My reflection - chapter 27, Ruki/Kai, Reita/Uruha
Author: yukigafuru
Title: My reflection
Chapters:28/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita, Aoi/OC, Aoi/Sakito
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 27
The couple of days preceding the arrival of the Gazette troupe into her house passed excruciatingly slow for Miyuki. Alone in the apartment, she'd replay over and over again the scene between Aoi and Sakito and every time it became clearer just how much her husband was in love with the other man. There was no mistaking the looks, the shallow breaths, the way he seemed to glow under the other man's gaze. He loved him in a way he would never love her. And then she remembered that when they met the first time and talked about the baby and Aoi possibly being in their life, he had said something about a man. He had also said that it wasn't serious, so it was either that he had lied to her or he had lied to himself. Knowing Aoi it was the second option.
He had also understood from their conversation that until that day they hadn't seen each other for a while and until that moment, both of them had given up on the other. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And talk about true love! She hated admitting it, but that was what it was.
And it pained her to see Aoi walking aimlessly around the apartment the last two days. For example, he'd be lost in thought, walk into the kitchen and suddenly realize he was there, look confused around him, then grab a cup of tea and go back to the office. Even when they talked, he seemed a bit far away. She hated to think that maybe he had already started leaving her, he just didn't realize it already.
What hurt even more though, in a bitter-sweet way, but still hurting was Aoi's relationship with their baby. She was already about 5 months in the pregnancy and the bump was quite obvious. She could still hide it with really, really large clothes but she figured that in a couple of weeks, even that would become impossible. Every night when going to bed, Aoi would gently caress the bump and whisper assuring words to the baby. Sometimes he'd sing to it (his voice wasn't exactly the most beautiful in the world, but the love expressed was). Her baby would be very loved, not only by its mother but by its father too. And it hurt to think that she could be the reason for Aoi to not be permanently a part of the baby's life, be there everyday, after work and on weekends and holidays.
So she didn't know what to do. She knew that it was improbable she'd be able to keep him by her side after the baby was born but not only for her, but for their unborn child, he wanted him in their life. And then she caught herself thinking: forget about me, what is best for my baby? What can I do to keep him. And even though she hated it, she had her answer.
On a sunny Friday, one by one the Gazette members arrived at the couple's apartment. Ok, maybe two by two, since the couples of the band were obviously inseparable. After days of gloom, her house was alive again. Her husband was smiling again. Miyuki sat on the sofa and simply watched, forgetting about the walls and the curtains and furniture, she caught herself looking only at the Gazette.
“Ruki, would you mind telling me what in heaven's name possessed you to wear designer clothes today? You do know we're gonna be painting walls and probably ourselves.”
“Correction. You're gonna be the slaves and I'm gonna be the one telling you what to paint.”
The comment elicited sighs and growls from the other members, even his lover. Did they really expect him to actually do that? And lose perspective of the whole picture?
“Think about it this way, every masterpiece needs a director. I'm it... Ok, now, if everything is settled, let's start with mixing the right colors. I want this room to be a combination of dark browns and beige.”
Being so preoccupied with how and where to apply the nuances, taking into account the depth of the room, the height of the windows, light and shadow etc Ruki had lost sight of his band mates for a few seconds. It was enough for the four devils to scheme and then apply their stratagem quite effectively. He was rudely aroused from his meditation by... the feeling of something hitting him in the chest and dripping downwards. It didn't take a genius to figure out what it was even before he actually looked down to see the white ruining his very expensive, extremely cool black t-shirt.
“Fuck! Why you...”
He was more than surprised to see that the culprit was his innocent-looking lover.
“Kai?”
Uruha, Reita and Aoi were grinning from ear to ear while the drummer was practically batting his eyelashes, probably hoping for forgiveness. Ruki strolled closer to the drummer, a look of murder on his face. Kai seemed a bit taken back by his reaction so he brought his hands up (which only meant that Ruki got a better view of the brush and white paint on it) and said.
“Ru, baby, it was a joke. We really wanted you to join us and... You're not mad, are you?”
Uruha joined.
“Yeah, Ru, plus we figured we could show you just how creative we are. We just created a modern masterpiece on your t-shirt.”
Ruki had gotten closer to Kai, grabbed him by the front of his shirt, yanked the brush out of his hands and even though his looks were meant to kill, he proceeded on kissing the lights out of the drummer. Who just gave in.
Moments later, when finally Kai's breath gave out, along with his knees, he looked in a daze as Ruki walked away to the cans of paint and then realized that his other three band members were laughing at him. He wondered why? He got his answer immediately though, since on his shirt was now written: “bad boy owned by Gazette vocalist”. He had to accept that Ruki was far better at pranks.
A few hours later, they were getting cleaned in turns, borrowing Aoi's bathroom while Kai and Miyuki were busy preparing dinner. Only two walls of the living room had been painted and the reason would be the member's reluctance to do anything that wasn't fun. And rather than paint, in those boring up-down strokes, it was much more fun to paint the others in rainbow colors or run around the room chasing one-another.
Miyuki had watched transfixed as the Gazette created their own little world. She hadn't even tried to barge in, content just to watch. They seemed so young during those times, so at ease, so happy. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt like that. She also understood them better now, and had found out several interesting things about the others. Kai was a mother hen, a great cook and truly in love with Ruki who was brilliant, funny, bratty and at the same time exulting appeal, and had only eyes for Kai. The way they looked at each other, sometimes exchanging fleeting touches... it made her heart ache. Reita was much more cool, normally. Put him in the same room with the members and he became playful as a little child, always joking around and trying to prank the others. Surprisingly, Uruha would be the one to keep him in check, simply sneaking up behind him and embracing him tightly. Whereas Ruki and Kai communicated silently through their eyes, Uruha and Reita were much more physical, needing the other's contact. And Aoi was simply happy, all the gloominess that had surrounded him lately had simply faded away, leaving before her eyes the beautiful man she had thought she had known but had truly only caught glimpses of. It hurt to realize that in truth, she had been holding on to a mask, to an idea. Aoi was never hers. He might have been her husband on paper and he might have cared for her, but he never loved her that way; she probably lacked something, she couldn't bring out this Aoi. And this Aoi was so beautiful. Clumsy as hell, horribly bouncy, downright annoying at times, but simply beautiful.
The members would need to pick up their work (more like play actually) in their morning so they had decided to stay the night. There were enough futons for everybody (even though they had four, they only needed two actually). Miyuki listened as Aoi's breath slowed down and her husband was simply claimed by sleep. She couldn't sleep at all. Images from before and from the scene with Sakito, Aoi whispering nothings to their baby were flashing before her eyes and she couldn't drive them out. She quietly got out of bed and headed for the kitchen, hoping that some tea would ease her nerves. She was surprised to find Ruki in the kitchen.
“Ruki-san, how come you're up at this hour?”
“Oh, just came for a glass of water. You?”
“Can't sleep.”
“Something bothering you?” When she didn't reply, he thoughtfully added. “Can I help?”
“My husband, he is quite beautiful when he is happy, isn't he?”
Ruki didn't reply.
“You know, I had caught glimpse when we had dined together at the restaurant but now... it was... hard to describe. He's never like that when we're alone.”
“He cares about you, you know. And he absolutely adores that baby. But it takes time and trust to get him like that, years and...”
“Love.”
Ruki nodded, a gentle smile on his face, that disappeared giving way to a troubled look when he heard her next question.
“Is he like that with Sakito-san?”
“He loves Sakito-kun.”
“Will he leave me?”
“I don't know.”
Ruki didn't precisely like where the conversation was going but he'd be damned if he lied to her. She didn't deserve it, but she didn't deserve getting hurt in that way either. Life was a bitch, Ruki thought.
“Do you think he should?”
He sighed loudly.
“Miyuki-san, at first I was opposed to him marrying you, because he said he'd be giving up on Sakito-kun. I thought what if it was Kai. How can he give up on love. I thought that he could still be a father to that baby. I know about society and not having a baby out of wedlock and when he told me you would have aborted, I understood why he'd sacrifice. I still hoped that somehow things would work out. I can't tell you if he should or not. But I can say that he has been trying extremely hard to fall in love with you...”
Tears were streaming down her cheeks, but her voice was unwavering.
“And couldn't.”
Ruki just shook his head. And then, he asked a question of his own.
“Would you keep the baby from him if he left you?”
She gasped.
“Of course not. He's the father. And I care for him deeply.”
“Do you love him?”
“Before today I used to think I did. But can you really love someone you truly don't know?”
She was crying softly by now. Ruki couldn't imagine how hard it must be for her to deal with everything.
“You just know a different side of him. That doesn't mean...” It was lame and he knew it but there was nothing else he could do for her. He was glad when she put a stop to his rambling.
“Tell me about you and Kai-san." You obviously love each other very much although you're not as open about it.”
“Not as open about it? After that kiss at the beginning?” he was glad to hear her chuckle. So he proceeded to tell his and his lover's story. It came as a surprise to him that he soon became comfortable with telling it, even the darkest parts, about his disease and the suicide attempts. She was a wonderful listener.
The clock sounded three am when he finally stopped. She looked unfocused at him for some brief moments and he wondered if something had happened. And then, he was asked the most surprising thing. He couldn't help but take his phone out and comply.
“Could you give me Sakito-san's contacts?”
A/N: Sorry for keeping you waiting about 3-4 days. Stuff at the university kept me really busy. But I am a little bit freer now. Next update will be as usual during the weekend. And one more thing. I thought it could help explaining a little bit about Miyuki. A very good friend of mine commented that she shouldn't be clinging to him like she is because he's gay and gay men don't love women like that. I respect her opinion very much and I've thought about it too. I'm curios how you guys feel about it, but here are a few things I'd like you to consider.
-Aoi isn't really gay; he's bisexual (he does take physical pleasure out of sex with a woman)
-She clings to him out of a sum of reasons; she's been very lonely and even though it's irrational she would do anything to not be again; she wants him there for their baby (I explained that in this chapter); she does have her pride; she doesn't want to give up on hope;
There are other factors too, but I guess these are the most important. To me, Miyuki and all the other characters are real, they're not supposed to react in patterns except when people in real life react in that way too. For me, it's important to be able to identify with the characters and I must confess that there's a big part of me in Miyuki.
Rambled too long, right.
I give you all my love, again and will be waiting for all your lovely comments.
Plus, next chapter is going to be a very special chaper I believe, and on top of that I have a surprise prepared for you. Hope you'll be looking forward to it.
Love
Title: My reflection
Chapters:28/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita, Aoi/OC, Aoi/Sakito
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 27
The couple of days preceding the arrival of the Gazette troupe into her house passed excruciatingly slow for Miyuki. Alone in the apartment, she'd replay over and over again the scene between Aoi and Sakito and every time it became clearer just how much her husband was in love with the other man. There was no mistaking the looks, the shallow breaths, the way he seemed to glow under the other man's gaze. He loved him in a way he would never love her. And then she remembered that when they met the first time and talked about the baby and Aoi possibly being in their life, he had said something about a man. He had also said that it wasn't serious, so it was either that he had lied to her or he had lied to himself. Knowing Aoi it was the second option.
He had also understood from their conversation that until that day they hadn't seen each other for a while and until that moment, both of them had given up on the other. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And talk about true love! She hated admitting it, but that was what it was.
And it pained her to see Aoi walking aimlessly around the apartment the last two days. For example, he'd be lost in thought, walk into the kitchen and suddenly realize he was there, look confused around him, then grab a cup of tea and go back to the office. Even when they talked, he seemed a bit far away. She hated to think that maybe he had already started leaving her, he just didn't realize it already.
What hurt even more though, in a bitter-sweet way, but still hurting was Aoi's relationship with their baby. She was already about 5 months in the pregnancy and the bump was quite obvious. She could still hide it with really, really large clothes but she figured that in a couple of weeks, even that would become impossible. Every night when going to bed, Aoi would gently caress the bump and whisper assuring words to the baby. Sometimes he'd sing to it (his voice wasn't exactly the most beautiful in the world, but the love expressed was). Her baby would be very loved, not only by its mother but by its father too. And it hurt to think that she could be the reason for Aoi to not be permanently a part of the baby's life, be there everyday, after work and on weekends and holidays.
So she didn't know what to do. She knew that it was improbable she'd be able to keep him by her side after the baby was born but not only for her, but for their unborn child, he wanted him in their life. And then she caught herself thinking: forget about me, what is best for my baby? What can I do to keep him. And even though she hated it, she had her answer.
On a sunny Friday, one by one the Gazette members arrived at the couple's apartment. Ok, maybe two by two, since the couples of the band were obviously inseparable. After days of gloom, her house was alive again. Her husband was smiling again. Miyuki sat on the sofa and simply watched, forgetting about the walls and the curtains and furniture, she caught herself looking only at the Gazette.
“Ruki, would you mind telling me what in heaven's name possessed you to wear designer clothes today? You do know we're gonna be painting walls and probably ourselves.”
“Correction. You're gonna be the slaves and I'm gonna be the one telling you what to paint.”
The comment elicited sighs and growls from the other members, even his lover. Did they really expect him to actually do that? And lose perspective of the whole picture?
“Think about it this way, every masterpiece needs a director. I'm it... Ok, now, if everything is settled, let's start with mixing the right colors. I want this room to be a combination of dark browns and beige.”
Being so preoccupied with how and where to apply the nuances, taking into account the depth of the room, the height of the windows, light and shadow etc Ruki had lost sight of his band mates for a few seconds. It was enough for the four devils to scheme and then apply their stratagem quite effectively. He was rudely aroused from his meditation by... the feeling of something hitting him in the chest and dripping downwards. It didn't take a genius to figure out what it was even before he actually looked down to see the white ruining his very expensive, extremely cool black t-shirt.
“Fuck! Why you...”
He was more than surprised to see that the culprit was his innocent-looking lover.
“Kai?”
Uruha, Reita and Aoi were grinning from ear to ear while the drummer was practically batting his eyelashes, probably hoping for forgiveness. Ruki strolled closer to the drummer, a look of murder on his face. Kai seemed a bit taken back by his reaction so he brought his hands up (which only meant that Ruki got a better view of the brush and white paint on it) and said.
“Ru, baby, it was a joke. We really wanted you to join us and... You're not mad, are you?”
Uruha joined.
“Yeah, Ru, plus we figured we could show you just how creative we are. We just created a modern masterpiece on your t-shirt.”
Ruki had gotten closer to Kai, grabbed him by the front of his shirt, yanked the brush out of his hands and even though his looks were meant to kill, he proceeded on kissing the lights out of the drummer. Who just gave in.
Moments later, when finally Kai's breath gave out, along with his knees, he looked in a daze as Ruki walked away to the cans of paint and then realized that his other three band members were laughing at him. He wondered why? He got his answer immediately though, since on his shirt was now written: “bad boy owned by Gazette vocalist”. He had to accept that Ruki was far better at pranks.
A few hours later, they were getting cleaned in turns, borrowing Aoi's bathroom while Kai and Miyuki were busy preparing dinner. Only two walls of the living room had been painted and the reason would be the member's reluctance to do anything that wasn't fun. And rather than paint, in those boring up-down strokes, it was much more fun to paint the others in rainbow colors or run around the room chasing one-another.
Miyuki had watched transfixed as the Gazette created their own little world. She hadn't even tried to barge in, content just to watch. They seemed so young during those times, so at ease, so happy. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt like that. She also understood them better now, and had found out several interesting things about the others. Kai was a mother hen, a great cook and truly in love with Ruki who was brilliant, funny, bratty and at the same time exulting appeal, and had only eyes for Kai. The way they looked at each other, sometimes exchanging fleeting touches... it made her heart ache. Reita was much more cool, normally. Put him in the same room with the members and he became playful as a little child, always joking around and trying to prank the others. Surprisingly, Uruha would be the one to keep him in check, simply sneaking up behind him and embracing him tightly. Whereas Ruki and Kai communicated silently through their eyes, Uruha and Reita were much more physical, needing the other's contact. And Aoi was simply happy, all the gloominess that had surrounded him lately had simply faded away, leaving before her eyes the beautiful man she had thought she had known but had truly only caught glimpses of. It hurt to realize that in truth, she had been holding on to a mask, to an idea. Aoi was never hers. He might have been her husband on paper and he might have cared for her, but he never loved her that way; she probably lacked something, she couldn't bring out this Aoi. And this Aoi was so beautiful. Clumsy as hell, horribly bouncy, downright annoying at times, but simply beautiful.
The members would need to pick up their work (more like play actually) in their morning so they had decided to stay the night. There were enough futons for everybody (even though they had four, they only needed two actually). Miyuki listened as Aoi's breath slowed down and her husband was simply claimed by sleep. She couldn't sleep at all. Images from before and from the scene with Sakito, Aoi whispering nothings to their baby were flashing before her eyes and she couldn't drive them out. She quietly got out of bed and headed for the kitchen, hoping that some tea would ease her nerves. She was surprised to find Ruki in the kitchen.
“Ruki-san, how come you're up at this hour?”
“Oh, just came for a glass of water. You?”
“Can't sleep.”
“Something bothering you?” When she didn't reply, he thoughtfully added. “Can I help?”
“My husband, he is quite beautiful when he is happy, isn't he?”
Ruki didn't reply.
“You know, I had caught glimpse when we had dined together at the restaurant but now... it was... hard to describe. He's never like that when we're alone.”
“He cares about you, you know. And he absolutely adores that baby. But it takes time and trust to get him like that, years and...”
“Love.”
Ruki nodded, a gentle smile on his face, that disappeared giving way to a troubled look when he heard her next question.
“Is he like that with Sakito-san?”
“He loves Sakito-kun.”
“Will he leave me?”
“I don't know.”
Ruki didn't precisely like where the conversation was going but he'd be damned if he lied to her. She didn't deserve it, but she didn't deserve getting hurt in that way either. Life was a bitch, Ruki thought.
“Do you think he should?”
He sighed loudly.
“Miyuki-san, at first I was opposed to him marrying you, because he said he'd be giving up on Sakito-kun. I thought what if it was Kai. How can he give up on love. I thought that he could still be a father to that baby. I know about society and not having a baby out of wedlock and when he told me you would have aborted, I understood why he'd sacrifice. I still hoped that somehow things would work out. I can't tell you if he should or not. But I can say that he has been trying extremely hard to fall in love with you...”
Tears were streaming down her cheeks, but her voice was unwavering.
“And couldn't.”
Ruki just shook his head. And then, he asked a question of his own.
“Would you keep the baby from him if he left you?”
She gasped.
“Of course not. He's the father. And I care for him deeply.”
“Do you love him?”
“Before today I used to think I did. But can you really love someone you truly don't know?”
She was crying softly by now. Ruki couldn't imagine how hard it must be for her to deal with everything.
“You just know a different side of him. That doesn't mean...” It was lame and he knew it but there was nothing else he could do for her. He was glad when she put a stop to his rambling.
“Tell me about you and Kai-san." You obviously love each other very much although you're not as open about it.”
“Not as open about it? After that kiss at the beginning?” he was glad to hear her chuckle. So he proceeded to tell his and his lover's story. It came as a surprise to him that he soon became comfortable with telling it, even the darkest parts, about his disease and the suicide attempts. She was a wonderful listener.
The clock sounded three am when he finally stopped. She looked unfocused at him for some brief moments and he wondered if something had happened. And then, he was asked the most surprising thing. He couldn't help but take his phone out and comply.
“Could you give me Sakito-san's contacts?”
A/N: Sorry for keeping you waiting about 3-4 days. Stuff at the university kept me really busy. But I am a little bit freer now. Next update will be as usual during the weekend. And one more thing. I thought it could help explaining a little bit about Miyuki. A very good friend of mine commented that she shouldn't be clinging to him like she is because he's gay and gay men don't love women like that. I respect her opinion very much and I've thought about it too. I'm curios how you guys feel about it, but here are a few things I'd like you to consider.
-Aoi isn't really gay; he's bisexual (he does take physical pleasure out of sex with a woman)
-She clings to him out of a sum of reasons; she's been very lonely and even though it's irrational she would do anything to not be again; she wants him there for their baby (I explained that in this chapter); she does have her pride; she doesn't want to give up on hope;
There are other factors too, but I guess these are the most important. To me, Miyuki and all the other characters are real, they're not supposed to react in patterns except when people in real life react in that way too. For me, it's important to be able to identify with the characters and I must confess that there's a big part of me in Miyuki.
Rambled too long, right.
I give you all my love, again and will be waiting for all your lovely comments.
Plus, next chapter is going to be a very special chaper I believe, and on top of that I have a surprise prepared for you. Hope you'll be looking forward to it.
Love