My reflection - chapter 30, Ruki/Kai, Reita/Uruha
Author: yukigafuru
Title: My reflection
Chapters:31/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita, Aoi/OC, Aoi/Sakito
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 30
The members didn't have practice that Thursday, but they did have one photo shoot, giving them plenty of time to relax. With no concerts in sight for about three- four months and them working on some songs, that gave them plenty of time to relax a bit. It was April after all, Aoi and his apartment had needed redecoration and once one can convince those top shots that you deserve a bit of a break once in a while, the members had no intention of wasting the chance.
They were all more or less on time. Ruki, Kai and Aoi were dot on time while the other two had been about ten minutes late. This time it had been all because of the traffic. The photo shoot took about two hours and went on without a glitch, as expected.
“So, guys, now that we're done and free for the rest of the day, wanna go somewhere and eat something? Maybe terrorize some waitresses?” Aoi asked.
“That sounds good, Aoi-shi. But we have some unresolved business from the weekend...” Reita had replied precisely when Uruha had been about to agree. And Uruha was not going to oppose his lover, not when he was grinning that way and knowing what exactly those plans were...
“We'd love to accompany you, Aoi-shi, but me and Kai were also thinking about doing something together.” Ruki said, while blushing a bit.
“And you are blushing because? Oh, my God, don't tell me you're a virgin?”
“Idiot! We're going on a date.”
“So why are you blushing? Never been on a date before?”
“Of course we have, dinner and so on.”
“So what's special this time?”
“Every time is special, Aoi-shi.” Kai said in a calm tone, as if reprimanding the guitarist a bit. “But this time, I want to surprise him.”
“I completely understand that. Don't worry for my poor little soul. I'll probably go home and then out shopping with my wife. I just hope this time when we go for lunch she doesn't scare the waiter with her requests．Although I certainly had fun seeing the waiter's reaction upon her asking the other day for pickles and mozzarella over her vanilla flavored pancakes. Come on, walk you to the car.”
Reita and Uruha were the first to leave the building, and the other three were close behind.
“Talking about Miyuki-san...How is she?” Ruki asked.
“Except for the weird cravings, weren't those supposed to last only for a few months or something? So yeah, except for those, she's practically shining. Pregnancy certainly suits her well.”
“I'm glad.” Kai had commented. “By the way, you never did tell us the sex.”
“That's because we didn't go do an echogram.”
Kai and Ruki were gaping at him.
“What? Aoi, are you insane? Why the hell didn't you go? I sure hope at least Miyuki-san went alone.”
“Why? I mean, we don't exactly want to find out the gender, we think it might be a bit more of a surprise to find out at birth. Makes it difficult to choose the nursery color pattern though...”
“Will you please explain it to him, hun? Or I might get a bit mad.” This coming from Kai was a bit of a surprise for the guitarist since Kai almost never got mad.
“Aoi-shi, haven't you read anything about pregnancies or I don't know... where have you been living, on Mars? I don't want to scare you, but before the fourth month, you usually go and see if it's healthy, if not, in the worst case scenario, there could still be an abortion. Now, I think it's already too late for that.”
Aoi was suddenly shaken to the core by a horrible thought. What if... No, Miyuki had definitely thought about it. But then, why hadn't she told them to go together? They had talked about going to the doctors one of these days, together, but with everything happening it had slipped Aoi's mind. He was a horrible father, wasn't he? Something like that, just sleeping his mind?
“I need to get home, guys.”
Aoi had practically run and sped, sped and run and had made it home in record time. Miyuki was sitting in front of the TV, drinking a cup of tea. When seeing him coming like that, breathless, she suddenly put the cup on the coffee table and hurried towards him, worried.
“What's wrong?”
“Is the baby okay? I know I'm an idiot for forgetting about going to the doctor but I honestly had no idea that we needed to go before the fourth month and...”
She suddenly understood. She wrapped the man in a gentle embrace, and after whispering 'thank you', leaving Aoi even more in the dark than before, she said.
“The baby is fine, Aoi. I actually went the day before I told you about being a father. It was early but still advanced enough to tell if everything was ok. The doctor promised that if I take it easy and take care of myself, there could be absolutely nothing going wrong.”
“So you saw it?”
“Well，not exactly. Pretty small, remember. That's why I had wanted to go with you soon.”
“And I forgot. You really should have insisted more. I want to be 100% sure it's healthy.”
“You know, they didn't have echographies in the old days.” Miyuki said laughing a little. She was also thinking 'And then the whole thing with Sakito also coincided...' , but she wouldn't voice those thoughts.
“That's a shame. Don't really care. How about going today? You don't have anything planned, do you?”
“Me, of course not, what have I done these days except taking care of myself, which means lazying around? Just grab a cup of tea while I'll call the doctor and get ready.”
“You don't need a prior reservation?”
“Well, it would have been best if we had one, but she's a very nice woman so if I ask, she'll squeeze me in. Just relax for a bit, ok?”
A few hours later, they were finally in the examination room, and Aoi had grown, if possible, even more nervous. So nervous in fact that he barely managed to have a proper conversation with the doctor. She really did seem to be a kind woman. Aoi didn't bother analyzing her too thoroughly, as he would have normally done. He was too anxious for that.
“I see that Shiroyama-san is just dying to see the baby, so let's not keep him waiting, shall we?” The doctor had said and started preparing the gel and the machine. Miyuki got up and hand in hand with her husband went and sat on the table. She lifted her blouse, gritted her teeth when assaulted by the coldness of the gel and kept waiting to see her husband's face. She thought she was probably a bit strange for not desiring to see it as much as her husband did. But on the other hand, she wouldn't be properly seeing it either. It was just a black and white image, even dotted one might add, and you could simply see shapes. She could feel her baby growing inside of her, and somehow knew that it was going to be the most beautiful thing in the world, so, yes, maybe it was weird...
In the meantime, Aoi had been ten times more nervous than before a grand final live. He was about to see his child for the first time. He was astonished by how calm Miyuki seemed to be. He had imagined she'd be jumping all over the room with him. But on the other hand, she has such a closer relationship with it, she could feel it growing inside of her after all, she probably already knew, somehow.
It didn't take more than two or three minutes and the screen finally came to life and the room was filled by a beating sound. It wasn't really that loud, but in the stillness of the room, to Aoi, it seemed to beat like a drum: his child's heartbeat. And then on the screen there were some conical shapes and right there in the middle, a shadow, a contour clearer than the rest. Even he could tell that was his baby. The image was certainly wonderful, fascinating, but he loved the simple drumming sound so much more.
“And that, Mr and Mrs Shiroyama is your baby. And its heartbeat. Do you wish to know the gender?”
Miyuki answered for both of them. They had talked about it so she knew that they both preferred it to be a surprise. Aoi suddenly asked.
“Is my baby healthy?”
The doctor seemed a bit startled by the suddenness but she quickly recovered and gave the father a warming smile.
“It's perfectly healthy, Mr Shiroyama. Nothing to worry about. The chances of anything going wrong were small from the start seeing how healthy a life your wife has lead. And after the first scan, even the probability of something genetic has been eliminated.”
Aoi breathed relieved. He hadn't screwed anything with his stupidity, and he was mighty relieved for that. He didn't even know if he could have handled a different sort of news.
They were soon sitting relaxed in a small restaurant, making conversation while waiting for their orders.
“I'm still so surprised and relieved. Can't believe I actually didn't do this earlier.”
“It's all right, Aoi-san. I know better than anyone how much you love her.”
“Her?”
“Or him. I don't know, I have heard talks about it from my mom however and it does seem right. It just might turn out to be a girl.”
“It would be lovely if it were a girl and equally lovely if it's a boy. I just hope everything goes all right.”
“Don't worry so much.”
“You don't know how happy I am to be here with you and our baby like this, right now.”
Miyuki got a warm and fuzzy feeling when hearing him say that. And just a bit of a stab when thinking the baby was probably the only thing keeping them together. Like this...
And fate decided to play a rotten card again. The five members of Naitomea had just entered their restaurant. Things were about to get tense again. She had just planned on a quiet day that morning...
It only took a few seconds for Yomi to realize who else was in that restaurant and he was pretty much ready to start war. It took Ruka's arm firmly winded around his waist to stop him from his actions. Sakito had considered getting out of there and picking a different place but he knew that Yomi wouldn't stand for it and the other two that didn't know much about his love life were bound to ask questions. So he braced himself for a long couple of hours.
They walked in and had planned on sitting on the farthest away table from the couples but then, all of a sudden, Yomi loudly exclaimed:
“What do you know, if it's not Gazette's Aoi-san!”
Well, that got Aoi's attention, who until then had been sitting with his back towards them so he had probably been unaware of who had walked in. Aoi looked their way and his gaze met Sakito's. For the Naitomea guitarist it was as if time had stopped and then, all of a sudden, when Aoi turned towards his wife again, restarted much too fast. And there was something different about Aoi. His gaze had been longing, as always, but somehow more determined. Only thinking about the implications chilled Sakito to the bone.
Miyuki and Aoi were talking about something and then Miyuki was actually inviting them to their table. Sakito sometimes just had to wonder about the woman's rationality. The five of them at the couple's table smelled disaster.
After the normal greetings were exchanged and everyone had ordered, things started to get interesting.
“So, Aoi-san, I never did get a reply to my letter.”
A surprised Aoi asked:
“What letter?”
“Oh, so you really didn't get it. Oh, nothing special. It was a long time ago anyway. So how are you doing? I had heard you got married.”
“Yeah, we got married. Everything is just fine, thank you.”
And then Miyuki joined the conversation.
“We actually went to the doctor today and Aoi-san got to see the baby for the first time.”
Sakito was astonished by how Aoi's entire expression somehow became gentler for a few moments. It didn't take a genius to see how much that baby meant to the guitarist. He had managed to stay blissfully silent until then but was it just him, or did it seem like Miyuki was actually giving signs of wanting him to talk with Aoi? Oh, right, the tests. This was supposed to be one of them?
“Was everything ok? Did you find out the baby's gender?” he asked, looking at Aoi.
The guitarist didn't even flinch.
“Everything is fine but we didn't find out if it's a boy or a girl. We decided to wait until birth.”
Something was very different between this Aoi and the one he had met not long before, in the decorations shop. This Aoi was so much more collected and firm, he looked him in the eyes, held his gaze as if challenging him to screw something up. Sakito's emotions were all over the place. It hurt to see Aoi so distant and at the same time, he was very attracted by this side of the guitarist. He had seen many Aois but not this one. He wondered if maybe this side had been the one to decide he wanted to marry Miyuki.
“I have to ask how is married life, Aoi-san?” And there goes Yomi again. Sakito felt like strangling the imp at the moment.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I heard that it gets boring.” That was so out of line. Fortunately, Ruka thought so too because he was practically crushing Yomi with the force of his hug. Yomi added hastily “I don't mean to offend.”
Aoi's eyes were sparkling in what Sakito assumed was rage. He was so beautiful, Sakito thought.
“Isn't yours and your lover's life boring, Yomi-san? No offense, of course. Marriage and the relationship between lovers isn't that different, you know.”
“I suppose you can look at it that way. But me and Ruka-san, we're both men, we could never be accepted, at least not like you. That certainly gives everything an edge.”
“And if that were gone, would it become boring?”
That obviously caught Yomi by surprise and not only that, it had probably hit a nerve because all of a sudden, Yomi became quiet and his hands clutched Ruka's arm tighter. It was a surprise for all of them when Ruka was the one answering.
“Who knows. But, between us, well, let's say that our very different personalities would make up for that too. Tranquility is a word that wasn't made for us.”
That, coming from Ruka, one of the most reserved men Sakito knew, it was almost a love and faithfulness declaration, with 'forever' promised somewhere between the lines. Yomi had obviously got that too because from then on, he only had eyes for his lover, which gave Sakito a bit of peace of mind. He cast quick glances at his other band members, who were sending him in turn glances, which spelled that he had a lot of explaining to do later. Just perfect! He really did want to strangle Yomi at that point. But what got his attention immediately were Aoi's eyes.
Aoi was certainly surprising the hell out of him since his whole posture and attitude had changed countless times during their little get together. And he knew Miyuki was analyzing every one of them. Aoi's gaze was fixed on him and it was so intense, it suddenly felt as if the room had gotten hotter. His gaze burned with longing and passion and rage and... love? Sakito didn't trust himself with being able to read that much into it. He knew that he had to respond to Miyuki's challenge, say something, but...
Miyuki was obviously the one in charge. She wanted to know something and she'd drag it out of her husband.
“I hope you don't mind me asking, but for how long have you two been together?”
Ruka had obviously noticed something because he was the one answering.
“About 7 years now. We got together about a year after we met.”
“Well, that certainly sounds like marriage to me. And quite a happy one at that. You look very much in love. I'm glad to see that love doesn't always need to hurt.”
“It wasn't easy at first but we were both stubborn and refused to let go.”
“Oh, Sakito-san said something along those lines to my husband the last time we met.” She was turning towards Sakito. “So, Sakito-san, now that we seem to be so comfortable with the topic, I must confess I've been very curios about that. Who is it that you refuse to let go?”
Aoi's gaze didn't waver one bit but some flickers of fear were clearly visible. Still, did he want Sakito to reply honestly? Everyone was looking at him and it was obvious what Yomi wanted him to say.
“The man I love.” He decided to answer.
And then, for the first time since they had entered that restaurant, Hitsugi said something that shocked everyone at the table. And if Sakito knew Hitsugi, he knew exactly why he had said it.
“Oh, I didn't think you'd fall in love with Tora-san so quickly, Sakito-kun. Although you two did seem pretty wrapped in each other the other day.”
There was no mistaking Aoi's reaction. And then and there Miyuki had her evidence. Aoi had gone ghostly pale, his hands were shaking and he had quickly got up, muttered something about the bathroom and disappeared. Sakito didn't know what he should do, but he did know what he wanted to do. So it wasn't long before he found himself in the bathroom, mesmerized by the view.
Aoi's hands were desperately clutching the sink, his face lowered. He was shaking furiously and if Sakito didn't know better, he'd think the dark guitarist had been crying. He knew Aoi was more stubborn than that, though. And he was right. The instant Aoi felt that someone else was looking at him and turned his face to see who it was, their eyes met again. And Aoi's eyes were liquid fire. Sakito couldn't put it any other way. Aoi was furious, hurt and determined and, if Sakito hadn't lost his mind and was misreading the emotions he saw there, Aoi wanted him.
The desperate kiss that came certainly confirmed Sakito's guess and surpassed it. Aoi had grabbed him, pushed him into the wall and with no warning what so ever, had sealed their mouths together so forcefully that Sakito was pretty sure his lip was bleeding. He couldn't seem to care though because he was holding Aoi again, tasting him again, allowing him to possess him in the same way thoughts of him had possessed him all those weeks they had been separated. The kiss was passionate and brutal and at the same time, perfect, expressing their thoughts and feelings much better than words could. But still, they needed to breathe and they needed to say those precise words.
He was astonished to realize that Aoi was chuckling. And when the dark haired man lifted his face, he was blown away by the sheer happiness that he could see swimming in there.
“It's not true, is it?” Sakito knew exactly what he was asking.
“No.”
“Did you plan it?”
“No.”
“You should have. Otherwise, I would have never given in.”
Sakito's heart was beating too loudly. He couldn't be hearing what he was hearing.
“You know, I saw my baby for the first time today. He's perfect and Miyuki is the perfect wife and I thought I was a happy man until seeing you sit at my table, saying almost nothing. The only one talking was that vocalist of yours and even the truths coming from his mouth cut deep and yet, you did nothing. You seemed to be waiting for something. Braving me to do something. And I was mad at you for it. And a bit scared that you had changed your mind. And then that guitarist of yours says that... For a brief moment there, I thought it was true. That the reason you weren't doing anything was that you didn't want this anymore.”
“I promised you to wait no matter how long it took, didn't I?”
“Promises... I promised myself to stop loving you and look where that got me. I won't give anyone the chance to take you away from me.”
Sakito couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he could do nothing but listen to this dark man radiating anger and hurt and so much love.
“What are you saying?”
“That I'm a selfish bastard and I'm your selfish bastard and I'm going to make you face your responsibilities, with me. I'm not letting you go, not again, not for anything.”
It was Sakito's turn to kiss the living daylights out of Aoi.
“What about Miyuki-san and the baby?”
“I love them and I plan on being a part of their life. But I can't do this anymore. So let's get there and face the music, together.”
“You mean now?”
“No time like the present.”
When they went out, they found that Miyuki was the only one waiting for them.
“They decided to flee the scene before things come crushing down.” She tried making a joke. No one laughed.
Aoi stood across from her and then pulled Sakito down next to him.
“Miyuki-Chan, I need you to listen... No, I need to confess something. I'm not hoping you'll forgive me for this. But I am hoping you'll understand just a bit and...”
“Cut it, Aoi-san. I'm not so stupid as to not have figured it out some time ago. I know. And hearing it from you now, won't make it easier. Especially not today...” (after we both pretended to be the happy couple who sees their child for the first time) “I will not have my baby and his father separated. And that's that.”
“And I'd never give up that baby. If you let me, I...”
“You what? Will come for the occasional Saturday family dinner and then for the rest of the week, because you'll be busy with concerts and events and practice and whatever else there is, won't have time to even see your child? If your home and ours is not gonna be the same, you do realize that you'll not truly be there.”
“I just... I know I can't have both and I know I need to chose and Gods, I don't want to hurt you more than I already have.”
“Let's make something clear. Exactly what do you feel for each of us, Aoi-san?”
“I love you, both. Sakito-kun, I love him the way I was supposed to love you, the way I promised to love you and couldn't. He's a part of me to such an extent I feel empty when I don't have him. Miyuki-san, I love you as a sister, as a treasured friend, as a wonderful woman, who I absolutely don't deserve to have met and who did nothing to deserve I treat her this way. I love you as the mother of my child. And I hate myself for doing this to you, the both of you.”
Silence. Sakito gently placed his palm on the guitarist's knee, trying to offer some kind of comfort and support when that was really all he could do. Everything was complicated and he knew that he wouldn't have been able to give a solution, if it were him. And Miyuki had showed how wonderful a human being she was. And Aoi needed to hear that too...
“Miyuki-san?” Sakito dared ask her. It was obvious she was hurting and he wouldn't have done it if he weren't concerned for his love. He knew what the silence must be doing to the dark guitarist.
Miyuki inhaled deeply and with sadness and resignation written across her face, she started.
“Aoi-san, you never lied to me and I am grateful for that. It hurts, and I know you know that but at the same time, I knew all of it. I don't really blame you for any of it. It isn't exactly your fault that I got pregnant, it isn't your fault that you fell in love with him, and it isn't your fault that I don't love you the same way you love me. That would have made everything easier. Maybe it is your fault for giving me hope, but you pretended for yourself too, so I know you meant it. And like I said, I refuse to have my baby separated from its' father. There's really no point in my clinging to you and I'm really not one of those idiots who has to suffer for a life-time because you didn't respond. And the three of us have hurt enough by now already. We're happy enough there's still one unused room in that apartment of yours. And now I finally have the chance to use that green I've wanted to use. It will be my room after all and I expect to be able to do with it whatever I want.”
“Are you saying what I think you're saying?” Aoi was too stunned to react differently. He was just too shocked to react in any other way.
“I'm saying that our baby is gonna have one mother and two fathers in her life. Personally, I think she's gonna be a happy child.” Miyuki tried to lighten up the atmosphere. It didn't really work.
“She?” Sakito asked. That seemed to do the trick.
“Well, I just have this feeling. We don't know yet.”
“I'm terrified to think of the possibilities. God help us with two strong-headed women in the same house.” Sakito joked.
Miyuki honestly laughed.
“Well, we'll certainly be able to keep you two grounded.” Even Aoi seemed to unwind a bit at that. “So let's enjoy our lunch, shall we? I still haven't ordered desert yet. I was thinking something along sardines and ice-cream.” Sakito blanched, Aoi laughed.
“Welcome to the wonderful world of fatherhood.” Miyuki grinned.
Perhaps everything would turn all right in the end. It still hurt, but as long as she could still laugh... And she was getting not one, but two wonderful men ready to jump at her every wish. Yeap, life could be worse, Miyuki deviously thought. And a pregnant woman certainly had the rights to abuse her husbands just a little bit, didn't she?
A/N: Yes, I know. Late again. I swear I had it already written but exams didn't let me even to take the time and post. On the other hand, it is a very long and very expected post, isn't it? And you just have to tell me what you think of it. Frankly, I'm very happy with how it turned out. Made me happy to read it today, when I did some adjustments. Hope it will work for you too. Love you all!
Title: My reflection
Chapters:31/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita, Aoi/OC, Aoi/Sakito
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 30
The members didn't have practice that Thursday, but they did have one photo shoot, giving them plenty of time to relax. With no concerts in sight for about three- four months and them working on some songs, that gave them plenty of time to relax a bit. It was April after all, Aoi and his apartment had needed redecoration and once one can convince those top shots that you deserve a bit of a break once in a while, the members had no intention of wasting the chance.
They were all more or less on time. Ruki, Kai and Aoi were dot on time while the other two had been about ten minutes late. This time it had been all because of the traffic. The photo shoot took about two hours and went on without a glitch, as expected.
“So, guys, now that we're done and free for the rest of the day, wanna go somewhere and eat something? Maybe terrorize some waitresses?” Aoi asked.
“That sounds good, Aoi-shi. But we have some unresolved business from the weekend...” Reita had replied precisely when Uruha had been about to agree. And Uruha was not going to oppose his lover, not when he was grinning that way and knowing what exactly those plans were...
“We'd love to accompany you, Aoi-shi, but me and Kai were also thinking about doing something together.” Ruki said, while blushing a bit.
“And you are blushing because? Oh, my God, don't tell me you're a virgin?”
“Idiot! We're going on a date.”
“So why are you blushing? Never been on a date before?”
“Of course we have, dinner and so on.”
“So what's special this time?”
“Every time is special, Aoi-shi.” Kai said in a calm tone, as if reprimanding the guitarist a bit. “But this time, I want to surprise him.”
“I completely understand that. Don't worry for my poor little soul. I'll probably go home and then out shopping with my wife. I just hope this time when we go for lunch she doesn't scare the waiter with her requests．Although I certainly had fun seeing the waiter's reaction upon her asking the other day for pickles and mozzarella over her vanilla flavored pancakes. Come on, walk you to the car.”
Reita and Uruha were the first to leave the building, and the other three were close behind.
“Talking about Miyuki-san...How is she?” Ruki asked.
“Except for the weird cravings, weren't those supposed to last only for a few months or something? So yeah, except for those, she's practically shining. Pregnancy certainly suits her well.”
“I'm glad.” Kai had commented. “By the way, you never did tell us the sex.”
“That's because we didn't go do an echogram.”
Kai and Ruki were gaping at him.
“What? Aoi, are you insane? Why the hell didn't you go? I sure hope at least Miyuki-san went alone.”
“Why? I mean, we don't exactly want to find out the gender, we think it might be a bit more of a surprise to find out at birth. Makes it difficult to choose the nursery color pattern though...”
“Will you please explain it to him, hun? Or I might get a bit mad.” This coming from Kai was a bit of a surprise for the guitarist since Kai almost never got mad.
“Aoi-shi, haven't you read anything about pregnancies or I don't know... where have you been living, on Mars? I don't want to scare you, but before the fourth month, you usually go and see if it's healthy, if not, in the worst case scenario, there could still be an abortion. Now, I think it's already too late for that.”
Aoi was suddenly shaken to the core by a horrible thought. What if... No, Miyuki had definitely thought about it. But then, why hadn't she told them to go together? They had talked about going to the doctors one of these days, together, but with everything happening it had slipped Aoi's mind. He was a horrible father, wasn't he? Something like that, just sleeping his mind?
“I need to get home, guys.”
Aoi had practically run and sped, sped and run and had made it home in record time. Miyuki was sitting in front of the TV, drinking a cup of tea. When seeing him coming like that, breathless, she suddenly put the cup on the coffee table and hurried towards him, worried.
“What's wrong?”
“Is the baby okay? I know I'm an idiot for forgetting about going to the doctor but I honestly had no idea that we needed to go before the fourth month and...”
She suddenly understood. She wrapped the man in a gentle embrace, and after whispering 'thank you', leaving Aoi even more in the dark than before, she said.
“The baby is fine, Aoi. I actually went the day before I told you about being a father. It was early but still advanced enough to tell if everything was ok. The doctor promised that if I take it easy and take care of myself, there could be absolutely nothing going wrong.”
“So you saw it?”
“Well，not exactly. Pretty small, remember. That's why I had wanted to go with you soon.”
“And I forgot. You really should have insisted more. I want to be 100% sure it's healthy.”
“You know, they didn't have echographies in the old days.” Miyuki said laughing a little. She was also thinking 'And then the whole thing with Sakito also coincided...' , but she wouldn't voice those thoughts.
“That's a shame. Don't really care. How about going today? You don't have anything planned, do you?”
“Me, of course not, what have I done these days except taking care of myself, which means lazying around? Just grab a cup of tea while I'll call the doctor and get ready.”
“You don't need a prior reservation?”
“Well, it would have been best if we had one, but she's a very nice woman so if I ask, she'll squeeze me in. Just relax for a bit, ok?”
A few hours later, they were finally in the examination room, and Aoi had grown, if possible, even more nervous. So nervous in fact that he barely managed to have a proper conversation with the doctor. She really did seem to be a kind woman. Aoi didn't bother analyzing her too thoroughly, as he would have normally done. He was too anxious for that.
“I see that Shiroyama-san is just dying to see the baby, so let's not keep him waiting, shall we?” The doctor had said and started preparing the gel and the machine. Miyuki got up and hand in hand with her husband went and sat on the table. She lifted her blouse, gritted her teeth when assaulted by the coldness of the gel and kept waiting to see her husband's face. She thought she was probably a bit strange for not desiring to see it as much as her husband did. But on the other hand, she wouldn't be properly seeing it either. It was just a black and white image, even dotted one might add, and you could simply see shapes. She could feel her baby growing inside of her, and somehow knew that it was going to be the most beautiful thing in the world, so, yes, maybe it was weird...
In the meantime, Aoi had been ten times more nervous than before a grand final live. He was about to see his child for the first time. He was astonished by how calm Miyuki seemed to be. He had imagined she'd be jumping all over the room with him. But on the other hand, she has such a closer relationship with it, she could feel it growing inside of her after all, she probably already knew, somehow.
It didn't take more than two or three minutes and the screen finally came to life and the room was filled by a beating sound. It wasn't really that loud, but in the stillness of the room, to Aoi, it seemed to beat like a drum: his child's heartbeat. And then on the screen there were some conical shapes and right there in the middle, a shadow, a contour clearer than the rest. Even he could tell that was his baby. The image was certainly wonderful, fascinating, but he loved the simple drumming sound so much more.
“And that, Mr and Mrs Shiroyama is your baby. And its heartbeat. Do you wish to know the gender?”
Miyuki answered for both of them. They had talked about it so she knew that they both preferred it to be a surprise. Aoi suddenly asked.
“Is my baby healthy?”
The doctor seemed a bit startled by the suddenness but she quickly recovered and gave the father a warming smile.
“It's perfectly healthy, Mr Shiroyama. Nothing to worry about. The chances of anything going wrong were small from the start seeing how healthy a life your wife has lead. And after the first scan, even the probability of something genetic has been eliminated.”
Aoi breathed relieved. He hadn't screwed anything with his stupidity, and he was mighty relieved for that. He didn't even know if he could have handled a different sort of news.
They were soon sitting relaxed in a small restaurant, making conversation while waiting for their orders.
“I'm still so surprised and relieved. Can't believe I actually didn't do this earlier.”
“It's all right, Aoi-san. I know better than anyone how much you love her.”
“Her?”
“Or him. I don't know, I have heard talks about it from my mom however and it does seem right. It just might turn out to be a girl.”
“It would be lovely if it were a girl and equally lovely if it's a boy. I just hope everything goes all right.”
“Don't worry so much.”
“You don't know how happy I am to be here with you and our baby like this, right now.”
Miyuki got a warm and fuzzy feeling when hearing him say that. And just a bit of a stab when thinking the baby was probably the only thing keeping them together. Like this...
And fate decided to play a rotten card again. The five members of Naitomea had just entered their restaurant. Things were about to get tense again. She had just planned on a quiet day that morning...
It only took a few seconds for Yomi to realize who else was in that restaurant and he was pretty much ready to start war. It took Ruka's arm firmly winded around his waist to stop him from his actions. Sakito had considered getting out of there and picking a different place but he knew that Yomi wouldn't stand for it and the other two that didn't know much about his love life were bound to ask questions. So he braced himself for a long couple of hours.
They walked in and had planned on sitting on the farthest away table from the couples but then, all of a sudden, Yomi loudly exclaimed:
“What do you know, if it's not Gazette's Aoi-san!”
Well, that got Aoi's attention, who until then had been sitting with his back towards them so he had probably been unaware of who had walked in. Aoi looked their way and his gaze met Sakito's. For the Naitomea guitarist it was as if time had stopped and then, all of a sudden, when Aoi turned towards his wife again, restarted much too fast. And there was something different about Aoi. His gaze had been longing, as always, but somehow more determined. Only thinking about the implications chilled Sakito to the bone.
Miyuki and Aoi were talking about something and then Miyuki was actually inviting them to their table. Sakito sometimes just had to wonder about the woman's rationality. The five of them at the couple's table smelled disaster.
After the normal greetings were exchanged and everyone had ordered, things started to get interesting.
“So, Aoi-san, I never did get a reply to my letter.”
A surprised Aoi asked:
“What letter?”
“Oh, so you really didn't get it. Oh, nothing special. It was a long time ago anyway. So how are you doing? I had heard you got married.”
“Yeah, we got married. Everything is just fine, thank you.”
And then Miyuki joined the conversation.
“We actually went to the doctor today and Aoi-san got to see the baby for the first time.”
Sakito was astonished by how Aoi's entire expression somehow became gentler for a few moments. It didn't take a genius to see how much that baby meant to the guitarist. He had managed to stay blissfully silent until then but was it just him, or did it seem like Miyuki was actually giving signs of wanting him to talk with Aoi? Oh, right, the tests. This was supposed to be one of them?
“Was everything ok? Did you find out the baby's gender?” he asked, looking at Aoi.
The guitarist didn't even flinch.
“Everything is fine but we didn't find out if it's a boy or a girl. We decided to wait until birth.”
Something was very different between this Aoi and the one he had met not long before, in the decorations shop. This Aoi was so much more collected and firm, he looked him in the eyes, held his gaze as if challenging him to screw something up. Sakito's emotions were all over the place. It hurt to see Aoi so distant and at the same time, he was very attracted by this side of the guitarist. He had seen many Aois but not this one. He wondered if maybe this side had been the one to decide he wanted to marry Miyuki.
“I have to ask how is married life, Aoi-san?” And there goes Yomi again. Sakito felt like strangling the imp at the moment.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I heard that it gets boring.” That was so out of line. Fortunately, Ruka thought so too because he was practically crushing Yomi with the force of his hug. Yomi added hastily “I don't mean to offend.”
Aoi's eyes were sparkling in what Sakito assumed was rage. He was so beautiful, Sakito thought.
“Isn't yours and your lover's life boring, Yomi-san? No offense, of course. Marriage and the relationship between lovers isn't that different, you know.”
“I suppose you can look at it that way. But me and Ruka-san, we're both men, we could never be accepted, at least not like you. That certainly gives everything an edge.”
“And if that were gone, would it become boring?”
That obviously caught Yomi by surprise and not only that, it had probably hit a nerve because all of a sudden, Yomi became quiet and his hands clutched Ruka's arm tighter. It was a surprise for all of them when Ruka was the one answering.
“Who knows. But, between us, well, let's say that our very different personalities would make up for that too. Tranquility is a word that wasn't made for us.”
That, coming from Ruka, one of the most reserved men Sakito knew, it was almost a love and faithfulness declaration, with 'forever' promised somewhere between the lines. Yomi had obviously got that too because from then on, he only had eyes for his lover, which gave Sakito a bit of peace of mind. He cast quick glances at his other band members, who were sending him in turn glances, which spelled that he had a lot of explaining to do later. Just perfect! He really did want to strangle Yomi at that point. But what got his attention immediately were Aoi's eyes.
Aoi was certainly surprising the hell out of him since his whole posture and attitude had changed countless times during their little get together. And he knew Miyuki was analyzing every one of them. Aoi's gaze was fixed on him and it was so intense, it suddenly felt as if the room had gotten hotter. His gaze burned with longing and passion and rage and... love? Sakito didn't trust himself with being able to read that much into it. He knew that he had to respond to Miyuki's challenge, say something, but...
Miyuki was obviously the one in charge. She wanted to know something and she'd drag it out of her husband.
“I hope you don't mind me asking, but for how long have you two been together?”
Ruka had obviously noticed something because he was the one answering.
“About 7 years now. We got together about a year after we met.”
“Well, that certainly sounds like marriage to me. And quite a happy one at that. You look very much in love. I'm glad to see that love doesn't always need to hurt.”
“It wasn't easy at first but we were both stubborn and refused to let go.”
“Oh, Sakito-san said something along those lines to my husband the last time we met.” She was turning towards Sakito. “So, Sakito-san, now that we seem to be so comfortable with the topic, I must confess I've been very curios about that. Who is it that you refuse to let go?”
Aoi's gaze didn't waver one bit but some flickers of fear were clearly visible. Still, did he want Sakito to reply honestly? Everyone was looking at him and it was obvious what Yomi wanted him to say.
“The man I love.” He decided to answer.
And then, for the first time since they had entered that restaurant, Hitsugi said something that shocked everyone at the table. And if Sakito knew Hitsugi, he knew exactly why he had said it.
“Oh, I didn't think you'd fall in love with Tora-san so quickly, Sakito-kun. Although you two did seem pretty wrapped in each other the other day.”
There was no mistaking Aoi's reaction. And then and there Miyuki had her evidence. Aoi had gone ghostly pale, his hands were shaking and he had quickly got up, muttered something about the bathroom and disappeared. Sakito didn't know what he should do, but he did know what he wanted to do. So it wasn't long before he found himself in the bathroom, mesmerized by the view.
Aoi's hands were desperately clutching the sink, his face lowered. He was shaking furiously and if Sakito didn't know better, he'd think the dark guitarist had been crying. He knew Aoi was more stubborn than that, though. And he was right. The instant Aoi felt that someone else was looking at him and turned his face to see who it was, their eyes met again. And Aoi's eyes were liquid fire. Sakito couldn't put it any other way. Aoi was furious, hurt and determined and, if Sakito hadn't lost his mind and was misreading the emotions he saw there, Aoi wanted him.
The desperate kiss that came certainly confirmed Sakito's guess and surpassed it. Aoi had grabbed him, pushed him into the wall and with no warning what so ever, had sealed their mouths together so forcefully that Sakito was pretty sure his lip was bleeding. He couldn't seem to care though because he was holding Aoi again, tasting him again, allowing him to possess him in the same way thoughts of him had possessed him all those weeks they had been separated. The kiss was passionate and brutal and at the same time, perfect, expressing their thoughts and feelings much better than words could. But still, they needed to breathe and they needed to say those precise words.
He was astonished to realize that Aoi was chuckling. And when the dark haired man lifted his face, he was blown away by the sheer happiness that he could see swimming in there.
“It's not true, is it?” Sakito knew exactly what he was asking.
“No.”
“Did you plan it?”
“No.”
“You should have. Otherwise, I would have never given in.”
Sakito's heart was beating too loudly. He couldn't be hearing what he was hearing.
“You know, I saw my baby for the first time today. He's perfect and Miyuki is the perfect wife and I thought I was a happy man until seeing you sit at my table, saying almost nothing. The only one talking was that vocalist of yours and even the truths coming from his mouth cut deep and yet, you did nothing. You seemed to be waiting for something. Braving me to do something. And I was mad at you for it. And a bit scared that you had changed your mind. And then that guitarist of yours says that... For a brief moment there, I thought it was true. That the reason you weren't doing anything was that you didn't want this anymore.”
“I promised you to wait no matter how long it took, didn't I?”
“Promises... I promised myself to stop loving you and look where that got me. I won't give anyone the chance to take you away from me.”
Sakito couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he could do nothing but listen to this dark man radiating anger and hurt and so much love.
“What are you saying?”
“That I'm a selfish bastard and I'm your selfish bastard and I'm going to make you face your responsibilities, with me. I'm not letting you go, not again, not for anything.”
It was Sakito's turn to kiss the living daylights out of Aoi.
“What about Miyuki-san and the baby?”
“I love them and I plan on being a part of their life. But I can't do this anymore. So let's get there and face the music, together.”
“You mean now?”
“No time like the present.”
When they went out, they found that Miyuki was the only one waiting for them.
“They decided to flee the scene before things come crushing down.” She tried making a joke. No one laughed.
Aoi stood across from her and then pulled Sakito down next to him.
“Miyuki-Chan, I need you to listen... No, I need to confess something. I'm not hoping you'll forgive me for this. But I am hoping you'll understand just a bit and...”
“Cut it, Aoi-san. I'm not so stupid as to not have figured it out some time ago. I know. And hearing it from you now, won't make it easier. Especially not today...” (after we both pretended to be the happy couple who sees their child for the first time) “I will not have my baby and his father separated. And that's that.”
“And I'd never give up that baby. If you let me, I...”
“You what? Will come for the occasional Saturday family dinner and then for the rest of the week, because you'll be busy with concerts and events and practice and whatever else there is, won't have time to even see your child? If your home and ours is not gonna be the same, you do realize that you'll not truly be there.”
“I just... I know I can't have both and I know I need to chose and Gods, I don't want to hurt you more than I already have.”
“Let's make something clear. Exactly what do you feel for each of us, Aoi-san?”
“I love you, both. Sakito-kun, I love him the way I was supposed to love you, the way I promised to love you and couldn't. He's a part of me to such an extent I feel empty when I don't have him. Miyuki-san, I love you as a sister, as a treasured friend, as a wonderful woman, who I absolutely don't deserve to have met and who did nothing to deserve I treat her this way. I love you as the mother of my child. And I hate myself for doing this to you, the both of you.”
Silence. Sakito gently placed his palm on the guitarist's knee, trying to offer some kind of comfort and support when that was really all he could do. Everything was complicated and he knew that he wouldn't have been able to give a solution, if it were him. And Miyuki had showed how wonderful a human being she was. And Aoi needed to hear that too...
“Miyuki-san?” Sakito dared ask her. It was obvious she was hurting and he wouldn't have done it if he weren't concerned for his love. He knew what the silence must be doing to the dark guitarist.
Miyuki inhaled deeply and with sadness and resignation written across her face, she started.
“Aoi-san, you never lied to me and I am grateful for that. It hurts, and I know you know that but at the same time, I knew all of it. I don't really blame you for any of it. It isn't exactly your fault that I got pregnant, it isn't your fault that you fell in love with him, and it isn't your fault that I don't love you the same way you love me. That would have made everything easier. Maybe it is your fault for giving me hope, but you pretended for yourself too, so I know you meant it. And like I said, I refuse to have my baby separated from its' father. There's really no point in my clinging to you and I'm really not one of those idiots who has to suffer for a life-time because you didn't respond. And the three of us have hurt enough by now already. We're happy enough there's still one unused room in that apartment of yours. And now I finally have the chance to use that green I've wanted to use. It will be my room after all and I expect to be able to do with it whatever I want.”
“Are you saying what I think you're saying?” Aoi was too stunned to react differently. He was just too shocked to react in any other way.
“I'm saying that our baby is gonna have one mother and two fathers in her life. Personally, I think she's gonna be a happy child.” Miyuki tried to lighten up the atmosphere. It didn't really work.
“She?” Sakito asked. That seemed to do the trick.
“Well, I just have this feeling. We don't know yet.”
“I'm terrified to think of the possibilities. God help us with two strong-headed women in the same house.” Sakito joked.
Miyuki honestly laughed.
“Well, we'll certainly be able to keep you two grounded.” Even Aoi seemed to unwind a bit at that. “So let's enjoy our lunch, shall we? I still haven't ordered desert yet. I was thinking something along sardines and ice-cream.” Sakito blanched, Aoi laughed.
“Welcome to the wonderful world of fatherhood.” Miyuki grinned.
Perhaps everything would turn all right in the end. It still hurt, but as long as she could still laugh... And she was getting not one, but two wonderful men ready to jump at her every wish. Yeap, life could be worse, Miyuki deviously thought. And a pregnant woman certainly had the rights to abuse her husbands just a little bit, didn't she?
A/N: Yes, I know. Late again. I swear I had it already written but exams didn't let me even to take the time and post. On the other hand, it is a very long and very expected post, isn't it? And you just have to tell me what you think of it. Frankly, I'm very happy with how it turned out. Made me happy to read it today, when I did some adjustments. Hope it will work for you too. Love you all!