Breaking Dawn: Chapter 36 - Bloodlust
ZeldaQueen: Right. Finally getting towards the end! What've we got this chapter?
Projection Room Voices: "Chapter thirty-six, in which the Volturi show up and everyone talks"
ZeldaQueen: *cracks knuckles*
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 36: Bloodlust
ZeldaQueen: Might this mean that there will be a little fighting? Please?
Well this is not a good sign - right off the bat we start off with Bella raging endless prose about how beautiful the Volturi are and how they're moving in perfect formation. She doesn't specify, but I imagine that they also have a great trumpet section in their marching band and can form themselves so that they sell "Volturi Rule!" to people in airplanes. And in case you're wondering, this goes on for five paragraphs. I'll just let you imagine how it goes, since I'm kind enough to not make you read it.
So there are apparently thirty-two Volturi and Bella goes off again on how they're all going to die because they're outnumbered, even if they don't count the "drifting, waifish black-cloaked figures in the very back" who are apparently supposed to be the wives. Because of course wives just stand there and don't fight at all.
Wait, so only two members of the Volturi are married? Well then no wonder they're so evil, they haven't got their One True Loves! Just help them find their soul mates and all will be well!
I'm not happy, in case it's hard to tell.
If we count up, apparently there are nineteen vampires who are willing to fight, seven who will just watch, and ten werewolves. So total, there are twenty-nine who will fight to save Renesmee, against thirty Volturi vampires. Huh? How are those such terrible odds? I mean, yes they technically are outnumbered (assuming that none of the vampires on the fence decide to join in at the last minute), but they're one short. And it's been established that the vampires on the "good" side have better powers than the Volturi. I thought Bella was supposed to be well-educated. Doesn't she know that the colonists were well outgunned by the British during the American Revolution? Didn't she ever read The Lord of the Rings, you know "three hundred against ten thousand!"? Those are odds to be upset about. Twenty-nine against thirty? Eh, not so much.
Garrett mutters about the redcoats coming and sidles up next to Kate while the Romanians are all amazed that so many Volturi showed up after all and mentioned that it was just as well they never tried to take Volterra. I can only assume they meant "invade it while the Volturi were still there", because I mentioned before that the city is empty and there's no reason why the Romanians couldn't just sneak in then and take hold of it.
And then we get even more vampires coming in behind the Volturi. Bella describes these ones as being "motley" and "disorganized" and figures out that they're the Volturi witnesses, whipped into a frenzy to see the "Immortal Child" get killed. Apparently Aro's plan is for them to verify that the Volturi were indeed in the right, should a fight break out. Because the Catholic Vampires are evil. This new development means that there are now more than forty vampires and GOD DAMN YOU BELLA, WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT HOW HOPELESS THIS IS??? Seriously, she starts in on how they'll all be killed even if they get rid of the Volturi's advantages and how even if they kill Dimitri, Jacob will still be caught. Bella, if you kill Aro's most valuable players and you yourself are allied with even more powerful vampires, that ought to leave you even! You have no idea how well-trained these witness vampires are! Stop despairing, it's boring and you look even more spineless if that is possible!!! Look at Harry Potter! Did he keep going on about how his allies were all going to die without a chance against the Death Eaters? NO! He makes one mention of how they probably will have casualties and everyone else is like "Yeah whatever, we owe Voldemort one and we won't abandon you" and he goes and does useful stuff so his friends won't die! GOD!!!
Oh, and Irina is also there. And she clearly looks horrified and not sure of which side to be with.
Edward mentions that Alistar was right - that the Volturi are determined to have a fight no matter what and if Renesmee isn't a way to get one, they'll make up another reason.
Bella notes that there are now sixteen wolves instead of ten and that more teenagers have fursploded as a result of so many vampires in the area. She goes on some more about how even more people will be dying and then gets angry.
"Abruptly, I was furious. Beyond furious, I was murderously enraged. My hopeless despair vanished entirely. A faint reddish glow highlighted the dark figures in front of me, and all I wanted in that moment was the chance to sink my teeth into them, to rip their limbs from their bodies and pile them for burning. I was so maddened I could have danced around the pyre where they roasted alive; I would have laughed while their ashes smoldered. My lips curved back automatically, and a low, fierce snarl tore up my throat from the pit of my stomach. I realized the corners of my mouth were turned up in a smile"
ZeldaQueen: Erm...I guess "murderous rage" is better than "idiotic despair"... At least it looks like we'll be getting some action from Bella (besides the kind when she and Edward are alone). I mean, there is going to be a fight, ISN'T THERE???
The Volturi are still getting settled and Aro seems disappointed that Alice is not there. "Chagrin tightened his lips". Chagrin sighting, take a shot! Edward explains that the Volturi are trying to figure out how to go about with this. Marcus is reading their relationships - I guess they had to give the poor guy something to do to feel useful - and choosing key targets (Bella, Edward, Eleazar, and Tanya). Apparently they're annoyed by the presence of the Romanians and confused by the Amazons and wolves (who they are unfamiliar with). Oh, and Edward has one final comment.
"'They've never been outnumbered before. That's what stopped them.”
'Outnumbered?' Tanya whispered incredulously.
'They don't count their witnesses,' Edward breathed. 'They are nonentities, meaningless to the guard. Aro just enjoys an audience'".
ZeldaQueen: I swear to whatever entity is in the sky, if Bella continues to go on about how doomed they are after this, I'm feeding her to Professor Farnsworth's carnivorous ant-eaters.
And is it just me, or does that description of how the Volturi view their witnesses sound weirdly similar to how Bella treated her human friends? She doesn't count them for anything, they are nonentities, meaningless to her. She just enjoys an audience.
HA!
And yes, thank you God, Carlisle FINALLY gets around to talking to them. Yes folks, every bit of this chapter thus far has just been describing who is standing where and how things are being set up. YES, it is as boring to read as it sounds.
Well Aro and Carlisle start talking and Aro is all regretful and refers to Carlisle like an old friend. Carlisle insists that no one broke the law and that he's willing to poke Aro's hand to let him know the truth. Caius takes this opportunity to show off how EVIL he is by jumping forward and snarling about how it's plain that Renesmee's an Immortal Child, so they ought to just kill her and go home. He insists that she must be Immortal, otherwise why would so many vampires and wolves gather to protect her? Carlisle says that they're just witnesses, like who the Volturi brought.
Caius gets all grumpy and orders Irina to be brought forward. The poor woman is all stunned and doesn't seem to know what to say and I kind of feel sorry for her (although I still think she should have spoken to Carlisle before this all happened!). Irina is all but shoved to the front of the group and Caius walks over and slaps her across the face. Bella mentions "It couldn't have hurt, but there was something terribly degrading about the action. It was like watching someone kick a dog".
...So Meyer's finally admitting that actions like that are degrading? But doesn't admit that it's degrading and humiliating when Edward yanked Bella across the parking lot and forced her into his car? Or when Alice virtually kidnapped her? Or when he forced her to have dinner with him in the restaurant?
And Bella? How nice of you to acknowledge that there is "something" degrading ABOUT A WOMAN BEING SLAPPED ACROSS THE FACE FOR NO GOOD REASON!!! WE'RE NOT EVEN TOLD THAT BELLA REACTS AT ALL!!! WE'RE TOLD THAT JACOB GROWLS AND TANYA AND KATE HISSES BUT BELLA DOESN'T EVEN WINCE! BECAUSE IRINA IS A NASTY TRAITOR AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED OVER THE ENTIRE THING AND CLEARLY REPENTANT OVER HER ACTIONS, EVERYONE SEEMS FINE TO JUST STAND THERE AND NOT DEFEND HER AND JUST LET CAIUS SMACK HER AROUND BECAUSE HEY, SHE TRIED TO TURN IN DEATH BABY DEVIL SPAWN AND THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKES HER PURE EVIL AND UNWORTHY OF CULLEN PROTECTION!!!
HATEDEATHDESTRUCTIONMAYHEMDISE
VIOLENCEFILTHGAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*pants* Sorry folks. Caius gets all "bad cop" on Irina and demands to know if it's the same baby she reported. Irina confesses that Renesmee has indeed changed and Aro steps in so that Caius doesn't smack her around anymore. He offers Irina his hand and gets her memories of the younger Renesmee. From there, Aro proclaims that the puzzlement is that Renesmee clearly was remembered as an Immortal Child but has now grown. Erm, how is that a puzzlement? If she grew up, then she's clearly not an Immortal Child. Simple as that. But no, we need more padding so Edward is now called out to give Aro his memories. Bella freaks out at the thought of her Beloved leaving her in any capacity but can't follow him because she doesn't want to take Renesmee any closer. So she puts her mind-shield around everyone. That's right, she shields all forty-two or so allies. With absolutely no strain or issue. SUE!!!!!! But then she has to temporarily unshield Edward because she real "with some chagrin" that Aro must be able to read his memories.
Edward is arrogant during the exchange (yes, that word is used) and acts "as if he were conferring a great honor". Yes Edward, be rude to the people who you know are looking for any excuse to murder your daughter and family and take you and your wife prisoner. That's smart. Bella flips out over the thought that Aro is getting all of Edward's thoughts and memories, which include Alice's visions and every time he and Bella held each other and kissed. Now I'm wondering if Aro ever gets bored and uses his power for some sort of illegal porn viewing. Hmm...
Well, Aro finally understands about who Renesmee is and goes on about how this is something entirely new and unheard of, yadda - Mary Sue - yadda. He now asks to see Renesmee and I'm about ready to tear my hair out, this is so boring. Felix and Dimitri join Aro as a guard while Bella brings the kid and gets Emmett and Jacob to act as guards also - Emmett because he's dying for a fight and Jacob because he's so dependent on the little spawn that he can't let her go ten paces away from him. Bella and Felix have some casual banter with the vampire equivalent of "Hey, how're you doing?" which is kind of funny for the situation.
Oh, and it seems that Jane notices Bella's necklace and is jealous that Aro gave Bella a gift. Nice.
Well Renesmee communicates mentally with Aro and he is all happy and Dumbledore-ish and goes on about how there's so much to learn from her and how he doesn't want to hurt her family and friends and then Maggie hisses at the lie and WILL SOMETHING HAPPEN ALREADY???
Oh for the love of - and more talking! Aro takes a fancy to the wolves and Edward mentally cuts him off. It seems that Aro was starting to consider taking the wolves to use as guard dogs. Jacob and his pack mates are understandably angry with this and start snarling.
Aro is all amused at this and says that there's "So much to decide. If you and your furry protector will excuse me, my dear Cullens, I must confer with my brothers".
This is...AUGH!!! THIS IS BORING, THAT'S WHAT THIS IS! THIS IS EVEN MORE BORING THAN KEIRAN HALCYON'S THE HUNTRESS AND THAT IS SAYING QUITE A LOT! MEYER, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY MORE BORING THAN THE FANFICTION WRITER WHO DEDICATED MORE THAN SEVENTY-PERCENT OF THE FIRST CHAPTER OF HIS STORY TO NUDISM, POLITICIAN BASHING, AND POINTLESS DESCRIPTIONS OF HOW TO CLEAN A GUN!
I mean what is this? This was all exposition! Everyone just STOOD AROUND AND TALKED! What does the chapter title even have to do with this? That Bella briefly feels the need to tear the Volturi apart? But nothing comes of it! This is all worse than watching grass grow and I am glad the chapter is over, I'm order a pizza GOOD DAY!
Onward to: Chapter 37: Contrivances
Back to: Chapter 35: Deadline
Return to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: "Chapter thirty-six, in which the Volturi show up and everyone talks"
ZeldaQueen: *cracks knuckles*
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 36: Bloodlust
ZeldaQueen: Might this mean that there will be a little fighting? Please?
Well this is not a good sign - right off the bat we start off with Bella raging endless prose about how beautiful the Volturi are and how they're moving in perfect formation. She doesn't specify, but I imagine that they also have a great trumpet section in their marching band and can form themselves so that they sell "Volturi Rule!" to people in airplanes. And in case you're wondering, this goes on for five paragraphs. I'll just let you imagine how it goes, since I'm kind enough to not make you read it.
So there are apparently thirty-two Volturi and Bella goes off again on how they're all going to die because they're outnumbered, even if they don't count the "drifting, waifish black-cloaked figures in the very back" who are apparently supposed to be the wives. Because of course wives just stand there and don't fight at all.
Wait, so only two members of the Volturi are married? Well then no wonder they're so evil, they haven't got their One True Loves! Just help them find their soul mates and all will be well!
I'm not happy, in case it's hard to tell.
If we count up, apparently there are nineteen vampires who are willing to fight, seven who will just watch, and ten werewolves. So total, there are twenty-nine who will fight to save Renesmee, against thirty Volturi vampires. Huh? How are those such terrible odds? I mean, yes they technically are outnumbered (assuming that none of the vampires on the fence decide to join in at the last minute), but they're one short. And it's been established that the vampires on the "good" side have better powers than the Volturi. I thought Bella was supposed to be well-educated. Doesn't she know that the colonists were well outgunned by the British during the American Revolution? Didn't she ever read The Lord of the Rings, you know "three hundred against ten thousand!"? Those are odds to be upset about. Twenty-nine against thirty? Eh, not so much.
Garrett mutters about the redcoats coming and sidles up next to Kate while the Romanians are all amazed that so many Volturi showed up after all and mentioned that it was just as well they never tried to take Volterra. I can only assume they meant "invade it while the Volturi were still there", because I mentioned before that the city is empty and there's no reason why the Romanians couldn't just sneak in then and take hold of it.
And then we get even more vampires coming in behind the Volturi. Bella describes these ones as being "motley" and "disorganized" and figures out that they're the Volturi witnesses, whipped into a frenzy to see the "Immortal Child" get killed. Apparently Aro's plan is for them to verify that the Volturi were indeed in the right, should a fight break out. Because the Catholic Vampires are evil. This new development means that there are now more than forty vampires and GOD DAMN YOU BELLA, WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT HOW HOPELESS THIS IS??? Seriously, she starts in on how they'll all be killed even if they get rid of the Volturi's advantages and how even if they kill Dimitri, Jacob will still be caught. Bella, if you kill Aro's most valuable players and you yourself are allied with even more powerful vampires, that ought to leave you even! You have no idea how well-trained these witness vampires are! Stop despairing, it's boring and you look even more spineless if that is possible!!! Look at Harry Potter! Did he keep going on about how his allies were all going to die without a chance against the Death Eaters? NO! He makes one mention of how they probably will have casualties and everyone else is like "Yeah whatever, we owe Voldemort one and we won't abandon you" and he goes and does useful stuff so his friends won't die! GOD!!!
Oh, and Irina is also there. And she clearly looks horrified and not sure of which side to be with.
Edward mentions that Alistar was right - that the Volturi are determined to have a fight no matter what and if Renesmee isn't a way to get one, they'll make up another reason.
Bella notes that there are now sixteen wolves instead of ten and that more teenagers have fursploded as a result of so many vampires in the area. She goes on some more about how even more people will be dying and then gets angry.
"Abruptly, I was furious. Beyond furious, I was murderously enraged. My hopeless despair vanished entirely. A faint reddish glow highlighted the dark figures in front of me, and all I wanted in that moment was the chance to sink my teeth into them, to rip their limbs from their bodies and pile them for burning. I was so maddened I could have danced around the pyre where they roasted alive; I would have laughed while their ashes smoldered. My lips curved back automatically, and a low, fierce snarl tore up my throat from the pit of my stomach. I realized the corners of my mouth were turned up in a smile"
ZeldaQueen: Erm...I guess "murderous rage" is better than "idiotic despair"... At least it looks like we'll be getting some action from Bella (besides the kind when she and Edward are alone). I mean, there is going to be a fight, ISN'T THERE???
The Volturi are still getting settled and Aro seems disappointed that Alice is not there. "Chagrin tightened his lips". Chagrin sighting, take a shot! Edward explains that the Volturi are trying to figure out how to go about with this. Marcus is reading their relationships - I guess they had to give the poor guy something to do to feel useful - and choosing key targets (Bella, Edward, Eleazar, and Tanya). Apparently they're annoyed by the presence of the Romanians and confused by the Amazons and wolves (who they are unfamiliar with). Oh, and Edward has one final comment.
"'They've never been outnumbered before. That's what stopped them.”
'Outnumbered?' Tanya whispered incredulously.
'They don't count their witnesses,' Edward breathed. 'They are nonentities, meaningless to the guard. Aro just enjoys an audience'".
ZeldaQueen: I swear to whatever entity is in the sky, if Bella continues to go on about how doomed they are after this, I'm feeding her to Professor Farnsworth's carnivorous ant-eaters.
And is it just me, or does that description of how the Volturi view their witnesses sound weirdly similar to how Bella treated her human friends? She doesn't count them for anything, they are nonentities, meaningless to her. She just enjoys an audience.
HA!
And yes, thank you God, Carlisle FINALLY gets around to talking to them. Yes folks, every bit of this chapter thus far has just been describing who is standing where and how things are being set up. YES, it is as boring to read as it sounds.
Well Aro and Carlisle start talking and Aro is all regretful and refers to Carlisle like an old friend. Carlisle insists that no one broke the law and that he's willing to poke Aro's hand to let him know the truth. Caius takes this opportunity to show off how EVIL he is by jumping forward and snarling about how it's plain that Renesmee's an Immortal Child, so they ought to just kill her and go home. He insists that she must be Immortal, otherwise why would so many vampires and wolves gather to protect her? Carlisle says that they're just witnesses, like who the Volturi brought.
Caius gets all grumpy and orders Irina to be brought forward. The poor woman is all stunned and doesn't seem to know what to say and I kind of feel sorry for her (although I still think she should have spoken to Carlisle before this all happened!). Irina is all but shoved to the front of the group and Caius walks over and slaps her across the face. Bella mentions "It couldn't have hurt, but there was something terribly degrading about the action. It was like watching someone kick a dog".
...So Meyer's finally admitting that actions like that are degrading? But doesn't admit that it's degrading and humiliating when Edward yanked Bella across the parking lot and forced her into his car? Or when Alice virtually kidnapped her? Or when he forced her to have dinner with him in the restaurant?
And Bella? How nice of you to acknowledge that there is "something" degrading ABOUT A WOMAN BEING SLAPPED ACROSS THE FACE FOR NO GOOD REASON!!! WE'RE NOT EVEN TOLD THAT BELLA REACTS AT ALL!!! WE'RE TOLD THAT JACOB GROWLS AND TANYA AND KATE HISSES BUT BELLA DOESN'T EVEN WINCE! BECAUSE IRINA IS A NASTY TRAITOR AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED OVER THE ENTIRE THING AND CLEARLY REPENTANT OVER HER ACTIONS, EVERYONE SEEMS FINE TO JUST STAND THERE AND NOT DEFEND HER AND JUST LET CAIUS SMACK HER AROUND BECAUSE HEY, SHE TRIED TO TURN IN DEATH BABY DEVIL SPAWN AND THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKES HER PURE EVIL AND UNWORTHY OF CULLEN PROTECTION!!!
HATEDEATHDESTRUCTIONMAYHEMDISE
VIOLENCEFILTHGAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*pants* Sorry folks. Caius gets all "bad cop" on Irina and demands to know if it's the same baby she reported. Irina confesses that Renesmee has indeed changed and Aro steps in so that Caius doesn't smack her around anymore. He offers Irina his hand and gets her memories of the younger Renesmee. From there, Aro proclaims that the puzzlement is that Renesmee clearly was remembered as an Immortal Child but has now grown. Erm, how is that a puzzlement? If she grew up, then she's clearly not an Immortal Child. Simple as that. But no, we need more padding so Edward is now called out to give Aro his memories. Bella freaks out at the thought of her Beloved leaving her in any capacity but can't follow him because she doesn't want to take Renesmee any closer. So she puts her mind-shield around everyone. That's right, she shields all forty-two or so allies. With absolutely no strain or issue. SUE!!!!!! But then she has to temporarily unshield Edward because she real "with some chagrin" that Aro must be able to read his memories.
Edward is arrogant during the exchange (yes, that word is used) and acts "as if he were conferring a great honor". Yes Edward, be rude to the people who you know are looking for any excuse to murder your daughter and family and take you and your wife prisoner. That's smart. Bella flips out over the thought that Aro is getting all of Edward's thoughts and memories, which include Alice's visions and every time he and Bella held each other and kissed. Now I'm wondering if Aro ever gets bored and uses his power for some sort of illegal porn viewing. Hmm...
Well, Aro finally understands about who Renesmee is and goes on about how this is something entirely new and unheard of, yadda - Mary Sue - yadda. He now asks to see Renesmee and I'm about ready to tear my hair out, this is so boring. Felix and Dimitri join Aro as a guard while Bella brings the kid and gets Emmett and Jacob to act as guards also - Emmett because he's dying for a fight and Jacob because he's so dependent on the little spawn that he can't let her go ten paces away from him. Bella and Felix have some casual banter with the vampire equivalent of "Hey, how're you doing?" which is kind of funny for the situation.
Oh, and it seems that Jane notices Bella's necklace and is jealous that Aro gave Bella a gift. Nice.
Well Renesmee communicates mentally with Aro and he is all happy and Dumbledore-ish and goes on about how there's so much to learn from her and how he doesn't want to hurt her family and friends and then Maggie hisses at the lie and WILL SOMETHING HAPPEN ALREADY???
Oh for the love of - and more talking! Aro takes a fancy to the wolves and Edward mentally cuts him off. It seems that Aro was starting to consider taking the wolves to use as guard dogs. Jacob and his pack mates are understandably angry with this and start snarling.
Aro is all amused at this and says that there's "So much to decide. If you and your furry protector will excuse me, my dear Cullens, I must confer with my brothers".
This is...AUGH!!! THIS IS BORING, THAT'S WHAT THIS IS! THIS IS EVEN MORE BORING THAN KEIRAN HALCYON'S THE HUNTRESS AND THAT IS SAYING QUITE A LOT! MEYER, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY MORE BORING THAN THE FANFICTION WRITER WHO DEDICATED MORE THAN SEVENTY-PERCENT OF THE FIRST CHAPTER OF HIS STORY TO NUDISM, POLITICIAN BASHING, AND POINTLESS DESCRIPTIONS OF HOW TO CLEAN A GUN!
I mean what is this? This was all exposition! Everyone just STOOD AROUND AND TALKED! What does the chapter title even have to do with this? That Bella briefly feels the need to tear the Volturi apart? But nothing comes of it! This is all worse than watching grass grow and I am glad the chapter is over, I'm order a pizza GOOD DAY!
Onward to: Chapter 37: Contrivances
Back to: Chapter 35: Deadline
Return to: Table of Contents