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Well, here's yet another depressing entry into my mind..
I feel like I'm trapped again. Sort of like I did when I was a teenager, only I feel like suicide isn't an option. Which, ironically, is driving me even closer to it I think. I say that because I feel the black hole feeling in my chest, eating away at my sanity.. just one moment at a time. I think I get a foot hold, and I slip even further when I'm ( Read more... ) -
Crisis Hotline
The real fear is when I start pushing everyone away. Sure sign I'm spiraling again. . . And yet I don't care. I guess that might mean I'm worse than I thought. And I'm pushing everyone away who isn't walking away on their own. Most people jump on the chance... The way out. I think that's the part that hurts the most. The fact that when offered a ( Read more... ) -
In Order To Let Go...
One must first remove all reminders from sight. ...Who am I kidding? I'm no expert at moving on, or forgetting my feelings. In fact, in order to recall certain events, I must remember how I felt.. so that I can remember what caused that emotion, and then everything around that event.
There are so many thoughts rushing around in my head. I ( Read more... ) -
A Moment of Clarity
Sometimes we have a moment of clarity, and in that moment, our lives seem to change. Today I had one that I've had a million times, but it always speaks so loudly to me.. I think because I don't know how to change it. I realized, "Why did you leave me for him, when he's such a jerk?" has an incredibly simple answer, that no one wants to hear. ( Read more... ) -
Best. Dream. Ever!!!!
I dreamt my cousin Alyssa, her boyfriend and I robbed a bank. We split the money and we were all *rich.* I was listening to my grandma talk her her mom, and they thought she was quitting her job because she was on drugs. but they were starting to put two and two together, and they were getting "you know, they think kids bobbed that bank.." so I ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
dread. that's what I feel now. it's drowning me. something very unpleasant is about to happen, and it's going to make me very sad. I have an idea what, but I'll wait until it happens to see, so I don't jinx it by putting it into words now. I hope I'm wrong. if not.. I will live. however, the amount of dread I'm being swallowed by surprises me. if I ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Last night I had a dream that I was at a school function, but it was a fancy dinner and I was dressed beautifully there was dinner. other people ordered your meal and you sampled expensive food. someone ordered me cheesecake but I didn't know who so I chased down our waitress to ask privately. then I went into the bathroom to blow my nose (for some ( Read more... ) -
November 9th 2011
last night I had a dream...
I was driving a red sports car. not sure what kind, but it was nice. not the car I actually own in real life. my sister and I were supposed to be meeting up, but I realized I was being followed. so I drove straight past her like I didn't even know her. then I drove away from my house, parked and went into a public place ( Read more... ) -
Spider
brainZ: go ( Read more... ) -
You can't can't comprehend... my massive intellect.
CommanderKeen: you just cant comprehend
CommanderKeen: my massive intellect
brainZ: LOL
brainZ: ok.
CommanderKeen: anyways
CommanderKeen: shut up for a sec
brainZ: no you shutup.