musings on how it's really hard for me to talk about books with strangers
This year I have to formally study literature (for German) for the first time since I was 15. Initially I was okay about it, but it's coming back to me how upsetting and over-personal I find it. Which is weird, I guess... I'm an avid fan, I aim never to simply "consume" media but always to "digest" it - think about and critique it, in fandom and just with friends/partner/family in real time. Why do I find this (usually) so pleasurable as a leisure activity but unbearably stressful as an academic pursuit?
(Do I really find it pleasurable as a leisure activity? Sometimes it feels more like something I'm compelled to do without much say in the matter.)
I wish I was studying something I liked less, too. And identified with less emotionally. Or just not at all? It would be more uselful and less wrought for me to study some History in German, and some German historiography.
I often find reading (fiction) such a personal experience that it's hard for me to talk about it in a social setting, let alone an academic one. Socially, however, I can often avoid it. This is unavoidable and I think it's going to be really hard.
(Do I really find it pleasurable as a leisure activity? Sometimes it feels more like something I'm compelled to do without much say in the matter.)
I wish I was studying something I liked less, too. And identified with less emotionally. Or just not at all? It would be more uselful and less wrought for me to study some History in German, and some German historiography.
I often find reading (fiction) such a personal experience that it's hard for me to talk about it in a social setting, let alone an academic one. Socially, however, I can often avoid it. This is unavoidable and I think it's going to be really hard.