playgroups and people
Everyone slept well last night, including Little Miss Crank, and her nose seemed better this morning so we went to playgroup after all. Bao wakes between 7 - 7.30am and naps again around 11.30am, so that's four hours of keeping her amused and out of trouble at home if we don't go anywhere. I like the way our week is currently tabled:
Mondays: stay in and I catch up with the leftover chores from the weekend
Tuesdays: playgroup
Wednesdays: usually shopping/errands before picking The Bun up from school (half-day)
Thursdays: stay in/chores
Fridays: playgroup
And just like that, the week passes in a flash. We're approaching our fifth month here already.
Speaking of playgroup, it's nice to finally make some friends whom you can chat properly with and who actually tell you that they missed seeing you when you don't attend. At this point it's still friendly small talk and not deep conversations about the meaning of life, but I'll take what I can get. That's why playgroup is really more for the carers than it is for the children, especially the really young ones like Bao. A mother brought in a two-month-old baby last week - the baby didn't play, obviously, but the mother was evidently relieved to just do something different and talk to other adults for once. We all know this. Tiny babies are mind-bogglingly boring once you get past the awestruck stage with them.
The Tuesday playgroup is better organised, has a better range of toys, has nicer facilities (including a coffee lady who lays out all the things for tea and snack and cleans up afterward), and has a bigger space. The kids range in age from newborn to four years, so they do need more room so that the babies have an area where they can roll around and toddle.
Tuesdays
However, this playgroup also has quite a few alpha-moms - these are the women who constantly seem to look at you rather critically when anyone enters the room with windblown hair, scuffed jeans, and probably the same jumper they wore last week (no prizes for guessing who!). They speak loudly enough that everyone in the room can hear them, especially when giving their children imperious instructions: '[Name], we DO NOT grab toys like that. It is NOT NICE. GIVE THAT BACK NOW, you don't want to be the naughty child who doesn't share.' Well, I say things like that too, but it's all in the tone of voice, and the subtext in theirs says 'LOOK AT ME EVERYONE, I AM THE GOOD, WATCHFUL MOM WHO IS IMPARTING THE RIGHT VALUES HERE.' And these same moms? They run for the high chairs when it comes to snack time so that they can get them first. There are maybe three or four babies who still need to be in high-chairs (Bao included) and there are only two high-chairs, but if I can't get one then no biggie, eh? Bao can just sit on the floor or on my lap and have her snack. No need to run for them as though they are thrones that your princess must sit in.
Oh, and some of these moms? I see them at pick-up at The Bun's school, and they look right through me even as we walk past each other on the driveway. Nice.
The Friday playgroup is slightly haphazard in terms of organisation and there isn't much in terms of activities or even toys because the volunteer group that runs it has more focus on older children from age four onwards - it provides English literacy support for children who attend French schools. Fridays are more like coffee mornings for mothers and carers with the added bonus of having some toys and things for the toddlers to climb on. Everyone takes turns to handle refreshments for the adults, assemble snack plates for the kids, and do the washing-up afterwards.
I do like the vibe of this group much more, perhaps because it's a smaller one (usually 6-8 kids in a session) and everyone gets to know each other better that way. (Tuesday's playgroup can accommodate up to twenty children a session.) If I'm busy handling snack and washing-up in the pantry, I can trust that one of the other mothers is looking out for Bao or even holding her for me, and I don't even have to ask. Last week was my turn to clean up and while I was busy another mother helped put Bao's shoes on for her while keeping two other toddlers amused. This is the group that organises mothers' nights out, secret santa activities and has a group email going on where people sometimes chat and trade childcare advice.
Fridays
It may seem like there aren't so many nice people at Tuesday's playgroup, but in reality the alpha mom clique is quite small and I don't care if they ignore me because there are many more folk who are not in the clique that I can talk with. Plus I think that once the alpha-mom kids start school next year they won't have any reason to go to playgroup so I guess a new alpha clique would develop?
Thing about both playgroups is that they are very Brit expat dominated and coupled with The Bun's school environment and BBC cable TV programmes (the only English language TV we get), I feel like I'm in a bit of a Brit bubble and would love to meet some people from elsewhere. Especially people who speak Chinese because I think mine is getting rusty and it would be good for both kids to interact with other Chinese-speaking children.
Mondays: stay in and I catch up with the leftover chores from the weekend
Tuesdays: playgroup
Wednesdays: usually shopping/errands before picking The Bun up from school (half-day)
Thursdays: stay in/chores
Fridays: playgroup
And just like that, the week passes in a flash. We're approaching our fifth month here already.
Speaking of playgroup, it's nice to finally make some friends whom you can chat properly with and who actually tell you that they missed seeing you when you don't attend. At this point it's still friendly small talk and not deep conversations about the meaning of life, but I'll take what I can get. That's why playgroup is really more for the carers than it is for the children, especially the really young ones like Bao. A mother brought in a two-month-old baby last week - the baby didn't play, obviously, but the mother was evidently relieved to just do something different and talk to other adults for once. We all know this. Tiny babies are mind-bogglingly boring once you get past the awestruck stage with them.
The Tuesday playgroup is better organised, has a better range of toys, has nicer facilities (including a coffee lady who lays out all the things for tea and snack and cleans up afterward), and has a bigger space. The kids range in age from newborn to four years, so they do need more room so that the babies have an area where they can roll around and toddle.
Tuesdays
However, this playgroup also has quite a few alpha-moms - these are the women who constantly seem to look at you rather critically when anyone enters the room with windblown hair, scuffed jeans, and probably the same jumper they wore last week (no prizes for guessing who!). They speak loudly enough that everyone in the room can hear them, especially when giving their children imperious instructions: '[Name], we DO NOT grab toys like that. It is NOT NICE. GIVE THAT BACK NOW, you don't want to be the naughty child who doesn't share.' Well, I say things like that too, but it's all in the tone of voice, and the subtext in theirs says 'LOOK AT ME EVERYONE, I AM THE GOOD, WATCHFUL MOM WHO IS IMPARTING THE RIGHT VALUES HERE.' And these same moms? They run for the high chairs when it comes to snack time so that they can get them first. There are maybe three or four babies who still need to be in high-chairs (Bao included) and there are only two high-chairs, but if I can't get one then no biggie, eh? Bao can just sit on the floor or on my lap and have her snack. No need to run for them as though they are thrones that your princess must sit in.
Oh, and some of these moms? I see them at pick-up at The Bun's school, and they look right through me even as we walk past each other on the driveway. Nice.
The Friday playgroup is slightly haphazard in terms of organisation and there isn't much in terms of activities or even toys because the volunteer group that runs it has more focus on older children from age four onwards - it provides English literacy support for children who attend French schools. Fridays are more like coffee mornings for mothers and carers with the added bonus of having some toys and things for the toddlers to climb on. Everyone takes turns to handle refreshments for the adults, assemble snack plates for the kids, and do the washing-up afterwards.
I do like the vibe of this group much more, perhaps because it's a smaller one (usually 6-8 kids in a session) and everyone gets to know each other better that way. (Tuesday's playgroup can accommodate up to twenty children a session.) If I'm busy handling snack and washing-up in the pantry, I can trust that one of the other mothers is looking out for Bao or even holding her for me, and I don't even have to ask. Last week was my turn to clean up and while I was busy another mother helped put Bao's shoes on for her while keeping two other toddlers amused. This is the group that organises mothers' nights out, secret santa activities and has a group email going on where people sometimes chat and trade childcare advice.
Fridays
It may seem like there aren't so many nice people at Tuesday's playgroup, but in reality the alpha mom clique is quite small and I don't care if they ignore me because there are many more folk who are not in the clique that I can talk with. Plus I think that once the alpha-mom kids start school next year they won't have any reason to go to playgroup so I guess a new alpha clique would develop?
Thing about both playgroups is that they are very Brit expat dominated and coupled with The Bun's school environment and BBC cable TV programmes (the only English language TV we get), I feel like I'm in a bit of a Brit bubble and would love to meet some people from elsewhere. Especially people who speak Chinese because I think mine is getting rusty and it would be good for both kids to interact with other Chinese-speaking children.