The Gang: Chapter 1 - Benedict Davidson
Raxis: Hello peeps, I'm back for another go with Queeny! :D
ZeldaQueen: Glad to have you, Raxis! *to the viewers* Folks, you all remember Neil. How could you not? Hogwarts Exposed can only be forgotten through heavy drinking coupled with a lobotomy.
Raxis: I'm not sure that's sufficient.
ZeldaQueen: Possibly the best we could do. In any case, we sang Halle-hallelueh, Neil had gone away for some time. Unfortunately, he's back. And this time, he worte some original fiction.
Raxis: Dear god, no. How does it compare with Hogwarts Exposed? I've never actually read this thing before; is it worse?
ZeldaQueen: What sort of a question is that? He no longer has Harry Potter canon to mask his blatant fetishes and pedophila with. Of COURSE it's worse!
Raxis: Aww, shit, you're right. Hey, anyone mind going into Fire Emblem or something so we can ask the Demon King to munch Neil's soul?
ZeldaQueen: It would likely give him indigestion. So, let us instead spork it! For your enjoyment pleasure eye-gouging -
Raxis: Hah, the only one in any sort of enjoyment is that piece of slime who wrote this.
ZeldaQueen: - We give you The Gang!
Raxis: That's the name?
ZeldaQueen: Yes. Doesn't it just sound like a happy children's-block show?
Raxis: Depressingly, yes.
ZeldaQueen: :D Let's get started!
Projection Room Voices: Warning, regular M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. sporking protocol overriden! Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 1: Benedict Davidson
Benedict Davison brought the back wheel-
Raxis: Benedict Davison was riding through the woods and one day he discovered a baby whapped in colth. This is what the intro is reading like, Neil. Like Legolas By Laura.
of his mountain bike in a wide arc as he slammed on the brakes and brought himself to a juddering halt, spewing a semi- circle of dry dirt up in the air.
Raxis: For he saw too late the 16-wheeler driving right towards him.
ZeldaQueen: Jesus Christ Neil, are you trying to outdo Stephenie Meyer by way of sheer bloated prose?
He steadied
ZeldaQueen: Given that this is being written by Neil, those words make me shudder
his own heavy breathing, and listened carefully, and after a short while he heard it again:
Raxis:
He never stood a chance.
a high pitched shriek. It sounded like a girl, in distress, but it didn’t sound dangerous; not like someone being murdered or anything.
ZeldaQueen: Um, how do you tell that? Unless she laughed after the scream, or some such thing, I'd imagine that screams of distress sound similar
Raxis: Maybe the scream was kinda deadpan?
ZeldaQueen: (Girl) "Oh God, oh God, get me out of this fic!"
With care, he climbed off his bike, and began wheeling it off the track and into the forest proper, his eyes scanning carefully for any possible source of trouble.
ZeldaQueen: Don't worry kid, Neil has an aversion to actual conflict. It gets in the way of sexy times
He didn’t want to get into anything he couldn’t handle, but on the other hand that sound had stirred something primeval in his twelve year old body
Raxis: This is so wrong when coming from Neil.
ZeldaQueen: Question! Do many twelve-year-olds ride around on mountain bikes? Also, I think most would think "Oh shit!" and run, if they heard screaming. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, that "primeval" feeling is just as disgusting as you probably think
, and he had to see what was causing it. As his breathing slowed his ears attuned to the sound of the birds in the forest, his nose attuned to the sweet smell of the ancient oaks and beeches that were in full leaf.
Raxis: His left pinky attuned to the spider sense, his right knee began to wobble!
He heard the sound again, only this time its tone had changed, half shriek, half whimper. He changed direction slightly, homing in on it, ready to leap back on his bike and pedal for his life at the first sign of danger.
ZeldaQueen: Our Protagonist, who bravely flees at the drop of a hat!
Raxis: Well, it's not QUITE as bad as Jenna and Link. At least this dood isn't trying to say he's a hero.
ZeldaQueen: No. I'm sorry, but this little shit deserves no sympathy. Just wait until you see what his reaction to the situation is, when he sees the person in distress
Raxis: Hoo-boy...
He quickened his pace a little as he pushed his bike up the slope, through the thinning trees; breathing heavily again, afraid he might miss whatever was at the root of this noise.
ZeldaQueen: Don't worry kid, you'll see it all. Neil and you will both enjoy it immensely
Raxis: I'm already tired of all the prose about his breathing and him being careful...
“Bugger” he said quietly, as he realised he wouldn’t be able to crest the rise
Raxis: You know you're in trouble when you're using phrases that not even I know. Then again, this is the guy always going The Balance Of.
because of the thick undergrowth ahead of him. He looked left and right and
ZeldaQueen: - shook it all about
seeing no clue to which way would be best, he turned to his right and skirted the brambles and nettles blocking his path.
Raxis: This is all so gripping! Control your excitement, audience!
The smell of the trees was still with him, but mixed with it now was the smell of grass, of the nettles, of the brambles. Hard, green, unripe blackberries followed him around, impassively.
ZeldaQueen: "Impassively" (is that even a fucking word?) aptly describes this bland scene
Raxis: Those blackberries just don't care about anything.
After a few minutes another shriek split the air, this one sharp and with no hint of a whimper,
ZeldaQueen: It just makes me feel so happy, how lovingly Neil is detailing the anguished screams of a girl
Raxis: Are you kidding? He's probably getting off on it.
ZeldaQueen: Sadly, events soon to unfold will make it very clear that he is
and Benedict broke into a jog, desperately searching for a way through the vegetation. Eventually he spied
ZeldaQueen: - with his little eye
a gap, just wide enough, and the nettles guarding this pass were trampled down,
Raxis: This forest needs to hire better guards.
ZeldaQueen: Don't say that. You'll see what "guards" there are in this thing...
marking it as a path used recently by others. He paused, looked round carefully,
ZeldaQueen: What, he spun his head in a circle?
and rested his bike gently on the ground near the break.
ZeldaQueen: By God, this is interesting!
Raxis: We'll probably be missing it soon.
With care, he crossed the trampled nettles and squeezed himself into the gap.
ZeldaQueen: I'd say "that's what she said", but sex jokes are what this thing does NOT need
Raxis: it was probably deliberate.
His faded black jeans protected him from the brambles that tried to snatch
ZeldaQueen: Don't use that word, Neil. Like, ever
at him, but his short sleeved polo shirt did a poor job of protecting his arms and upper body.
ZeldaQueen: In other words, Benedict didn't have proper protection. *covers face with hands* I'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSOSOSORRY!
Raxis: (throws a ball at Queen) You should be.
He gritted his teeth as the freshly tanned flesh of his arms was scratched and torn,
Raxis: Yes, we so need these details.
and he forced his way between the brambles with urgency. The gap turned, and turned again, and Benedict became afraid that he was going to come to a halt in a dead end. But just as he began to contemplate the misery of the unrewarded return journey, he saw the gap open up ahead of him. Space and light, more trampled nettles, trees in the distance, and another shriek, louder this time, and with a discernible significance - “Nooooo!”
Raxis:
Benedict hurried, his mind filled with noble intent: to aid, to rescue, to bring succour to this tormented soul, who, as he was now certain, was a girl.
ZeldaQueen: First of all, twelve-year-olds don't think like that. I could almost buy one trying to rescue a person in danger, but not thinking in those terms. Second of all, I know what this little shit is after, and there are no "noble intents" involved
Raxis: This is suddenly reading like Paolini...
Of course it would depend on what the situation was; the precise nature of the threat.
Raxis: We must stop to evaluate her needs before we get to the whole rescuing thing.
ZeldaQueen: If, for example, it was bad fanfiction, he needed to get a makeshift spork
He rehearsed several scenarios in his mind as he fought his way though the last few yards of bramble and broke out into the open again, barely registering the scratches. If it was a snake, and there were adders in the forest, he knew, he would fight it off with a stick. If it was a bear, he wasn’t sure if there were bears in the forest, then maybe he could
ZeldaQueen: Ward it off with piss-poor sentence structures
throw rocks at it; if he could find any to throw. If it was other kids, then, well, maybe he could be brave and fight them off, or if the success of that seemed unlikely, then he could run and get help.
Raxis: Unspoken plan guarantee?
ZeldaQueen: Or shit himself and run, like most twelve-year-olds would
Raxis: Yeah, he's not behaving like any twelve-year-old I've heard of.
ZeldaQueen: Neil still has that issue. Of course, it could also be because Benedict here seems to be Neil's self-insert
Either way he’d be able to do something, and earn the respect and gratitude of the damsel in distress.
Raxis: Rescue Romance?
ZeldaQueen: And access to her quim, don't forget that
He desperately hoped she was pretty, or if not, then would at least show him her breasts in gratitude.
Raxis: (facepalm) WHUT!
ZeldaQueen: What did I tell you? *beats head on the table*
Raxis: I mean, if nothing else, he's a bit young to be thinking about THAT. At age 12 I was still in the "girls are icky" phase.
ZeldaQueen: Of course, this is the same guy who has twelve-year-old girls angsting that they are too flat-chested to warrant a "censored" bar when naked pictures of them are publicized
He hoped it was a bear, that would be best, that would be the most frightening, yield the most gratitude, and maybe she’d be injured.
ZeldaQueen: You are one sick little fuck, you know that?
Raxis: I hate him so badly already.
ZeldaQueen: Darling, this is just the start
Not too much obviously, but enough.
ZeldaQueen: For example, not so badly that her precious boobies were damaged! x(
Raxis: You forget, Queen. This is coming from the guy who let us know that, THANK GOD, Hermione and a twelve-year-olds reproductive organs were A-OK about fives times.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, I didn't forget. >_< Misogynistic asshat, Neil is
Enough so that he might have to tend to her wounds, perhaps tear some of her clothes off to make bandages, or get to the wounds to heal them.
ZeldaQueen: Neil? It usually goes that the RESCUER rips up his or her clothes to bandage the wounds. Tearing the clothes unnecessarily off of a hurt person just puts them at risk for more fun things, like freezing. Of course given how your mind works, you'd probably love a chance for a smutty "hey, your body temperature is low, wanna spoon to get it up?" scenario
Raxis: He's not even considering the girl he's saving might be like 10 and have no curves or anything.
ZeldaQueen: No, see, he would LOVE that, because so would Neil. Anyway, the underage girls in Neil's fics always are huge-breasted. He loves 'em that way. *feels ill*
No one could blame him, not if he had saved her from a bear and was now saving her life. He’d be a hero.
ZeldaQueen: In this insane world, sadly yes. In real life, your sick little fetish fantasies would be blantatly obvious, you stupid troll
Raxis: Uhm, yes, I think any self-respecting girl WOULD be put off by that behavior.
ZeldaQueen: You think there are self-respecting girls in this fic?
Raxis: Right.
He was running across thick grass now, and stopped suddenly, jerked
ZeldaQueen: O_O
Raxis: XD
out of his mental reverie by a steep dirt slope, a mini cliff gouged into the landscape, and he looked down. Below him was a grassy hollow, a stream, an old wooden building which looked long abandoned.
Raxis: And a Balrog come to destroy this fic!
ZeldaQueen: And a run-on sentence, apparently. What did proper grammer ever do to you, Neil?
A quick scan of the landscape revealed no bears, not even one.
Raxis: Get the world's smallest violin ready, I can hear his crushing dissapointment.
ZeldaQueen: There will, however, be plenty of baring. *is shot*
Slightly disappointed, he lowered himself over the edge and tried to navigate the steep slope carefully, but as soon as he released the pressure of his
ZeldaQueen: *clutches head and screams*
hands on the top he slid right to the bottom on the seat of his trousers, the cloud of dust he threw up choked him and stung his scratched arms. He landed in a crumpled heap in the grass, and paused to catch his breath.
Raxis: Gotta love these pointless details.
ZeldaQueen: Let's enjoy 'em while we can, before Neil gets to the "good stuff"
He might have rested longer, gathering his thoughts and recovering from the shock and the stinging, but another shriek, this time more of an “Eeeeek”, jerked him to his feet. It had definitely come from the old wooden building.
Raxis: So we had a screech, a screech and a moan, then another screech, then an eeek. When're we gonna get our "kyah?"
ZeldaQueen: This is sounding like the set-up for a slasher movie. Too bad Benedict isn't going to get axe-murdered
He kept low, body hunched,
Raxis: Boy needs to stop impersonating Solid Snake.
and he ran across the grass as fast as his awkward posture would allow. He straightened himself briefly to jump the stream, then crouched low again, slowing as the building grew nearer. By the time he reached its tired wooden side, his heart was thumping and his breathing was ragged. He didn’t stop. Hugging the wall, he moved quickly for some means of entry, or better still some means to spy on what lay within.
ZeldaQueen: Blah, blah, more fucking useless details, I don't care, Neil you're a terrible writer
He might have missed the jagged hole near the bottom of the wall if he hadn’t heard the voice drifting up from it “… like tourists.” it had said. Benedict froze, looked down, and then dr
Raxis: he dr'ed? (fetches dictionary) I've got nothing.
ZeldaQueen: Maybe a doctor's in there?
The first thing he saw was someone’s back, just half a dozen feet from the hole. Someone kneeling, bent forwards; kneeling on something.
ZeldaQueen: So, someone was using a cat as a tatami mat?
As Benedict took this in he realised that the skirt and the long blond hair suggested that it was a girl,
Raxis: All blond haired boys are now girls in disguise.
ZeldaQueen: As are hippies
and she appeared to be kneeling on someone else’s arm. A bare arm, or at least as far as Benedict could tell.
“I won’t, I won’t, I won’t…” came a desperate girl’s whine from out of Benedict’s view. He wondered if she was the one who needed rescuing,
Raxis: No shit, genius.
ZeldaQueen: Gotta love the phrasing of that. This girl is apparently scared and desperate, and he's describing her as "whining". You unfeeling bastard!
and he flattened himself a little more, easing forwards for a better view.
ZeldaQueen: Why do I hear "The Stripper" playing in my head?
What he saw next shocked him to his core.
ZeldaQueen: I'm sure it did
He couldn’t see the face of the girl whose arm was being knelt on, but he could see the boy kneeling on her other arm, and he could see the bottom half of a naked chest, the whole of a naked tummy, a pair of pink and orange stripy knickers, and the tops of a pair of naked thighs.
ZeldaQueen: (Neil) "Did I emphasis enough that there are naked bits here? Naked bits from a girl? NakedNakedNakedNaked *umph*"
Raxis: I'm not sure, I think I missed it. Is she naked by any chance? And I'm already sick of hearing about knickers, it reminds me too much of Hogwarts Exposed...
His mind raced, and his pulse quickened. He could not escape from the realisation that he was looking at a girl of not dissimilar age to himself, who was stripped down to her knickers, and by all the available evidence he had to conclude that she had not consented to this treatment.
Raxis: Oh yeah, nothing sexier than a twelve-year old. Who needs silly things like curves or boobs.
ZeldaQueen: ...Neil. Hands. OUT. OF. YOUR. PANTS.
Benedict took a big gulp of air, feeling like he’d had the wind knocked out of him. He’d never seen a girl as undressed as this before; he’d never seen or even heard of a girl being stripped like this. He felt his stomach fall, and inside his pants his willy lurched. He had never felt so excited in all his life.
Raxis: *facepalm* This is disgusting.
ZeldaQueen: *tosses a pair of earplugs to Raxis* Here. I need to get this off of my chest. NEIL YOU DISGUSTING PILE OF DOG SHIT, MAY A COLONY OF FIRE ANTS TAKE UP RESIDENCE IN YOUR ASSHOLE!
He didn’t even calculate his chances of a successful rescue. The idea of rescuing this girl had been abandoned without a grain of guilt.
Raxis: Now he wants to join in!
ZeldaQueen: Yes. He does. I'm not even joking. Just...you'll see
He wanted to see what they were going to do next. He wanted to help the captors.
ZeldaQueen: *SCREAMS OF FURY* I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! WHY AM I SUPPOSED TO LIKE THIS LITTLE SHIT, HE WHO WANTS TO HELP ASSAULT A HELPLESS YOUNG GIRL???
He had no idea what this game was, but he wanted to play it more than he had ever wanted anything in his life before.
Raxis: Uuughhh... I wanna kill this little bastard so badly. For the record, I'm no less pissed than Queen, I just tend to channel it better.
ZeldaQueen: *IS EATING A TABLE LEG IN HER FURY*
As he lay paralysed by the desire coursing within him, he saw a third person, just briefly. A head of long black hair obscuring what must have been another girl’s face, leaning into view. Two arms, two hands, and many fingers wiggling down the captive’s flanks.
ZeldaQueen: *tiredly, having nearly lost her voice* Just say she's stroking that poor girl's leg's, Neil. It's more direct, and you can enjoy the image to wank to
The captive’s shriek sounded deafening to Benedict at this range, and he watched as the girl, pinned to the floor, wriggled and squirmed in her futile attempts to avoid her torment.
Raxis: Shit, I just feel sorry for the poor girl and I wanna beat the shit out of Benedict...
Benedict quickly ran his eyes up and down her body, and in his desperation nearly shouted out to the girl kneeling in front of him to get out of the way so he could see if the captive’s breast were bare,
Raxis: She's TWELVE. She probably hasn't got any! Stop it with your fucking pedophilia, you bastard!
ZeldaQueen: Raxis, this is Neil's fantasy. In Hogwarts Exposed, Emily had boobs like beach balls were shoved into her chest
and, if so - stab them with his eyes.
Raxis: That would be pretty tricky.
ZeldaQueen: *lovingly strokes a kitchen knife* Your eyes and stabbing, you say? I can help you with that
He nearly jumped when the boy spoke “Shall we get her knickers off then?” he said, almost lazily, as if such a thing were of no consequence, as if he was suggesting something utterly mundane.
ZeldaQueen: Gee, I wonder if this unnamed asshole thinks there would be no consequences for his behavior?
Raxis: Neil wrote this; random sex is the norm in this world.
ZeldaQueen: Sadly, yes. And Benedict actively aids them, the little fucker
Benedict squinted his eyes to get a better look at the boy, but didn’t get any impression of indifference from him. He looked to be about thirteen years old, with shoulder length muddy brown hair, and dark eyes. His face was finely featured, cast slightly femininely; and flushed. Even Benedict could see that the boy was breathing rapidly, and even Benedict could see that as the boy knelt forward slightly, the front of his trousers bulged outwards.
Raxis: Thanks for that...
ZeldaQueen: I see Neil still enjoys pointing details like that out
The captive started struggling again, and moaning “No! Please! I didn’t know… I’m sorry… Please don’t do… that.”
ZeldaQueen: (Neil) "Ohhhh yeah, baby!"
...God, I hate myself. *pulls out a vomit bucket* Care for one of your own, Raxis?
Raxis: One little bucket wouldn't suffice.
ZeldaQueen: Better than nothing, though
The black haired girl had retreated from view when the boy had queried the fate of the girl’s underwear, but now her hands came back into view and rested on the top of the captive’s knickers “Might as well get her naked” she said, but showed no sign of haste in the operation.
Raxis: We have to drag out Neil's enjoyment, after all.
ZeldaQueen: Who wants to bet Neil got this scene from a porn he rented?
The captive began to struggle even harder, shouting and crying out incoherently.
Raxis: You can just tell Neil's enjoyment is peaking.
ZeldaQueen: Something else is probably peaking as well. x(
Some pleading and begging, some threats, some exclamations of the impossibility of what they were suggesting doing to her. The blond girl in front of Benedict shifted slightly to keep a grip on the girl’s arm, to keep her pinned down; and for just a second, he caught a glimpse of a bare breast, a bare nipple. The sight of that young budding breast, that nubile erect nipple, added to the awesome anticipation of the girl’s knickers coming off caused Benedict to groan viscerally.
ZeldaQueen: FUCK YOU NEIL! FUCK YOU WITH A WOODEN SPOON! MAY SATAN SHOVE A PITCHFORK UP WAZOO AND LEAVE IT THERE FOR YOU TO SPIN ON!!!
Raxis: That's a hilarious mental image.
ZeldaQueen: It helps with the pain
Raxis: Seriously, I want to kill him so badly.
The muddy haired boy looked up quickly, his expression changing swiftly from lust to shock. The blond girl twisted her body round, her face following. The black haired girl bent forward quickly, her head turning directly to the hole. The captive’s body heaved upwards as she filled her lungs “HELP!!!”
Raxis: Sorry, girl, but the only person this bastard will help is your abusers.
Benedict abandoned all intentions of helping anyone but himself.
ZeldaQueen: SO NICE OF HIM TO FLAT-OUT ADMIT IT! *BEGINS TO EAT THE REST OF THE DAMNED TABLE*
He shot up to his feet and ran faster than he had ever run in his life. He flew across the grass, leapt the stream, and nearly broke the sound barrier before his body slammed into the dirt incline.
Raxis: So he transformed into a very incompetent Sonic the Hedgehog.
[SNIP: BENEDICT RUNS AWAY LIKE THE LITTLE COWARD HE IS]
Raxis: Yup, lots of running. Important details in running.
As he recovered his breath, his chest heaving up and down on the grass, he mentally kicked himself for being so stupid. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to groan, and afterwards he should never have panicked. Obviously they hadn’t suspected they were being spied on, obviously they hadn’t known he was there. They turned and looked, and then… probably just disregarded the sound, as… something of no importance. After all, they had a girl’s knickers to pull off.
ZeldaQueen: Because we all know that THAT is the sort of thing that a twelve-year-old figures! That every guy is distracted to the point of idiocy by the prospect of seeing a young girl naked! Also, don't you just love our hero? He sees a girl being held somewhere against her will, clearly terrified, and what does he think? "Oh, well the prospect of forcibly undressing her is a convenient distraction. Go me!"
Raxis: Not to mention, shouldn't they be trying to.... stop him? If he goes for help, they're in trouble. Of course, that would require a main character that isn't a total DOUCHE.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, we find out why they don't stop him later. They set up some Indecent Proposal type of thing, where they say he can either join their little club, or they'll strip and torture him. Charming characters, huh?
Raxis:... I hate you, Neil...
He closed his eyes, tried to recall the sight of the girl lying nearly naked on the floor. Brought to mind her breast, her tummy, the impending knicker removal. The erection that had fled his penis as fast as he had fled the building, had returned. He was rigid.
Raxis: Yes, lovely, let's get hard over this. Who cares for stupid things like saving the poor girl ><
ZeldaQueen: Might as well forget about the girl now, Raxis. I don't think she ever shows up again. Clearly, they either torment her until they're sure she isn't going to tell someone, or they murdered her and threw her body in a ditch. I wouldn't put it past those fuckers
He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to return. He wanted to get back to the hole,
ZeldaQueen: ...I'm sure you do, Benedict
get back to watching whatever game this was, although he didn’t really think it was a game. He wanted to see the girl, to see her naked boy,
ZeldaQueen: Oh ho ho! See Neil, this is why betas help! Of course, I can understand not getting betas for this POS
Raxis: Nice find, I missed that xD
see her knickers being pulled off, see her…
Raxis: (weak laughter) I just wanna kill him so badly...
But he couldn’t. He was sure that by the time he got there it would be too late.
Raxis: Bah, this was written by Neil, this won't be ending anytime soon.
ZeldaQueen: I assure you, it isn't
And they could emerge at any moment. He might be caught.
ZeldaQueen: They could emerge at any moment, for they are the groundhogs!
Raxis: He already was caught, and they didn't do a thing, why's he being such a coward?
What would they do to him if they caught him?
Raxis: They'd invoke Merlin's Writ!
ZeldaQueen: Nah, that's Halcyon. In Neil's messed-up world, sex is the only punishment ever
He didn’t have the courage.
Raxis: nothing new here.
But maybe they wouldn’t emerge. Maybe it wouldn’t all be over.
ZeldaQueen: Not until Neil's genitals fall off, sadly. Of course, I can help with that. *waves broadsword*
Raxis: Of course, you gotta love that this bastard's chief worry is that "ZOMG, I MIGHT HAVE MISSED THE SHOW! D:"
Maybe she was still lying there now. Knickerless for sure, but still lying there, being tickled, being… what else might they do to her? He didn’t know, didn’t dare imagine. They wouldn’t rape her would they?
ZeldaQueen: *swells with fury* OH, AS IF YOU CARE, YOU BASTARD! And no, Neil, this doesn't make Benedict look like a decent guy, having him go "Oh noes, I worry that she is being raped!" You see, them holding her down and undressing her and tickling her is JUST AS BAD. It's a display of power, it's hurting her emotionally, and leaving her to that makes Benedict an unsympathetic little shit!
Raxis: Neil couldn't write a sympathetic character if his dick depended on it.
ZeldaQueen: True. Incidentally, it's his same tactics as before. He did that in Hogwarts Exposed, handwaving his characters' despicable actions, like Emily forcing Kim to be a nudist, by trying to make it look like Kim WANTED it, or that it turned out for the better that she did so
Raxis: God, Emily, to quote Overlord Zetta, I'd love to crush her like a grape. If you picture that said in Crispin Freeman's voice, it's a badass threat :D
He rolled onto his back and stared up at the sky. His stomach churned, his mind was in turmoil. He couldn’t drag himself away, but nor could he raise the courage to go back down there and risk being caught.
Raxis: Doing something to help her is STILL out of the question.
As much as his mind yearned to be witnessing those events in the old wooden building, his body ached for it more.
Raxis: I don't see how his mind wants to see it. Is it like scientific curiosity or something? The mind isn't usually associated with base lust.
ZeldaQueen: No, see, Benedict's a budding psychopath. He gets off on watching girls being tormented, and no doubt enjoys the post-orgasm high with setting something on fire and tormenting small, sick animals
Raxis: No doubt.
His body ached in a way he had never experienced before, and he felt hot and flushed all over.
ZeldaQueen: Considering how horny this guy is throughout the entire fic, I find that hard to believe
Instinctively he thrust his hand down into the front of his jeans, inside his pants, and slid it across the still unfamiliar hairs at the top of his groin, until at last he took hold of his raging erection.
Raxis: At age twelve? Early bloomer.
ZeldaQueen: Like I said, Neil's self-insert
He tugged it upward into a more comfortable position, and felt a brief thrill run up his spine. His hand felt a little sticky, and he pulled it out again, and raised it to his nose, sniffing cautiously.
Raxis: Wow, that was fast.
ZeldaQueen: JULY AND CHRISTMAS! Please tell me that most guys at twelve don't... erm...
Raxis: In my experience, no.
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, and I doubt a twelve-year-old would be all ritualistic about it. Dorothy did that in Lost Girls, and she was older than that, and it was admittedly porn!
Benedict had never masturbated, and although he had heard about the practise, didn’t really know exactly what it was, or how it was done. He sighed deeply, and frowned unhappily, his whole being in a state of complete agitation.
Raxis: Evidently he's doing it wrong if it's getting him pissed.
ZeldaQueen: Clearly he's gone all limp, without a tormented girl to watch
Two weeks ago he had led a perfectly normal life in Gloucestershire, near Coleford in the Forest of Dean, where he never saw anything like he’d seen a few minutes ago.
Raxis: A sane world, unsullied by Neil?
ZeldaQueen: Incidentally, ten bucks says that the Forest of Dean bit only was dropped because it was brought up in Deathly Hallows
His father, working for the Forestry Commission had been transferred to the New Forest in Hampshire, and had held the transfer off until the summer holidays, so that Benedict’s and his sister Amy’s schooling wouldn’t be disrupted.
Raxis:
ZeldaQueen: Dear God in Heaven, please tell me that Amy isn't preteen. Otherwise, I have a HORRIBLE feeling about this...
Benedict would start at his new school in September, a new school year, but that had meant that Benedict hadn’t had the chance to make any friends yet.
ZeldaQueen: Aw, isn't this sweet? This is just like a feel-good summer film, like The Sandlot! Only with sex and pedophilia!
Raxis: This appears to be set in Britain, judging from the above locations, and in Britain you begin primary school at age 11, see Harry Potter.
He wondered if he could make friends with the children he’d seen tormenting the girl.
ZeldaQueen: ...Yes, because those are the sorts of people one would want to befriend! I hate you, Neil
Raxis: My thoughts exactly.
He wondered if he wanted to. If he could have the chance to see a girl naked, tickle her like that, touch her… His penis throbbed at the prospect.
ZeldaQueen: *tiredly* Get use to that, folks. It's going to be mentioned a lot
Raxis: TMI, Neil...
But then, if they do that sort of thing, they might do it to him, it could be deadly dangerous.
ZeldaQueen: Um, they didn't do anything that could be seen as "deadly". Cruel and sadistic, yes, but not deadly
Raxis: I told you, they'll definately invoke Merlin's Writ and duel to the death for the sake of honor.
He couldn’t imagine being in that position. No one saw him naked, and hadn’t for years, and certainly not since he’d started to grow hair down there. It was inconceivable, he’d simply die.
ZeldaQueen: Oh yes, God forbid he show empathy for their victims, or think badly of them. No, they're just fine, as far as he's concerned. He just doesn't want it to happen to him. He's fine with them, otherwise!
Raxis: Scum...
ZeldaQueen: Makes me wish the would do it to him, so he would die
He couldn’t make friends with them, but maybe he could come back and spy, another time, maybe he’d see another girl.
Raxis: This piece of shit is unbelievable!
ZeldaQueen: (Benedict) "Oh no, they might forcibly strip and tickle me if I associate with them! I should stay away from them, and just try to get a free show. I wonder if they'll just let me pay admission..."
Or, maybe, if he could scout the place out properly, when no-ne
ZeldaQueen: ...Um, did you mean "no-one", Neil?
was around, he could find a really good hiding place, where no-one would find him, where he would be able to see everything.
Raxis: No-one knows the trouble I've seen~
ZeldaQueen: Fucking voyer. And "no-one" does not make your fic look more British, Neil
His penis throbbed again at the prospect.
Raxis: With any luck it might burst.
He rolled onto his tummy, peering back down at the building. He was still not completely decided on whether he should risk sneaking back down for another peek, or whether he should just leave.
Raxis: Well there wouldn't be any story if he did the humane thing.
He finally decided to do neither when he realised that there was a possibility that they might throw the girl out of the building naked, and he might get to see her from here, without taking any unnecessary risks. This, he was sure, was a good idea: the best of both worlds.
Raxis: Yeah, I'm sure, they'll just toss her out the minute they're done with her. And these bastards don't get reported for what they're doing whyyyyy?
ZeldaQueen: At the very least, you'd think they'd let her dress before they threw her out. We find out later that this is hardly the first girl they did this to. I think a session of naked girls wandering around in the area would raise some questions
He tugged a thick stalk of grass out of the ground, chewed it slowly, and waited.
ZeldaQueen: *growls* Oh yes, just relax, cool as you please! Just hang out there, waiting to see a naked, traumatized girl be thrown outside. Maybe you can cop a feel, while you're at it!
While he waited he ran the whole scene through his mind again, trying to recapture every detail. It was the breast that kept gnawing at his attention, and kept him agitated.
Raxis: Gotta love those twelve year old breasts... And you also gotta love how he's lovingly remembering the abuse.
ZeldaQueen: Neil, kindly stop wanking. I can hear you all the way in Pittsburgh!
Then something else slipped into his mind,
Raxis: His long-dead conscience?
ZeldaQueen: A brain cell?
what was it she had said? Something about being sorry, and not doing it again. Yes, that was it. So she’d done something wrong. She was being punished. That put a whole different complexion on things. He could be their friend after all.
Raxis: GAAAAH, I REALLYREALLY WANT TO SLAUGHTER YOU!
ZeldaQueen: See what I said about Neil's twisted justifications of things? Oh, she did something wrong, so that TOTALLY JUSTIFIES TORTURING A CHILD! I hate him!
They wouldn’t do anything like that to him, because he hadn’t done anything wrong. So he’d be safe.
ZeldaQueen: Apparently it doesn't occur to young Benedict here that their rules on what's "wrong" might not work in his favor
[SNIP: BENEDICT WARBLES BACK AND FORTH AS TO WHETHER OR NOT HE SHOULD TALK TO THE GROUP OR NOT, ONLY CARING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT HE WILL BE PUNISHED. WHAT A GREAT GUY]
He wanted to see that girl naked so badly he could almost burst.
Raxis: Please do, explode and end this misery, you bastard.
And he nearly did burst.
Raxis: Dammit! Do it over Neil, nobody likes somebody who does things half-ass!
ZeldaQueen: Don't you mean Benedict? :P
Raxis: ... Oh wow, I didn't notice I did that. Oh well, they're the same guy.
“Hello” said a voice behind him. He leapt out of his skin,
ZeldaQueen: God, don't I wish!
and was bolt upright in a second. He saw a girl stood there studying him curiously. She was maybe eleven years old, with long blond hair, like the kneeling girl in the building, she looked amused.
ZeldaQueen: Lord Almighty, I sense the Emily Clone of this fic
Raxis: Oh no...
“I didn’t do anything” Benedict blurted out “I didn’t see anything… I wasn’t spying” he said growing ever more desperate.
ZeldaQueen: You, my good sir, are a moron. And seeing as Neil is living out his sick fantasies through you, there sadly is no chance of these assholes doing something nasty to you as a result
Raxis: If there's any good side to these fics, it's that we can be safely assured Neil's spawn will probably never infect the gene pool; what woman would want him? XD
The way she just smiled at him sweetly sent him into a panic, and he threw himself at the brambles, fighting his way back into the gap, oblivious to the scratches he was receiving.
Raxis: Our hero, folks!
“Nice bum” she called after him,
ZeldaQueen: Neil, I assure you that no matter what your fantasies are, no eleven-year-old is going to be complimenting your ass any time soon
but Benedict didn’t hear her. His advance was fast and furious, and he battled his way through the vicious vegetation until he emerged tattered and bleeding at the other side.
Raxis: Like a hero!
He looked around frantically for his bike, wrenched it up from the floor, and on the third running attempt mounted it and pedalled away as if the devil were chasing him.
ZeldaQueen: Actually, it's M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. agents. We're here to stake you with a spork. Enjoy! :D
Raxis: We're done! :D Finally! (tears of joy)
ZeldaQueen: Until the next chapter, in any case. See you next time, ladies and gentlemen!
Raxis: Later.
Onward to: Chapter 2 - The Invitation
Back to: Introduction/Warnings
Return to: Table of Contents
ZeldaQueen: Glad to have you, Raxis! *to the viewers* Folks, you all remember Neil. How could you not? Hogwarts Exposed can only be forgotten through heavy drinking coupled with a lobotomy.
Raxis: I'm not sure that's sufficient.
ZeldaQueen: Possibly the best we could do. In any case, we sang Halle-hallelueh, Neil had gone away for some time. Unfortunately, he's back. And this time, he worte some original fiction.
Raxis: Dear god, no. How does it compare with Hogwarts Exposed? I've never actually read this thing before; is it worse?
ZeldaQueen: What sort of a question is that? He no longer has Harry Potter canon to mask his blatant fetishes and pedophila with. Of COURSE it's worse!
Raxis: Aww, shit, you're right. Hey, anyone mind going into Fire Emblem or something so we can ask the Demon King to munch Neil's soul?
ZeldaQueen: It would likely give him indigestion. So, let us instead spork it! For your enjoyment pleasure eye-gouging -
Raxis: Hah, the only one in any sort of enjoyment is that piece of slime who wrote this.
ZeldaQueen: - We give you The Gang!
Raxis: That's the name?
ZeldaQueen: Yes. Doesn't it just sound like a happy children's-block show?
Raxis: Depressingly, yes.
ZeldaQueen: :D Let's get started!
Projection Room Voices: Warning, regular M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. sporking protocol overriden! Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 1: Benedict Davidson
Benedict Davison brought the back wheel-
Raxis: Benedict Davison was riding through the woods and one day he discovered a baby whapped in colth. This is what the intro is reading like, Neil. Like Legolas By Laura.
of his mountain bike in a wide arc as he slammed on the brakes and brought himself to a juddering halt, spewing a semi- circle of dry dirt up in the air.
Raxis: For he saw too late the 16-wheeler driving right towards him.
ZeldaQueen: Jesus Christ Neil, are you trying to outdo Stephenie Meyer by way of sheer bloated prose?
He steadied
ZeldaQueen: Given that this is being written by Neil, those words make me shudder
his own heavy breathing, and listened carefully, and after a short while he heard it again:
Raxis:
Click to viewHe never stood a chance.
a high pitched shriek. It sounded like a girl, in distress, but it didn’t sound dangerous; not like someone being murdered or anything.
ZeldaQueen: Um, how do you tell that? Unless she laughed after the scream, or some such thing, I'd imagine that screams of distress sound similar
Raxis: Maybe the scream was kinda deadpan?
ZeldaQueen: (Girl) "Oh God, oh God, get me out of this fic!"
With care, he climbed off his bike, and began wheeling it off the track and into the forest proper, his eyes scanning carefully for any possible source of trouble.
ZeldaQueen: Don't worry kid, Neil has an aversion to actual conflict. It gets in the way of sexy times
He didn’t want to get into anything he couldn’t handle, but on the other hand that sound had stirred something primeval in his twelve year old body
Raxis: This is so wrong when coming from Neil.
ZeldaQueen: Question! Do many twelve-year-olds ride around on mountain bikes? Also, I think most would think "Oh shit!" and run, if they heard screaming. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, that "primeval" feeling is just as disgusting as you probably think
, and he had to see what was causing it. As his breathing slowed his ears attuned to the sound of the birds in the forest, his nose attuned to the sweet smell of the ancient oaks and beeches that were in full leaf.
Raxis: His left pinky attuned to the spider sense, his right knee began to wobble!
He heard the sound again, only this time its tone had changed, half shriek, half whimper. He changed direction slightly, homing in on it, ready to leap back on his bike and pedal for his life at the first sign of danger.
ZeldaQueen: Our Protagonist, who bravely flees at the drop of a hat!
Raxis: Well, it's not QUITE as bad as Jenna and Link. At least this dood isn't trying to say he's a hero.
ZeldaQueen: No. I'm sorry, but this little shit deserves no sympathy. Just wait until you see what his reaction to the situation is, when he sees the person in distress
Raxis: Hoo-boy...
He quickened his pace a little as he pushed his bike up the slope, through the thinning trees; breathing heavily again, afraid he might miss whatever was at the root of this noise.
ZeldaQueen: Don't worry kid, you'll see it all. Neil and you will both enjoy it immensely
Raxis: I'm already tired of all the prose about his breathing and him being careful...
“Bugger” he said quietly, as he realised he wouldn’t be able to crest the rise
Raxis: You know you're in trouble when you're using phrases that not even I know. Then again, this is the guy always going The Balance Of.
because of the thick undergrowth ahead of him. He looked left and right and
ZeldaQueen: - shook it all about
seeing no clue to which way would be best, he turned to his right and skirted the brambles and nettles blocking his path.
Raxis: This is all so gripping! Control your excitement, audience!
The smell of the trees was still with him, but mixed with it now was the smell of grass, of the nettles, of the brambles. Hard, green, unripe blackberries followed him around, impassively.
ZeldaQueen: "Impassively" (is that even a fucking word?) aptly describes this bland scene
Raxis: Those blackberries just don't care about anything.
After a few minutes another shriek split the air, this one sharp and with no hint of a whimper,
ZeldaQueen: It just makes me feel so happy, how lovingly Neil is detailing the anguished screams of a girl
Raxis: Are you kidding? He's probably getting off on it.
ZeldaQueen: Sadly, events soon to unfold will make it very clear that he is
and Benedict broke into a jog, desperately searching for a way through the vegetation. Eventually he spied
ZeldaQueen: - with his little eye
a gap, just wide enough, and the nettles guarding this pass were trampled down,
Raxis: This forest needs to hire better guards.
ZeldaQueen: Don't say that. You'll see what "guards" there are in this thing...
marking it as a path used recently by others. He paused, looked round carefully,
ZeldaQueen: What, he spun his head in a circle?
and rested his bike gently on the ground near the break.
ZeldaQueen: By God, this is interesting!
Raxis: We'll probably be missing it soon.
With care, he crossed the trampled nettles and squeezed himself into the gap.
ZeldaQueen: I'd say "that's what she said", but sex jokes are what this thing does NOT need
Raxis: it was probably deliberate.
His faded black jeans protected him from the brambles that tried to snatch
ZeldaQueen: Don't use that word, Neil. Like, ever
at him, but his short sleeved polo shirt did a poor job of protecting his arms and upper body.
ZeldaQueen: In other words, Benedict didn't have proper protection. *covers face with hands* I'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSOSOSORRY!
Raxis: (throws a ball at Queen) You should be.
He gritted his teeth as the freshly tanned flesh of his arms was scratched and torn,
Raxis: Yes, we so need these details.
and he forced his way between the brambles with urgency. The gap turned, and turned again, and Benedict became afraid that he was going to come to a halt in a dead end. But just as he began to contemplate the misery of the unrewarded return journey, he saw the gap open up ahead of him. Space and light, more trampled nettles, trees in the distance, and another shriek, louder this time, and with a discernible significance - “Nooooo!”
Raxis:
Benedict hurried, his mind filled with noble intent: to aid, to rescue, to bring succour to this tormented soul, who, as he was now certain, was a girl.
ZeldaQueen: First of all, twelve-year-olds don't think like that. I could almost buy one trying to rescue a person in danger, but not thinking in those terms. Second of all, I know what this little shit is after, and there are no "noble intents" involved
Raxis: This is suddenly reading like Paolini...
Of course it would depend on what the situation was; the precise nature of the threat.
Raxis: We must stop to evaluate her needs before we get to the whole rescuing thing.
ZeldaQueen: If, for example, it was bad fanfiction, he needed to get a makeshift spork
He rehearsed several scenarios in his mind as he fought his way though the last few yards of bramble and broke out into the open again, barely registering the scratches. If it was a snake, and there were adders in the forest, he knew, he would fight it off with a stick. If it was a bear, he wasn’t sure if there were bears in the forest, then maybe he could
ZeldaQueen: Ward it off with piss-poor sentence structures
throw rocks at it; if he could find any to throw. If it was other kids, then, well, maybe he could be brave and fight them off, or if the success of that seemed unlikely, then he could run and get help.
Raxis: Unspoken plan guarantee?
ZeldaQueen: Or shit himself and run, like most twelve-year-olds would
Raxis: Yeah, he's not behaving like any twelve-year-old I've heard of.
ZeldaQueen: Neil still has that issue. Of course, it could also be because Benedict here seems to be Neil's self-insert
Either way he’d be able to do something, and earn the respect and gratitude of the damsel in distress.
Raxis: Rescue Romance?
ZeldaQueen: And access to her quim, don't forget that
He desperately hoped she was pretty, or if not, then would at least show him her breasts in gratitude.
Raxis: (facepalm) WHUT!
ZeldaQueen: What did I tell you? *beats head on the table*
Raxis: I mean, if nothing else, he's a bit young to be thinking about THAT. At age 12 I was still in the "girls are icky" phase.
ZeldaQueen: Of course, this is the same guy who has twelve-year-old girls angsting that they are too flat-chested to warrant a "censored" bar when naked pictures of them are publicized
He hoped it was a bear, that would be best, that would be the most frightening, yield the most gratitude, and maybe she’d be injured.
ZeldaQueen: You are one sick little fuck, you know that?
Raxis: I hate him so badly already.
ZeldaQueen: Darling, this is just the start
Not too much obviously, but enough.
ZeldaQueen: For example, not so badly that her precious boobies were damaged! x(
Raxis: You forget, Queen. This is coming from the guy who let us know that, THANK GOD, Hermione and a twelve-year-olds reproductive organs were A-OK about fives times.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, I didn't forget. >_< Misogynistic asshat, Neil is
Enough so that he might have to tend to her wounds, perhaps tear some of her clothes off to make bandages, or get to the wounds to heal them.
ZeldaQueen: Neil? It usually goes that the RESCUER rips up his or her clothes to bandage the wounds. Tearing the clothes unnecessarily off of a hurt person just puts them at risk for more fun things, like freezing. Of course given how your mind works, you'd probably love a chance for a smutty "hey, your body temperature is low, wanna spoon to get it up?" scenario
Raxis: He's not even considering the girl he's saving might be like 10 and have no curves or anything.
ZeldaQueen: No, see, he would LOVE that, because so would Neil. Anyway, the underage girls in Neil's fics always are huge-breasted. He loves 'em that way. *feels ill*
No one could blame him, not if he had saved her from a bear and was now saving her life. He’d be a hero.
ZeldaQueen: In this insane world, sadly yes. In real life, your sick little fetish fantasies would be blantatly obvious, you stupid troll
Raxis: Uhm, yes, I think any self-respecting girl WOULD be put off by that behavior.
ZeldaQueen: You think there are self-respecting girls in this fic?
Raxis: Right.
He was running across thick grass now, and stopped suddenly, jerked
ZeldaQueen: O_O
Raxis: XD
out of his mental reverie by a steep dirt slope, a mini cliff gouged into the landscape, and he looked down. Below him was a grassy hollow, a stream, an old wooden building which looked long abandoned.
Raxis: And a Balrog come to destroy this fic!
ZeldaQueen: And a run-on sentence, apparently. What did proper grammer ever do to you, Neil?
A quick scan of the landscape revealed no bears, not even one.
Raxis: Get the world's smallest violin ready, I can hear his crushing dissapointment.
ZeldaQueen: There will, however, be plenty of baring. *is shot*
Slightly disappointed, he lowered himself over the edge and tried to navigate the steep slope carefully, but as soon as he released the pressure of his
ZeldaQueen: *clutches head and screams*
hands on the top he slid right to the bottom on the seat of his trousers, the cloud of dust he threw up choked him and stung his scratched arms. He landed in a crumpled heap in the grass, and paused to catch his breath.
Raxis: Gotta love these pointless details.
ZeldaQueen: Let's enjoy 'em while we can, before Neil gets to the "good stuff"
He might have rested longer, gathering his thoughts and recovering from the shock and the stinging, but another shriek, this time more of an “Eeeeek”, jerked him to his feet. It had definitely come from the old wooden building.
Raxis: So we had a screech, a screech and a moan, then another screech, then an eeek. When're we gonna get our "kyah?"
ZeldaQueen: This is sounding like the set-up for a slasher movie. Too bad Benedict isn't going to get axe-murdered
He kept low, body hunched,
Raxis: Boy needs to stop impersonating Solid Snake.
and he ran across the grass as fast as his awkward posture would allow. He straightened himself briefly to jump the stream, then crouched low again, slowing as the building grew nearer. By the time he reached its tired wooden side, his heart was thumping and his breathing was ragged. He didn’t stop. Hugging the wall, he moved quickly for some means of entry, or better still some means to spy on what lay within.
ZeldaQueen: Blah, blah, more fucking useless details, I don't care, Neil you're a terrible writer
He might have missed the jagged hole near the bottom of the wall if he hadn’t heard the voice drifting up from it “… like tourists.” it had said. Benedict froze, looked down, and then dr
Raxis: he dr'ed? (fetches dictionary) I've got nothing.
ZeldaQueen: Maybe a doctor's in there?
The first thing he saw was someone’s back, just half a dozen feet from the hole. Someone kneeling, bent forwards; kneeling on something.
ZeldaQueen: So, someone was using a cat as a tatami mat?
As Benedict took this in he realised that the skirt and the long blond hair suggested that it was a girl,
Raxis: All blond haired boys are now girls in disguise.
ZeldaQueen: As are hippies
and she appeared to be kneeling on someone else’s arm. A bare arm, or at least as far as Benedict could tell.
“I won’t, I won’t, I won’t…” came a desperate girl’s whine from out of Benedict’s view. He wondered if she was the one who needed rescuing,
Raxis: No shit, genius.
ZeldaQueen: Gotta love the phrasing of that. This girl is apparently scared and desperate, and he's describing her as "whining". You unfeeling bastard!
and he flattened himself a little more, easing forwards for a better view.
ZeldaQueen: Why do I hear "The Stripper" playing in my head?
What he saw next shocked him to his core.
ZeldaQueen: I'm sure it did
He couldn’t see the face of the girl whose arm was being knelt on, but he could see the boy kneeling on her other arm, and he could see the bottom half of a naked chest, the whole of a naked tummy, a pair of pink and orange stripy knickers, and the tops of a pair of naked thighs.
ZeldaQueen: (Neil) "Did I emphasis enough that there are naked bits here? Naked bits from a girl? NakedNakedNakedNaked *umph*"
Raxis: I'm not sure, I think I missed it. Is she naked by any chance? And I'm already sick of hearing about knickers, it reminds me too much of Hogwarts Exposed...
His mind raced, and his pulse quickened. He could not escape from the realisation that he was looking at a girl of not dissimilar age to himself, who was stripped down to her knickers, and by all the available evidence he had to conclude that she had not consented to this treatment.
Raxis: Oh yeah, nothing sexier than a twelve-year old. Who needs silly things like curves or boobs.
ZeldaQueen: ...Neil. Hands. OUT. OF. YOUR. PANTS.
Benedict took a big gulp of air, feeling like he’d had the wind knocked out of him. He’d never seen a girl as undressed as this before; he’d never seen or even heard of a girl being stripped like this. He felt his stomach fall, and inside his pants his willy lurched. He had never felt so excited in all his life.
Raxis: *facepalm* This is disgusting.
ZeldaQueen: *tosses a pair of earplugs to Raxis* Here. I need to get this off of my chest. NEIL YOU DISGUSTING PILE OF DOG SHIT, MAY A COLONY OF FIRE ANTS TAKE UP RESIDENCE IN YOUR ASSHOLE!
He didn’t even calculate his chances of a successful rescue. The idea of rescuing this girl had been abandoned without a grain of guilt.
Raxis: Now he wants to join in!
ZeldaQueen: Yes. He does. I'm not even joking. Just...you'll see
He wanted to see what they were going to do next. He wanted to help the captors.
ZeldaQueen: *SCREAMS OF FURY* I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! WHY AM I SUPPOSED TO LIKE THIS LITTLE SHIT, HE WHO WANTS TO HELP ASSAULT A HELPLESS YOUNG GIRL???
He had no idea what this game was, but he wanted to play it more than he had ever wanted anything in his life before.
Raxis: Uuughhh... I wanna kill this little bastard so badly. For the record, I'm no less pissed than Queen, I just tend to channel it better.
ZeldaQueen: *IS EATING A TABLE LEG IN HER FURY*
As he lay paralysed by the desire coursing within him, he saw a third person, just briefly. A head of long black hair obscuring what must have been another girl’s face, leaning into view. Two arms, two hands, and many fingers wiggling down the captive’s flanks.
ZeldaQueen: *tiredly, having nearly lost her voice* Just say she's stroking that poor girl's leg's, Neil. It's more direct, and you can enjoy the image to wank to
The captive’s shriek sounded deafening to Benedict at this range, and he watched as the girl, pinned to the floor, wriggled and squirmed in her futile attempts to avoid her torment.
Raxis: Shit, I just feel sorry for the poor girl and I wanna beat the shit out of Benedict...
Benedict quickly ran his eyes up and down her body, and in his desperation nearly shouted out to the girl kneeling in front of him to get out of the way so he could see if the captive’s breast were bare,
Raxis: She's TWELVE. She probably hasn't got any! Stop it with your fucking pedophilia, you bastard!
ZeldaQueen: Raxis, this is Neil's fantasy. In Hogwarts Exposed, Emily had boobs like beach balls were shoved into her chest
and, if so - stab them with his eyes.
Raxis: That would be pretty tricky.
ZeldaQueen: *lovingly strokes a kitchen knife* Your eyes and stabbing, you say? I can help you with that
He nearly jumped when the boy spoke “Shall we get her knickers off then?” he said, almost lazily, as if such a thing were of no consequence, as if he was suggesting something utterly mundane.
ZeldaQueen: Gee, I wonder if this unnamed asshole thinks there would be no consequences for his behavior?
Raxis: Neil wrote this; random sex is the norm in this world.
ZeldaQueen: Sadly, yes. And Benedict actively aids them, the little fucker
Benedict squinted his eyes to get a better look at the boy, but didn’t get any impression of indifference from him. He looked to be about thirteen years old, with shoulder length muddy brown hair, and dark eyes. His face was finely featured, cast slightly femininely; and flushed. Even Benedict could see that the boy was breathing rapidly, and even Benedict could see that as the boy knelt forward slightly, the front of his trousers bulged outwards.
Raxis: Thanks for that...
ZeldaQueen: I see Neil still enjoys pointing details like that out
The captive started struggling again, and moaning “No! Please! I didn’t know… I’m sorry… Please don’t do… that.”
ZeldaQueen: (Neil) "Ohhhh yeah, baby!"
...God, I hate myself. *pulls out a vomit bucket* Care for one of your own, Raxis?
Raxis: One little bucket wouldn't suffice.
ZeldaQueen: Better than nothing, though
The black haired girl had retreated from view when the boy had queried the fate of the girl’s underwear, but now her hands came back into view and rested on the top of the captive’s knickers “Might as well get her naked” she said, but showed no sign of haste in the operation.
Raxis: We have to drag out Neil's enjoyment, after all.
ZeldaQueen: Who wants to bet Neil got this scene from a porn he rented?
The captive began to struggle even harder, shouting and crying out incoherently.
Raxis: You can just tell Neil's enjoyment is peaking.
ZeldaQueen: Something else is probably peaking as well. x(
Some pleading and begging, some threats, some exclamations of the impossibility of what they were suggesting doing to her. The blond girl in front of Benedict shifted slightly to keep a grip on the girl’s arm, to keep her pinned down; and for just a second, he caught a glimpse of a bare breast, a bare nipple. The sight of that young budding breast, that nubile erect nipple, added to the awesome anticipation of the girl’s knickers coming off caused Benedict to groan viscerally.
ZeldaQueen: FUCK YOU NEIL! FUCK YOU WITH A WOODEN SPOON! MAY SATAN SHOVE A PITCHFORK UP WAZOO AND LEAVE IT THERE FOR YOU TO SPIN ON!!!
Raxis: That's a hilarious mental image.
ZeldaQueen: It helps with the pain
Raxis: Seriously, I want to kill him so badly.
The muddy haired boy looked up quickly, his expression changing swiftly from lust to shock. The blond girl twisted her body round, her face following. The black haired girl bent forward quickly, her head turning directly to the hole. The captive’s body heaved upwards as she filled her lungs “HELP!!!”
Raxis: Sorry, girl, but the only person this bastard will help is your abusers.
Benedict abandoned all intentions of helping anyone but himself.
ZeldaQueen: SO NICE OF HIM TO FLAT-OUT ADMIT IT! *BEGINS TO EAT THE REST OF THE DAMNED TABLE*
He shot up to his feet and ran faster than he had ever run in his life. He flew across the grass, leapt the stream, and nearly broke the sound barrier before his body slammed into the dirt incline.
Raxis: So he transformed into a very incompetent Sonic the Hedgehog.
[SNIP: BENEDICT RUNS AWAY LIKE THE LITTLE COWARD HE IS]
Raxis: Yup, lots of running. Important details in running.
As he recovered his breath, his chest heaving up and down on the grass, he mentally kicked himself for being so stupid. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to groan, and afterwards he should never have panicked. Obviously they hadn’t suspected they were being spied on, obviously they hadn’t known he was there. They turned and looked, and then… probably just disregarded the sound, as… something of no importance. After all, they had a girl’s knickers to pull off.
ZeldaQueen: Because we all know that THAT is the sort of thing that a twelve-year-old figures! That every guy is distracted to the point of idiocy by the prospect of seeing a young girl naked! Also, don't you just love our hero? He sees a girl being held somewhere against her will, clearly terrified, and what does he think? "Oh, well the prospect of forcibly undressing her is a convenient distraction. Go me!"
Raxis: Not to mention, shouldn't they be trying to.... stop him? If he goes for help, they're in trouble. Of course, that would require a main character that isn't a total DOUCHE.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, we find out why they don't stop him later. They set up some Indecent Proposal type of thing, where they say he can either join their little club, or they'll strip and torture him. Charming characters, huh?
Raxis:... I hate you, Neil...
He closed his eyes, tried to recall the sight of the girl lying nearly naked on the floor. Brought to mind her breast, her tummy, the impending knicker removal. The erection that had fled his penis as fast as he had fled the building, had returned. He was rigid.
Raxis: Yes, lovely, let's get hard over this. Who cares for stupid things like saving the poor girl ><
ZeldaQueen: Might as well forget about the girl now, Raxis. I don't think she ever shows up again. Clearly, they either torment her until they're sure she isn't going to tell someone, or they murdered her and threw her body in a ditch. I wouldn't put it past those fuckers
He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to return. He wanted to get back to the hole,
ZeldaQueen: ...I'm sure you do, Benedict
get back to watching whatever game this was, although he didn’t really think it was a game. He wanted to see the girl, to see her naked boy,
ZeldaQueen: Oh ho ho! See Neil, this is why betas help! Of course, I can understand not getting betas for this POS
Raxis: Nice find, I missed that xD
see her knickers being pulled off, see her…
Raxis: (weak laughter) I just wanna kill him so badly...
But he couldn’t. He was sure that by the time he got there it would be too late.
Raxis: Bah, this was written by Neil, this won't be ending anytime soon.
ZeldaQueen: I assure you, it isn't
And they could emerge at any moment. He might be caught.
ZeldaQueen: They could emerge at any moment, for they are the groundhogs!
Raxis: He already was caught, and they didn't do a thing, why's he being such a coward?
What would they do to him if they caught him?
Raxis: They'd invoke Merlin's Writ!
ZeldaQueen: Nah, that's Halcyon. In Neil's messed-up world, sex is the only punishment ever
He didn’t have the courage.
Raxis: nothing new here.
But maybe they wouldn’t emerge. Maybe it wouldn’t all be over.
ZeldaQueen: Not until Neil's genitals fall off, sadly. Of course, I can help with that. *waves broadsword*
Raxis: Of course, you gotta love that this bastard's chief worry is that "ZOMG, I MIGHT HAVE MISSED THE SHOW! D:"
Maybe she was still lying there now. Knickerless for sure, but still lying there, being tickled, being… what else might they do to her? He didn’t know, didn’t dare imagine. They wouldn’t rape her would they?
ZeldaQueen: *swells with fury* OH, AS IF YOU CARE, YOU BASTARD! And no, Neil, this doesn't make Benedict look like a decent guy, having him go "Oh noes, I worry that she is being raped!" You see, them holding her down and undressing her and tickling her is JUST AS BAD. It's a display of power, it's hurting her emotionally, and leaving her to that makes Benedict an unsympathetic little shit!
Raxis: Neil couldn't write a sympathetic character if his dick depended on it.
ZeldaQueen: True. Incidentally, it's his same tactics as before. He did that in Hogwarts Exposed, handwaving his characters' despicable actions, like Emily forcing Kim to be a nudist, by trying to make it look like Kim WANTED it, or that it turned out for the better that she did so
Raxis: God, Emily, to quote Overlord Zetta, I'd love to crush her like a grape. If you picture that said in Crispin Freeman's voice, it's a badass threat :D
He rolled onto his back and stared up at the sky. His stomach churned, his mind was in turmoil. He couldn’t drag himself away, but nor could he raise the courage to go back down there and risk being caught.
Raxis: Doing something to help her is STILL out of the question.
As much as his mind yearned to be witnessing those events in the old wooden building, his body ached for it more.
Raxis: I don't see how his mind wants to see it. Is it like scientific curiosity or something? The mind isn't usually associated with base lust.
ZeldaQueen: No, see, Benedict's a budding psychopath. He gets off on watching girls being tormented, and no doubt enjoys the post-orgasm high with setting something on fire and tormenting small, sick animals
Raxis: No doubt.
His body ached in a way he had never experienced before, and he felt hot and flushed all over.
ZeldaQueen: Considering how horny this guy is throughout the entire fic, I find that hard to believe
Instinctively he thrust his hand down into the front of his jeans, inside his pants, and slid it across the still unfamiliar hairs at the top of his groin, until at last he took hold of his raging erection.
Raxis: At age twelve? Early bloomer.
ZeldaQueen: Like I said, Neil's self-insert
He tugged it upward into a more comfortable position, and felt a brief thrill run up his spine. His hand felt a little sticky, and he pulled it out again, and raised it to his nose, sniffing cautiously.
Raxis: Wow, that was fast.
ZeldaQueen: JULY AND CHRISTMAS! Please tell me that most guys at twelve don't... erm...
Raxis: In my experience, no.
ZeldaQueen: Yeah, and I doubt a twelve-year-old would be all ritualistic about it. Dorothy did that in Lost Girls, and she was older than that, and it was admittedly porn!
Benedict had never masturbated, and although he had heard about the practise, didn’t really know exactly what it was, or how it was done. He sighed deeply, and frowned unhappily, his whole being in a state of complete agitation.
Raxis: Evidently he's doing it wrong if it's getting him pissed.
ZeldaQueen: Clearly he's gone all limp, without a tormented girl to watch
Two weeks ago he had led a perfectly normal life in Gloucestershire, near Coleford in the Forest of Dean, where he never saw anything like he’d seen a few minutes ago.
Raxis: A sane world, unsullied by Neil?
ZeldaQueen: Incidentally, ten bucks says that the Forest of Dean bit only was dropped because it was brought up in Deathly Hallows
His father, working for the Forestry Commission had been transferred to the New Forest in Hampshire, and had held the transfer off until the summer holidays, so that Benedict’s and his sister Amy’s schooling wouldn’t be disrupted.
Raxis:
ZeldaQueen: Dear God in Heaven, please tell me that Amy isn't preteen. Otherwise, I have a HORRIBLE feeling about this...
Benedict would start at his new school in September, a new school year, but that had meant that Benedict hadn’t had the chance to make any friends yet.
ZeldaQueen: Aw, isn't this sweet? This is just like a feel-good summer film, like The Sandlot! Only with sex and pedophilia!
Raxis: This appears to be set in Britain, judging from the above locations, and in Britain you begin primary school at age 11, see Harry Potter.
He wondered if he could make friends with the children he’d seen tormenting the girl.
ZeldaQueen: ...Yes, because those are the sorts of people one would want to befriend! I hate you, Neil
Raxis: My thoughts exactly.
He wondered if he wanted to. If he could have the chance to see a girl naked, tickle her like that, touch her… His penis throbbed at the prospect.
ZeldaQueen: *tiredly* Get use to that, folks. It's going to be mentioned a lot
Raxis: TMI, Neil...
But then, if they do that sort of thing, they might do it to him, it could be deadly dangerous.
ZeldaQueen: Um, they didn't do anything that could be seen as "deadly". Cruel and sadistic, yes, but not deadly
Raxis: I told you, they'll definately invoke Merlin's Writ and duel to the death for the sake of honor.
He couldn’t imagine being in that position. No one saw him naked, and hadn’t for years, and certainly not since he’d started to grow hair down there. It was inconceivable, he’d simply die.
ZeldaQueen: Oh yes, God forbid he show empathy for their victims, or think badly of them. No, they're just fine, as far as he's concerned. He just doesn't want it to happen to him. He's fine with them, otherwise!
Raxis: Scum...
ZeldaQueen: Makes me wish the would do it to him, so he would die
He couldn’t make friends with them, but maybe he could come back and spy, another time, maybe he’d see another girl.
Raxis: This piece of shit is unbelievable!
ZeldaQueen: (Benedict) "Oh no, they might forcibly strip and tickle me if I associate with them! I should stay away from them, and just try to get a free show. I wonder if they'll just let me pay admission..."
Or, maybe, if he could scout the place out properly, when no-ne
ZeldaQueen: ...Um, did you mean "no-one", Neil?
was around, he could find a really good hiding place, where no-one would find him, where he would be able to see everything.
Raxis: No-one knows the trouble I've seen~
ZeldaQueen: Fucking voyer. And "no-one" does not make your fic look more British, Neil
His penis throbbed again at the prospect.
Raxis: With any luck it might burst.
He rolled onto his tummy, peering back down at the building. He was still not completely decided on whether he should risk sneaking back down for another peek, or whether he should just leave.
Raxis: Well there wouldn't be any story if he did the humane thing.
He finally decided to do neither when he realised that there was a possibility that they might throw the girl out of the building naked, and he might get to see her from here, without taking any unnecessary risks. This, he was sure, was a good idea: the best of both worlds.
Raxis: Yeah, I'm sure, they'll just toss her out the minute they're done with her. And these bastards don't get reported for what they're doing whyyyyy?
ZeldaQueen: At the very least, you'd think they'd let her dress before they threw her out. We find out later that this is hardly the first girl they did this to. I think a session of naked girls wandering around in the area would raise some questions
He tugged a thick stalk of grass out of the ground, chewed it slowly, and waited.
ZeldaQueen: *growls* Oh yes, just relax, cool as you please! Just hang out there, waiting to see a naked, traumatized girl be thrown outside. Maybe you can cop a feel, while you're at it!
While he waited he ran the whole scene through his mind again, trying to recapture every detail. It was the breast that kept gnawing at his attention, and kept him agitated.
Raxis: Gotta love those twelve year old breasts... And you also gotta love how he's lovingly remembering the abuse.
ZeldaQueen: Neil, kindly stop wanking. I can hear you all the way in Pittsburgh!
Then something else slipped into his mind,
Raxis: His long-dead conscience?
ZeldaQueen: A brain cell?
what was it she had said? Something about being sorry, and not doing it again. Yes, that was it. So she’d done something wrong. She was being punished. That put a whole different complexion on things. He could be their friend after all.
Raxis: GAAAAH, I REALLYREALLY WANT TO SLAUGHTER YOU!
ZeldaQueen: See what I said about Neil's twisted justifications of things? Oh, she did something wrong, so that TOTALLY JUSTIFIES TORTURING A CHILD! I hate him!
They wouldn’t do anything like that to him, because he hadn’t done anything wrong. So he’d be safe.
ZeldaQueen: Apparently it doesn't occur to young Benedict here that their rules on what's "wrong" might not work in his favor
[SNIP: BENEDICT WARBLES BACK AND FORTH AS TO WHETHER OR NOT HE SHOULD TALK TO THE GROUP OR NOT, ONLY CARING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT HE WILL BE PUNISHED. WHAT A GREAT GUY]
He wanted to see that girl naked so badly he could almost burst.
Raxis: Please do, explode and end this misery, you bastard.
And he nearly did burst.
Raxis: Dammit! Do it over Neil, nobody likes somebody who does things half-ass!
ZeldaQueen: Don't you mean Benedict? :P
Raxis: ... Oh wow, I didn't notice I did that. Oh well, they're the same guy.
“Hello” said a voice behind him. He leapt out of his skin,
ZeldaQueen: God, don't I wish!
and was bolt upright in a second. He saw a girl stood there studying him curiously. She was maybe eleven years old, with long blond hair, like the kneeling girl in the building, she looked amused.
ZeldaQueen: Lord Almighty, I sense the Emily Clone of this fic
Raxis: Oh no...
“I didn’t do anything” Benedict blurted out “I didn’t see anything… I wasn’t spying” he said growing ever more desperate.
ZeldaQueen: You, my good sir, are a moron. And seeing as Neil is living out his sick fantasies through you, there sadly is no chance of these assholes doing something nasty to you as a result
Raxis: If there's any good side to these fics, it's that we can be safely assured Neil's spawn will probably never infect the gene pool; what woman would want him? XD
The way she just smiled at him sweetly sent him into a panic, and he threw himself at the brambles, fighting his way back into the gap, oblivious to the scratches he was receiving.
Raxis: Our hero, folks!
“Nice bum” she called after him,
ZeldaQueen: Neil, I assure you that no matter what your fantasies are, no eleven-year-old is going to be complimenting your ass any time soon
but Benedict didn’t hear her. His advance was fast and furious, and he battled his way through the vicious vegetation until he emerged tattered and bleeding at the other side.
Raxis: Like a hero!
He looked around frantically for his bike, wrenched it up from the floor, and on the third running attempt mounted it and pedalled away as if the devil were chasing him.
ZeldaQueen: Actually, it's M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. agents. We're here to stake you with a spork. Enjoy! :D
Raxis: We're done! :D Finally! (tears of joy)
ZeldaQueen: Until the next chapter, in any case. See you next time, ladies and gentlemen!
Raxis: Later.
Onward to: Chapter 2 - The Invitation
Back to: Introduction/Warnings
Return to: Table of Contents