Fanfic: Liar (Part 2)
While he slipped between the soft covers of the bed, Fujigaya acknowledged that they still had to work on their communication.
He was delighted when he felt his eyes slip shut effortlessly.
Fujigaya jerked when he felt a touch at his ass. He snapped his eyes open and a look at the clock told him he had only slept for two hours.
"What do you think you are doing?" Fujigaya almost snapped. He had truly been sleeping!
"You looked so cute and gorgeous, I couldn't help myself. You are so sexy. How can I not touch you?" Eiji said and pressed his fingers deeper into his ass. Fujigaya could smell the alcohol in the other's breath.
"We had a deal."
"I know." Eiji whined and rubbed himself against him.
"Stop it."
"Don't be like that."
Fujigaya felt an uncomfortable shiver run down his spin as Eiji ignored his request and kept touching him. He tried to push at the other's shoulders slightly. All he wanted was to sleep and it seemed like Eiji was set on getting what he wanted beforehand.
An hour later, Fujigaya lay wide awake next to Eiji. His lover was sleeping, but it was evading him. His mind was in an upheaval at what had happened. Never before had someone been that adamant. In the end, Eiji had got what he wanted. Fujigaya had never suspected to have trouble with saying no when really pressed. A shiver shook Fujigaya's body as he remembered how Eiji had turned him on his tummy and he hadn't known how to avoid it from happening. It had been his first time from behind and it had been like he had expected it. Not pleasant.
Jumping out of bed, he put on his clothes and went into the living room. He would watch a movie. Two movies later, Fujigaya sighed and rubbed his eyes. He shouldn't have been so soft with Eiji. If he hadn't given the other the impression he just had to beg long enough, tonight could have been more sleep filled.
Taking another shower to feel more like himself, he put on street clothes and left.
"It is five in the morning." Yokoo said with closed eyes while clinging to his front door.
"Don't mind me and just go back to bed." Fujigaya brushed past his friend and made himself comfortable on Yokoo's couch.
The older one grumbled some noises and then fell back into bed.
Fujigaya rested some on the couch and got up again when Yokoo fell out of bed two hours later. To make up for waking his best friend so early, he brewed some coffee for them.
"You look like shit." Yokoo greeted him.
"You have looked better yourself as well." Fujigaya countered and sipped at the black brew.
"Your new relationship is no good."
Fujigaya lifted an eyebrow at that.
"I preferred your previous relationship. You were more relaxed, less tried, less jumpy and in general a lot happier."
"We just haven't found our balance yet." They would have to have a serious talk. That was for certain.
"Bullshit. You have been with this guy for over a month and you are getting worse by the day. Seriously, you look like you are about to kneel over any moment. If you can't sleep with that guy around, it means you are not feeling safe with him and most probably shouldn't."
"I have always trouble sleeping in a bed that isn't mine." Fujigaya brushed off Yokoo's concern while he mulled it over in his mind.
Was he safe? The question hadn't occurred to him before, but now it was clinging to him.
"What is with the guy you last dated?"
"What is supposed to be with him?" Fujigaya asked defensively.
"You were happy with him. Can't you get back together?"
"Never." The word fell easily out of his mouth while it made him feel uneasy all over.
"Why not? If you loved each other so much, I am sure there is a way for you to work it out."
Fujigaya stared dumbstruck at his friend.
"We didn't love each other." That was a little of a lie considering that Kitayama had claimed to love him, but he hadn't loved the other back.
Yokoo frowned.
"You liked being with him."
"It was convenient." Fujigaya corrected.
"You were excited to leave work to be with him. Don't tell me shit."
Fujigaya pressed his lips together.
"The sex was really good." He finally said.
"Without love no good sex."
"That is just plain naive."
"Maybe, but even I could see that something was different."
"That something didn't have to be love." Right, it could very well have been being each other's co-worker and the thrill of sneaking around.
Yokoo sighed, but seemed to give up arguing with him. Fujigaya was truly glad because he wasn't really in the mood. He was still aching from last night and while it could be considered just sex, an uncomfortable feeling was nagging at him.
He spent the day on Yokoo's couch watching stupid movies and TV shows. His friend kept sighing and eventually it was really getting on Fujigaya's nerves.
"What? Just spill it already."
"If you liked him, you wouldn't spend one of your rare days off in my living room doing nothing."
"Firstly, I am not doing nothing. I am watching TV and secondly, why do I have to spend every free minute with my lover? I can also spend time with my best friend. It is not good to neglect a good friend."
"We see each other almost every day."
"Are we really arguing over this again? Do you want me to leave?"
"Taisuke please, I just want to help you."
"I don't need help." Fujigaya said exasperated and got up. If he stayed, they would only get in a nasty fight.
Yokoo said nothing as he left and he could very well live with that.
Since he had nowhere better to go, he returned to Eiji's flat. As he opened the door and saw a handsome young man put his shoes back on and the bangs that fell into his eyes were still wet from a shower, Fujigaya couldn't believe his eyes.
"Oh, you are back? I thought you left." Eiji leant against the wall and Fujigaya forced his mouth shut that had fallen open in shock.
"We never broke up." He finally said.
"Opps. I'll better leave then." The other man said and moved past him.
"What made you think we broke up?" Fujigaya tried very hard to keep his voice levelled. All the compromises he had made and now that?
"You weren't there in the morning. That is usually how it ends. I have long given up hoping." Eiji made an utterly sad face and Fujigaya wasn't sure how to feel.
"But it is certainly a nice surprise that you are back." Eiji moved closer and tried to wrap his arms around him.
"Don't. You just had sex with another man."
"He was just a consolation fuck. I felt awful when you weren't there."
Fujigaya crossed his arms.
"I don't believe you."
"It is true."
"Yeah right." He was really prone to getting cheated on. Did he look like he didn't care? Five other boyfriends had already done that.
"Alright, to make it up to you, let's go out tonight? It will be great."
Fujigaya carefully contemplated his options. Maybe it would give him some satisfaction to see Eiji work for him and depending on how much thought the other put into it, he would say at the end yes or no.
"Okay, I'll stay if you make it up to me."
"Great!"
Maybe he shouldn't have expected too much. Sure rose petals, candles and delicious food was a little too far off the top, but maybe something thoughtful to swoon him would have been nice.
Instead they were in a club with loud music and drinks.
"Isn't it great?" Eiji asked and watched the dance floor with great interest. It seemed that one blond had already caught his lover's attention.
Fujigaya kept his lips shut. He knew he was going to act bitchy, but he really didn't care.
"You are already pulling a face?" Eiji groaned. "Let's dance."
"I don't think so." Fujigaya hissed and made his way towards the bar. He needed something really good now.
Having ordered a cocktail with plenty of sweet syrup to sweeten his mood, he returned to where Eiji had been, only to find the other gone.
He would search five full minutes and then leave and never show his face again. After searching and pressing through sweaty bodies for eight minutes, he turned to the door to return to Eiji's flat to pick up his stuff. Fujigaya froze as he spotted Eiji close to the dance floor right next to Kitayama of all people. His band mate seemed to be relaxed and talking with some friends. His work mate wasn't even conscious of being watched. He might have left despite the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach if Eiji's eyes had not trailed over Kitayama's ass. The thought of Eiji forcing himself on Kitayama turned him queasy.
Cursing under his breath, he emptied his cocktail and left the glass on a table. He should have noticed earlier that it was one of the clubs his work mates frequented. It wouldn't be a surprise if Tamamori or Senga were there as well. He should have never brought Eiji here some weeks ago.
With his head held high, he marched over and stopped right next to Eiji.
"Like what you see?"
"I would really love to see you dance for me." Eiji ignored his accusation, but Fujigaya wasn't delusional anymore.
"I bet." He said drily.
"Taisuke?"
Fujigaya had dearly hoped he could get Eiji away from Kitayama without his ex-lover noticing.
"You know each other?" Eiji asked surprised and Fujigaya prayed for this to be over fast.
"He is my band mate."
Kitayama looked from him to Eiji and back. The knowing look annoyed him. It annoyed him even more when Kitayama narrowed his eyes.
This was not going to go smoothly.
Eiji pursed his lips thoughtfully.
"It is a pleasure to meet you." Kitayama said over the loud music and Eiji nodded.
"Ever done a threesome?" Eiji asked and Fujigaya couldn't believe his ears. While he had been gone, Eiji must have drunk something very strong to be that direct. Either that or he had been drinking with his 'consolation fuck' before they even left. They had talked about threesomes before, but this was taking on the form of a nightmare. Kitayama sent him a very direct look that spoke volumes and Fujigaya wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole.
"Do you always ask strangers weird questions like that?"
"Only sexy ones."
Eiji was flirting with Kitayama. Oh Joy.
"But you are not sexy enough for me." Kitayama immediately refused.
"But Taisuke would suffice your standards?"
"Maybe we should leave." Fujigaya threw in before Kitayama could answer.
But it seemed like it was already too late. Eiji was towering over Kitayama and looking like a giant while Kitayama didn't even reach to his shoulders.
Fujigaya had to give his band mate credit for not even flinching and looking back unimpressed. He would have been interested in the outcome if this weren't Kitayama and Eiji ready to bit each others' heads of.
"Stop! I said stop!" He almost screamed to be heard over the music.
Kitayama looked at him, frowned and then backed down.
"I want to leave." He told Eiji and his lover pouted.
"But Taisuke, the night is still young and we can have a lot more fun." Eiji seemed to believe he had managed to make Kitayama cower because of his high.
He would have liked to tell the other that this was not fun for him, but Kitayama was watching. The other's stare went right under his skin.
Fujigaya didn't want to admit that his relationship was not how he wanted it. Not to Kitayama. Not ever.
There was a tense silence between them, or rather there was a tense silence between Kitayama and him. Eiji seemed obvious to it and looked his band mate up and down again.
"You really not interested?"
Kitayama sneered and Fujigaya felt so utterly humiliated.
"No, I am not."
"Pity."
"I want to leave." Fujigaya told Eiji again. This was supposed to be his night. The other was supposed to try and win him back. Instead, he felt like dying and the night couldn't be any worse.
"Not yet."
Oh, the humiliation.
Without further words, he turned and left. Outside, he breathed in deeply. At least, Eiji had not tried to hold him back, but then again, there were a lot of other butts in there that would gladly let him fuck them.
That was it. He would get his stuff and leave. Maybe he should have done so earlier.
There was a light touch on his shoulder and he swivelled around. He felt a strange mixture of disappointment, relief, excitement, sadness and anxiousness as he looked at Kitayama.
"I'll bring you home?" The older one asked and Fujigaya felt like his ego got another punch.
"I am not a child."
"No, you are not. I want you to get home safely anyway." Kitayama said calmly as if sensing the tantrum around the corner.
"I don't want your pity." Fujigaya finally forced himself to admit and he hated how soft the other's eyes became.
"I don't pity you, I care for you. There is a difference."
Of course, there was. Fujigaya knew that, too.
"I am on my way to get my stuff from his flat. I am not going home yet."
"I'll help you." Kitayama immediately said and tugged him towards his car. Reluctantly, Fujigaya let him. His car was still at work since his manager had driven him when he last worked, so it would be a great help.
Fujigaya considered his body a traitor as it relaxed into the seat of Kitayama's car immediately. They didn't speak beside him giving Kitayama directions.
"That is it?" The older one asked as they were there.
"Yes." Fujigaya answered and got out. Kitayama followed him silently, but the other seemed to hesitate before stepping over the threshold.
"Do you have much?"
Fujigaya shook his head and hated to admit that there wasn't even half as much stuff of his than had been in Kitayama's flat. The other had to think along such lines as well, because he frowned at the rather small bag after Fujigaya was done packing.
"Is that really everything? It would be good if we got everything now."
Fujigaya didn't answer to the hidden message of Kitayama never wanting Fujigaya to see Eiji again.
"That's all." He said instead and Kitayama slung it over his shoulder before Fujigaya could refuse.
"Let's leave then."
Fujigaya hesitated at the front door. Why did things never work out right? They had wanted the same thing. Only sex, but in the end it didn't work out either.
Fingers intertwined with his and Kitayama tugged him out of the flat. Fujigaya frowned. Kitayama liked to be dominant in bed, but the other had never before made decisions for him. It wasn't the type of person Kitayama was.
Nevertheless, he let the other drag him away. Maybe, he was a tad relieved to leave.
Kitayama's car was comfortable and warm. It lulled him to sleep as the other drove and the regular noise of the motor calmed him.
A hand moved through his hair and it was familiar enough to tell him Kitayama was waking him up.
"Thanks." Fujigaya mumbled and crawled out of the car. Kitayama followed him wordlessly and carried his bag. If he wasn't so terribly dissatisfied with the day, he would have called the other a page, but it would ensure in a quarrel. One of the good kind, but he wasn't in the mood.
"You really are at your end today, aren't you?" Kitayama asked as if having read his mind and Fujigaya grumbled in reply while fishing his keys out of his pocket.
His family was already asleep and he let Kitayama in. The older one dropped his bag in his room on the floor and looked around the room.
Nothing had changed in the last five years, but Fujigaya couldn't care less and let himself drop on his bed.
"Will you be okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Fujigaya asked from where he was sprawled on his back.
"Break ups can be painful."
"You would know." He had never meant to say those words. Never. "Sorry."
"Tactful like always. You put an elephant in a store with porcelain to shame." Kitayama joked lightly and Fujigaya relaxed. The other wasn't mad.
"Yes, I do know, but that is not why I am asking. You looked ready to burst earlier in the club."
"Today was just not good and it was the cherry on the top. Nothing more."
Kitayama lay down next to him and together they stared at the ceiling.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"You are one of the last people I will discuss my love-life with." Fujigaya said and wondered why the hell he hadn't kicked Kitayama out yet. He really should.
"I could listen as leader instead of your ex-lover."
"We both know that is not true." Fujigaya whispered and tried to will himself to move so that he could get Kitayama to leave.
"You look terrible, Taisuke." Kitayama leant over him and Fujigaya still hadn't moved a millimetre. It was too easy. Way too easy, for Kitayama to lean down and for him to lift his head. It was meant to never happen again, but it did and Fujigaya sighed into Kitayama's mouth as their lips moved together in the familiar rhythm.
Kitayama's fingers buried in his hair and his arms wrapped around the other's neck without another thought. They still fitted together perfectly. He wasn't sure who started it, but in mere seconds they had pulled each other's clothes off and Fujigaya moaned as Kitayama devoured his neck the way he loved.
Confidently, Fujigaya sought out Kitayama's sensitive spots and revelled in it as the other moaned and became more passionate.
Kitayama made him spread his legs gently and Fujigaya was too tired to properly fight the older one so he only pinched Kitayama's ass to let him know, he was being gracious today and the other should better be thankful.
When they kissed again, there was a smile on Kitayama's lips and Fujigaya kissed it enthusiastically. It made the older one laugh, a small throaty sound that made Fujigaya's toenails curl while his own lips stretched into a small smile.
"You don't have lube under your pillow." Kitayama groaned as if that fact was physically hurting him.
"Bag." Fujigaya mumbled against Kitayama's collarbone as the other leant over the edge.
"If you don't stop this instant to torment me with your lips, I'll never find the lube and have to punish you."
Fujigaya grinned and tongued the sensitive skin. The other groaned and he almost giggled. Kitayama would never truly punish him.
The older one returned with the lube and sent him a reprimanding look. It didn't work one bit, but Kitayama didn't seem to expect that and only lubed up his fingers. Fujigaya pulled up his knees to give the other easier access and wondered a little why he was so compliant today.
The older one wrapped one hand around his cock and Fujigaya hissed. He was already way too hard, but his arousal came to a skittering halt as Kitayama pressed a finger into him and an unwelcomed soreness reminded him of the previous night. He stiffened.
Kitayama blinked up at him through eyes muddled by arousal, but they cleared instantly as the other looked at his face.
They looked at each other for long seconds, till Kitayama broke the contact and reached for a tissue on his bedside table to clean his fingers. Fujigaya tried to reach out for the other again; he did not want to feel that way, but Kitayama laced their fingers together in a gentle way to stop him. A lump formed in Fujigaya's throat as he realized what Kitayama had to think.
"It is not like that."
"It is okay, Taisuke, relax."
"No..."
The older one interrupted his protest with a kiss. He tried to refuel the passion between them, but Kitayama seemed adamant about not letting that happen. They kissed for a long time. Fujigaya finally accepted that the other wasn't going to have sex with him tonight. Their kisses grew calmer till the only propose was truly to only taste each other.
Fujigaya started to feel droopy and it was a little weird. It was as if the other kissed him to sleep. Kitayama's arms wrapped around his waist and Fujigaya moved his arms from around Kitayama's neck to his waist as well. He was utterly selfish and detestable, knowing there would be never between them what Kitayama wanted, but he curled up in the warmth the other offered him anyway. Just tonight. Only for tonight, he would seek out the comfort he seemed to truly want. Tomorrow, he would be honest and do what had to be done.
Fujigaya woke up half on top of Kitayama with his nose nudged under the other's chin.
What had gotten into him last night? They had almost had sex. That was madness. Fujigaya should be thankful their break up had been such a clean one. If he was honest though, he had missed their sex. It must be what had made him weak. Moreover, who was he to blame Kitayama for thinking there could be more between them when he had such lapses and let them sleep calmly in each other's arms like last night?
A little it was similar to how it had been with Eiji. He had been too soft with the other as well. With Kitayama he had been too soft, too, and allowed the distance between them to shrink. Thankfully, the situation was still a completely different one. Comparing Kitayama and Eiji was not right. They couldn't be any more different.
He hoped he wouldn't break Kitayama's heart another time when he was honest now. The other was too kind to be always hurt. He should have sent Kitayama on his way yesterday before they had even entered his home.
"When will you tell me you are awake?" Kitayama asked amused and Fujigaya started surprised.
"How did you know?"
"Your eyelashes kept fluttering against my neck. It gave you away."
"Oh." Kitayama had once said Fujigaya wasn't the only one with a sensitive neck. Fujigaya lifted his head and looked at the other.
He felt a slight pull at his heart. It was such a familiar sight to see Kitayama all bed ruffled and cute.
"Morning." Kitayama greeted him and Fujigaya swallowed. The other looked way too content.
He should end this now, he really should.
Kitayama rolled them around and Fujigaya found himself on his back.
"Finally." The other said and a thumb moved over the soft skin under his eyes.
"Finally?" Fujigaya asked surprised.
"The dark circles are still there, but at least you don't look anymore like you got punched."
Suddenly, it was hard to swallow around the lump that had formed in his throat and he wasn't sure where it even came from.
Fujigaya buried his face in his hands. Why was it so difficult? Last time, Kitayama had initiated their break up, now he had to take charge, but it was oh so difficult with the other so close and their naked bodies touching.
Fingers took a hold on the lower part of his hand and lifted it. Fujigaya removed the other hand from his face, too, and saw Kitayama inspect his wrist. As Fujigaya caught sight of the bruised skin, he tried to jerk his hand away.
"I didn't see last night in the dark." Kitayama answered as if he had never felt the tug.
"It is nothing. Just a little too passionate during sex."
The other didn't believe him. It was written all over his face. Though, it could be considered the truth.
Kitayama lowered his head to his wrist.
"Don't." Fujigaya said and the single word seemed to carry the full meaning of the words he wasn't getting over his lips. They were never going to happen.
"I am not a fool. I know." Kitayama said with a sad smile and brushed his lips over his battered skin. Closing his eyes, Fujigaya sucked air into his lungs at the gentle gesture.
Had both of them lost their minds?
"Why are you doing this then?"
"Maybe because I am crazy?" Kitayama speculated after having kissed the other wrist as well.
"You really shouldn't."
The older one nodded and let his wrist go. He didn't move out of bed though and just stayed next to him on his side with his head propped up in one hand.
Kitayama had to leave. There was no other way. The two of them staying naked in a tiny bed was a dangerous thing to do.
"You need to leave." Fujigaya finally forced over his lips.
"I know." Kitayama said and pursed his lips. "Just..." The older one bit his bottom lip and frowned. "Take better care of yourself."
Fujigaya hated to be patronized.
"I know, I know." Kitayama said with a smile. "But you have nothing to prove or nothing that forces you, so just pick someone you are comfortable with."
Fujigaya wanted to say that he had been comfortable with Eiji, but he hadn't always been. So he just nodded and it seemed to be enough for Kitayama.
He watched as the older one got out of bed and dressed.
Kitayama had lost some weight since they last had sex, but not overly much and he still had that cute mole on his left buttock he surely didn't know about. Fujigaya had always liked looking at the other. It wasn't the usual body that made women or men drool over, too short, the muscles even though there not that well visible, the face almost feminine, but there was something about the other that made him handsome. Not for the first time, Fujigaya wondered what it was.
Kitayama pulled his shirt over his head as last piece and then turned to look at him.
"I'll show myself out. You still have a while till you have to get up, don't you?" The older one sat down on the edge of the bed, took his face in his hands and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips.
"Don't make things difficult." Fujigaya warned.
Kitayama laughed at that.
"Careful or I might believe you actually care for me."
Fujigaya wanted to say that he did care, just didn't love him, but some things were better left unsaid. They had lingered with each other already too long the way it was.
It shouldn't make him unhappy that Kitayama was leaving and now for good, but it did and he had to begrudgingly admit that their relationship had been a good one no matter how often he had thought Kitayama was annoying or how disgustingly close they were. It had been good.
Fujigaya opened the box in his mind for good memories and carefully stored Kitayama in it, before he definitely closed it.
Time to move on.
"You are weirdly melancholic today." Yokoo said and Fujigaya sighed.
"I am single again." Was it Eiji that lowered his spirits or was it Kitayama? A question he was not going to pursue further, but he would just go with what made him more comfortable.
"I am sorry to hear that." Yokoo didn't look all that sorry, but Fujigaya knew what he thought about Eiji, so he just let it slide.
"How does one find the perfect partner?" Fujigaya asked after a long while.
"Usually, people just fall in love and in the best case scenario they are loved back."
"I search for the perfect partner without love."
"And that is the saddest." Yokoo said and looked at him as if he truly meant it.
"It is not sad." Fujigaya interjected and frowned. Love was exhausting and unnecessary.
"I am honestly happy I am not you."
"Glad I am responsible for your happiness." Fujigaya said sarcastically.
Time passed and it was just like the last time when Kitayama had broken up with him. They talked professionally and otherwise stayed out of each other's feet. That guy was seriously not a complicated one.
Fujigaya couldn't say himself why he didn't try to find a new boyfriend though. His relationship with Eiji had not ended well, but that was usually the case with his love relationships. Though, secretively he had hoped for it to work out for a while longer. It would have chased the relationship with Kitayama out of his mind. Or at least, he could have proven to himself that everything was the way it was supposed to be.
Warm lips moved along his brow and Fujigaya breathed deeply through his nose as his heart started to calm down again. Yokoo propped himself up further and looked down at him.
"You are different. You weren't into it today."
"I was." Fujigaya denied and brushed the other's bangs out of his face.
"Taisuke, you didn't enjoy the sex."
"I did. I came, didn't I?
"Yes, but you weren't that enthusiastic about it."
"Maybe I am just tired from work." Fujigaya said and shrugged his shoulders. Yokoo lifted an eyebrow at that, but rolled off him and sighed as he stretched out his legs comfortably. Fujigaya also stretched his legs out and rolled on his side to not directly lie on his butt.
"Your ex-lover is someone I know. That's why you are not telling me his name." Yokoo suddenly said and he rolled his eyes.
"His name is Eiji."
"No, the one before. I don't care about the scumbag. I mean the nice one."
"You don't know whether he was nice. Maybe he hit me."
Yokoo sent him a look out of the corner of his eyes.
"Okay, he didn't, but why are you still going on about this?"
"There wasn't even a cooling off phase with him. You were happy all along while you were together with him and then suddenly it was over. Usually, relationships are difficult for a while and then the couples break up. If it was that sudden, I am sure the relationship could be repaired again."
"What makes you think I would want to repair the relationship? Moreover, how in the world would you know whether we didn't fight? We certainly did."
"You often have that look in your eyes, as if you were intently thinking about something, someone. Wishing for him."
"I am not."
"I know you better than most people."
"You can be wrong, too." Fujigaya argued.
"Alright, just give me his name."
"No."
"So, I really do know him."
"His name is Kenji."
"No, it is not."
"Won't you leave me alone?"
"Someone from Kisumai?"
"No!" He had answered too fast and Yokoo's eyes grew big in shock.
"You did. You totally did! Wait, who? Miyata is gay for Tama. Tama? No, I think he loves Miyata back. One from the younger ones? Kento? You are not close enough to Nika. Did you date Kento?"
"Wataru..." Fujigaya said exasperated.
"Hiromitsu."
"No." He made sure to answer in a moderate voice.
"It was Hiromitsu." Yokoo said in a steady voice and Fujigaya glared.
"No, it was not Kitayama."
"It was. He is the type of person you could be happy with."
"You know as good as I do, that we would just tear each other's heads off."
"That's just on the surface. You rely on each other."
"Could you stop already?"
"He cares about you, but you don't feel comfortable with care, because it would make it easy to fall in love and that is what you want to avoid. I am right, aren't I?"
"No."
"Or of course, he had already wound his way into your heart and when you realized it, the relationship had to end."
"As if."
"Nothing scares you more than feelings. Feelings mean someone could actually hurt you and that is unheard of."
"Stop right this instant."
"Because I hit right home?"
Fujigaya didn't answer and instead pushed the blanket aside and got off the bed. As he put back on his clothes, Yokoo watched him silently.
He couldn't get his clothes back on fast enough and when he put the last bracelet back in place, Yokoo spoke up again.
"I might play cupid."
"If you don't want to see Kitayama suffer, then you won't." Fujigaya almost snarled and even Yokoo seemed to be taken aback by his reaction. He could live with that and turned to leave.
Part 3
He was delighted when he felt his eyes slip shut effortlessly.
Fujigaya jerked when he felt a touch at his ass. He snapped his eyes open and a look at the clock told him he had only slept for two hours.
"What do you think you are doing?" Fujigaya almost snapped. He had truly been sleeping!
"You looked so cute and gorgeous, I couldn't help myself. You are so sexy. How can I not touch you?" Eiji said and pressed his fingers deeper into his ass. Fujigaya could smell the alcohol in the other's breath.
"We had a deal."
"I know." Eiji whined and rubbed himself against him.
"Stop it."
"Don't be like that."
Fujigaya felt an uncomfortable shiver run down his spin as Eiji ignored his request and kept touching him. He tried to push at the other's shoulders slightly. All he wanted was to sleep and it seemed like Eiji was set on getting what he wanted beforehand.
An hour later, Fujigaya lay wide awake next to Eiji. His lover was sleeping, but it was evading him. His mind was in an upheaval at what had happened. Never before had someone been that adamant. In the end, Eiji had got what he wanted. Fujigaya had never suspected to have trouble with saying no when really pressed. A shiver shook Fujigaya's body as he remembered how Eiji had turned him on his tummy and he hadn't known how to avoid it from happening. It had been his first time from behind and it had been like he had expected it. Not pleasant.
Jumping out of bed, he put on his clothes and went into the living room. He would watch a movie. Two movies later, Fujigaya sighed and rubbed his eyes. He shouldn't have been so soft with Eiji. If he hadn't given the other the impression he just had to beg long enough, tonight could have been more sleep filled.
Taking another shower to feel more like himself, he put on street clothes and left.
"It is five in the morning." Yokoo said with closed eyes while clinging to his front door.
"Don't mind me and just go back to bed." Fujigaya brushed past his friend and made himself comfortable on Yokoo's couch.
The older one grumbled some noises and then fell back into bed.
Fujigaya rested some on the couch and got up again when Yokoo fell out of bed two hours later. To make up for waking his best friend so early, he brewed some coffee for them.
"You look like shit." Yokoo greeted him.
"You have looked better yourself as well." Fujigaya countered and sipped at the black brew.
"Your new relationship is no good."
Fujigaya lifted an eyebrow at that.
"I preferred your previous relationship. You were more relaxed, less tried, less jumpy and in general a lot happier."
"We just haven't found our balance yet." They would have to have a serious talk. That was for certain.
"Bullshit. You have been with this guy for over a month and you are getting worse by the day. Seriously, you look like you are about to kneel over any moment. If you can't sleep with that guy around, it means you are not feeling safe with him and most probably shouldn't."
"I have always trouble sleeping in a bed that isn't mine." Fujigaya brushed off Yokoo's concern while he mulled it over in his mind.
Was he safe? The question hadn't occurred to him before, but now it was clinging to him.
"What is with the guy you last dated?"
"What is supposed to be with him?" Fujigaya asked defensively.
"You were happy with him. Can't you get back together?"
"Never." The word fell easily out of his mouth while it made him feel uneasy all over.
"Why not? If you loved each other so much, I am sure there is a way for you to work it out."
Fujigaya stared dumbstruck at his friend.
"We didn't love each other." That was a little of a lie considering that Kitayama had claimed to love him, but he hadn't loved the other back.
Yokoo frowned.
"You liked being with him."
"It was convenient." Fujigaya corrected.
"You were excited to leave work to be with him. Don't tell me shit."
Fujigaya pressed his lips together.
"The sex was really good." He finally said.
"Without love no good sex."
"That is just plain naive."
"Maybe, but even I could see that something was different."
"That something didn't have to be love." Right, it could very well have been being each other's co-worker and the thrill of sneaking around.
Yokoo sighed, but seemed to give up arguing with him. Fujigaya was truly glad because he wasn't really in the mood. He was still aching from last night and while it could be considered just sex, an uncomfortable feeling was nagging at him.
He spent the day on Yokoo's couch watching stupid movies and TV shows. His friend kept sighing and eventually it was really getting on Fujigaya's nerves.
"What? Just spill it already."
"If you liked him, you wouldn't spend one of your rare days off in my living room doing nothing."
"Firstly, I am not doing nothing. I am watching TV and secondly, why do I have to spend every free minute with my lover? I can also spend time with my best friend. It is not good to neglect a good friend."
"We see each other almost every day."
"Are we really arguing over this again? Do you want me to leave?"
"Taisuke please, I just want to help you."
"I don't need help." Fujigaya said exasperated and got up. If he stayed, they would only get in a nasty fight.
Yokoo said nothing as he left and he could very well live with that.
Since he had nowhere better to go, he returned to Eiji's flat. As he opened the door and saw a handsome young man put his shoes back on and the bangs that fell into his eyes were still wet from a shower, Fujigaya couldn't believe his eyes.
"Oh, you are back? I thought you left." Eiji leant against the wall and Fujigaya forced his mouth shut that had fallen open in shock.
"We never broke up." He finally said.
"Opps. I'll better leave then." The other man said and moved past him.
"What made you think we broke up?" Fujigaya tried very hard to keep his voice levelled. All the compromises he had made and now that?
"You weren't there in the morning. That is usually how it ends. I have long given up hoping." Eiji made an utterly sad face and Fujigaya wasn't sure how to feel.
"But it is certainly a nice surprise that you are back." Eiji moved closer and tried to wrap his arms around him.
"Don't. You just had sex with another man."
"He was just a consolation fuck. I felt awful when you weren't there."
Fujigaya crossed his arms.
"I don't believe you."
"It is true."
"Yeah right." He was really prone to getting cheated on. Did he look like he didn't care? Five other boyfriends had already done that.
"Alright, to make it up to you, let's go out tonight? It will be great."
Fujigaya carefully contemplated his options. Maybe it would give him some satisfaction to see Eiji work for him and depending on how much thought the other put into it, he would say at the end yes or no.
"Okay, I'll stay if you make it up to me."
"Great!"
Maybe he shouldn't have expected too much. Sure rose petals, candles and delicious food was a little too far off the top, but maybe something thoughtful to swoon him would have been nice.
Instead they were in a club with loud music and drinks.
"Isn't it great?" Eiji asked and watched the dance floor with great interest. It seemed that one blond had already caught his lover's attention.
Fujigaya kept his lips shut. He knew he was going to act bitchy, but he really didn't care.
"You are already pulling a face?" Eiji groaned. "Let's dance."
"I don't think so." Fujigaya hissed and made his way towards the bar. He needed something really good now.
Having ordered a cocktail with plenty of sweet syrup to sweeten his mood, he returned to where Eiji had been, only to find the other gone.
He would search five full minutes and then leave and never show his face again. After searching and pressing through sweaty bodies for eight minutes, he turned to the door to return to Eiji's flat to pick up his stuff. Fujigaya froze as he spotted Eiji close to the dance floor right next to Kitayama of all people. His band mate seemed to be relaxed and talking with some friends. His work mate wasn't even conscious of being watched. He might have left despite the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach if Eiji's eyes had not trailed over Kitayama's ass. The thought of Eiji forcing himself on Kitayama turned him queasy.
Cursing under his breath, he emptied his cocktail and left the glass on a table. He should have noticed earlier that it was one of the clubs his work mates frequented. It wouldn't be a surprise if Tamamori or Senga were there as well. He should have never brought Eiji here some weeks ago.
With his head held high, he marched over and stopped right next to Eiji.
"Like what you see?"
"I would really love to see you dance for me." Eiji ignored his accusation, but Fujigaya wasn't delusional anymore.
"I bet." He said drily.
"Taisuke?"
Fujigaya had dearly hoped he could get Eiji away from Kitayama without his ex-lover noticing.
"You know each other?" Eiji asked surprised and Fujigaya prayed for this to be over fast.
"He is my band mate."
Kitayama looked from him to Eiji and back. The knowing look annoyed him. It annoyed him even more when Kitayama narrowed his eyes.
This was not going to go smoothly.
Eiji pursed his lips thoughtfully.
"It is a pleasure to meet you." Kitayama said over the loud music and Eiji nodded.
"Ever done a threesome?" Eiji asked and Fujigaya couldn't believe his ears. While he had been gone, Eiji must have drunk something very strong to be that direct. Either that or he had been drinking with his 'consolation fuck' before they even left. They had talked about threesomes before, but this was taking on the form of a nightmare. Kitayama sent him a very direct look that spoke volumes and Fujigaya wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole.
"Do you always ask strangers weird questions like that?"
"Only sexy ones."
Eiji was flirting with Kitayama. Oh Joy.
"But you are not sexy enough for me." Kitayama immediately refused.
"But Taisuke would suffice your standards?"
"Maybe we should leave." Fujigaya threw in before Kitayama could answer.
But it seemed like it was already too late. Eiji was towering over Kitayama and looking like a giant while Kitayama didn't even reach to his shoulders.
Fujigaya had to give his band mate credit for not even flinching and looking back unimpressed. He would have been interested in the outcome if this weren't Kitayama and Eiji ready to bit each others' heads of.
"Stop! I said stop!" He almost screamed to be heard over the music.
Kitayama looked at him, frowned and then backed down.
"I want to leave." He told Eiji and his lover pouted.
"But Taisuke, the night is still young and we can have a lot more fun." Eiji seemed to believe he had managed to make Kitayama cower because of his high.
He would have liked to tell the other that this was not fun for him, but Kitayama was watching. The other's stare went right under his skin.
Fujigaya didn't want to admit that his relationship was not how he wanted it. Not to Kitayama. Not ever.
There was a tense silence between them, or rather there was a tense silence between Kitayama and him. Eiji seemed obvious to it and looked his band mate up and down again.
"You really not interested?"
Kitayama sneered and Fujigaya felt so utterly humiliated.
"No, I am not."
"Pity."
"I want to leave." Fujigaya told Eiji again. This was supposed to be his night. The other was supposed to try and win him back. Instead, he felt like dying and the night couldn't be any worse.
"Not yet."
Oh, the humiliation.
Without further words, he turned and left. Outside, he breathed in deeply. At least, Eiji had not tried to hold him back, but then again, there were a lot of other butts in there that would gladly let him fuck them.
That was it. He would get his stuff and leave. Maybe he should have done so earlier.
There was a light touch on his shoulder and he swivelled around. He felt a strange mixture of disappointment, relief, excitement, sadness and anxiousness as he looked at Kitayama.
"I'll bring you home?" The older one asked and Fujigaya felt like his ego got another punch.
"I am not a child."
"No, you are not. I want you to get home safely anyway." Kitayama said calmly as if sensing the tantrum around the corner.
"I don't want your pity." Fujigaya finally forced himself to admit and he hated how soft the other's eyes became.
"I don't pity you, I care for you. There is a difference."
Of course, there was. Fujigaya knew that, too.
"I am on my way to get my stuff from his flat. I am not going home yet."
"I'll help you." Kitayama immediately said and tugged him towards his car. Reluctantly, Fujigaya let him. His car was still at work since his manager had driven him when he last worked, so it would be a great help.
Fujigaya considered his body a traitor as it relaxed into the seat of Kitayama's car immediately. They didn't speak beside him giving Kitayama directions.
"That is it?" The older one asked as they were there.
"Yes." Fujigaya answered and got out. Kitayama followed him silently, but the other seemed to hesitate before stepping over the threshold.
"Do you have much?"
Fujigaya shook his head and hated to admit that there wasn't even half as much stuff of his than had been in Kitayama's flat. The other had to think along such lines as well, because he frowned at the rather small bag after Fujigaya was done packing.
"Is that really everything? It would be good if we got everything now."
Fujigaya didn't answer to the hidden message of Kitayama never wanting Fujigaya to see Eiji again.
"That's all." He said instead and Kitayama slung it over his shoulder before Fujigaya could refuse.
"Let's leave then."
Fujigaya hesitated at the front door. Why did things never work out right? They had wanted the same thing. Only sex, but in the end it didn't work out either.
Fingers intertwined with his and Kitayama tugged him out of the flat. Fujigaya frowned. Kitayama liked to be dominant in bed, but the other had never before made decisions for him. It wasn't the type of person Kitayama was.
Nevertheless, he let the other drag him away. Maybe, he was a tad relieved to leave.
Kitayama's car was comfortable and warm. It lulled him to sleep as the other drove and the regular noise of the motor calmed him.
A hand moved through his hair and it was familiar enough to tell him Kitayama was waking him up.
"Thanks." Fujigaya mumbled and crawled out of the car. Kitayama followed him wordlessly and carried his bag. If he wasn't so terribly dissatisfied with the day, he would have called the other a page, but it would ensure in a quarrel. One of the good kind, but he wasn't in the mood.
"You really are at your end today, aren't you?" Kitayama asked as if having read his mind and Fujigaya grumbled in reply while fishing his keys out of his pocket.
His family was already asleep and he let Kitayama in. The older one dropped his bag in his room on the floor and looked around the room.
Nothing had changed in the last five years, but Fujigaya couldn't care less and let himself drop on his bed.
"Will you be okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Fujigaya asked from where he was sprawled on his back.
"Break ups can be painful."
"You would know." He had never meant to say those words. Never. "Sorry."
"Tactful like always. You put an elephant in a store with porcelain to shame." Kitayama joked lightly and Fujigaya relaxed. The other wasn't mad.
"Yes, I do know, but that is not why I am asking. You looked ready to burst earlier in the club."
"Today was just not good and it was the cherry on the top. Nothing more."
Kitayama lay down next to him and together they stared at the ceiling.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"You are one of the last people I will discuss my love-life with." Fujigaya said and wondered why the hell he hadn't kicked Kitayama out yet. He really should.
"I could listen as leader instead of your ex-lover."
"We both know that is not true." Fujigaya whispered and tried to will himself to move so that he could get Kitayama to leave.
"You look terrible, Taisuke." Kitayama leant over him and Fujigaya still hadn't moved a millimetre. It was too easy. Way too easy, for Kitayama to lean down and for him to lift his head. It was meant to never happen again, but it did and Fujigaya sighed into Kitayama's mouth as their lips moved together in the familiar rhythm.
Kitayama's fingers buried in his hair and his arms wrapped around the other's neck without another thought. They still fitted together perfectly. He wasn't sure who started it, but in mere seconds they had pulled each other's clothes off and Fujigaya moaned as Kitayama devoured his neck the way he loved.
Confidently, Fujigaya sought out Kitayama's sensitive spots and revelled in it as the other moaned and became more passionate.
Kitayama made him spread his legs gently and Fujigaya was too tired to properly fight the older one so he only pinched Kitayama's ass to let him know, he was being gracious today and the other should better be thankful.
When they kissed again, there was a smile on Kitayama's lips and Fujigaya kissed it enthusiastically. It made the older one laugh, a small throaty sound that made Fujigaya's toenails curl while his own lips stretched into a small smile.
"You don't have lube under your pillow." Kitayama groaned as if that fact was physically hurting him.
"Bag." Fujigaya mumbled against Kitayama's collarbone as the other leant over the edge.
"If you don't stop this instant to torment me with your lips, I'll never find the lube and have to punish you."
Fujigaya grinned and tongued the sensitive skin. The other groaned and he almost giggled. Kitayama would never truly punish him.
The older one returned with the lube and sent him a reprimanding look. It didn't work one bit, but Kitayama didn't seem to expect that and only lubed up his fingers. Fujigaya pulled up his knees to give the other easier access and wondered a little why he was so compliant today.
The older one wrapped one hand around his cock and Fujigaya hissed. He was already way too hard, but his arousal came to a skittering halt as Kitayama pressed a finger into him and an unwelcomed soreness reminded him of the previous night. He stiffened.
Kitayama blinked up at him through eyes muddled by arousal, but they cleared instantly as the other looked at his face.
They looked at each other for long seconds, till Kitayama broke the contact and reached for a tissue on his bedside table to clean his fingers. Fujigaya tried to reach out for the other again; he did not want to feel that way, but Kitayama laced their fingers together in a gentle way to stop him. A lump formed in Fujigaya's throat as he realized what Kitayama had to think.
"It is not like that."
"It is okay, Taisuke, relax."
"No..."
The older one interrupted his protest with a kiss. He tried to refuel the passion between them, but Kitayama seemed adamant about not letting that happen. They kissed for a long time. Fujigaya finally accepted that the other wasn't going to have sex with him tonight. Their kisses grew calmer till the only propose was truly to only taste each other.
Fujigaya started to feel droopy and it was a little weird. It was as if the other kissed him to sleep. Kitayama's arms wrapped around his waist and Fujigaya moved his arms from around Kitayama's neck to his waist as well. He was utterly selfish and detestable, knowing there would be never between them what Kitayama wanted, but he curled up in the warmth the other offered him anyway. Just tonight. Only for tonight, he would seek out the comfort he seemed to truly want. Tomorrow, he would be honest and do what had to be done.
Fujigaya woke up half on top of Kitayama with his nose nudged under the other's chin.
What had gotten into him last night? They had almost had sex. That was madness. Fujigaya should be thankful their break up had been such a clean one. If he was honest though, he had missed their sex. It must be what had made him weak. Moreover, who was he to blame Kitayama for thinking there could be more between them when he had such lapses and let them sleep calmly in each other's arms like last night?
A little it was similar to how it had been with Eiji. He had been too soft with the other as well. With Kitayama he had been too soft, too, and allowed the distance between them to shrink. Thankfully, the situation was still a completely different one. Comparing Kitayama and Eiji was not right. They couldn't be any more different.
He hoped he wouldn't break Kitayama's heart another time when he was honest now. The other was too kind to be always hurt. He should have sent Kitayama on his way yesterday before they had even entered his home.
"When will you tell me you are awake?" Kitayama asked amused and Fujigaya started surprised.
"How did you know?"
"Your eyelashes kept fluttering against my neck. It gave you away."
"Oh." Kitayama had once said Fujigaya wasn't the only one with a sensitive neck. Fujigaya lifted his head and looked at the other.
He felt a slight pull at his heart. It was such a familiar sight to see Kitayama all bed ruffled and cute.
"Morning." Kitayama greeted him and Fujigaya swallowed. The other looked way too content.
He should end this now, he really should.
Kitayama rolled them around and Fujigaya found himself on his back.
"Finally." The other said and a thumb moved over the soft skin under his eyes.
"Finally?" Fujigaya asked surprised.
"The dark circles are still there, but at least you don't look anymore like you got punched."
Suddenly, it was hard to swallow around the lump that had formed in his throat and he wasn't sure where it even came from.
Fujigaya buried his face in his hands. Why was it so difficult? Last time, Kitayama had initiated their break up, now he had to take charge, but it was oh so difficult with the other so close and their naked bodies touching.
Fingers took a hold on the lower part of his hand and lifted it. Fujigaya removed the other hand from his face, too, and saw Kitayama inspect his wrist. As Fujigaya caught sight of the bruised skin, he tried to jerk his hand away.
"I didn't see last night in the dark." Kitayama answered as if he had never felt the tug.
"It is nothing. Just a little too passionate during sex."
The other didn't believe him. It was written all over his face. Though, it could be considered the truth.
Kitayama lowered his head to his wrist.
"Don't." Fujigaya said and the single word seemed to carry the full meaning of the words he wasn't getting over his lips. They were never going to happen.
"I am not a fool. I know." Kitayama said with a sad smile and brushed his lips over his battered skin. Closing his eyes, Fujigaya sucked air into his lungs at the gentle gesture.
Had both of them lost their minds?
"Why are you doing this then?"
"Maybe because I am crazy?" Kitayama speculated after having kissed the other wrist as well.
"You really shouldn't."
The older one nodded and let his wrist go. He didn't move out of bed though and just stayed next to him on his side with his head propped up in one hand.
Kitayama had to leave. There was no other way. The two of them staying naked in a tiny bed was a dangerous thing to do.
"You need to leave." Fujigaya finally forced over his lips.
"I know." Kitayama said and pursed his lips. "Just..." The older one bit his bottom lip and frowned. "Take better care of yourself."
Fujigaya hated to be patronized.
"I know, I know." Kitayama said with a smile. "But you have nothing to prove or nothing that forces you, so just pick someone you are comfortable with."
Fujigaya wanted to say that he had been comfortable with Eiji, but he hadn't always been. So he just nodded and it seemed to be enough for Kitayama.
He watched as the older one got out of bed and dressed.
Kitayama had lost some weight since they last had sex, but not overly much and he still had that cute mole on his left buttock he surely didn't know about. Fujigaya had always liked looking at the other. It wasn't the usual body that made women or men drool over, too short, the muscles even though there not that well visible, the face almost feminine, but there was something about the other that made him handsome. Not for the first time, Fujigaya wondered what it was.
Kitayama pulled his shirt over his head as last piece and then turned to look at him.
"I'll show myself out. You still have a while till you have to get up, don't you?" The older one sat down on the edge of the bed, took his face in his hands and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips.
"Don't make things difficult." Fujigaya warned.
Kitayama laughed at that.
"Careful or I might believe you actually care for me."
Fujigaya wanted to say that he did care, just didn't love him, but some things were better left unsaid. They had lingered with each other already too long the way it was.
It shouldn't make him unhappy that Kitayama was leaving and now for good, but it did and he had to begrudgingly admit that their relationship had been a good one no matter how often he had thought Kitayama was annoying or how disgustingly close they were. It had been good.
Fujigaya opened the box in his mind for good memories and carefully stored Kitayama in it, before he definitely closed it.
Time to move on.
"You are weirdly melancholic today." Yokoo said and Fujigaya sighed.
"I am single again." Was it Eiji that lowered his spirits or was it Kitayama? A question he was not going to pursue further, but he would just go with what made him more comfortable.
"I am sorry to hear that." Yokoo didn't look all that sorry, but Fujigaya knew what he thought about Eiji, so he just let it slide.
"How does one find the perfect partner?" Fujigaya asked after a long while.
"Usually, people just fall in love and in the best case scenario they are loved back."
"I search for the perfect partner without love."
"And that is the saddest." Yokoo said and looked at him as if he truly meant it.
"It is not sad." Fujigaya interjected and frowned. Love was exhausting and unnecessary.
"I am honestly happy I am not you."
"Glad I am responsible for your happiness." Fujigaya said sarcastically.
Time passed and it was just like the last time when Kitayama had broken up with him. They talked professionally and otherwise stayed out of each other's feet. That guy was seriously not a complicated one.
Fujigaya couldn't say himself why he didn't try to find a new boyfriend though. His relationship with Eiji had not ended well, but that was usually the case with his love relationships. Though, secretively he had hoped for it to work out for a while longer. It would have chased the relationship with Kitayama out of his mind. Or at least, he could have proven to himself that everything was the way it was supposed to be.
Warm lips moved along his brow and Fujigaya breathed deeply through his nose as his heart started to calm down again. Yokoo propped himself up further and looked down at him.
"You are different. You weren't into it today."
"I was." Fujigaya denied and brushed the other's bangs out of his face.
"Taisuke, you didn't enjoy the sex."
"I did. I came, didn't I?
"Yes, but you weren't that enthusiastic about it."
"Maybe I am just tired from work." Fujigaya said and shrugged his shoulders. Yokoo lifted an eyebrow at that, but rolled off him and sighed as he stretched out his legs comfortably. Fujigaya also stretched his legs out and rolled on his side to not directly lie on his butt.
"Your ex-lover is someone I know. That's why you are not telling me his name." Yokoo suddenly said and he rolled his eyes.
"His name is Eiji."
"No, the one before. I don't care about the scumbag. I mean the nice one."
"You don't know whether he was nice. Maybe he hit me."
Yokoo sent him a look out of the corner of his eyes.
"Okay, he didn't, but why are you still going on about this?"
"There wasn't even a cooling off phase with him. You were happy all along while you were together with him and then suddenly it was over. Usually, relationships are difficult for a while and then the couples break up. If it was that sudden, I am sure the relationship could be repaired again."
"What makes you think I would want to repair the relationship? Moreover, how in the world would you know whether we didn't fight? We certainly did."
"You often have that look in your eyes, as if you were intently thinking about something, someone. Wishing for him."
"I am not."
"I know you better than most people."
"You can be wrong, too." Fujigaya argued.
"Alright, just give me his name."
"No."
"So, I really do know him."
"His name is Kenji."
"No, it is not."
"Won't you leave me alone?"
"Someone from Kisumai?"
"No!" He had answered too fast and Yokoo's eyes grew big in shock.
"You did. You totally did! Wait, who? Miyata is gay for Tama. Tama? No, I think he loves Miyata back. One from the younger ones? Kento? You are not close enough to Nika. Did you date Kento?"
"Wataru..." Fujigaya said exasperated.
"Hiromitsu."
"No." He made sure to answer in a moderate voice.
"It was Hiromitsu." Yokoo said in a steady voice and Fujigaya glared.
"No, it was not Kitayama."
"It was. He is the type of person you could be happy with."
"You know as good as I do, that we would just tear each other's heads off."
"That's just on the surface. You rely on each other."
"Could you stop already?"
"He cares about you, but you don't feel comfortable with care, because it would make it easy to fall in love and that is what you want to avoid. I am right, aren't I?"
"No."
"Or of course, he had already wound his way into your heart and when you realized it, the relationship had to end."
"As if."
"Nothing scares you more than feelings. Feelings mean someone could actually hurt you and that is unheard of."
"Stop right this instant."
"Because I hit right home?"
Fujigaya didn't answer and instead pushed the blanket aside and got off the bed. As he put back on his clothes, Yokoo watched him silently.
He couldn't get his clothes back on fast enough and when he put the last bracelet back in place, Yokoo spoke up again.
"I might play cupid."
"If you don't want to see Kitayama suffer, then you won't." Fujigaya almost snarled and even Yokoo seemed to be taken aback by his reaction. He could live with that and turned to leave.
Part 3