Super Junior Dorm: Ddang Ko Ma's Escape Tactics
Written from Ddang Ko Ma's perspective. He's a trooper, that one.
Super Junior Dorm- Ddang Ko Ma’s Escape Tactics.
It was quiet. Too quiet.
But as I looked around the room, I didn’t see him. He didn’t seem to be in here. My god, was he still in the bathroom? Hadn’t the rest of those loud boys left a little while ago to go hug people or something? They had waited for that girly one, what’s his name… Heechul? (I don’t really see much of him, only glimpses when he traps Heebum in his clutches and drags him away from this room. I rarely get to talk to my friends because of him.) But anyway… they had waited for Heechul. Why not wait for Master?
Scratch that. I know why. I wouldn’t wait for him, either.
But he was definitely still in this place, somewhere. I could hear the hair dryer. It had been on nonstop since he started doing Heechul’s hair. I would have counted how long, but earlier today he moved my cage from the table where I could see the clock to his bed so he could cuddle with me in his morning stupor.
FYI: Reptiles don’t cuddle.
Well, there’s nothing I could do now but wait until Master came back in. You know, waiting gets quite tiring when the scenery around you never changes. There’s that rock, those twigs, that little pool of water- oh, lettuce! Yum!
… Sorry. That’s usually the highlight of my day.
Aish- I needed Master to leave this dorm so I could finally escape! (I’ve decided to take it upon myself and myself alone to get out of this place. Once I am able to leave this room, I’ll get Heebum’s attention somehow and we’ll both make a break for it. We’ve been waiting for this day for too long.)
Omo- a noise. No, scratch that- the noise that was no noise. The noise that signified… the completion of Master’s hair. The hairdryer was not on. If I could have run I would have, but, well- not only could my stubby legs not carry me anywhere, but there was nowhere to run at the moment unless I was suddenly able to break glass without dying.
… That would be so cool.
“Ddang Ko Ma!” Yesung cooed at me, coming into the room finally. He was running his hands through his hair happily, and the image almost made me want to have well-managed locks, too. Almost.
“Ddangie, did you miss me, girl?” There I went- up, up, up into the air.
FYI: Reptiles don’t fly.
He repeated himself for good measure. “Today was so hectic… so much running. So much chasing and work. Poor Eunhyuk… Anyway, did you miss me, Sweetie?”
No. And I’m a man. As in not a girl. Not a Sweetie or a Sugarpop or a Scaly Sexpot or Snugglymooshykins or anything else that you call me. It makes me feel wrong inside, and sometimes I have disturbing thoughts about that lizard you brought home a month ago that’s in the cage next to mine and-
A finger stroked my shell lightly. Yesung looked into my eyes lovingly and smiled sweetly.
I don’t buy it for a minute, Master.
And stop touching my shell. It protects me but I think you can break it if you try hard enough because you’re that much of a klutz. Seriously, I saw you cracking walnuts the other day and it terrified me. Don’t leave their desolate shells out on your dresser! Throw them away! I keep envisioning a battlefield of my dead family-
“Baby? Why won’t you respond to me?” Master’s eyes looked watery. God help us, he was going to cry. That would mean he’d have to fix his makeup again. Oh, hell no.
FYI: Reptiles don’t speak. I figured this was something everyone with common sense knew but- oh my God, wait. What the hell is wrong with me? I just answered my own thought. Common sense knows naught of Yesung’s little mind.
I blinked.
That simple action prompted an immediate reaction by Master who giggled gleefully and swept me in a circle before throwing me onto the bed.
FYI: REPTILES REALLY DON’T BLOODY FLY!!
If I could have thrown up I would have, but Master hadn’t fed me yet. The lettuce from earlier? Yeah, that was Ryeowook’s kindness. That man is a Saint, and if I had a hero it would be him. He fed me silently with a sour look on his face, as if he knew Yesung would find out with his Turtle Senses (oh, he has them) that someone was impeding on his territory. Before my Saint left me to go to that hug thingy with the others he whispered, “You’re the bravest person I know.”
I wasn’t sure if I should be happy he seemed to look up to me too or concerned that he called me a person. Master must have been rubbing off on him.
In response to his praise, though? Don’t I know it, buddy.
I hate my life.
I watched from the bed as Master then ignored me for a full ten minutes to sing a song about lollipops and another about something called an “abracadabra,” both complete with dances and done from several different perspectives. He obviously did not care about his beloved pet whom he had just thrust onto a new surface that resembled nothing like his usual habitat and who could have gone into shock and stopped moving at any moment. Thank the Moss God I am a sturdy little fella.
I then watched as Master (continuing to ignore me) primped his hair in the mirror, of which there are 13 in our room. Ryeowook lets Yesung keep them in there because, as he says, “I know that 13 is a bad number but with the Strange that oozes from our Sungie, any number more or less than that could spell our doom. Let him do what the hell he wants.”
And then Master made a move to leave the room. Before he did he made a big scene of talking to and messing with that stupid-looking doll he made for days, and I couldn’t have been more happy. That thing has taken Master’s attention away from me time and time again and I swear I would marry it if I could and it… you know, breathed.
I’ve been watching Siwon lately, and I’m not even going to deny it- I pray to it at night, everyone. Every single night. It’s my miracle. Hiffany, the Angel of Sanity- it’s wonderful.
… And then Yesung left. He didn’t even take one look back at me. That bastard! He always tucks me back into my cage gently and says something sweet- I mean, as much as I hate the man I do appreciate a little love here and then.
I miss my cage-tuck.
… Wait.
He’s not in the room!!! I’m not in my cage!!!
12 Minutes Later.
HAHA! I am now across the bed! God, I am so going places in life!
38 Minutes Later.
Using a comb and a piece of floss, I am now on the floor of this bedroom. I am slightly panting. My front right leg hurts a little, but no matter. This… I would go through every Gate of Hell to taste freedom like this. Heebum, here I come!
2 ½ Hours Later.
This is it! This is it! I’m at the door to the bedroom! I can escape, finally! No more leashed walks in the burning sun. No more turtlenecks in the winter (that ironic jerk). No more games of hockey with me as the star puck! NO MORE GAMES OF PEEK-A-BOO! (Seriously, I’m not playing with you, Master, I’m hiding from you.) No more forgotten feedings and rumbly tummies. No more listening to him sleep talk about rare butterflies in his sleep- it’s disturbing! (It gets interesting in a morbid way once you hear “No! Come back! I MUST PIN YOU!” a couple of hours in.)
Oh my god, oh my god!
NO. MORE. YESUNG.
Now, let’s see, on to leaving the room.
…
How do you open a doorknob?
1 Hour Later.
I have come to the conclusion that one cannot open a door unless one has opposable thumbs and/or the capacity to reach the damn thing.
Heebum has suggested I should think through my plans properly before I try to escape. I told him to suck my horny shell. He laughed.
And then he walked away.
And now I have absolutely no one.
Except for Yesung. I will always have Yesung.
Shit.
NOTE TO SELF: Reptiles are all doomed.
A/N: THIS WAS MY FAVORITE PART TO WRITE. Why? Because I freaking love turtles. They are the coolest animal, EVER. To me. (Oh, and lions. And tigers. And dolphins. And fish. And monkeys. And angels. 0.0 Okay those aren't animals but still. XD)
THANK YOU FOR READING!
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P.S.: You can find my Super Junior CUT (I used the Hankyung Phone Connections instead of this cut) HERE!