It is dawning on me that I may be married to a man who maybe would identify as asexual if we explore this further ... so I may be back with questions - yes, I will add vague as a middle name
Thanks so much for an interesting, and information-filled post. I have only recently begun hearing/reading about asexuality, but the orientation, in all its multiple interpretations, makes a lot of sense to me. We're human - of course there are going to be people who fall on the asexual section of the broad human spectrum! In fact, I've been sort of kicking myself for not consciously realizing that asexuality is an active orientation. So, yeah, thanks!
My only question, I think, is to ask you how you came to understand yourself as asexual. Was it something you intrinsically felt, even as a child? Was it a journey, where you weren't initially sure of your nature, or perhaps mistakenly self-identified as something else? What was the final piece in the puzzle for you, the thing that made everything click together in your head, and made you go "Ah, I understand now!"?
Well, no, as I child I didn't think about it much--no one expects yo to be sexual when you're a child. As I got older, I kept waiting for those feelings people were talking about to "kick in"--for a while, I thought I must be a "late bloomer."
As I continued to get older and nothing much happened, I went through a phase where I though there must be something wrong with me. (Everyone else was doing it!) I'd vaguely heard of asexuality, but I always assumed I didn't "qualify" for that because (TMI ALERT!) of certain things I do when I'm by myself, if you catch the drift.
Then one day, I finally read up on the topic, and realized that THAT has nothing to do with it and the asexual orientation fit my experience perfectly. So I finally realized I wasn't screwed-up, just asexual. That was my big "Aha!" moment. *g*
I'm glad you're ace. it's cool seeing another asexual in fanficrants *w* one thing that's a bummer about being ace is only coming across other asexuals in asexual communities. 'course, most of us don't exactly go around bragging that we're aces, so who knows~ x3
re: queer. I had always heard it described as anything that didn't fit into mainstream heterosexual orientations, but now I'm just going to use the QUILTBAG acronym since it's specifically inclusive and I've never much liked the term queer as a catch-all anyway, since older gays have had it used as slurs against them.
Good point--it doesn't often come up in conversation. Part of the reason for this post, actually--it was never really something I kept secret, but a lot of people just don't know because there'd never been occasion to tell them. So I seized this day. :)
QUILTBAG actually came up during the wankfest--and some of the haters quite forcefully pointed out that the A stands for "allies," not "asexuals." *eyeroll*
I think everyone just has to decide for themselves how they want to identify and not let others dictate one's identity.
I feel like all the smart things have already been said, so that leaves me with the "Well, DUH" questions: I know recent brain research showed that sexual orientation is in fact hardwired - do you think it's the same for asexuals? I know this scrapes very close to the "Lesbians just haven't met the right man yet" arguments, but I'm really just curious
Yes, I think so. I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone, I'm not sick, I was never molested (the "classic" reply aces often get when outing themselves--"You don't want sex? OMG, where you raped?" "No. I'm not scared of sex. Just not interested.") I think I was just born that way just as much as I believe other people are born straight or gay or bi.
(And actually, it's makes sense, from a symmetry point of view: heterosexual--opposite; homosexual--same; bisexual--both; asexual--neither. Makes a much more even pattern.)
Yep. (TMI ALERT!) Or, well, it depends on how you define sex. *g* I've actually had two threesomes! (I don't do thinks halfway. ;) ) But there was no vaginal or anal intercourse. But plenty of kissing, and stroking, and oral sex, and pretty much anything but actual penis-in-opening
( ... )
I gotta say (or second) that your sexy fic is even *more* impressive now that I know you're asexual. Keep up the awesome work!
Also, oh man, asexual wank is the saddest thing ever. I kind of expect less douchebaggery from the queer community, but I guess people will defend their not-normalcy from perceived outsiders just as ferociously as normal people, or something. I'm glad you're comfortable with yourself and don't let the bastards get you down.
Question, if you don't mind: what was it like, for you, to watch Captain Jack Harkness be omnisexual all over the place? Was it obnoxious, or gross, or an interesting other-cultural experience to look at and learn about?
Yeah, the wank was really depressing, but I'm getting over it. :)
I love watching Jack. He's charming, he's funny. I have no problem with sex, I have no problem with Jack liking sex, I just don't share that interest. :) And I'm always interested in learning about sex and sexuals. If one lives on an alien planet, it's important to study the habits of the natives! ;)
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It is dawning on me that I may be married to a man who maybe would identify as asexual if we explore this further ... so I may be back with questions - yes, I will add vague as a middle name
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Feel free to ask. :) I also have a helpful link, because AVEN has information on everything: http://www.asexuality.org/home/relationship.html#fs1
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Thanks, I'll have to talk to him but it seems to kinda make sense and thanks for the link
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My only question, I think, is to ask you how you came to understand yourself as asexual. Was it something you intrinsically felt, even as a child? Was it a journey, where you weren't initially sure of your nature, or perhaps mistakenly self-identified as something else? What was the final piece in the puzzle for you, the thing that made everything click together in your head, and made you go "Ah, I understand now!"?
Teh Wank ... WTF? I don't even ....
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As I continued to get older and nothing much happened, I went through a phase where I though there must be something wrong with me. (Everyone else was doing it!) I'd vaguely heard of asexuality, but I always assumed I didn't "qualify" for that because (TMI ALERT!) of certain things I do when I'm by myself, if you catch the drift.
Then one day, I finally read up on the topic, and realized that THAT has nothing to do with it and the asexual orientation fit my experience perfectly. So I finally realized I wasn't screwed-up, just asexual. That was my big "Aha!" moment. *g*
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re: queer. I had always heard it described as anything that didn't fit into mainstream heterosexual orientations, but now I'm just going to use the QUILTBAG acronym since it's specifically inclusive and I've never much liked the term queer as a catch-all anyway, since older gays have had it used as slurs against them.
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QUILTBAG actually came up during the wankfest--and some of the haters quite forcefully pointed out that the A stands for "allies," not "asexuals." *eyeroll*
I think everyone just has to decide for themselves how they want to identify and not let others dictate one's identity.
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(And actually, it's makes sense, from a symmetry point of view: heterosexual--opposite; homosexual--same; bisexual--both; asexual--neither. Makes a much more even pattern.)
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Have you ever tried sex at all?
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Also, oh man, asexual wank is the saddest thing ever. I kind of expect less douchebaggery from the queer community, but I guess people will defend their not-normalcy from perceived outsiders just as ferociously as normal people, or something. I'm glad you're comfortable with yourself and don't let the bastards get you down.
Question, if you don't mind: what was it like, for you, to watch Captain Jack Harkness be omnisexual all over the place? Was it obnoxious, or gross, or an interesting other-cultural experience to look at and learn about?
Reply
Yeah, the wank was really depressing, but I'm getting over it. :)
I love watching Jack. He's charming, he's funny. I have no problem with sex, I have no problem with Jack liking sex, I just don't share that interest. :) And I'm always interested in learning about sex and sexuals. If one lives on an alien planet, it's important to study the habits of the natives! ;)
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