musings on how it's really hard for me to talk about books with strangers

[youreyesaregems]

This year I have to formally study literature (for German) for the first time since I was 15. Initially I was okay about it, but it's coming back to me how upsetting and over-personal I find it. Which is weird, I guess... I'm an avid fan, I aim never to simply "consume" media but always to "digest" it - think about and critique it, in fandom and

Comments

[verdeckt]

Why do I find this (usually) so pleasurable as a leisure activity but unbearably stressful as an academic pursuit?

Ach! as a Germanist do I know what you mean. My hope is that one gets used to it with time. It also does depend on the format, for me at least: Writing papers can be pleasurable and stressful; seminars, however, which pressure one to be eloquent before an audience, are the bane of my existence.

What are you reading?

[youreyesaregems]

Well, I'm a little embarrassed as it's not terribly high-brow... But we're currently studying Der Vorleser. The first seminar on it was today, and was relatively detached - we looked as some specific uses of languages in a couple of passages, so it was a slow start. One down, 3 (I think?) to go! The next text is some Kafka, which I don't much like, so it should be easier to deal with.

[prunesquallormd]

I'm very much the same with you when it comes to reading. I love to read so much but I mostly hate to talk about the things I've read and how they've affected me. And the more I love something the less I like to talk about it (I'm fine with 'talking' on the the internet, just not verbally).

Studying fiction as literature is a little different, I guess. There are 'tools' and tricks of analysis that can help to make you a little more emotionally distant, perhaps? I don't really remember, to be honest. I last studied literature for A level which is longer ago than you've been alive! :p

I very much hope that, when it comes to it, it's not as hard as you fear it's going to be and that you come to enjoy it :)
<3

[youreyesaregems]

Thank you! And today was quite emotionally distant, as I've said above. If it stays like that, it will have been a waste of time but at least not painful? I suspect it will be rather more fraught if we have a seminar that focusses more on thematic stuff.

I have been known to fight with my partner over interpretations of media to the extent where I don't want to sleep next to her... it can get very private/emotional for me quite easily! I really *like* to talk about stuff that means a lot to me - it just takes a lot of energy and feels like sharing part of myself that isn't meant for public consumption.