hopes and fears
The Bun seems to be in the midst of a fearful, anxiety-ridden phase. In his comfort zones (i.e. home and his grandparents' homes) he is spirited, cheeky, talkative, even rowdy. In other familiar places that we frequent (the library, the supermarket, etc) he is also generally fine, although, like his parents, he dislikes crowds. But take him to a new place, and his reaction mostly veers towards the negative. He will say that he is 'scared', but won't clarify what exactly is scary, and will often begin to cry and demand to go home. Even if I pick him up and reassure him, it is still difficult to overcome his anxiety.
Apart from new places and strangers, he has a laundry list of fears: snails (which he used to love watching), bugs of any sort (ditto), loud sudden noises (even ones he has heard since he was born, like the endless construction along the road outside our flat), dogs (strange considering his affection for and familiarity with Tobey), doctors (longstanding fear), the TV and DVD player (except for programmes that he is familiar with or which involve food), and the radio (strange, bodiless voices!).
I know fears are a natural part of growing up and they signify The Bun's awareness of his separateness from a secure base (i.e. Mummy) and his corresponding vulnerability. Coupled with a healthily active imagination and a worrywart of a mother, as evidenced in posts like these, and it's unsurprising, this fearful phase. This phase also corresponds with a particular clinginess that I have not seen in months. Some days I can't even take a shower without him whining and crying outside the door. He just says 'Mummy mummy mummy' over and over again and won't explain what he wants (which is, I guess, Mummy). Once I finish my warp-speed shower he snaps right back to normal. Even his teachers at playgroup have commented on this clinginess - one asked if anything had changed at home recently, and I have been reflecting on this question since then, but I can't come up with anything concrete that can be addressed or corrected. The only guess I can possibly make is that he feels torn between being an independent 'big boy' and the comfort zone of being a baby.
I've mentioned before that I have wondered if The Bun is considered shy, but I also think that it is too early and too limiting to label him like that. His behaviour now may or may not change as he continues to grow and develop. I wonder if other toddlers have similar, or as many fears as he has. I watch a lot of rambunctious little kids as they run and explore their world, and I feel a bit sorry for The Bun, clinging to my leg or my shoulder.
Most of all, I feel a bit heartworn whenever I watch The Bun react so strongly and unhappily to situations that would normally be interesting or fun to a curious tot at this age, when I know that inside he is inquisitive, bright, and has a lot of cheer to share. Should I let him learn to cope with his anxieties in order to demystify them (a bit, at least) and to realise that no matter what, he will still be loved and protected by the adults he treasures most, or should I just shield him from all the negative stuff and wait for him to grow out of this fearful phase? As always, it is a little bit of both, and finding the right balance is proving to be a challenge.
I have tried giving him extra attention and reassurance; I have tried prepping him beforehand about potentially 'scary' situations; I have tried play-acting stressful scenarios; I have even tried bribery. It gets to the point where I get stressed out imagining that The Bun will grow into some sort of friendless, lonely child, and then we end up feeding off each other's anxieties, which isn't good. Now we know where the genes for worrying came from. For the record, my father and my grandmother, his mother, are renowned worriers and typify the term 'over-cautious'. And let's not forget that little voice inside my head that chides, what do you expect since you're so anti-social yourself? For what it's worth, J was painfully shy and quiet as a child and as an adult, is often still considered very aloof to people who are not close to him.
I'm aware that I'm making a bigger deal out of this than necessary and that stressing out over what is a typical part of childhood helps no one, least of all The Bun. In fact my responsibility is to model calm assurance and security for him. Right now I'm most concerned about Chinese New Year, coming in about two months' time. The combination of loud noises, plenty of strangers, unfamiliar homes, and the TV will potentially create a perfect storm that no amount of cookies or treats will alleviate. But that's still two months away and well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. The most important thing right now, and the reason for me to write all this down, is for me to take the wider perspective and stop forgetting to enjoy the happy and positive aspects of The Bun, and keep in mind that eternal mantra: this too shall pass.
Apart from new places and strangers, he has a laundry list of fears: snails (which he used to love watching), bugs of any sort (ditto), loud sudden noises (even ones he has heard since he was born, like the endless construction along the road outside our flat), dogs (strange considering his affection for and familiarity with Tobey), doctors (longstanding fear), the TV and DVD player (except for programmes that he is familiar with or which involve food), and the radio (strange, bodiless voices!).
I know fears are a natural part of growing up and they signify The Bun's awareness of his separateness from a secure base (i.e. Mummy) and his corresponding vulnerability. Coupled with a healthily active imagination and a worrywart of a mother, as evidenced in posts like these, and it's unsurprising, this fearful phase. This phase also corresponds with a particular clinginess that I have not seen in months. Some days I can't even take a shower without him whining and crying outside the door. He just says 'Mummy mummy mummy' over and over again and won't explain what he wants (which is, I guess, Mummy). Once I finish my warp-speed shower he snaps right back to normal. Even his teachers at playgroup have commented on this clinginess - one asked if anything had changed at home recently, and I have been reflecting on this question since then, but I can't come up with anything concrete that can be addressed or corrected. The only guess I can possibly make is that he feels torn between being an independent 'big boy' and the comfort zone of being a baby.
I've mentioned before that I have wondered if The Bun is considered shy, but I also think that it is too early and too limiting to label him like that. His behaviour now may or may not change as he continues to grow and develop. I wonder if other toddlers have similar, or as many fears as he has. I watch a lot of rambunctious little kids as they run and explore their world, and I feel a bit sorry for The Bun, clinging to my leg or my shoulder.
Most of all, I feel a bit heartworn whenever I watch The Bun react so strongly and unhappily to situations that would normally be interesting or fun to a curious tot at this age, when I know that inside he is inquisitive, bright, and has a lot of cheer to share. Should I let him learn to cope with his anxieties in order to demystify them (a bit, at least) and to realise that no matter what, he will still be loved and protected by the adults he treasures most, or should I just shield him from all the negative stuff and wait for him to grow out of this fearful phase? As always, it is a little bit of both, and finding the right balance is proving to be a challenge.
I have tried giving him extra attention and reassurance; I have tried prepping him beforehand about potentially 'scary' situations; I have tried play-acting stressful scenarios; I have even tried bribery. It gets to the point where I get stressed out imagining that The Bun will grow into some sort of friendless, lonely child, and then we end up feeding off each other's anxieties, which isn't good. Now we know where the genes for worrying came from. For the record, my father and my grandmother, his mother, are renowned worriers and typify the term 'over-cautious'. And let's not forget that little voice inside my head that chides, what do you expect since you're so anti-social yourself? For what it's worth, J was painfully shy and quiet as a child and as an adult, is often still considered very aloof to people who are not close to him.
I'm aware that I'm making a bigger deal out of this than necessary and that stressing out over what is a typical part of childhood helps no one, least of all The Bun. In fact my responsibility is to model calm assurance and security for him. Right now I'm most concerned about Chinese New Year, coming in about two months' time. The combination of loud noises, plenty of strangers, unfamiliar homes, and the TV will potentially create a perfect storm that no amount of cookies or treats will alleviate. But that's still two months away and well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. The most important thing right now, and the reason for me to write all this down, is for me to take the wider perspective and stop forgetting to enjoy the happy and positive aspects of The Bun, and keep in mind that eternal mantra: this too shall pass.