1st ♒ [text]

[yerawizarderri]

[It had taken a considerate amount of time, But Eridan had figured out how to use the SFC since it wasn't all too different from the computer he had gotten used to while in the veil. And so he types a message.]

hello

Comments

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[Eridan is intently listening to all Karkat has to say--even if some of it he doesn't want to particularly hear. The part about what he did with Fef? Totally true, he knew it was, knew he didn't take their moirailegiance seriously, didn't even want to make himself a better troll at the time. His thoughts and ideas were noble, he knew that. So having Feferi try and change him? Yeah, it wasn't going to happen, not to mention, it was exactly what Karkat said.]

[He was only using it to try and get something flushed with her, which may have been wrong of him... But he couldn't exactly help how he felt.]

[Though his bladder based vascular system drops when Karkat refers to himself in the same way, explaining how this was only pale nothing else. How he had a matesprit and wasn't interested in him in a caliginous way--which was fine because currently Karkat was probably the troll he hated the least

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[Eridan doesn't really need any more salt in his wounds, so he's just going to do his damnedest to make it the least obvious thing in the world, by covering it with his disappointment towards that answer. But he nods shallowly, showing his understanding.]

Alright, I'll... I won't take part in any a that seahorsin' around then. I really just want to make up for what I'we done, Kar. So I'm gonna try my hardest at this. I'll take this all fuckin' seriously.

[He really did mean it, just he knew he was bound to fuck up eventually, and hopefully Karkat wouldn't see that as him not trying, but more so his habits were hard things to kill.]

...So I'm preemptiwely sorry if I fuck up and disappoint you.

[He sure was apologizing a lot, it felt weird to be saying it so often, but it really was all he could say. He didn't know what else to do at the moment to show his regret. So while it might have been out of character to do so, he didn't care. He was vulnerable at this moment and he was doing everything he could to try and protect himself,

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[He nods. He didn't like the idea of having to get the okay on things, but this was a commitment he agreed to himself and as such he's going to try his best.]

[No, do his best.]

Alright, I'll do my best and... I'll call you anytime I feel I'm not sure.

[Though he had to worry, he knew how he was, his impulsive ways didn't exactly allow time for self doubt--had they, he probably wouldn't have killed Feferi in the first fucking place.]

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[Eridan frowns even more--like that could really be a thing, but he somehow manages it.]

I just wanna know... Do you... Do you hate me, Kar?

[Of course, he's meaning this as platonic, nothing about his usual pathetic coming ons and what not. Karkat was pale for him, he had admitted that, but Eridan couldn't help but feel that this was more so for everyone else sake and not so much for his own. That maybe Karkat was sticking with this because it'd be a better approach for damage control than the alternatives. He just wanted to know where he really stood with the nubby-horned troll.]

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[He was afraid of that. He knew of Karkat's claim for hating everyone, but he definitely meant something deeper than Karkat's usual claim. And here he got the answer. He knew it wasn't going to be some magical 'why no eridan i could never hate you hurp' but he had somehow, for some reason, hoped that maybe he could completely rectify what he had done. But at least, now he knew that it wasn't exactly achievable. And in a way--it was discouraging. It wasn't going to stop him from trying though, but it definitely made his heart sink.]

[He had to live with the consequences of his actions and he hated it, he couldn't just pretend it didn't happen, couldn't just run away. He had to just deal with it.]

Well, you knew what I meant anyway... But... Alright, I understand...

[Yeah, he was completely hurt by this, but that was to be expected. It wasn't like Eridan liked how most of this has turned out, and it just seemed to be getting worse for him in ways. Sure, he had a place to stay now, Karkat was his moirail and he was helping him on his

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[Eridan was well aware of how the time bullshit went, it was his fucking destiny to fuck up this badly, to have everyone hate him and to be abandoned. It just hurt to think about really, that if he had done any different, it would have been a doomed time line, that it wasn't how things were suppose to be. The entire thing was just shitty, all of this was entirely shitty and all Eridan could do is some feeble attempt at groveling and improving himself and even then, all wouldn't be forgiven. He actually felt more helpless now than he did back in the veil waiting to die.]

[Eridan waves Karkat away in an almost shooing motion.]

I will... And no, I'm fine. I don't got anymore questions or anythin'... Thanks for all your help.

[As much as Eridan hated being alone, he truly felt it might be for the best for now. It wasn't like Karkat was exactly going to comfort him and he just needed to think things through for once.]

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[Eridan wasn't looking at karkat, so that frown? He didn't catch it. He just nods before putting holding his head, his fingers on his forehead rubbing the spot as if he was trying to cure some head ache or something.]

...Okay.

[All of this was so goddamn hard, so difficult and while he wasn't exactly looking for pity, he wished at least someone could understand. But none of them would, no one would understand his side to this. He did a terrible thing, undeniably, but he hated the fact that his side was going to be left untouched, misunderstood, and soon forgotten. He told Karkat he didn't kill without a reason, and he meant it. Even if he explained his side, he figured, it wouldn't change anything, wouldn't make anything more understandable. Even if, he thought, it undeniably should have.]

[It was all so aggravating, and he was glad that he was going to get time alone to sort out his thoughts. Because? He really needed to.]