, all of the Kokiri especially Saria wanted to know what The Great Deku Tree told us.
ZeldaQueen: (Kokiri Children) “Tell me more, tell me more! Was it love at first sight?”
(Saria) “Tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?”
Saria's eyes widened when we told her we had our own fairies.
ZeldaQueen: Why would Saria care? She has a fairy of her own. She knew Link had a fairy of his own before. Normally I’d agree that it’s astonishing that someone like Jenna would get a fairy for no reason, but we all know that this is just a way to show how AWED everyone is by the Sue’s Great Presence
Even more so when she found out Navi returned to Link.
ZeldaQueen: So wait, didn’t she know where Navi was before? If the Great Deku Tree was able to bring Navi out like that, I’d imagine that the fairy was hanging around the forest
"That is great news!" Saria said cheerfully. "It is great to see that Navi has returned."
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 10
Link nodded and a smile crossed his face.
ZeldaQueen: You know the drill, folks. Hope it looked both ways and all that good stuff
"How come they get fairies? They are not even Kokiri!" A voice called from behind.
ZeldaQueen: THANK YOU!
Just then the head strong Mido approached us.
ZeldaQueen: Didn’t Jenna say before that Mido had a sense of humor? And “headstrong” is one word
"What makes them so special to get their own fairies?" Mido questioned.
ZeldaQueen: Finally, a voice of reason. Thank you Mido, even though we all know that no one will listen to you
Saria turned and looked at Mido square in the face.
ZeldaQueen: As opposed to oval in the face?
"Link is the "Hero of Time."
ZeldaQueen: NO QUOTES!
He is special and so is his wife.
ZeldaQueen: No she is not! She’s a tart written by a prima donna who wishes she were so Special and Important!
As the Sage of the Forest I remember what Gannon said as we sealed him the Sacred Realm.
ZeldaQueen: Why is she telling all of the Kokiri this? Surely this is another one of those “only people directly in on the secret can know it” things?
He cursed that he would one day get revenge on Link or his decedents.
ZeldaQueen: “Decedents”? Sounds like some Victorian slang for improper female body parts. “Oh not tonight dear, I’ve got a terrible itching in my decedents”
And that’s where the sequels come in, you nutbox! Did you think that the Links in the other games were all the same person?
Link has already confided in me that he and his new wife plan on having children."
ZeldaQueen: “Confided” my rear. All the Sue’s been talking about is how they’ll be having their Perfect Little Children
They will need protection if Gannon should ever return.
ZeldaQueen: IT’S “GANON”! THIS SHOULD NOT BE THAT HARD!
He would go after Link and his family first."
ZeldaQueen: Actually, he’d probably go after the Triforce first
Saria's eyes narrowed as she confronted Mido.
ZeldaQueen: Well, looks like the Suthor successfully assassinated the cheerful, friendly Saria that we all knew and loved from canon. Fair thee well, Saria. We’ll hold a funeral for you after we track down and kill Jenna
Saria was always protective of Link and even more so when Mido tried to get smart.
ZeldaQueen: Hmm, I must have missed that protectiveness in the game, when she never confronted Mido over obviously never accepting Link into the group and picked on him.
ZeldaQueen: HA! Mido's a secret agent! I wonder if his pointy shoe can be used as a phone?
I watched as she faced off with Mido.
ZeldaQueen: Again with the speech anachronisms! Oy!
When Mido saw the fire burning in Saria's eyes he knew to back off.
ZeldaQueen: (Mido): "Holy spit, she's going to spontaneously combust!"
"Well they still don't deserve it, grumble, grumble."
ZeldaQueen: *stares* She actually had Mido say that he was grumbling?
Well, I have to grudgingly admit that it isn't entirely the Suethor's idiocy on that one. Mido really does say "grumble grumble" like that at one point in the game. It's still stupid though.
And I still agree with Mido. They don't deserve fairies
Then Mido walked off. Saria watched as he went. "I'm sorry for all of that trouble.
ZeldaQueen: All what trouble? They were grumbled at by a kid
I guess he really never got over what happened eight years ago."
ZeldaQueen: What did happen eight years ago? Do you mean before the Master Sword was drawn? Because if that's the case, then it wasn't eight years by your stupid fanon
Saria then walked up to Link. "*Sigh* I guess he will never get over it."
ZeldaQueen: Oh, for the love of - DON'T USE CHAT SPEAK IN DIALOGUE!!!
She said as she placed her hand gently on Link's.
ZeldaQueen: I'm surprised Jenna doesn't have Saria eviscerated for pawing up her Man like that
"I will always remain your friend Link not matter what.
ZeldaQueen: (Saria) "Because the Sue won't let me leave"
I will also help protect you and your family should Gannon ever return.
ZeldaQueen: Stop bringing Jenna into these conversations!!!
Link's Queen I'm sure it never entered your pointed head that the games clearly span several generations, but consider this - since there are multiple generations of Link, then that clearly must have meant that his ancestors took wives too. And we never hear about said ancestors and wives getting such Sue-ish protection. What does that tell you, hmm? IT'S NOT FREAKING NECESSARY!
I promise." Saria said as she looked over at me.
ZeldaQueen: Why is she looking at Jenna? She's talking to Link and making the promise to him. Jenna shouldn't be in this conversation at all!
And I knew I believed her.
ZeldaQueen: Because all of the characters in this fic have been successfully brainwashed into serving and protecting the Sue. Sort of like a virus, really
She would go to the ends of the Earth for Link. And that made me feel better as well.
ZeldaQueen: Why? Was the Sue particularly worried about Ganondorf returning to kill her? There's no signs whatsoever of his return
We spent some time there while Link said some temporary "Good byes." as I sat and talked with Lilly.
ZeldaQueen: Which is glossed over since it doesn't involve Jenna drooling over Link and thus is uninteresting to her
When it started to get late we decided it was time to settle into our new home.
ZeldaQueen: Oh yeah, remember that thing? Just wait until we hear about it...
Link wanted me to see it while there was still light. Then Saria went to fetch our horses.
ZeldaQueen: IS EVERYONE IN THIS FIC THE SUE'S SERVANT? (Don't answer that, I know the answer is yes)
When she came back we mounted
ZeldaQueen: DAMMIT!
and headed for the Lost Woods.
ZeldaQueen: I still don't know how you're going to be living in there. By all rights, Jenna ought to either be hopelessly lost or turned into a Stalfos in jig time
Link and I waved goodbye just before we disappeared into the tunnel leading to the Lost Woods.
ZeldaQueen: You just said you were going into the Lost Woods. PDORD Count = 11
We made our way through the maze of trees and into a large clearing.
ZeldaQueen: Well that's descriptive. "Large clearing"? You mean one of the ones that's inhabited by viscous Deku Scrubs?
There stood the most beautiful house I had ever seen.
ZeldaQueen: Of course. The Sue always gets unusual pretty or beautiful or shiny stuff
My eyes were transfixed on the house as I dismounted.
ZeldaQueen: Wow Jenna, methinks you're getting a little too excited over the house
I ran up to the front of the house and looked it over.
ZeldaQueen: What is this, House Hunters?
And get ready for the description of the house. It's a thing of beauty
There was a white gate in the front with a fence that ran all the way around the house.
ZeldaQueen: It skipped and jumped around the house too
A stable for horses was on the right side, a pen for sheep and pigs just off to the side near the front.
ZeldaQueen: How the hell are they going to keep horses, sheep, and pigs in the Lost Woods? There's very little room, there're monsters roaming around, and things get lost in there! And are there even sheep or pigs in this game at all? No? Then stop putting them in!!!
There was a pasture behind the house to graze cows and horses in.
ZeldaQueen: Link's Queen apparently can't understand me when I told her this before, so I'll try it with gestures and physical stimuli to help it sink in THERE *SMACK* IS NOT *PUNCH* THIS MUCH ROOM *ROUNDHOUSE TO THE FACE* IN THE *BOXES EARS* LOST - FREAKING - WOODS!!! *PUSHES OFF OF A CLIFF*
Now let's see if that did the trick
And off to the left of the house was the well.
ZeldaQueen: Link dug a well on his own. Right. And how many months did he take to build all of this? Well, we're not really told, but the closest we get is that spring turned to summer, so let's be generous and say two months. Link built this entire house (which we'll hear about in a second), places to keep livestock, and a freaking well all in just two months.
Mm-mm! Don't you just love the smell of bullshit in the morning?
The house itself was like a summer home.
ZeldaQueen: I'm surprised she didn't say it was like Snow White's cottage. That's how Meyer described Bella and Edward's love shack
It was a light tan house with a white roof.
ZeldaQueen: This sounds like a children's book.
The windows were Monastery style.
ZeldaQueen: Monastery windows?
ZeldaQueen: And all in two months. Nice to see how productive the Hero of Time's been when he could have been out killing monsters or something equally frivolous
And the front door was brown with the carving of the Triforce symbol just bellow the greeting hole.
ZeldaQueen: *beats Sue with coat hanger* No more Triforce symbols!
And when I then went inside I was nearly blown away.
ZeldaQueen: *stands next to smoking canon* What?
The entire house was furnished.
ZeldaQueen: YES, THANK YOU SUETHOR, WE COULD HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT ON OUR OWN! UNLESS A HOUSE IS ABANDONED OR OWNED BY SOMEONE WHO'S EXTREMELY POOR, IT GENERALLY GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT IT IS FURNISHED!
The living quarters had a wooden couch with cushions.
ZeldaQueen: A wooden couch? That's gotta be painful!
A reading chair sat beside a fireplace.
ZeldaQueen: Do they even have reading chairs in Hyrule?
There was a book table beside the couch with an oil lamp on it. Candles in stands stood all around the room while oil lamps hung from the walls. In the dining quarters stood a huge wooden table with six chairs around it. A small vase of flowers sat in the middle.
ZeldaQueen: Good to know that the Suethor was able to remember such important and useful details for her story's conflict and plot
The kitchen had all of the cooking supplies we would ever need.
ZeldaQueen: Because everything is always conveniently provided for you. How did Link get a hold of this all, anyway? Did the Ye Olde Walmart let him charge it all on his Mastercard?
There was even a spice rack on the wall.
ZeldaQueen: How is that so special?
A small icebox was in the corner and another small fireplace was in the back for cooking.
ZeldaQueen: There are no iceboxes in Hyrule!
There was a spiral staircase that went up to the sleeping quarters.
ZeldaQueen: Just call them bedrooms. We all know you two aren't going to actually be sleeping in there
I walked up the staircase and went to see the sleeping quarters.
ZeldaQueen: You already mentioned the staircase and "sleeping quarters". PDORD Count = 12
When I reached the top I noticed there were 5 doors. Four were empty and one furnished.
ZeldaQueen: First of all, if only one was furnished then why did you even mention the other four? And why did you put the number for five instead of actually writing it out, like you did for the other numbers? And why was that second sentence just not lumped with the first? It's a freaking fragment
The one that was furnished was our Bed Chamber.
ZeldaQueen: Your bedroom isn't that important and it isn't a proper noun. No capitals
There was an Edwardian bed(3) with beautiful white silk sheets and pillows.
ZeldaQueen: Oh this is rich - that footnote there? Want to know what she put for it? "(3) An Edwardian Bed is a large oaken renascence style bed with a canopy above the bed with silk curtains that drape over the sides of the bed giving it a private romantic setting." First of all, it's "renaissance", you dipstick. Second of all, you tell us that this bed is in the renaissance style. I don't know if you've realized this or not, my dear, but Hyrule is not in our world. Thus, THEY NEVER HAD THE FUCKING RENAISSANCE!!! Jesus Suethor, things in our world don't exist in Hyrule necessarily! Get this through your thick skull, please!
A wooden chair sat off to the right and a small table with an oil lamp sat to the left of the chair. Silk curtains lined the window.
ZeldaQueen: *buries head in hands* Why is this all getting so much detail? This isn't important!
And award robe closet stood in the left side of the room.
ZeldaQueen: "award robe"? Pffftt...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh man, HA HA HA HA HA!!!
*gasps with laughter* I think that almost rivals her weird use of "gecko" from earlier
I was so over overjoyed with the sight that when Link came up behind me I threw my arms around him, told him I loved him and kissed him passionately.
ZeldaQueen: You notice how overly dramatic she is all of the time? I'm pretty sure this was the Suethor's desperate attempt to hand wave how useless Jenna was - like having Jenna always hugging and thanking people would make up for it
I knew that this was the place we were going to raise our family.
ZeldaQueen: YES WE KNOW! YOU'VE TOLD US THIS EIGHT MILLION TIMES ALREADY!!!
The place I was going to spend the rest of my life in.
ZeldaQueen: Because Link will lock the door and throw several boulders on it while he makes his escape. Ever hear of the Tower of London, bitch?
Link had given me a beautiful gift. A gift of love.
ZeldaQueen: You say that about every gift you're given! You said that about him having sex with you for the first time, getting married to him, the bracelet Zelda gave you, and you're going to say it for your firstborn child. Stop acting all happy and ditzy all of the time!
Oh, and you notice how much relatively shorter these chapters are when there's no sex in 'em?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ZeldaQueen: Well, what's going to happen next in our epic tale of The Legend of Zelda: The Honeymooners? Tune in next week for an exciting no, not really new installment!
Onward to: Chapter 5: A New Life
Back to: Chapter 3: The Honeymoon (Part 2)
Return to: Table of Content
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 4 - Back In Hyrule
Back in Hyrule
ZeldaQueen: Meanwhile, back on the ranch…
"Welcome home, how was thy honeymoon?" The King questioned.
ZeldaQueen: TERRIBLE!
"We had the time of our lives." Link winked and a grin happed upon his face.
ZeldaQueen: Stop with the innuendo! He’s the king, he shouldn’t want to know about that (well he probably does, but that’s beside the point)!
And ‘we had the time of our lives’? Really, Link’s Queen? Well, that just fits perfectly when you use words like ‘happed’ (which I’m not sure is even a real word)
"It was very beautiful, thank you soo much." I said hugging the King tightly.
ZeldaQueen: THERE IS ONLY ONE “O” IN “SO”!!! AND STOP HUGGING THE KING! YOU ARE NOT HIS DAUGHTER!
"I really enjoyed the time with Link."
ZeldaQueen: I’ll say!
Just then Zelda spoke up. "A fairy from the forest has sent word that the Great Deku Tree wants to speak with you both."
ZeldaQueen: Um, fairies don’t leave the Kokiri Forest. Navi was the exception, only because she was with Link. And fairies certainly aren’t messengers
Link and I exchanged glances. "The Great Deku Tree has summoned us?" I said as I looked back at Zelda.
ZeldaQueen: (Zelda) “Didn’t I just say that, you air-headed tart?”
"Yes the word came in this morning."
ZeldaQueen: Because the Great Deku Tree has nothing better to do than wait for the Sue’s return!
Link looked at me with a confused look.
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 9 (Yes, I don’t care if I gave it two or not. That one’s just stupid!)
"We had better not keep The Great Deku Tree waiting." Link inquired.
ZeldaQueen: “Inquired”? Wah - ? What is he asking? Is English not this Suethor’s first language?
"Jenna my daughter
ZeldaQueen: SHE’S NOT YOUR DAUGHTER! SHUT UP!
I will have one of your horses saddled and brought to you."
ZeldaQueen: That’s what she said
I nodded and then the King and Princess Zelda returned to the castle.
ZeldaQueen: And they couldn’t have had this conversation in the castle…why?
After a few minuets a stable hand came with my brown mare "Star Dancer."
ZeldaQueen: Why is that name in quotes? Is she suggesting that that is not really the horse’s name?
Link helped me up into the saddle then mounted Epona.
ZeldaQueen: Please stop using that word
Link gently booted Epona
ZeldaQueen: - out the window
and she took off at a gallop. I then followed.
ZeldaQueen: - with short, poorly-constructed sentences
We headed to Kokiri forest. It was not a long ride, but we had to make haste.
ZeldaQueen: “Not a long ride”? Are you kidding me, Suethor? Have you even seen the OOT map of Hyrule? I repeat - Hyrule Castle is at the northernmost part and the Kokiri Forest is at the southernmost. It takes Link almost an entire in-game day to go from one to the other using the most direct path. In short, the two are probably the farthest away you could get. Did you really play this game? I don’t believe you did
As we arrived at the entrance to the Kokiri forest, Saria was there to greet us.
ZeldaQueen: Because the Sage of the Forest hasn’t got anything better to do than greet the Sue
"You made it, The Great Deku Tree is waiting." Saria said as we dismounted.
ZeldaQueen: (Saria) “What the -? Could you two wait until you’re not in public to do that?”
"I will have your horses tended to. Please go on."
ZeldaQueen: (Saria) “For I am just a servant for you, despite being one of seven with incredible power and responsibilities in the game”
We each exchanged looks then entered the Kokiri Village.
ZeldaQueen: Why? You’ve already been to this forest, it’s not like it’s so weird for you to be back
All of the Kokiri watched us as we make our way through. Then when we reached the entrance to the Great Deku Tree's meadow, Mido the Kokiri leader was waiting.
ZeldaQueen: (Mido) “I see you as the Sue you are. YOU! SHALL NOT! PASS!”
"You must hurry, the Great Deku Tree is waiting." Mido said as he ushered us onward.
ZeldaQueen: (Mido) “Hush! Hush! I’m the husher!” (Yes, I’m cribbing jokes from The Muppet Show. I’m trying to save my sanity, cut me a break)
We walked down the path and into the meadow.
ZeldaQueen: Which ought to have taken all of three steps, so why are you taking so long?
As we stood in front of The Great Deku Tree he awoke from his slumber. "Link and Jenna, thoust has arrived." Come come, sit I have great news for thee."
ZeldaQueen: (Great Deku Tree) “For I too hath been twisted from canon as is thy Sue’s will. You shalt be given something entirely contrary to canon, as the Suethor doth wish”
Link and I sat down in the grass and awaited for the Great Deku Tree's news.
ZeldaQueen: You can’t be bothered to stand before the guardian of the forest? C’mon people, he doesn’t take that long to talk!
"Link, "Hero of Time"-thou art courageous, ye saved Hyrule and hast taken a wife."
ZeldaQueen: I love how being courageous and saving Hyrule are put on the same level as marrying the Sue. And stop putting titles in quotes!
"Jenna, thou art spiritual, ye lost thy family, then began a vagabond's journey. Now thou hast taken a husband.
ZeldaQueen: Well, that was contrived. Seriously, when have we seen her being “spiritual”? And “a vagabond’s journey”? As if! The little pest has been given nothing but the best since the first page of this fic!
Shall ye seek the blessing of child?" I turned to Link and we exchanged smiles as we said "Yes."
ZeldaQueen: Something which Jenna has never shut up about, I might add. Hope they’re all pretty and cute, or else she’ll let a Dodongo eat ‘em so she comes across as sympathetic
"Since Hyrule is at peace now things are all well, but the Desert Man may some day return. I give each of ye a Guardian Fairy to protect ye."
ZeldaQueen: Excuse me? What? Why? Why would the Great Deku Tree give Jenna a fairy for protection? Only the Kokiri get them! Link only got one because he was disguised as a Kokiri!
And “protection” my butt. Spoilers folks - the fairies do fuck all to actually protect them. Not like it’s a surprise really, how useful was Navi for protection in the game?
Just then two fairies, one with a pink aura and one with a blue aura flew over to us.
ZeldaQueen: Oh my God, they’re getting “His” and “Her” fairies. Shoot me now
"I cannot believe that fairies really exist." I thought to myself.
ZeldaQueen: You already saw the fairies! You’ve seen them for all those months you’d been boinking Link! Why is this all so shocking to you?
I watched as the blue fairy flew over to Link. "Long time no see Link. How I have missed you."
ZeldaQueen: Oh Navi, I’m so sorry. Not even leaving canon could save you from this fic
Link looked at the fairy and smiled big.
ZeldaQueen: Now Jenna sounds like a hillbilly. “Yep, he smiled real big Jethro!”
"Navi, my old friend, I have missed you too. How have you been since last we saw each other?" Link inquired the blue fairy.
ZeldaQueen: By the way that’s worded, it almost sounds like Navi is questioning Link. And I love how little emotion there actually is in any of this. Link’s just been reunited with his old friend (and we get no explanation of where she went or what she had been up to) and he’s just like “Hey! How’ya been?”
"Oh great. I see you have taken a wife. She is truly beautiful, Link. You two will make beautiful children together."
ZeldaQueen: *grinds teeth* Stop going on about how beautiful their kids are going to be! Why is that always the first thing that comes to people’s heads? Seriously, everyone’s asking them if they’ll be having kids or assuming that they’ll be and then they start appraising the looks of said future kids! Am I the only one who finds that creepy?
And also, Link’s Queen? I’ve got a challenge for you - have two characters talk for more than five sentences without bringing up (A) Link’s marriage and (B) how pretty/smart/wonderful/witty Jenna is
The fairy smiled at Link then flew over to me.
ZeldaQueen: How does Jenna know that Navi smiled? The fairies in the game are just balls of light. They don’t even have mouths!
The Pink one behind her.
ZeldaQueen: Apparently “pink” is now a proper noun. Silly me. And why is that a separate sentence?
As the fairy hovered in front of me her blue aura seemed so beautiful, so peaceful.
ZeldaQueen: So Sue-d up
"My name is Navi and this is Lilly."
ZeldaQueen: “Lilly”? Ohhhh, Link’s Queen I really hate you now.
Lilly is my name. My real life name. As a matter of fact, that’s also how it’s spelled. And you gave it to the pink, Sue-fairy.
GAH!!!
"Hello." the Pink fairy said. "We will be the Guardian Fairies for Link and you from now on."
ZeldaQueen: For no reason whatsoever, I might add
Navi inquired.
ZeldaQueen: Why is she using that word? Nothing was being asked!
I could not believe I was getting a fairy.
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, me neither!
They were only told in storybook tales where I came from.
ZeldaQueen: No explanation for that, either. Just a convenient way for the Sue to already know about stuff she shouldn’t. It really smacks of Rose Potter knowing things through Muggle law or Muggle TV shows she conveniently saw as child and which we only hear about as the plot demands
But as I looked at Navi and Lilly, I was glad they were not just myths. I was glad to have a fairy partner.
ZeldaQueen: Link’s Queen, you do know that “fairy” and “partner” have other meanings, right? Or isn’t Link enough to satisfy Jenna?
Navi then flew back over to Link and Lilly came over to me. "Hello Jenna, its nice to meet you." Lilly said as she hovered in front of me. As I looked at the Pink Fairy, I was glad that she was my Guardian.
ZeldaQueen: And of course the Sue gets the pink fairy! I mean, yeah in the game there were reddish fairies, but those were only for healing! Besides that, the fairies were really only white or blue! Again, this is just Rose Potter, when she turned into a pretty, golden mermaid instead of a scraggly, grayish one from canon
"Lilly, I think we are going to be good friends."
ZeldaQueen: I’m getting some sinister vibes from this, like “We’re going to be good friends or else!!!” I’m almost reminded of a Barney fanfic where he gets children to help him take over the world
"As do I." Lilly responded.
ZeldaQueen: (Lilly) “After all, I’m an OOC Sue groupie, so I’ll never contradict or disagree with you! Tee-hee!”
Then I got up and went over to Link. I threw my arms around him and looked into his eyes. His eyes seemed to glow in the sunlight.
ZeldaQueen: STOP THAT! CAN YOU GO FOR TWO MINUTES WITHOUT REMINDING US OF HOW YOU AND LINK ARE SOO DEEPLY IN WUV???
I laid my head against his chest and begun to think to myself.
ZeldaQueen: That must have been quite a chore
"A Guardian Fairy." "I would have never dreamed." "It is not a myth, this is real." "And I am very lucky."
ZeldaQueen: Yet again, I left that in because it seriously gives me the impression that this Jenna character is demented. I like to imagine that the Suethor’s thought process is like this, when she drapes herself over her Nintendo 64 and dreams over how hawt Link is
Just then The Great Deku Tree spoke again once more. "Thou art courageous and thou art spiritual will be protected if the Desert Man should ever return.
ZeldaQueen: Link’s Queen really sucks at this Ye Olde English thing, if you can’t tell
Then your Guardian Fairies will help protect ye.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, the ability to Z-Target will be soo useful if Ganondorf returns.
I guess the Suethor never made it to the final boss fight, in which it’s made quite clear that Ganondorf can keep the fairies away from him! Some help!
When thou hast thy first born, return to see me."
ZeldaQueen: Gee, I wonder what that’s about?
With his words spoken The Great Deku Tree returned to his slumber.
ZeldaQueen: Dang, looks like the Great Deku Tree has narcolepsy
I held Link's hand as I looked at the two fairies.
ZeldaQueen: Because you’re so co-dependant on him that you can’t go for more than a second without physical contact of some sort
"This is truly a great gift The Great Deku Tree has given us."
ZeldaQueen: Actually no, the fairies are quite useless. If you actually took time off from wanking while playing OOT, you’d already know that
Then I looked back at Link and he nodded in agreement.
ZeldaQueen: I don’t understand this. Having a fairy companion shouldn’t be so amazing to Link. He’s had stuff far more useful than Navi. Like an empty bottle.
Link and I then kissed before we started for home.
ZeldaQueen: (Suethor) “Did you see that? Did you? Yep, Link LOVES ME SOO MUCH!!!! HA!”
When we returned to Kokiri Village, all of the Kokiri especially Saria wanted to know what The Great Deku Tree told us.
ZeldaQueen: (Kokiri Children) “Tell me more, tell me more! Was it love at first sight?”
(Saria) “Tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?”
Saria's eyes widened when we told her we had our own fairies.
ZeldaQueen: Why would Saria care? She has a fairy of her own. She knew Link had a fairy of his own before. Normally I’d agree that it’s astonishing that someone like Jenna would get a fairy for no reason, but we all know that this is just a way to show how AWED everyone is by the Sue’s Great Presence
Even more so when she found out Navi returned to Link.
ZeldaQueen: So wait, didn’t she know where Navi was before? If the Great Deku Tree was able to bring Navi out like that, I’d imagine that the fairy was hanging around the forest
"That is great news!" Saria said cheerfully. "It is great to see that Navi has returned."
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 10
Link nodded and a smile crossed his face.
ZeldaQueen: You know the drill, folks. Hope it looked both ways and all that good stuff
"How come they get fairies? They are not even Kokiri!" A voice called from behind.
ZeldaQueen: THANK YOU!
Just then the head strong Mido approached us.
ZeldaQueen: Didn’t Jenna say before that Mido had a sense of humor? And “headstrong” is one word
"What makes them so special to get their own fairies?" Mido questioned.
ZeldaQueen: Finally, a voice of reason. Thank you Mido, even though we all know that no one will listen to you
Saria turned and looked at Mido square in the face.
ZeldaQueen: As opposed to oval in the face?
"Link is the "Hero of Time."
ZeldaQueen: NO QUOTES!
He is special and so is his wife.
ZeldaQueen: No she is not! She’s a tart written by a prima donna who wishes she were so Special and Important!
As the Sage of the Forest I remember what Gannon said as we sealed him the Sacred Realm.
ZeldaQueen: Why is she telling all of the Kokiri this? Surely this is another one of those “only people directly in on the secret can know it” things?
He cursed that he would one day get revenge on Link or his decedents.
ZeldaQueen: “Decedents”? Sounds like some Victorian slang for improper female body parts. “Oh not tonight dear, I’ve got a terrible itching in my decedents”
And that’s where the sequels come in, you nutbox! Did you think that the Links in the other games were all the same person?
Link has already confided in me that he and his new wife plan on having children."
ZeldaQueen: “Confided” my rear. All the Sue’s been talking about is how they’ll be having their Perfect Little Children
They will need protection if Gannon should ever return.
ZeldaQueen: IT’S “GANON”! THIS SHOULD NOT BE THAT HARD!
He would go after Link and his family first."
ZeldaQueen: Actually, he’d probably go after the Triforce first
Saria's eyes narrowed as she confronted Mido.
ZeldaQueen: Well, looks like the Suthor successfully assassinated the cheerful, friendly Saria that we all knew and loved from canon. Fair thee well, Saria. We’ll hold a funeral for you after we track down and kill Jenna
Saria was always protective of Link and even more so when Mido tried to get smart.
ZeldaQueen: Hmm, I must have missed that protectiveness in the game, when she never confronted Mido over obviously never accepting Link into the group and picked on him.
ZeldaQueen: HA! Mido's a secret agent! I wonder if his pointy shoe can be used as a phone?
I watched as she faced off with Mido.
ZeldaQueen: Again with the speech anachronisms! Oy!
When Mido saw the fire burning in Saria's eyes he knew to back off.
ZeldaQueen: (Mido): "Holy spit, she's going to spontaneously combust!"
"Well they still don't deserve it, grumble, grumble."
ZeldaQueen: *stares* She actually had Mido say that he was grumbling?
Well, I have to grudgingly admit that it isn't entirely the Suethor's idiocy on that one. Mido really does say "grumble grumble" like that at one point in the game. It's still stupid though.
And I still agree with Mido. They don't deserve fairies
Then Mido walked off. Saria watched as he went. "I'm sorry for all of that trouble.
ZeldaQueen: All what trouble? They were grumbled at by a kid
I guess he really never got over what happened eight years ago."
ZeldaQueen: What did happen eight years ago? Do you mean before the Master Sword was drawn? Because if that's the case, then it wasn't eight years by your stupid fanon
Saria then walked up to Link. "*Sigh* I guess he will never get over it."
ZeldaQueen: Oh, for the love of - DON'T USE CHAT SPEAK IN DIALOGUE!!!
She said as she placed her hand gently on Link's.
ZeldaQueen: I'm surprised Jenna doesn't have Saria eviscerated for pawing up her Man like that
"I will always remain your friend Link not matter what.
ZeldaQueen: (Saria) "Because the Sue won't let me leave"
I will also help protect you and your family should Gannon ever return.
ZeldaQueen: Stop bringing Jenna into these conversations!!!
Link's Queen I'm sure it never entered your pointed head that the games clearly span several generations, but consider this - since there are multiple generations of Link, then that clearly must have meant that his ancestors took wives too. And we never hear about said ancestors and wives getting such Sue-ish protection. What does that tell you, hmm? IT'S NOT FREAKING NECESSARY!
I promise." Saria said as she looked over at me.
ZeldaQueen: Why is she looking at Jenna? She's talking to Link and making the promise to him. Jenna shouldn't be in this conversation at all!
And I knew I believed her.
ZeldaQueen: Because all of the characters in this fic have been successfully brainwashed into serving and protecting the Sue. Sort of like a virus, really
She would go to the ends of the Earth for Link. And that made me feel better as well.
ZeldaQueen: Why? Was the Sue particularly worried about Ganondorf returning to kill her? There's no signs whatsoever of his return
We spent some time there while Link said some temporary "Good byes." as I sat and talked with Lilly.
ZeldaQueen: Which is glossed over since it doesn't involve Jenna drooling over Link and thus is uninteresting to her
When it started to get late we decided it was time to settle into our new home.
ZeldaQueen: Oh yeah, remember that thing? Just wait until we hear about it...
Link wanted me to see it while there was still light. Then Saria went to fetch our horses.
ZeldaQueen: IS EVERYONE IN THIS FIC THE SUE'S SERVANT? (Don't answer that, I know the answer is yes)
When she came back we mounted
ZeldaQueen: DAMMIT!
and headed for the Lost Woods.
ZeldaQueen: I still don't know how you're going to be living in there. By all rights, Jenna ought to either be hopelessly lost or turned into a Stalfos in jig time
Link and I waved goodbye just before we disappeared into the tunnel leading to the Lost Woods.
ZeldaQueen: You just said you were going into the Lost Woods. PDORD Count = 11
We made our way through the maze of trees and into a large clearing.
ZeldaQueen: Well that's descriptive. "Large clearing"? You mean one of the ones that's inhabited by viscous Deku Scrubs?
There stood the most beautiful house I had ever seen.
ZeldaQueen: Of course. The Sue always gets unusual pretty or beautiful or shiny stuff
My eyes were transfixed on the house as I dismounted.
ZeldaQueen: Wow Jenna, methinks you're getting a little too excited over the house
I ran up to the front of the house and looked it over.
ZeldaQueen: What is this, House Hunters?
And get ready for the description of the house. It's a thing of beauty
There was a white gate in the front with a fence that ran all the way around the house.
ZeldaQueen: It skipped and jumped around the house too
A stable for horses was on the right side, a pen for sheep and pigs just off to the side near the front.
ZeldaQueen: How the hell are they going to keep horses, sheep, and pigs in the Lost Woods? There's very little room, there're monsters roaming around, and things get lost in there! And are there even sheep or pigs in this game at all? No? Then stop putting them in!!!
There was a pasture behind the house to graze cows and horses in.
ZeldaQueen: Link's Queen apparently can't understand me when I told her this before, so I'll try it with gestures and physical stimuli to help it sink in THERE *SMACK* IS NOT *PUNCH* THIS MUCH ROOM *ROUNDHOUSE TO THE FACE* IN THE *BOXES EARS* LOST - FREAKING - WOODS!!! *PUSHES OFF OF A CLIFF*
Now let's see if that did the trick
And off to the left of the house was the well.
ZeldaQueen: Link dug a well on his own. Right. And how many months did he take to build all of this? Well, we're not really told, but the closest we get is that spring turned to summer, so let's be generous and say two months. Link built this entire house (which we'll hear about in a second), places to keep livestock, and a freaking well all in just two months.
Mm-mm! Don't you just love the smell of bullshit in the morning?
The house itself was like a summer home.
ZeldaQueen: I'm surprised she didn't say it was like Snow White's cottage. That's how Meyer described Bella and Edward's love shack
It was a light tan house with a white roof.
ZeldaQueen: This sounds like a children's book.
The windows were Monastery style.
ZeldaQueen: Monastery windows?
ZeldaQueen: And all in two months. Nice to see how productive the Hero of Time's been when he could have been out killing monsters or something equally frivolous
And the front door was brown with the carving of the Triforce symbol just bellow the greeting hole.
ZeldaQueen: *beats Sue with coat hanger* No more Triforce symbols!
And when I then went inside I was nearly blown away.
ZeldaQueen: *stands next to smoking canon* What?
The entire house was furnished.
ZeldaQueen: YES, THANK YOU SUETHOR, WE COULD HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT ON OUR OWN! UNLESS A HOUSE IS ABANDONED OR OWNED BY SOMEONE WHO'S EXTREMELY POOR, IT GENERALLY GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT IT IS FURNISHED!
The living quarters had a wooden couch with cushions.
ZeldaQueen: A wooden couch? That's gotta be painful!
A reading chair sat beside a fireplace.
ZeldaQueen: Do they even have reading chairs in Hyrule?
There was a book table beside the couch with an oil lamp on it. Candles in stands stood all around the room while oil lamps hung from the walls. In the dining quarters stood a huge wooden table with six chairs around it. A small vase of flowers sat in the middle.
ZeldaQueen: Good to know that the Suethor was able to remember such important and useful details for her story's conflict and plot
The kitchen had all of the cooking supplies we would ever need.
ZeldaQueen: Because everything is always conveniently provided for you. How did Link get a hold of this all, anyway? Did the Ye Olde Walmart let him charge it all on his Mastercard?
There was even a spice rack on the wall.
ZeldaQueen: How is that so special?
A small icebox was in the corner and another small fireplace was in the back for cooking.
ZeldaQueen: There are no iceboxes in Hyrule!
There was a spiral staircase that went up to the sleeping quarters.
ZeldaQueen: Just call them bedrooms. We all know you two aren't going to actually be sleeping in there
I walked up the staircase and went to see the sleeping quarters.
ZeldaQueen: You already mentioned the staircase and "sleeping quarters". PDORD Count = 12
When I reached the top I noticed there were 5 doors. Four were empty and one furnished.
ZeldaQueen: First of all, if only one was furnished then why did you even mention the other four? And why did you put the number for five instead of actually writing it out, like you did for the other numbers? And why was that second sentence just not lumped with the first? It's a freaking fragment
The one that was furnished was our Bed Chamber.
ZeldaQueen: Your bedroom isn't that important and it isn't a proper noun. No capitals
There was an Edwardian bed(3) with beautiful white silk sheets and pillows.
ZeldaQueen: Oh this is rich - that footnote there? Want to know what she put for it? "(3) An Edwardian Bed is a large oaken renascence style bed with a canopy above the bed with silk curtains that drape over the sides of the bed giving it a private romantic setting." First of all, it's "renaissance", you dipstick. Second of all, you tell us that this bed is in the renaissance style. I don't know if you've realized this or not, my dear, but Hyrule is not in our world. Thus, THEY NEVER HAD THE FUCKING RENAISSANCE!!! Jesus Suethor, things in our world don't exist in Hyrule necessarily! Get this through your thick skull, please!
A wooden chair sat off to the right and a small table with an oil lamp sat to the left of the chair. Silk curtains lined the window.
ZeldaQueen: *buries head in hands* Why is this all getting so much detail? This isn't important!
And award robe closet stood in the left side of the room.
ZeldaQueen: "award robe"? Pffftt...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh man, HA HA HA HA HA!!!
*gasps with laughter* I think that almost rivals her weird use of "gecko" from earlier
I was so over overjoyed with the sight that when Link came up behind me I threw my arms around him, told him I loved him and kissed him passionately.
ZeldaQueen: You notice how overly dramatic she is all of the time? I'm pretty sure this was the Suethor's desperate attempt to hand wave how useless Jenna was - like having Jenna always hugging and thanking people would make up for it
I knew that this was the place we were going to raise our family.
ZeldaQueen: YES WE KNOW! YOU'VE TOLD US THIS EIGHT MILLION TIMES ALREADY!!!
The place I was going to spend the rest of my life in.
ZeldaQueen: Because Link will lock the door and throw several boulders on it while he makes his escape. Ever hear of the Tower of London, bitch?
Link had given me a beautiful gift. A gift of love.
ZeldaQueen: You say that about every gift you're given! You said that about him having sex with you for the first time, getting married to him, the bracelet Zelda gave you, and you're going to say it for your firstborn child. Stop acting all happy and ditzy all of the time!
Oh, and you notice how much relatively shorter these chapters are when there's no sex in 'em?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ZeldaQueen: Well, what's going to happen next in our epic tale of The Legend of Zelda: The Honeymooners? Tune in next week for an exciting no, not really new installment!
Onward to: Chapter 5: A New Life
Back to: Chapter 3: The Honeymoon (Part 2)
Return to: Table of Content