My Inner Life: Chapter 3 - The Honeymoon (Part 2)
ZeldaQueen: Let's see, where were we? Ah yes, the Sue had just jumped Link while they were on their honeymoon. Right, back to the sporking!
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 3: The Honeymoon (Part 2)
ZeldaQueen: I honestly have no idea how she got so little plot to span for so long
Right. Back to the sporking
The next morning I awoke in bed lying on Link's chest while he stroked my hair.
ZeldaQueen: (Link): “Yes, this ought to weave into a noose nicely…”
We talked awhile before rising and getting dressed.
ZeldaQueen: Since it’s not sex though, she can’t be bothered to describe said talking.
After he got dressed he went down stairs to cook breakfast as I went to freshen up.
ZeldaQueen: “Freshen up”? They have make-up in Hyrule?
And STOP MAKING LINK DOMESTIC! HE LIVES IN A TREE HOUSE WITH A COW!
I washed my face and hands then I went to the wardrobe closet to select a dress.
ZeldaQueen: Didn’t she say they already got dressed?
I picked out a low cut long silk blue dress with a gold Hylian symbol on the lower part of the dress.
ZeldaQueen: *tiredly* At least it’s not the Triforce…
I put on my wedding ring, the bracelet Zelda gave me,
ZeldaQueen: WHICH YOU TOTALLY DON’T DESERVE!
and fixed my hair then I went down stairs. Link greeted me at the bottom and his eyes widened as he looked me over. He took me into his arms and kissed me. "You look beautiful, my love."
ZeldaQueen: For heaven’s sake, can they go for ten minutes without going on about how dreamy the other looks? And she has a name, Link! Stop calling her “my love”!
His eyes seemed to flicker with passion as he held me in his arms. He knew how to make me feel good.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, she’s probably cribbing from porn
His words soft and gentle. He was the perfect man.
ZeldaQueen: He’s a video game character! One deliberately designed to be a player self-insert, I might add! That twisted abomination is not Link!!!
I walked over to the dinning table and glanced over all the food Link had prepared.
ZeldaQueen: - laced craftily with poison…
"I hope your hungry, my sweet."
ZeldaQueen: “YOU’RE”, NOT YOUR! She does not own a hunger!
He said as I nodded yes. Link pulled out my chair, I sat down and he pushed my chair in before seating himself.
ZeldaQueen: Wow, this is riveting. I’m sure glad I’m reading about this instead of actually playing a Zelda game and killing stuff
While we ate we talked about the plans for the day. Since it was a beautiful day and the area nice, I thought going horseback riding would be the thing to do.
ZeldaQueen: *beats head on wall* How? How is it possible that she has made The Legend of Zelda so utterly boring?
But then I remembered one thing, there was only one horse, Epona. A look of disappointment crossed my face, I had really wanted to go horseback riding.
ZeldaQueen: So both of you get on the horse. Or pester the King to get you another. It’s not like you’ve been shy about getting stuff off of him before
Then Link had an idea.
ZeldaQueen: Reminds me of how Ebony Darkness D’mentia Raven Way “thought an idea”
"Epona is strong enough to hold us both. She carried us both here. You can just sit behind me and put your arms around my waist." Link said as smile widened and I felt better.
ZeldaQueen: Um, yeah. Why was this even bothering the Sue? Link’s right, they both rode her up. How dumb is this chick?
And yes, sit right behind Link. That’s how you’ll be for the rest of this fic
After breakfast, Link went to saddle Epona
ZeldaQueen: GOD DAMN IT!
while I did the dishes.
ZeldaQueen: Mrs. Domestic strikes again. I’m surprised the King didn’t provide them with servants
When I finished Link poked his head in the door and said he was ready. I removed my apron, put on my riding boots and followed Link out the door.
ZeldaQueen: He was waiting with the Master Sword in hand and quickly decapitated her
Epona was in front saddled and ready to go. The rusty brown mare was truly beautiful horse.
ZeldaQueen: Please shut up. Really. Stop calling her “the rusty brown mare”. It’s getting boring(er)
I walked up to her and patted her on the head. She gently put her mussel near my face to show no fear. As I looked at her, she was the most beautiful horse I had ever seen.
ZeldaQueen: At least until you get a Sue-Horse of your own
Link took my hand and helped me into the saddle. Then he mounted in front of me.
ZeldaQueen: DAMN THIS SUETHOR FOR PERVERTING MY MIND!!!
I put my arms around his waist as he checked to see if I was ready then booted Epona in the ribs and she took off at a gallop. We rode down to the ocean along the beach.
ZeldaQueen: The ocean which doesn’t exist in the game
Water kicked up behind Epona's legs as we rode along the waters edge.
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 7 (Yes, I know I’m probably missing a bunch. This fic is ruining my brain, cut me some slack please)
The ocean air smelled sweet and the breeze was cool.
ZeldaQueen: At least until they rode past the dead Octoroc rotting on the sand
I looked over Link's shoulder to see what lay ahead. The beach was vast and wide. Rocky cliffs lined the water further down. Small caves with water flowing into them lined a small island far in the distance. Then I turned and looked over the vast ocean and saw small islands lining the horizon. This was truly a beautiful place. So peaceful, so serene, it almost made me not want to leave.
ZeldaQueen: Blah, blah, blah, really boring stuff happens, blah, blah, blah, I have no idea why people hated this fic!
Then we arrived at a small alcove and Link stopped Epona. He dismounted then helped me down.
ZeldaQueen: Right. The traveling merchant who shot thieves can’t get off of a horse on her own. Give me a break
"This is a real beautiful spot let's just sit here awhile." Link said as his blue eyes shone in the sunlight.
ZeldaQueen: SHUT UP ABOUT HIS EYES!
After we sat down in the sand, I laid my head on Link's shoulder as he put his arm around me. I watched as distant Seagulls flew over the ocean in search of food.
ZeldaQueen: The Sue’s rotten scent attracted their attention. They pecked her to death ala The Birds and Link was free to escape
The cool breeze blew threw my hair as the salt air tingled my senses.
ZeldaQueen: I swear, this chick is perpetually horny
I felt at peace here. Here, there were no wolfos to chase off, no thieves, no duties no nothing.
ZeldaQueen: You know, this might actually mean something if we ever saw her doing any of those things! Suethor, all you ever show us is your little avatar frolicking around, getting her way no matter what, and having everyone bow to her as she passes! If you actually showed her having a tough life, we might be a little more sympathetic!
And she fought Wolfos? Honestly? Given how weak and clingy she is later, I find that impossible to believe
But I knew that soon it would all be over and we would have to return to Hyrule.
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, back to that life that’s oh-so-hard
"Don't worry about that!" I thought to myself. "Your
ZeldaQueen: APOSTROPHE-E-R! IT’S NOT THAT HARD!
here with the man you love, your new husband. Enjoy it with him. Don't be a fool!"
ZeldaQueen: (Sue): “Milk him for all the sex he’s worth!”
Then I got up and ran towards the ocean.
ZeldaQueen: Where I was waiting and drowned her
Walking into the water I turned and giggled at Link. Then I gestured for him to follow. Leery he came to the ocean's edge and then I splashed water on him. He looked at me sideways before he splashed water back at me. No sooner had that started, we were running around in the water splashing each other and laughing like little kids.
ZeldaQueen: And they’re being all cutesy again. God I hate this
We played all day. Just like we were kids again.
ZeldaQueen: The fragments, they burn!
I was having the best time of my life.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, splashing water is just so fun
When it started to get dark, we went back up to the beach and sat down in the sand to watch the sun set. I cuddled into Link's arms and laid my head against his chest as the sun's golden rays slowly started to set below the horizon.
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) “Well, I now have Link under my spell and will suck the marrow from his bones. Mission accomplished!”
"My life with Link will be a happy and special one." He is all I need." "Soon we will have a family and my life will be truly complete."
ZeldaQueen: I left the bad quote marks in there on purpose because I wanted y’all to see how it looks like she’s got multiple personalities, Gollum-like, when she talks to herself. I can just imagine “She could eat them. She’s always hungry” “Yes, all she has otherwise is nasty orcses” “And those don’t taste good at all, my precious”.
And I can’t even comment on how idiotic she sounds, going on yet again about how a family is all she needs to make her life complete. She’s setting feminism back fifty years, I swear
As I thought to myself my eyes slowly drifted. And as the sun's last rays disappeared over the horizon I closed my eyes..........
ZeldaQueen: Jesus, someone’s overusing their ellipses quota!
And I'm sorry, but we're going to get another really bad sex scene. So... Guardian's Song? If you could be so kind, please?
---
Guardian's Song: Right! The one red-font comment is, as usual, Ariana Dumbledore.
Back at the cottage I was bathing while Link prepared the evening meal.
...Yes? What was happening at the cottage that you were bathing while Link prepared the evening meal?
(See, this is why commas are important...)
Wait, he's preparing the meal? Huh, I can't decide whether this is a reversal of the entire "Oh, I am a True Woman only due to my man, and my only ambition is to drool over him for all eternity!" theme running through the fic, in that Link's doing the cooking, or just the Sue turning Link into her love-slave.
After a bit COMMA! Link came upstairs to check on me. "I came to see if you need any help bathing." He asked.
But that's not a question.
And good grief, I HOPE a grown woman can BATHE HERSELF. Good grief.
As I looked into his eyes, I took my hand and slowly ran it from the top of my shoulder and down over my breasts.
I wonder if she meant to say "his" hand (which would explain why she didn't say "I slowly ran my hand [...]"), or if she did mean to say she was fondling herself.
"I could use my back washed." I said seductively.
(Sue) And while you're at it, rub my feet and make me a sandwich, male!
(Link) Yes, mistress.
Taking the hint, Link took the washrag and begun to wash my back. After a minute
Not a "minuet"! *nearly has a heart attack from shock*
he put the rag down in the water and begun to passionately kiss my neck. Moaning softly I
A relative of Screaming Horribly I, this sporker hopes? *sharpens spork and approaches Sue from behind*
turned my head to face him and gently pressed my lips on his kissing him deeply,
(Sue) Liiiiiiink, honey... Why do you have a book called Kissing Him Deeply?
(Link) Er... Put it this way, there's a reason why I've never hooked up with Zelda in all these games, and it's not because I was waiting for you...
our tongues meeting. His tongue yelped and retreated, attempting to scramble down his throat. Mine advanced, wiggling like Morpha. As we kissed I could feel his hands moving down my naked body before he ripped out my heart..
Gently he lifted me out of the tub and led me to the bed while we kissed. Softly he
(Gently He and Softly He) Who cares if we're relatives? Our love is pure! *cuddle and wibble*
laid me down and climbed on top of me. I could feel his body quivering
(Link) Fighting Ganondorf, a giant amoeba, a dragon, desert witches, a creepy drum-pounding spirit, an electric parasite, a giant spider, and a giant lizard creature, not to mention countless lesser monster... All those things pale before "making love" to a Sue. *trembles*
as he moved from my lips His entire BODY moved from your lips?! Were you trying to EAT him? and down on my body.
He moved from the down on your body as well? Are you a baby bird? Perchance, did you meant "and WENT down my body"?
Then he spread my legs and went down.
Okay, this is an excellent example of "Be careful what you wish for". X(
I felt his lips on my thigh, No comma needed... for once. ): as he slowly kissed inward. Then when he reached the center,
What, of your thigh? Does he have acidic spit or something of the like, so he's now smooching your femur? Come on, if you couldn't have said "upward" rather than "inward", you could have said "reached the joining of my legs" or some other silly, euphemistic thing. As is, I have some rather disturbing images now.
he pressed his mouth onto my flower. Unfortunately for him, it was this flower.
I felt as he slowly inserted his tongue between the lips causing me to cry out in pure bliss. He stayed clear of the lips causing me to let out disturbing bubbling and groaning noises. Then he moved up until his tongue brushed against my clit.
Personal taste moment - Why not write it out? "Clitoris", there, it isn't such a difficult word. "Clit" sounds about as romantic as, say, "dick" or "pussy". Seeing as how the author's talking about "my flower", "the swollen organ between his legs", and later "my lower organs" (bahahaha), the tone doesn't match at all.
Working his teeth and tongue on my clit,
(Sue) YOU JUST CHEWED IT OFF, YOU BASTARD!
(Link) ...Whoops?
shocks of pure ecstasy were sent cursing
(Shocks of Pure Ecstasy) What the ****ing h*llsh*t have we ****ing done to deserve this g**d**ned piece of basilisk ****? Answer us, m*****f***er! **** YOU!
threw me causing my legs to shudder.
Yes, I imagine your legs would be shuddering if someone "threw" you someplace and wasn't too gentle.
Never had I felt such feelings, never had I experienced such pleasure.
I'll give even odds that she says that in later sex scenes, too. A bit like how Harry goes on about 'hatred such as he had never known before'.
As he teased my clit, I felt his tongue move down until it was at my entrance.
Wait, WHAT? If his tongue isn't doing that, then what IS he "teasing [her] clit[oris]" with? His NOSE?
Slowly he inserted his tongue and my back arced
I think you meant "arcHed".
as I cried out in pure bliss. Then slowly Link upped his movements,
"Movements"? Uh, are you confusing this with a regular vaginal sex scene, author?
sending momentary shocks threw my lower organs
Man, that's horrible indigestion.
as my legs convulsed. As his tongue moved deeper inside me I grabbed the back of his head as I begun to climax. Then when he hit the right spot
(Sue) Ah... that hit the spot. *pats belly and burps*
Alas, poor Link. He was a good husband... but an even better meal.
I arced my back
and screamed in ecstasy as I gushed into his mouth.
!!! O_O !!! !!!!! !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!
Dude, you just EJACULATED into his mouth! Either that, or you peed. D:
Yes, I know there is such a thing as female ejaculation, but... er... I fail to see how it's sexy. Especially when it just sounds like a pregnant woman's water breaking.
Painting from the intense experience COMMA! I got up and looked into his eyes, and knew what he wanted. Slowly I
(Slowly I) Threesome?
(Gently He and Softly He) NOOOOO!
removed his clothes and opened myself to him.
You WEREN'T opened to him? What do you call the previous scene, then?
I let him take control. Allowed him to fulfill himself.
(Link) Actually, I'm quite fulfilled with my employer-provided GameBoy Advance and Pokemon cartridges...
(Sue) GET BACK IN HERE, WENCH.
Long Into the night there was nothing but hot passion.
And then it got cold. ):
The last few days were either spent down at the beach or taking peaceful walks together.
No, you all perished in the fire that occurred because Link left dinner on the stove while you two were going at it. Okay, Link survived because he's Awesome and probably has 20 Heart Containers besides, but YOU perished, definitely.
...Leave me to my fantasies.
I knew we only had a small amount of time left here but I spent every minuet
enjoying it.
ZeldaQueen: *popping in* Oh, shut up, you lust-filled tart! (I mean the Sue, not Guardian) I happen to know that your life is just bunnies and rainbows when you get home. It’s not like you have a tough life to get back to.
And on the day we were returning to Hyrule I couldn't wait to get back.
Huh ? Do you have ADHD, or do you mean to add "I ALREADY couldn't wait to get back HOME"?
Upon our arrival at the castle the king and Princess Zelda were at the gates to greet us home.
Or is Hyrule Castle home?
*pauses*
*EXPLODES* You honestly want to claim the KING and the PRINCESS were waiting AT THE GATES to greet you? Oh, yes, SCREW affairs of state! Royalty can wait around ALL DAY for you lot! *HEADLAPTOP*
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ZeldaQueen: Thank you so very much! *sends another gift basket*
And yes, that’s where the chapter ends
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ZeldaQueen: Folks, I can't tell you how much I hate this chapter. I can only pray that Link or any other of the LOZ characters stumble into the Sporking Chamber for this abomination. Thanks to guardians_song once more for the assistance!
Onward to: Chapter 4: Back In Hyrule
Back to: Chapter 3: The Honeymoon (Part 1)
Return to: Table of Content
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 3: The Honeymoon (Part 2)
ZeldaQueen: I honestly have no idea how she got so little plot to span for so long
Right. Back to the sporking
The next morning I awoke in bed lying on Link's chest while he stroked my hair.
ZeldaQueen: (Link): “Yes, this ought to weave into a noose nicely…”
We talked awhile before rising and getting dressed.
ZeldaQueen: Since it’s not sex though, she can’t be bothered to describe said talking.
After he got dressed he went down stairs to cook breakfast as I went to freshen up.
ZeldaQueen: “Freshen up”? They have make-up in Hyrule?
And STOP MAKING LINK DOMESTIC! HE LIVES IN A TREE HOUSE WITH A COW!
I washed my face and hands then I went to the wardrobe closet to select a dress.
ZeldaQueen: Didn’t she say they already got dressed?
I picked out a low cut long silk blue dress with a gold Hylian symbol on the lower part of the dress.
ZeldaQueen: *tiredly* At least it’s not the Triforce…
I put on my wedding ring, the bracelet Zelda gave me,
ZeldaQueen: WHICH YOU TOTALLY DON’T DESERVE!
and fixed my hair then I went down stairs. Link greeted me at the bottom and his eyes widened as he looked me over. He took me into his arms and kissed me. "You look beautiful, my love."
ZeldaQueen: For heaven’s sake, can they go for ten minutes without going on about how dreamy the other looks? And she has a name, Link! Stop calling her “my love”!
His eyes seemed to flicker with passion as he held me in his arms. He knew how to make me feel good.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, she’s probably cribbing from porn
His words soft and gentle. He was the perfect man.
ZeldaQueen: He’s a video game character! One deliberately designed to be a player self-insert, I might add! That twisted abomination is not Link!!!
I walked over to the dinning table and glanced over all the food Link had prepared.
ZeldaQueen: - laced craftily with poison…
"I hope your hungry, my sweet."
ZeldaQueen: “YOU’RE”, NOT YOUR! She does not own a hunger!
He said as I nodded yes. Link pulled out my chair, I sat down and he pushed my chair in before seating himself.
ZeldaQueen: Wow, this is riveting. I’m sure glad I’m reading about this instead of actually playing a Zelda game and killing stuff
While we ate we talked about the plans for the day. Since it was a beautiful day and the area nice, I thought going horseback riding would be the thing to do.
ZeldaQueen: *beats head on wall* How? How is it possible that she has made The Legend of Zelda so utterly boring?
But then I remembered one thing, there was only one horse, Epona. A look of disappointment crossed my face, I had really wanted to go horseback riding.
ZeldaQueen: So both of you get on the horse. Or pester the King to get you another. It’s not like you’ve been shy about getting stuff off of him before
Then Link had an idea.
ZeldaQueen: Reminds me of how Ebony Darkness D’mentia Raven Way “thought an idea”
"Epona is strong enough to hold us both. She carried us both here. You can just sit behind me and put your arms around my waist." Link said as smile widened and I felt better.
ZeldaQueen: Um, yeah. Why was this even bothering the Sue? Link’s right, they both rode her up. How dumb is this chick?
And yes, sit right behind Link. That’s how you’ll be for the rest of this fic
After breakfast, Link went to saddle Epona
ZeldaQueen: GOD DAMN IT!
while I did the dishes.
ZeldaQueen: Mrs. Domestic strikes again. I’m surprised the King didn’t provide them with servants
When I finished Link poked his head in the door and said he was ready. I removed my apron, put on my riding boots and followed Link out the door.
ZeldaQueen: He was waiting with the Master Sword in hand and quickly decapitated her
Epona was in front saddled and ready to go. The rusty brown mare was truly beautiful horse.
ZeldaQueen: Please shut up. Really. Stop calling her “the rusty brown mare”. It’s getting boring(er)
I walked up to her and patted her on the head. She gently put her mussel near my face to show no fear. As I looked at her, she was the most beautiful horse I had ever seen.
ZeldaQueen: At least until you get a Sue-Horse of your own
Link took my hand and helped me into the saddle. Then he mounted in front of me.
ZeldaQueen: DAMN THIS SUETHOR FOR PERVERTING MY MIND!!!
I put my arms around his waist as he checked to see if I was ready then booted Epona in the ribs and she took off at a gallop. We rode down to the ocean along the beach.
ZeldaQueen: The ocean which doesn’t exist in the game
Water kicked up behind Epona's legs as we rode along the waters edge.
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 7 (Yes, I know I’m probably missing a bunch. This fic is ruining my brain, cut me some slack please)
The ocean air smelled sweet and the breeze was cool.
ZeldaQueen: At least until they rode past the dead Octoroc rotting on the sand
I looked over Link's shoulder to see what lay ahead. The beach was vast and wide. Rocky cliffs lined the water further down. Small caves with water flowing into them lined a small island far in the distance. Then I turned and looked over the vast ocean and saw small islands lining the horizon. This was truly a beautiful place. So peaceful, so serene, it almost made me not want to leave.
ZeldaQueen: Blah, blah, blah, really boring stuff happens, blah, blah, blah, I have no idea why people hated this fic!
Then we arrived at a small alcove and Link stopped Epona. He dismounted then helped me down.
ZeldaQueen: Right. The traveling merchant who shot thieves can’t get off of a horse on her own. Give me a break
"This is a real beautiful spot let's just sit here awhile." Link said as his blue eyes shone in the sunlight.
ZeldaQueen: SHUT UP ABOUT HIS EYES!
After we sat down in the sand, I laid my head on Link's shoulder as he put his arm around me. I watched as distant Seagulls flew over the ocean in search of food.
ZeldaQueen: The Sue’s rotten scent attracted their attention. They pecked her to death ala The Birds and Link was free to escape
The cool breeze blew threw my hair as the salt air tingled my senses.
ZeldaQueen: I swear, this chick is perpetually horny
I felt at peace here. Here, there were no wolfos to chase off, no thieves, no duties no nothing.
ZeldaQueen: You know, this might actually mean something if we ever saw her doing any of those things! Suethor, all you ever show us is your little avatar frolicking around, getting her way no matter what, and having everyone bow to her as she passes! If you actually showed her having a tough life, we might be a little more sympathetic!
And she fought Wolfos? Honestly? Given how weak and clingy she is later, I find that impossible to believe
But I knew that soon it would all be over and we would have to return to Hyrule.
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, back to that life that’s oh-so-hard
"Don't worry about that!" I thought to myself. "Your
ZeldaQueen: APOSTROPHE-E-R! IT’S NOT THAT HARD!
here with the man you love, your new husband. Enjoy it with him. Don't be a fool!"
ZeldaQueen: (Sue): “Milk him for all the sex he’s worth!”
Then I got up and ran towards the ocean.
ZeldaQueen: Where I was waiting and drowned her
Walking into the water I turned and giggled at Link. Then I gestured for him to follow. Leery he came to the ocean's edge and then I splashed water on him. He looked at me sideways before he splashed water back at me. No sooner had that started, we were running around in the water splashing each other and laughing like little kids.
ZeldaQueen: And they’re being all cutesy again. God I hate this
We played all day. Just like we were kids again.
ZeldaQueen: The fragments, they burn!
I was having the best time of my life.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, splashing water is just so fun
When it started to get dark, we went back up to the beach and sat down in the sand to watch the sun set. I cuddled into Link's arms and laid my head against his chest as the sun's golden rays slowly started to set below the horizon.
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) “Well, I now have Link under my spell and will suck the marrow from his bones. Mission accomplished!”
"My life with Link will be a happy and special one." He is all I need." "Soon we will have a family and my life will be truly complete."
ZeldaQueen: I left the bad quote marks in there on purpose because I wanted y’all to see how it looks like she’s got multiple personalities, Gollum-like, when she talks to herself. I can just imagine “She could eat them. She’s always hungry” “Yes, all she has otherwise is nasty orcses” “And those don’t taste good at all, my precious”.
And I can’t even comment on how idiotic she sounds, going on yet again about how a family is all she needs to make her life complete. She’s setting feminism back fifty years, I swear
As I thought to myself my eyes slowly drifted. And as the sun's last rays disappeared over the horizon I closed my eyes..........
ZeldaQueen: Jesus, someone’s overusing their ellipses quota!
And I'm sorry, but we're going to get another really bad sex scene. So... Guardian's Song? If you could be so kind, please?
---
Guardian's Song: Right! The one red-font comment is, as usual, Ariana Dumbledore.
Back at the cottage I was bathing while Link prepared the evening meal.
...Yes? What was happening at the cottage that you were bathing while Link prepared the evening meal?
(See, this is why commas are important...)
Wait, he's preparing the meal? Huh, I can't decide whether this is a reversal of the entire "Oh, I am a True Woman only due to my man, and my only ambition is to drool over him for all eternity!" theme running through the fic, in that Link's doing the cooking, or just the Sue turning Link into her love-slave.
After a bit COMMA! Link came upstairs to check on me. "I came to see if you need any help bathing." He asked.
But that's not a question.
And good grief, I HOPE a grown woman can BATHE HERSELF. Good grief.
As I looked into his eyes, I took my hand and slowly ran it from the top of my shoulder and down over my breasts.
I wonder if she meant to say "his" hand (which would explain why she didn't say "I slowly ran my hand [...]"), or if she did mean to say she was fondling herself.
"I could use my back washed." I said seductively.
(Sue) And while you're at it, rub my feet and make me a sandwich, male!
(Link) Yes, mistress.
Taking the hint, Link took the washrag and begun to wash my back. After a minute
Not a "minuet"! *nearly has a heart attack from shock*
he put the rag down in the water and begun to passionately kiss my neck. Moaning softly I
A relative of Screaming Horribly I, this sporker hopes? *sharpens spork and approaches Sue from behind*
turned my head to face him and gently pressed my lips on his kissing him deeply,
(Sue) Liiiiiiink, honey... Why do you have a book called Kissing Him Deeply?
(Link) Er... Put it this way, there's a reason why I've never hooked up with Zelda in all these games, and it's not because I was waiting for you...
our tongues meeting. His tongue yelped and retreated, attempting to scramble down his throat. Mine advanced, wiggling like Morpha. As we kissed I could feel his hands moving down my naked body before he ripped out my heart..
Gently he lifted me out of the tub and led me to the bed while we kissed. Softly he
(Gently He and Softly He) Who cares if we're relatives? Our love is pure! *cuddle and wibble*
laid me down and climbed on top of me. I could feel his body quivering
(Link) Fighting Ganondorf, a giant amoeba, a dragon, desert witches, a creepy drum-pounding spirit, an electric parasite, a giant spider, and a giant lizard creature, not to mention countless lesser monster... All those things pale before "making love" to a Sue. *trembles*
as he moved from my lips His entire BODY moved from your lips?! Were you trying to EAT him? and down on my body.
He moved from the down on your body as well? Are you a baby bird? Perchance, did you meant "and WENT down my body"?
Then he spread my legs and went down.
Okay, this is an excellent example of "Be careful what you wish for". X(
I felt his lips on my thigh, No comma needed... for once. ): as he slowly kissed inward. Then when he reached the center,
What, of your thigh? Does he have acidic spit or something of the like, so he's now smooching your femur? Come on, if you couldn't have said "upward" rather than "inward", you could have said "reached the joining of my legs" or some other silly, euphemistic thing. As is, I have some rather disturbing images now.
he pressed his mouth onto my flower. Unfortunately for him, it was this flower.
I felt as he slowly inserted his tongue between the lips causing me to cry out in pure bliss. He stayed clear of the lips causing me to let out disturbing bubbling and groaning noises. Then he moved up until his tongue brushed against my clit.
Personal taste moment - Why not write it out? "Clitoris", there, it isn't such a difficult word. "Clit" sounds about as romantic as, say, "dick" or "pussy". Seeing as how the author's talking about "my flower", "the swollen organ between his legs", and later "my lower organs" (bahahaha), the tone doesn't match at all.
Working his teeth and tongue on my clit,
(Sue) YOU JUST CHEWED IT OFF, YOU BASTARD!
(Link) ...Whoops?
shocks of pure ecstasy were sent cursing
(Shocks of Pure Ecstasy) What the ****ing h*llsh*t have we ****ing done to deserve this g**d**ned piece of basilisk ****? Answer us, m*****f***er! **** YOU!
threw me causing my legs to shudder.
Yes, I imagine your legs would be shuddering if someone "threw" you someplace and wasn't too gentle.
Never had I felt such feelings, never had I experienced such pleasure.
I'll give even odds that she says that in later sex scenes, too. A bit like how Harry goes on about 'hatred such as he had never known before'.
As he teased my clit, I felt his tongue move down until it was at my entrance.
Wait, WHAT? If his tongue isn't doing that, then what IS he "teasing [her] clit[oris]" with? His NOSE?
Slowly he inserted his tongue and my back arced
I think you meant "arcHed".
as I cried out in pure bliss. Then slowly Link upped his movements,
"Movements"? Uh, are you confusing this with a regular vaginal sex scene, author?
sending momentary shocks threw my lower organs
Man, that's horrible indigestion.
as my legs convulsed. As his tongue moved deeper inside me I grabbed the back of his head as I begun to climax. Then when he hit the right spot
(Sue) Ah... that hit the spot. *pats belly and burps*
Alas, poor Link. He was a good husband... but an even better meal.
I arced my back
and screamed in ecstasy as I gushed into his mouth.
!!! O_O !!! !!!!! !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!
Dude, you just EJACULATED into his mouth! Either that, or you peed. D:
Yes, I know there is such a thing as female ejaculation, but... er... I fail to see how it's sexy. Especially when it just sounds like a pregnant woman's water breaking.
Painting from the intense experience COMMA! I got up and looked into his eyes, and knew what he wanted. Slowly I
(Slowly I) Threesome?
(Gently He and Softly He) NOOOOO!
removed his clothes and opened myself to him.
You WEREN'T opened to him? What do you call the previous scene, then?
I let him take control. Allowed him to fulfill himself.
(Link) Actually, I'm quite fulfilled with my employer-provided GameBoy Advance and Pokemon cartridges...
(Sue) GET BACK IN HERE, WENCH.
Long Into the night there was nothing but hot passion.
And then it got cold. ):
The last few days were either spent down at the beach or taking peaceful walks together.
No, you all perished in the fire that occurred because Link left dinner on the stove while you two were going at it. Okay, Link survived because he's Awesome and probably has 20 Heart Containers besides, but YOU perished, definitely.
...Leave me to my fantasies.
I knew we only had a small amount of time left here but I spent every minuet
enjoying it.
ZeldaQueen: *popping in* Oh, shut up, you lust-filled tart! (I mean the Sue, not Guardian) I happen to know that your life is just bunnies and rainbows when you get home. It’s not like you have a tough life to get back to.
And on the day we were returning to Hyrule I couldn't wait to get back.
Huh ? Do you have ADHD, or do you mean to add "I ALREADY couldn't wait to get back HOME"?
Upon our arrival at the castle the king and Princess Zelda were at the gates to greet us home.
Or is Hyrule Castle home?
*pauses*
*EXPLODES* You honestly want to claim the KING and the PRINCESS were waiting AT THE GATES to greet you? Oh, yes, SCREW affairs of state! Royalty can wait around ALL DAY for you lot! *HEADLAPTOP*
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ZeldaQueen: Thank you so very much! *sends another gift basket*
And yes, that’s where the chapter ends
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ZeldaQueen: Folks, I can't tell you how much I hate this chapter. I can only pray that Link or any other of the LOZ characters stumble into the Sporking Chamber for this abomination. Thanks to guardians_song once more for the assistance!
Onward to: Chapter 4: Back In Hyrule
Back to: Chapter 3: The Honeymoon (Part 1)
Return to: Table of Content