My reflection - chapter 25, Kai/Ruki, Uruha/Reita
Author: yukigafuru
Title: My reflection
Chapters:26/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita, Aoi/OC, Aoi/Sakito
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 25
Ruka was struggling with the lyrics for their new song. He knew what he wanted to say, he knew what the music made him want to say, but he just couldn’t get them out there, and he somehow guessed it had something to do with his restless lover. So unless he managed to calm Yomi he’d get nothing done…
“Yomi, get over here.”
The vocalist had been pacing up and down the kitchen, deep in thought, his thumb raised to his mouth, his lips softly nibbling on the manicured nail. He did hear Ruka’s words though and approached the couch.
“You’re distracting me.”
“Sorry.” Yomi really was sorry. He knew he was giving this too much thought but hell, it hurt him to see Sakito like that…
“There’s nothing you can do, you know, not without risking to make things a lot worse. We can only be there for him.”
“Ruka, I know what you’re trying to saying and a part of my brain is telling me the same thing but I can’t bear to see him like this. It’s been weeks, you know, and he isn’t over him. Would it take so long if it were just a crush? I can’t bear to see him drowning himself with work. No matter how good he is at it. I…”
“I know. I’ve seen him too, Yomi, he is suffering and I don’t think it’s just a crush either but what do you plan on doing? You know how he hates it when you meddle into his life and if he ever found out about that letter, he’d kill you. He doesn’t want your pity.”
“I’m not pitying him! I’m not!”
“Honey, just accept that apart from being there for him, there’s nothing you can do.”
“I could try talking with the Gazette’s guitarist…”
“And what would that accomplish? The man is married, Yomi.”
“I know, ok, but…”
Yomi slumped on the sofa, next to his lover, who in turn put away his notebook and gently embraced the vocalist.
“We even tried setting him up with other people. He didn’t even blink. It was like he wasn’t even there. And every time he gets a sight of those damn magazines... Why do the Gazette have to appear on almost every month’s issue?”
Ruka knew that Yomi wouldn’t stop torturing himself no matter what he said so he’d just have to resort to the only means of calming his lover down: tiring him to the point where Yomi wouldn’t bother about it anymore. He was more than happy to do that. He loved how his lover could be so gentle and caring, but at the same time he knew that those same traits could very well turn against their tiny vocalist. Whatever happened to his dear ones bothered Yomi more than his well being and if Ruka weren’t there to support him and at the same time, take his mind off the problems when needed… Ruka didn’t need to give that more thought though because from the beginning, when they had been just friends, he had sworn to be by their vocalist’s side. The feelings had only grown stronger in time, up to the point when he couldn’t even imagine being apart from Yomi anymore.
..........................
They had just had their first live together, five brats united by a common desire: to make something of themselves, to make music. Ruka had been approached by the other members, they needed a drummer, he could drum and he had nothing to do. He wasn’t dreaming about becoming a professional musician but neither did he have other dreams, so why not give it a go? Plus, they were more than interesting individuals. He could use some fun in his life. But he had to admit that the more he played with them, the more their dream became his dream, he felt closer to them, understood them better and soon, he couldn’t imagine himself as something other than a drummer for Naitomea. Maybe there was such a thing as destiny out there. They still had a lot more to improve before actually fulfilling that dream though. He’d think: one step at a time, one day at a time. They all thought like that.
Their first live had definitely been one such step, he had thought. They had only played a couple of songs in a club, together with other bands… But they had made the audience cheer for them and even got encores. He had to give it to the little man, he could sure liven up a crowd. Ruka sincerely thought that Yomi could probably lighten up a funeral if he put his mind to it. Yomi was a very peculiar character, he had decided, he hadn’t quite managed to understand him yet.
The other members had already left by the time he had made his way to the small changing room. They didn’t really have the time to lull around after lives, with part time jobs and trying to get other gigs. They had never asked Ruka to get involved in finding them more places to perform at, maybe because he was struggling with composing but still…
He had thought the other members had left so he was just about to walk out of there when he thought he heard a sound on the other side of the room, coming from behind the stacks of boxes and wracks of clothes and other things that had been thrown there. He silently approached and peeked between the wrack of costumes, and he was surprised to find Yomi still there. He couldn’t see the man’s face because he was cradling his head in his hands, but there was just something that didn’t seem right…
So he invaded the vocalist’s space, causing Yomi to lift his head suddenly, certainly wondering who it could be. Ruka was startled to see Yomi’s usually happy smiling face like that… like he was carrying something way to heavy for him, struggling alone. The vocalist tried to cover it up though. That smile didn’t convince the drummer in the least.
“Cut it, Yomi. Tell me.”
He didn’t need to be clearer than that. He somehow knew the vocalist would know what he was talking about.
“Nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking that what I’m doing isn’t enough. I’m not like you or Sakito, I couldn’t compose a proper song if my life depended on it, Ni~ya and Hitsugi were the ones to bring this band together and the three of them are the ones that lower their heads all the time getting us live houses. What am I doing? Isn’t it my responsibility as vocal to bring us higher?”
“You do more than you realize.” Ruka wasn’t good at the comforting thing but he certainly couldn’t understand what had caused that change. “I certainly think you were great out there tonight. You made the crowd go wild. You know, you were the one that did that.”
“Not enough to get us playing here every week, it seems.”
Ruka would have wanted to know more but Yomi got up suddenly and fled towards the door. Ruka followed. There was no more conversation while making their way out of the crowded club and for a short moment another band coming from the opposite direction separated him from the vocalist. While waiting for them to pass, he could see Yomi getting further away, the vocalist moving without looking back. The other band just seemed to move so slow, didn’t they see other people wanted to pass too? Though he was in a hurry, Ruka suddenly realized that they were talking about Naitomea. It seemed they had recognized Yomi by his stature (go figure!) but not Ruka (he had to admit that without the heavy make-up…)
“Can you imagine? They were actually proposed to sing here every Friday night and the vocalist turned that down. I hear the manager was so upset he forbade them to set a foot in his club again.”
“Yeah, but if I were him, I don’t know if I’d have the strength to turn that offer down. On the other hand, maybe they think themselves to good to stoop that low. I wonder how long they can go like that, without compromising.”
“If it would get me on that stage every night, I’d do it. Even though the manager isn’t the most attractive guy out there.”
“Oh, come on, I don’t think even you could handle his hands all over you.”
“It’s true I’d need a lot of vodka before…”
Like that, the band was out of Ruka’s hearing range. And Yomi was not in sight either. He hurried after the vocalist, the previous conversation going on and on in his head…Yomi was leaning on the cold surface of the building, deep in thought. His lip was bleeding a bit. He had probably been biting it from quite a while. His hands were clutched tight in fists and he seemed to be shivering. Before Ruka could approach him, Yomi suddenly turned around and bumped right into the drummer’s bigger frame. He seemed shell shocked to see Ruka there.
“Hi again. Come on, my place is in the same direction.”
“Oh, go ahead” Yomi said, averting his gaze. “I forgot that I needed to talk with this place’s manager.”
Ruka’s eyes became cold and his entire posture stiffened.
“What about?” He tried to seem casual.
“Nothing much…”
Yomi tried to slip away. Ruka grabbed his shoulder, squeezing tightly, up to the point that he was probably hurting their vocalist. Yomi still wouldn’t look at him though, so Ruka decided to take matters into his hands and with a swift motion, turned Yomi’s face towards him. The pools of sadness he gazed into… He couldn’t bear seeing them.
“No, you don’t. The band doesn’t need you to compromise in that way.”
“But it can save us time and efforts. Saki and Hitsugi wouldn’t need to go around every other club…”
“Do you think they’d want you to do this? If it were them in this position, would you accept that?”
Yomi averted his eyes.
“Come on, I’ll walk you home.” Ruka said and still gripping strongly Yomi’s shoulder guided the man out of the alley. Yomi just followed. It could have been the drummer’s imagination but he thought he had seen a solitary tear being shed.
“And you don’t have any responsibility to bring us higher by yourself. The thing is this is a band and you’re not alone in anything. And I for one, don’t plan on letting you think you’re alone ever again.”
They didn’t exchange more words after that and Ruka had dropped the vocalist off at his place. Seeing the lithe figure climb up the stairs and disappearing into the building, Ruka’s heart stopped beating for a few seconds, and he forced himself to relax and move his feet from that spot. He’d started this with half-assed feelings, he’d gotten involved with the music they made but he had never really given their success that much thought. He had been happy with playing every day with the others… But seeing Yomi tormenting himself, his resolve strengthened. He was the drummer of Naitomea and if he’d have something to say about it, he’d get them all where their vocalist wanted them to be. And he’d never leave him alone struggling towards that goal, never again. He didn’t realize it himself that that was the moment he had started falling…
His index finger lightly caressed the face of his lover, sleeping peacefully beside him. To Ruka, Yomi was a lot of things, and he had never been good at telling him exactly how much he meant to him, not with words. He’d put all that in his songs and in his embraces and Yomi understood every time.
Ruka got up from bed, went to the living room, picked up his discarded notebook and started writing. This time it would be no different…
He was halfway done with yet another masterpiece (ok, so maybe he was a little vain, could you blame him?) when the phone started ringing. He quickly got up and answered to, what turned up to be, Sakito’s call.
“Hey, just wondering if Yomi was up for some shopping. I think it’s about time I started getting out of this apartment. Been thinking about a little redecoration and I just know how much Yomi loves shopping.”
“Sorry, I just managed to put him to bed.”
“Managed to?”
“Yeah. I’m sure he’ll be happy to find out that today you weren’t buried in a stack of papers like you’ve been lately…”
“I got him worried, didn’t I?”
“Yeah.”
“Does he know?”
“Yeah.”
“I see. Well, gonna go do that shopping. My apartment needs a change in perspective. My life needs one too. Figured that would be the place to start. Tell Yomi I’m not mad at him meddling but he doesn’t need to be worried anymore. See you!”
“Saki…” Ruka started in a reserved voice. He rarely called the other like that so it immediately got the guitarist’s attention.
“Yeah.”
“If it were Yomi, I’d never give up. No matter who would get hurt in the process. I’d never give him up to anyone.”
“Even if it meant making him suffer too?”
“Even so. Because I’d be the one to stop that suffering and make him happy again.”
“I can’t do that, Ruka-kun. I… he’s just too important to me. You know, this whole time being apart, I thought it would get better, I thought I’d be able to forget; it only got worse.” His tone had been sad and resigned but all of a sudden, became bright and cheerful again. “So I can’t get him out of my head, no biggy. I probably need to stop trying so hard. That’s what the decorating is for, probably. And I’m wondering now why I’m telling you this?”
“Because I won’t mention it again.”
“You got it! Well, going now. See you tomorrow. And when Yomi wakes up, well... tell him I am most definitely staying away from the sparkly things.”
“He’ll be mortified to hear that.”
The last thing Ruka heard before the line went dead was Sakito’s laughter. It felt good to hear it again. He hadn’t realized he’d missed it too.
……………………….
Sakito wasn’t thinking about turning his apartment upside down, repainting the walls or refurnishing it or anything drastic like that. No, just a few details here and there to make it livelier, maybe a plant or too, definitely some new curtains, a fluffy rug (he liked enjoying that feeling when he came home from work), some of those lamps that made the rooms seem colorful, and maybe, just maybe a sparkly clock, just so he could see Yomi’s reaction when he’d show it to him.
Having malls made specifically for redecorating your home was certainly useful, he thought. He didn’t need to go around the town searching for what he wanted. He’d find it all in one place, order it and have it delivered to his house. Easy, one would thing, except that those places were huge! When he had been thinking about getting new curtains he hadn’t imagined he’d have about a thousand samples to choose from! He was just turning around another aisle, when he met the person he’d have least expected to meet. A couple of feet away from him was Aoi with a woman Sakito guessed was his wife. She was showing him a curtain and they were chatting lively…
His heart gave a strong thud and Sakito knew he should move, run away. He couldn’t. His feet refused to listen and instead of going in the direction his mind was ordering him to go, he found himself walking towards Aoi. There were only about five steps between the two of them when the Gazette’s guitarist turned his head and their gazes met. For Sakito time seemed to stop. His feet didn’t though and somehow he found himself near the other man, so near in fact that he was actually invading his personal space. He couldn’t even want to imagine what his wife must have thought. Somehow he found he didn’t care though.
“Hi.” Was all Sakito could say. He saw Aoi’s shiver, the way his eyes seemed to turn darker… “I’d never give him up to anyone…Because I’d be the one to stop that suffering and make him happy again.”
“Hi.” It was barely a whisper but to Sakito it was impossible to describe what that single softly said word stirred in him.
“It’s been a while.”
“Yeah.”
“You didn’t invite me to the wedding.”
“You had a concert that day. You wouldn’t have been able to come anyway.”
“Maybe you should have left me to decide that.” He didn’t mean to make Aoi sad, but he couldn’t stop himself.
“I’m sorry.” Aoi really did seem sorry. And nervous. Sakito could tell from his posture, the way he was torturing his lip… His hand reached out and without even realizing what he was doing, he was holding Aoi’s face in his hand and brushing his finger over the guitarist’s lip.
“You shouldn’t do that. You’ll make it bleed.”
Aoi was shocked. The way Sakito’s palm cradled his face, his warmth, the feel of skin against skin, the brush against his lips, he could barely restrain himself from reaching out towards the other man. He was brought out of it by Sakito talking again and with the other guitarist’s words, the situation crashed down on him again.
“So what are you doing?”
“Picking curtains. We’re redecorating the apartment.”
“Somehow I didn’t think that pastel would go in your living room.”
Aoi forced himself to swallow so that his voice wouldn’t crack when answering.
“Actually my wife thought that would be perfect for the baby’s room.”
Sakito’s warmth was suddenly gone and Aoi didn’t know if he should feel relieved or sad.
“What if it’s a boy? I certainly doubt he’d love his friends commenting on the peachness of the room. Trust me, I know what it’s like. My mom… Well, it took me long years before I was able to replace that pink.”
Aoi didn’t answer.
“How about a soft green? You could make the room sort of a playground for the baby, like a deep forest or something like that.”
They had been completely oblivious to the presence of Aoi’s wife but all of a sudden the bubble that had been surrounding them burst when Miyuki came beside Aoi and said.
“Actually, I suggested green too. But he absolutely refused. I’m his wife, Miyuki, by the way, Mister…”
“Just call me Sakito.” That was all he had planned on saying to the woman. He hadn’t expected on the feelings he had right then and all he wanted was to strangle her. So he turned his attention towards Aoi again, more than happy to see that Aoi’s gaze had never left his face. “How about amethyst then? I have to say I’ve always loved the way the sun’s afternoon rays filter through that color.”
He was interrupted by her again.
“Actually, maybe we shouldn’t pick just yet and wait for Ruki-san’s opinion. Everyone is helping with the decorations after all.”
She was ignored again. Sakito wondered if he’d be the cause of a fight as soon as the couple got home. He loved Aoi’s attention though, it just screamed how much the other guitarist wanted him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, a little redecorating myself. Lately, I had been wallowing in all these depressing thoughts. You know, there was something I really wanted but then something else came up and I couldn’t have it. It made me furious and sad and I was going to give it up and get a new perspective on things. Hence the redecorating. I think that color would go wonderfully in my bedroom, amethyst. It reminds me of someone very special to me.”
“Wouldn’t it always remind you of the thing you couldn’t have?”
“Not if I suddenly decide to chase after it again.”
Aoi averted his gaze towards the samples of curtains to his right. His question was more a whisper than a proper question but Sakito heard it: “What did you decide?”
“I’m not giving up yet. No matter how long it takes, even if it takes me decades or the rest of my life, I’ll get it.”
Miyuki tensed. Sakito could feel her cringing. So she wasn’t stupid. She had been observing them and judging by her reaction, had guessed what it was all about. He wondered if she’d be a true adversary, what she’d do to keep Aoi, whether she wanted to keep him. He thought it was time to tear himself away from the black guitarist. They couldn’t stay there all day long after all, and he had some amethyst curtains to buy.
“I’ll see you soon, Aoi-san.” Sakito promised and started walking away.
He was surprised to hear Aoi calling him.
“Sakito-san, don’t. Sometimes there are things not worth the struggle and the pain.”
It hurt but he had made his decision.
“This time, it’s worth it.” And he walked away. He had a call to make, giving his thanks to a very stoic drummer. After several weeks, Sakito felt alive again.
A/N Tests are over which means I plan on doing some writing... Anyway, here I give you a very long chapter. And I just figured you'd like a little more of Ruka and Yomi. They are so cute after all... Hope you'll agree with me. Will be waiting for your love, as usual. Hugs
Title: My reflection
Chapters:26/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita, Aoi/OC, Aoi/Sakito
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 25
Ruka was struggling with the lyrics for their new song. He knew what he wanted to say, he knew what the music made him want to say, but he just couldn’t get them out there, and he somehow guessed it had something to do with his restless lover. So unless he managed to calm Yomi he’d get nothing done…
“Yomi, get over here.”
The vocalist had been pacing up and down the kitchen, deep in thought, his thumb raised to his mouth, his lips softly nibbling on the manicured nail. He did hear Ruka’s words though and approached the couch.
“You’re distracting me.”
“Sorry.” Yomi really was sorry. He knew he was giving this too much thought but hell, it hurt him to see Sakito like that…
“There’s nothing you can do, you know, not without risking to make things a lot worse. We can only be there for him.”
“Ruka, I know what you’re trying to saying and a part of my brain is telling me the same thing but I can’t bear to see him like this. It’s been weeks, you know, and he isn’t over him. Would it take so long if it were just a crush? I can’t bear to see him drowning himself with work. No matter how good he is at it. I…”
“I know. I’ve seen him too, Yomi, he is suffering and I don’t think it’s just a crush either but what do you plan on doing? You know how he hates it when you meddle into his life and if he ever found out about that letter, he’d kill you. He doesn’t want your pity.”
“I’m not pitying him! I’m not!”
“Honey, just accept that apart from being there for him, there’s nothing you can do.”
“I could try talking with the Gazette’s guitarist…”
“And what would that accomplish? The man is married, Yomi.”
“I know, ok, but…”
Yomi slumped on the sofa, next to his lover, who in turn put away his notebook and gently embraced the vocalist.
“We even tried setting him up with other people. He didn’t even blink. It was like he wasn’t even there. And every time he gets a sight of those damn magazines... Why do the Gazette have to appear on almost every month’s issue?”
Ruka knew that Yomi wouldn’t stop torturing himself no matter what he said so he’d just have to resort to the only means of calming his lover down: tiring him to the point where Yomi wouldn’t bother about it anymore. He was more than happy to do that. He loved how his lover could be so gentle and caring, but at the same time he knew that those same traits could very well turn against their tiny vocalist. Whatever happened to his dear ones bothered Yomi more than his well being and if Ruka weren’t there to support him and at the same time, take his mind off the problems when needed… Ruka didn’t need to give that more thought though because from the beginning, when they had been just friends, he had sworn to be by their vocalist’s side. The feelings had only grown stronger in time, up to the point when he couldn’t even imagine being apart from Yomi anymore.
..........................
They had just had their first live together, five brats united by a common desire: to make something of themselves, to make music. Ruka had been approached by the other members, they needed a drummer, he could drum and he had nothing to do. He wasn’t dreaming about becoming a professional musician but neither did he have other dreams, so why not give it a go? Plus, they were more than interesting individuals. He could use some fun in his life. But he had to admit that the more he played with them, the more their dream became his dream, he felt closer to them, understood them better and soon, he couldn’t imagine himself as something other than a drummer for Naitomea. Maybe there was such a thing as destiny out there. They still had a lot more to improve before actually fulfilling that dream though. He’d think: one step at a time, one day at a time. They all thought like that.
Their first live had definitely been one such step, he had thought. They had only played a couple of songs in a club, together with other bands… But they had made the audience cheer for them and even got encores. He had to give it to the little man, he could sure liven up a crowd. Ruka sincerely thought that Yomi could probably lighten up a funeral if he put his mind to it. Yomi was a very peculiar character, he had decided, he hadn’t quite managed to understand him yet.
The other members had already left by the time he had made his way to the small changing room. They didn’t really have the time to lull around after lives, with part time jobs and trying to get other gigs. They had never asked Ruka to get involved in finding them more places to perform at, maybe because he was struggling with composing but still…
He had thought the other members had left so he was just about to walk out of there when he thought he heard a sound on the other side of the room, coming from behind the stacks of boxes and wracks of clothes and other things that had been thrown there. He silently approached and peeked between the wrack of costumes, and he was surprised to find Yomi still there. He couldn’t see the man’s face because he was cradling his head in his hands, but there was just something that didn’t seem right…
So he invaded the vocalist’s space, causing Yomi to lift his head suddenly, certainly wondering who it could be. Ruka was startled to see Yomi’s usually happy smiling face like that… like he was carrying something way to heavy for him, struggling alone. The vocalist tried to cover it up though. That smile didn’t convince the drummer in the least.
“Cut it, Yomi. Tell me.”
He didn’t need to be clearer than that. He somehow knew the vocalist would know what he was talking about.
“Nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking that what I’m doing isn’t enough. I’m not like you or Sakito, I couldn’t compose a proper song if my life depended on it, Ni~ya and Hitsugi were the ones to bring this band together and the three of them are the ones that lower their heads all the time getting us live houses. What am I doing? Isn’t it my responsibility as vocal to bring us higher?”
“You do more than you realize.” Ruka wasn’t good at the comforting thing but he certainly couldn’t understand what had caused that change. “I certainly think you were great out there tonight. You made the crowd go wild. You know, you were the one that did that.”
“Not enough to get us playing here every week, it seems.”
Ruka would have wanted to know more but Yomi got up suddenly and fled towards the door. Ruka followed. There was no more conversation while making their way out of the crowded club and for a short moment another band coming from the opposite direction separated him from the vocalist. While waiting for them to pass, he could see Yomi getting further away, the vocalist moving without looking back. The other band just seemed to move so slow, didn’t they see other people wanted to pass too? Though he was in a hurry, Ruka suddenly realized that they were talking about Naitomea. It seemed they had recognized Yomi by his stature (go figure!) but not Ruka (he had to admit that without the heavy make-up…)
“Can you imagine? They were actually proposed to sing here every Friday night and the vocalist turned that down. I hear the manager was so upset he forbade them to set a foot in his club again.”
“Yeah, but if I were him, I don’t know if I’d have the strength to turn that offer down. On the other hand, maybe they think themselves to good to stoop that low. I wonder how long they can go like that, without compromising.”
“If it would get me on that stage every night, I’d do it. Even though the manager isn’t the most attractive guy out there.”
“Oh, come on, I don’t think even you could handle his hands all over you.”
“It’s true I’d need a lot of vodka before…”
Like that, the band was out of Ruka’s hearing range. And Yomi was not in sight either. He hurried after the vocalist, the previous conversation going on and on in his head…Yomi was leaning on the cold surface of the building, deep in thought. His lip was bleeding a bit. He had probably been biting it from quite a while. His hands were clutched tight in fists and he seemed to be shivering. Before Ruka could approach him, Yomi suddenly turned around and bumped right into the drummer’s bigger frame. He seemed shell shocked to see Ruka there.
“Hi again. Come on, my place is in the same direction.”
“Oh, go ahead” Yomi said, averting his gaze. “I forgot that I needed to talk with this place’s manager.”
Ruka’s eyes became cold and his entire posture stiffened.
“What about?” He tried to seem casual.
“Nothing much…”
Yomi tried to slip away. Ruka grabbed his shoulder, squeezing tightly, up to the point that he was probably hurting their vocalist. Yomi still wouldn’t look at him though, so Ruka decided to take matters into his hands and with a swift motion, turned Yomi’s face towards him. The pools of sadness he gazed into… He couldn’t bear seeing them.
“No, you don’t. The band doesn’t need you to compromise in that way.”
“But it can save us time and efforts. Saki and Hitsugi wouldn’t need to go around every other club…”
“Do you think they’d want you to do this? If it were them in this position, would you accept that?”
Yomi averted his eyes.
“Come on, I’ll walk you home.” Ruka said and still gripping strongly Yomi’s shoulder guided the man out of the alley. Yomi just followed. It could have been the drummer’s imagination but he thought he had seen a solitary tear being shed.
“And you don’t have any responsibility to bring us higher by yourself. The thing is this is a band and you’re not alone in anything. And I for one, don’t plan on letting you think you’re alone ever again.”
They didn’t exchange more words after that and Ruka had dropped the vocalist off at his place. Seeing the lithe figure climb up the stairs and disappearing into the building, Ruka’s heart stopped beating for a few seconds, and he forced himself to relax and move his feet from that spot. He’d started this with half-assed feelings, he’d gotten involved with the music they made but he had never really given their success that much thought. He had been happy with playing every day with the others… But seeing Yomi tormenting himself, his resolve strengthened. He was the drummer of Naitomea and if he’d have something to say about it, he’d get them all where their vocalist wanted them to be. And he’d never leave him alone struggling towards that goal, never again. He didn’t realize it himself that that was the moment he had started falling…
His index finger lightly caressed the face of his lover, sleeping peacefully beside him. To Ruka, Yomi was a lot of things, and he had never been good at telling him exactly how much he meant to him, not with words. He’d put all that in his songs and in his embraces and Yomi understood every time.
Ruka got up from bed, went to the living room, picked up his discarded notebook and started writing. This time it would be no different…
He was halfway done with yet another masterpiece (ok, so maybe he was a little vain, could you blame him?) when the phone started ringing. He quickly got up and answered to, what turned up to be, Sakito’s call.
“Hey, just wondering if Yomi was up for some shopping. I think it’s about time I started getting out of this apartment. Been thinking about a little redecoration and I just know how much Yomi loves shopping.”
“Sorry, I just managed to put him to bed.”
“Managed to?”
“Yeah. I’m sure he’ll be happy to find out that today you weren’t buried in a stack of papers like you’ve been lately…”
“I got him worried, didn’t I?”
“Yeah.”
“Does he know?”
“Yeah.”
“I see. Well, gonna go do that shopping. My apartment needs a change in perspective. My life needs one too. Figured that would be the place to start. Tell Yomi I’m not mad at him meddling but he doesn’t need to be worried anymore. See you!”
“Saki…” Ruka started in a reserved voice. He rarely called the other like that so it immediately got the guitarist’s attention.
“Yeah.”
“If it were Yomi, I’d never give up. No matter who would get hurt in the process. I’d never give him up to anyone.”
“Even if it meant making him suffer too?”
“Even so. Because I’d be the one to stop that suffering and make him happy again.”
“I can’t do that, Ruka-kun. I… he’s just too important to me. You know, this whole time being apart, I thought it would get better, I thought I’d be able to forget; it only got worse.” His tone had been sad and resigned but all of a sudden, became bright and cheerful again. “So I can’t get him out of my head, no biggy. I probably need to stop trying so hard. That’s what the decorating is for, probably. And I’m wondering now why I’m telling you this?”
“Because I won’t mention it again.”
“You got it! Well, going now. See you tomorrow. And when Yomi wakes up, well... tell him I am most definitely staying away from the sparkly things.”
“He’ll be mortified to hear that.”
The last thing Ruka heard before the line went dead was Sakito’s laughter. It felt good to hear it again. He hadn’t realized he’d missed it too.
……………………….
Sakito wasn’t thinking about turning his apartment upside down, repainting the walls or refurnishing it or anything drastic like that. No, just a few details here and there to make it livelier, maybe a plant or too, definitely some new curtains, a fluffy rug (he liked enjoying that feeling when he came home from work), some of those lamps that made the rooms seem colorful, and maybe, just maybe a sparkly clock, just so he could see Yomi’s reaction when he’d show it to him.
Having malls made specifically for redecorating your home was certainly useful, he thought. He didn’t need to go around the town searching for what he wanted. He’d find it all in one place, order it and have it delivered to his house. Easy, one would thing, except that those places were huge! When he had been thinking about getting new curtains he hadn’t imagined he’d have about a thousand samples to choose from! He was just turning around another aisle, when he met the person he’d have least expected to meet. A couple of feet away from him was Aoi with a woman Sakito guessed was his wife. She was showing him a curtain and they were chatting lively…
His heart gave a strong thud and Sakito knew he should move, run away. He couldn’t. His feet refused to listen and instead of going in the direction his mind was ordering him to go, he found himself walking towards Aoi. There were only about five steps between the two of them when the Gazette’s guitarist turned his head and their gazes met. For Sakito time seemed to stop. His feet didn’t though and somehow he found himself near the other man, so near in fact that he was actually invading his personal space. He couldn’t even want to imagine what his wife must have thought. Somehow he found he didn’t care though.
“Hi.” Was all Sakito could say. He saw Aoi’s shiver, the way his eyes seemed to turn darker… “I’d never give him up to anyone…Because I’d be the one to stop that suffering and make him happy again.”
“Hi.” It was barely a whisper but to Sakito it was impossible to describe what that single softly said word stirred in him.
“It’s been a while.”
“Yeah.”
“You didn’t invite me to the wedding.”
“You had a concert that day. You wouldn’t have been able to come anyway.”
“Maybe you should have left me to decide that.” He didn’t mean to make Aoi sad, but he couldn’t stop himself.
“I’m sorry.” Aoi really did seem sorry. And nervous. Sakito could tell from his posture, the way he was torturing his lip… His hand reached out and without even realizing what he was doing, he was holding Aoi’s face in his hand and brushing his finger over the guitarist’s lip.
“You shouldn’t do that. You’ll make it bleed.”
Aoi was shocked. The way Sakito’s palm cradled his face, his warmth, the feel of skin against skin, the brush against his lips, he could barely restrain himself from reaching out towards the other man. He was brought out of it by Sakito talking again and with the other guitarist’s words, the situation crashed down on him again.
“So what are you doing?”
“Picking curtains. We’re redecorating the apartment.”
“Somehow I didn’t think that pastel would go in your living room.”
Aoi forced himself to swallow so that his voice wouldn’t crack when answering.
“Actually my wife thought that would be perfect for the baby’s room.”
Sakito’s warmth was suddenly gone and Aoi didn’t know if he should feel relieved or sad.
“What if it’s a boy? I certainly doubt he’d love his friends commenting on the peachness of the room. Trust me, I know what it’s like. My mom… Well, it took me long years before I was able to replace that pink.”
Aoi didn’t answer.
“How about a soft green? You could make the room sort of a playground for the baby, like a deep forest or something like that.”
They had been completely oblivious to the presence of Aoi’s wife but all of a sudden the bubble that had been surrounding them burst when Miyuki came beside Aoi and said.
“Actually, I suggested green too. But he absolutely refused. I’m his wife, Miyuki, by the way, Mister…”
“Just call me Sakito.” That was all he had planned on saying to the woman. He hadn’t expected on the feelings he had right then and all he wanted was to strangle her. So he turned his attention towards Aoi again, more than happy to see that Aoi’s gaze had never left his face. “How about amethyst then? I have to say I’ve always loved the way the sun’s afternoon rays filter through that color.”
He was interrupted by her again.
“Actually, maybe we shouldn’t pick just yet and wait for Ruki-san’s opinion. Everyone is helping with the decorations after all.”
She was ignored again. Sakito wondered if he’d be the cause of a fight as soon as the couple got home. He loved Aoi’s attention though, it just screamed how much the other guitarist wanted him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, a little redecorating myself. Lately, I had been wallowing in all these depressing thoughts. You know, there was something I really wanted but then something else came up and I couldn’t have it. It made me furious and sad and I was going to give it up and get a new perspective on things. Hence the redecorating. I think that color would go wonderfully in my bedroom, amethyst. It reminds me of someone very special to me.”
“Wouldn’t it always remind you of the thing you couldn’t have?”
“Not if I suddenly decide to chase after it again.”
Aoi averted his gaze towards the samples of curtains to his right. His question was more a whisper than a proper question but Sakito heard it: “What did you decide?”
“I’m not giving up yet. No matter how long it takes, even if it takes me decades or the rest of my life, I’ll get it.”
Miyuki tensed. Sakito could feel her cringing. So she wasn’t stupid. She had been observing them and judging by her reaction, had guessed what it was all about. He wondered if she’d be a true adversary, what she’d do to keep Aoi, whether she wanted to keep him. He thought it was time to tear himself away from the black guitarist. They couldn’t stay there all day long after all, and he had some amethyst curtains to buy.
“I’ll see you soon, Aoi-san.” Sakito promised and started walking away.
He was surprised to hear Aoi calling him.
“Sakito-san, don’t. Sometimes there are things not worth the struggle and the pain.”
It hurt but he had made his decision.
“This time, it’s worth it.” And he walked away. He had a call to make, giving his thanks to a very stoic drummer. After several weeks, Sakito felt alive again.
A/N Tests are over which means I plan on doing some writing... Anyway, here I give you a very long chapter. And I just figured you'd like a little more of Ruka and Yomi. They are so cute after all... Hope you'll agree with me. Will be waiting for your love, as usual. Hugs