[blog] An Announcement to YamaP
This is a translation of a blog written by a 20-something year old male.
A note from watchful21: Warning: This is a funny commentary. Do not read this "literally".
I hate YamaP (Yamapi).
Suddenly writing something like this would definitely cause the 130 million YamaP fans in the country
to not believe their own eyes and then burn with extraordinary rage against me.
They'd probably be holding crowbar-like blunt instruments or something with a sharp blade like a knife
on the other side of the monitor with shoulders trembling in fury.
Imagining you all like that makes me incredibly afraid.
But it's not like I'm saying this as a joke.
It's true that I can't deny I've had negative feelings towards YamaP these past few years.
But it wasn't something that could be clearly labeled as "hate,"
if I had to say, it was something more vague, like, "I don't like him too much."
But now, my feeling of hate is definite against YamaP.
As soon as my eyes and ears recognize the presence of the person Yamashita Tomohisa it makes me feel awfully imbalanced.
My eyes become bloodshot, my heart pounds, and my teeth grind against each other making an unpleasant sound, as if the lid to hell was being opened.
I am not one to hold negative feelings towards others,
but why have I fallen into this state for this particular case?
It is because of none other than the drama that started this week, "Buzzer Beat - Gakeppuchi no Hero." [t/n, Hero on a Cliff Edge]
This drama is broadcast on Mondays from 9 o'clock, what's usually referred to as a Getsu9 [t/n, getsu = mon, ku = 9],
and Getsu9 dramas typically incorporate modern society's trends before anywhere else,
resulting in an absorbing story with developments easily accepted by all,
especially popular amongst young men and women, as you all well know already.
In addition to the famous cast, the theme song is by the rock duo Japan is proud of to the world,
Inaba Koushi + Matsumoto Takahiro of B'z, and of course it is the focus of attention.
And so this drama which should inherently gain ratings of more than 50%
was of course not overlooked by my wife (24 years old) who loves TV so much that people say she was a TV in her previous life,
and further, because we recently got a new SONY BRAVIA (40 in.) TV,
the infatuation she had towards the TV grew even more,
and by the time I realized, even I, who rarely watches dramas,
found myself watching along with my wife.
And when I saw Yamashita Tomohisa in this drama, I fully realized this.
I hate this man.
First and foremost, I don't like his looks.
Eyes retaining a childlike innocence, yet a profile that projects an image of a fearless manliness.
Further, his hair with a gently flowing perm, and a voice that reaches the heart.
No, how sexy can you get, I say.
How seducing can you get, I say.
I don't even have that kind of interest.
Anyway, as expected of the leader of NEWS, as expected an awesome face... and of course my heart was not at peace,
have that face say "10-byou charge" at you, [t/n, weider in jelly CM]
even I'd want to keep 2 hours though totally unnecessary. [t/n, one weider in jelly is supposed to sustain you for two hours... i think 8D?]
Like this, seeing him makes me waste money, so that's why I hate him.
Just because of that? You're overreacting... I know many of you have just thought this.
However! This isn't it. There are more reasons. This was something that happened in the first episode of the drama.
This drama is a youth story drama that integrates YamaP's love life and his passion for basketball at a higher order (prediction),
so there are lots of scenes where he plays basketball in the story.
And of course playing basketball in this season causes sweat. Total sweat all over.
And so there are scenes where YamaP takes showers and takes bathes in the drama as well,
and when I saw YamaP's body, I was surprised.
YamaP, was super macho.
If I were able to weave out words like Hemmingway,
if I were able to describe the sight like Murakami Haruki,
then I'd be able to accurately convey the surprise I felt to you.
But I'm no Hemmingway, let alone Murakami Haruki,
all I am is a blogger writing a diary while my wife is out to work on a Saturday morning,
and I am unable to convey the surprise, how buff YamaP's muscles were, the shine, the amount of muscle.
I find this very unfortunate.
But YamaP's muscles are really nothing half-hearted, from what his face looks like, I'd thought he'd be of a delicate build
but when he went shirtless he was amazing, the typical "I'm a sight when I'm naked" type.
I didn't ever want to say this about a man, but he was that amazing.
The volume of his muscles was just right, the firmness was comparable to that of a top class athlete,
and his boobs were way bigger than your random idol. Practically made me salivate.
Before I knew it, and despite of my wife being there, this is what I shouted in front of the TV.
"Nice bulk!"
I've started to really work out since last year,
you can read about it in my diary at the end of last year in the Kouhaku Utagasen entries [t/n, famous end of the year music show],
but this was exactly why I immediately knew how much effort was needed to obtain these kinds of muscles.
YamaP must have worked out day in and day out in order to become the type of guy that fit Johnny-san's likings.
And he attained it. That massive body.
This fact irritates me to no end.
He so easily gained something I want so bad.
I work out as much as possible. But I am forever meager-looking.
I'm so meager-looking that if some random grade schooler drew a picture of me, the parents of the kid would ask "Is this a bean sprout?"
And in his lofty way, because YamaP is a talent he used his financial powers and things to
so easily obtain those muscles.
It's not like I want something impossible! I just, just wanted a piece of muscle!
But I could not even find that, whilest YamaP found his.
This is such an unfair thing.
He has a perfect face already, and on top of that he's now got a perfect body,
all you need now is a perfect di*k and nothing will be able to beat you...
And because I feel this jealousy-like resentment towards him, I hate YamaP.
But the real reason I hate him is because when I had a conversation with my wife after watching the drama,
my wife said "YamaP's so good looking, YamaP," swaying her boobs and with eyes of a girl in love.
"But YamaP probably plays it cool in real life too, so it's probably no fun being with him. I don't see him laughing much in variety shows and stuff, so."
This was the comment, which is probably enough reason for YamaP fans to attack me on dark streets, that I responded with,
but she says "But that would still be better than a husband that just reads books all day at home,"
A reply that would make all bookworms want to go to the Aokigahara forests was what I received, and this might be the real reason.
[t/n, aokigahara, forests at base of Mt. Fuji where lots of people go to commit suicide]
Anyway, I hate Yamashita Tomohisa.
And I wish. The next time I'm born, I want to be YamaP too.
[Thank you to enshinge for this translation and my friend for showing me the original blog.]
**Please do not repost this translation**
(crossposted to watchful21)
A note from watchful21: Warning: This is a funny commentary. Do not read this "literally".
I hate YamaP (Yamapi).
Suddenly writing something like this would definitely cause the 130 million YamaP fans in the country
to not believe their own eyes and then burn with extraordinary rage against me.
They'd probably be holding crowbar-like blunt instruments or something with a sharp blade like a knife
on the other side of the monitor with shoulders trembling in fury.
Imagining you all like that makes me incredibly afraid.
But it's not like I'm saying this as a joke.
It's true that I can't deny I've had negative feelings towards YamaP these past few years.
But it wasn't something that could be clearly labeled as "hate,"
if I had to say, it was something more vague, like, "I don't like him too much."
But now, my feeling of hate is definite against YamaP.
As soon as my eyes and ears recognize the presence of the person Yamashita Tomohisa it makes me feel awfully imbalanced.
My eyes become bloodshot, my heart pounds, and my teeth grind against each other making an unpleasant sound, as if the lid to hell was being opened.
I am not one to hold negative feelings towards others,
but why have I fallen into this state for this particular case?
It is because of none other than the drama that started this week, "Buzzer Beat - Gakeppuchi no Hero." [t/n, Hero on a Cliff Edge]
This drama is broadcast on Mondays from 9 o'clock, what's usually referred to as a Getsu9 [t/n, getsu = mon, ku = 9],
and Getsu9 dramas typically incorporate modern society's trends before anywhere else,
resulting in an absorbing story with developments easily accepted by all,
especially popular amongst young men and women, as you all well know already.
In addition to the famous cast, the theme song is by the rock duo Japan is proud of to the world,
Inaba Koushi + Matsumoto Takahiro of B'z, and of course it is the focus of attention.
And so this drama which should inherently gain ratings of more than 50%
was of course not overlooked by my wife (24 years old) who loves TV so much that people say she was a TV in her previous life,
and further, because we recently got a new SONY BRAVIA (40 in.) TV,
the infatuation she had towards the TV grew even more,
and by the time I realized, even I, who rarely watches dramas,
found myself watching along with my wife.
And when I saw Yamashita Tomohisa in this drama, I fully realized this.
I hate this man.
First and foremost, I don't like his looks.
Eyes retaining a childlike innocence, yet a profile that projects an image of a fearless manliness.
Further, his hair with a gently flowing perm, and a voice that reaches the heart.
No, how sexy can you get, I say.
How seducing can you get, I say.
I don't even have that kind of interest.
Anyway, as expected of the leader of NEWS, as expected an awesome face... and of course my heart was not at peace,
have that face say "10-byou charge" at you, [t/n, weider in jelly CM]
even I'd want to keep 2 hours though totally unnecessary. [t/n, one weider in jelly is supposed to sustain you for two hours... i think 8D?]
Like this, seeing him makes me waste money, so that's why I hate him.
Just because of that? You're overreacting... I know many of you have just thought this.
However! This isn't it. There are more reasons. This was something that happened in the first episode of the drama.
This drama is a youth story drama that integrates YamaP's love life and his passion for basketball at a higher order (prediction),
so there are lots of scenes where he plays basketball in the story.
And of course playing basketball in this season causes sweat. Total sweat all over.
And so there are scenes where YamaP takes showers and takes bathes in the drama as well,
and when I saw YamaP's body, I was surprised.
YamaP, was super macho.
If I were able to weave out words like Hemmingway,
if I were able to describe the sight like Murakami Haruki,
then I'd be able to accurately convey the surprise I felt to you.
But I'm no Hemmingway, let alone Murakami Haruki,
all I am is a blogger writing a diary while my wife is out to work on a Saturday morning,
and I am unable to convey the surprise, how buff YamaP's muscles were, the shine, the amount of muscle.
I find this very unfortunate.
But YamaP's muscles are really nothing half-hearted, from what his face looks like, I'd thought he'd be of a delicate build
but when he went shirtless he was amazing, the typical "I'm a sight when I'm naked" type.
I didn't ever want to say this about a man, but he was that amazing.
The volume of his muscles was just right, the firmness was comparable to that of a top class athlete,
and his boobs were way bigger than your random idol. Practically made me salivate.
Before I knew it, and despite of my wife being there, this is what I shouted in front of the TV.
"Nice bulk!"
I've started to really work out since last year,
you can read about it in my diary at the end of last year in the Kouhaku Utagasen entries [t/n, famous end of the year music show],
but this was exactly why I immediately knew how much effort was needed to obtain these kinds of muscles.
YamaP must have worked out day in and day out in order to become the type of guy that fit Johnny-san's likings.
And he attained it. That massive body.
This fact irritates me to no end.
He so easily gained something I want so bad.
I work out as much as possible. But I am forever meager-looking.
I'm so meager-looking that if some random grade schooler drew a picture of me, the parents of the kid would ask "Is this a bean sprout?"
And in his lofty way, because YamaP is a talent he used his financial powers and things to
so easily obtain those muscles.
It's not like I want something impossible! I just, just wanted a piece of muscle!
But I could not even find that, whilest YamaP found his.
This is such an unfair thing.
He has a perfect face already, and on top of that he's now got a perfect body,
all you need now is a perfect di*k and nothing will be able to beat you...
And because I feel this jealousy-like resentment towards him, I hate YamaP.
But the real reason I hate him is because when I had a conversation with my wife after watching the drama,
my wife said "YamaP's so good looking, YamaP," swaying her boobs and with eyes of a girl in love.
"But YamaP probably plays it cool in real life too, so it's probably no fun being with him. I don't see him laughing much in variety shows and stuff, so."
This was the comment, which is probably enough reason for YamaP fans to attack me on dark streets, that I responded with,
but she says "But that would still be better than a husband that just reads books all day at home,"
A reply that would make all bookworms want to go to the Aokigahara forests was what I received, and this might be the real reason.
[t/n, aokigahara, forests at base of Mt. Fuji where lots of people go to commit suicide]
Anyway, I hate Yamashita Tomohisa.
And I wish. The next time I'm born, I want to be YamaP too.
[Thank you to enshinge for this translation and my friend for showing me the original blog.]
**Please do not repost this translation**
(crossposted to watchful21)