Not the Time (Part 9/11?)
Prologue | One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten A |
Ten B | Ten C | Eleven | Conclusion
Not the Time (Part Nine)
Chloe eased her grip on the steering wheel of Lois’s red convertible as she pulled into a parking space in front of her dorm. Closing her eyes, she raked a hand through her short blond hair, leaning back in the seat.
Lois had tried to insist on driving her back to Metropolis, not wanting her to make the three hour trip alone after everything that had happened in the last few days. But Chloe had assured her that she was fine, she just needed some time alone to clear her head.
The conversation with Clark hours ago had been more than a tad emotional and confusing. If her cousin had known about that, she definitely wouldn’t have let Chloe make the drive alone. She opened her eyes and looked at herself in the rearview mirror. Her face was still paler than usual, her blue eyes cloudy as her mind drifted involuntarily back to that afternoon.
“So what do you say?” he whispered.
Chloe stared at him, not sure what to say. The idea was so appealing to her heart, it took all of the willpower she had not to throw her arms around him and tell him there wasn’t anything she wanted more than a family with him. Her mind, on the other hand, found the idea entirely preposterous. Clark didn’t love her, he never had and he never would. She wasn’t Alicia Baker. And she sure as hell wasn’t Lana Lang.
Trust didn’t equal love, and neither did friendship. How could she let herself get sucked into a relationship with someone who simply felt obligated to help her because of who he was? True, a big part of why she loved him so much was his selfless nature, his willingness to do whatever it took to help the people he cared about. There was no doubt in her mind Clark cared about her. But she wasn’t kidding when she told him she wouldn’t be his rebound girl. She wouldn’t settle for second best. A few years ago she might have, but she’d been through too much to fall that far from self-respect and give in, no matter how much she might want to.
“No,” she whispered back, her heart aching worse than it ever had before.
His face fell, his eyes watering and for a moment she wondered if she’d done the right thing.
No, she thought. She was doing the right thing. She wouldn’t settle and she wouldn’t let him settle either. Not when she knew in his heart he would always want the dark haired beauty who was currently infatuated with a certain bald-headed billionaire. She couldn’t, wouldn’t spend her life wondering if he felt trapped by her, by this child. She wouldn’t risk her heart again.
“I’m sorry, Clark,” she murmured, not entirely sure why she was apologizing.
He didn’t answer, simply stared at the wall just above her head.
She moved to get her suitcase, quickly stuffing the rest of her clothes inside and zipping it up.
“You don’t have to go.” His voice was quiet, albeit a little flat.
“Actually, I do.” She didn’t look at him, picking up her bag. “I’ll be staying with Lois if you need anything.” Chloe hesitated a moment at the door, turning to glance at him as he stood unmoving, faced in the opposite direction where she couldn’t see his tears. “Bye, Clark.”
“You okay, Miss?”
She flinched, jolted from her mind’s instant replay by the voice of the security guard standing beside her car. “Yeah…I’m fine.” Drawing in a breath, she forced a smile and stepped out of the car, heading toward the dorm.
She barely recalled the elevator ride or the walk down the hall, though she nodded to a couple of her neighboring dorm-mates as she numbly pulled the keys from her coat pocket and started to unlock the door, only to find it was already unlocked. Frowning, she stepped inside. “Lana? Are you here?”
“Not for long.” The other girl’s voice was clipped, distant.
Chloe paused just inside the doorway, closing the door behind her. “I think we need to talk.”
“We have nothing left to talk about.” Lana was busily stuffing her suitcases with clothes from her closet.
She sighed softly, then tossed her purse onto her bed. “Look, Lana, I know you think what you heard before, but--”
Lana turned to look at Chloe. “So you’re not pregnant?” Her eyebrows were raised.
Chloe couldn’t help but feel cornered by the bluntness of the question, by the cold look in Lana‘s usually warm eyes. “Yes, I am,” she admitted. “But--”
“So how long have you and Clark been going out behind my back?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”
“Well, I heard you tell Lois you were about six weeks along…Clark and I haven’t been broken up for that long.”
Something occurred to her and her reporter instincts took over. “Wait…how the hell long were you in the barn before you spoke up anyway?”
“Long enough.”
“So your new hobby is eavesdropping on your friends?” Chloe demanded.
“I guess I learned from the best,” Lana retorted, glaring at her.
Her eyes darkened. “I don’t eavesdrop on you.”
Lana actually laughed.
“Contrary to popular belief, I have my own life and I don’t need to obsess over Lana Lang like the entire male population of Smallville,” Chloe snapped. “So get over yourself.”
“Get over myself?” Lana shook her head, her hands on her hips. “I’ve been a good friend to you even though most of the time you didn’t deserve it. You always wanted Clark and me to break up so you could have a shot with him. You were never really my friend and you proved it over and over again.”
“I was never…” She shook her head in disbelief. “Yeah, I’ve been such a horrible friend to you, Lana. Asking my dad if you could move in with us so you didn’t have to change schools, listening to you go on and on about Clark and how much you loved him even though you knew how I felt about him, letting you move into my dorm room so you could go to college at the last minute. God, I’m such a bad friend!”
“You don’t get it do you? Clark and I broke up because of you!”
Chloe stared at her in disbelief. “What?”
Her eyes were dark, full of anger and she took a step toward Chloe. “No matter what was going on, you’re the one he went to, not me. For whatever reason he trusts you more than he does me, and that’s why I broke up with him, Chloe. Because of you!”
Guilt washed over her momentarily, but she shoved it away. No way was she going to let Lana pin this whole thing on her. No way in hell. “It’s not my fault that Clark doesn’t trust you,” she said harshly. “But you’ve sure as hell given him plenty reason not to. You weren’t broken up two weeks and you were going out with Lex Luthor, of all people! So don’t pretend that this is my fault when you only have yourself to blame!”
“Maybe if you weren’t always around, things would have been different,” Lana said every bit as harshly, causing Chloe to flinch.
“And the truth comes out,” she said, her voice flat.
“Excuse me?”
“You’ve wanted me out of the picture from the beginning. You never wanted to be my friend. You were just keeping me close so I wouldn’t try to take Clark from you.” The sudden realization stung deeply.
“Like you could have.” Lana glared at her.
“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” Chloe murmured.
“Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You know as well as I do if Clark had ever shown any interest in you, you would’ve betrayed me in a second and gone after him, Chloe. Stop acting so innocent.”
“You know what’s ironic? You never really loved Clark at all.” She shook her head. “You just wanted him because you didn’t wanna be alone. You don’t know what love is.”
“And you do?”
“Yeah. I do. Love is letting someone go so they can be happy. Letting them be happy even if it’s not with you. Even if you don’t ever get what you want, all that’s important is that the person you love does.” Chloe’s voice was quiet, serious. “It’s not making that person miserable and second-guessing them all the time. If you’d ever really loved Clark, you wouldn’t have jumped to the next available warm body time after time,” she finished harshly.
Lana’s eyes widened and her hand raised to slap Chloe’s cheek, but Chloe caught her wrist and stopped her.
“I trusted you, Lana. I thought of you like a sister and I thought you felt the same. Obviously I was wrong.” She let go of the other girl’s arm and moved to get her purse off the bed.
“You’re pretty self-righteous for someone who had sex with your ‘sister’s’ ex-boyfriend while they were still dating,” Lana snapped.
Chloe turned to face her quickly, and started to reply when a sharp pain in her abdomen made her double over, a faint cry escaping her lips as she pressed a hand to her stomach.
“Chloe?” The anger was gone from Lana’s voice in a split second and she quickly moved to the blonde’s side. “Are you okay?”
She winced, feeling ill. “Need to sit down,” she whispered and Lana quickly helped her ease herself onto the edge of her bed.
Looking worried, Lana moved to the phone. “I think I should get you to the hospital.”
Chloe didn’t argue as another sharp, stabbing pain racked her body, causing tears to form in her eyes. Oh God, what’s happening?
Ten B | Ten C | Eleven | Conclusion
Not the Time (Part Nine)
Chloe eased her grip on the steering wheel of Lois’s red convertible as she pulled into a parking space in front of her dorm. Closing her eyes, she raked a hand through her short blond hair, leaning back in the seat.
Lois had tried to insist on driving her back to Metropolis, not wanting her to make the three hour trip alone after everything that had happened in the last few days. But Chloe had assured her that she was fine, she just needed some time alone to clear her head.
The conversation with Clark hours ago had been more than a tad emotional and confusing. If her cousin had known about that, she definitely wouldn’t have let Chloe make the drive alone. She opened her eyes and looked at herself in the rearview mirror. Her face was still paler than usual, her blue eyes cloudy as her mind drifted involuntarily back to that afternoon.
“So what do you say?” he whispered.
Chloe stared at him, not sure what to say. The idea was so appealing to her heart, it took all of the willpower she had not to throw her arms around him and tell him there wasn’t anything she wanted more than a family with him. Her mind, on the other hand, found the idea entirely preposterous. Clark didn’t love her, he never had and he never would. She wasn’t Alicia Baker. And she sure as hell wasn’t Lana Lang.
Trust didn’t equal love, and neither did friendship. How could she let herself get sucked into a relationship with someone who simply felt obligated to help her because of who he was? True, a big part of why she loved him so much was his selfless nature, his willingness to do whatever it took to help the people he cared about. There was no doubt in her mind Clark cared about her. But she wasn’t kidding when she told him she wouldn’t be his rebound girl. She wouldn’t settle for second best. A few years ago she might have, but she’d been through too much to fall that far from self-respect and give in, no matter how much she might want to.
“No,” she whispered back, her heart aching worse than it ever had before.
His face fell, his eyes watering and for a moment she wondered if she’d done the right thing.
No, she thought. She was doing the right thing. She wouldn’t settle and she wouldn’t let him settle either. Not when she knew in his heart he would always want the dark haired beauty who was currently infatuated with a certain bald-headed billionaire. She couldn’t, wouldn’t spend her life wondering if he felt trapped by her, by this child. She wouldn’t risk her heart again.
“I’m sorry, Clark,” she murmured, not entirely sure why she was apologizing.
He didn’t answer, simply stared at the wall just above her head.
She moved to get her suitcase, quickly stuffing the rest of her clothes inside and zipping it up.
“You don’t have to go.” His voice was quiet, albeit a little flat.
“Actually, I do.” She didn’t look at him, picking up her bag. “I’ll be staying with Lois if you need anything.” Chloe hesitated a moment at the door, turning to glance at him as he stood unmoving, faced in the opposite direction where she couldn’t see his tears. “Bye, Clark.”
“You okay, Miss?”
She flinched, jolted from her mind’s instant replay by the voice of the security guard standing beside her car. “Yeah…I’m fine.” Drawing in a breath, she forced a smile and stepped out of the car, heading toward the dorm.
She barely recalled the elevator ride or the walk down the hall, though she nodded to a couple of her neighboring dorm-mates as she numbly pulled the keys from her coat pocket and started to unlock the door, only to find it was already unlocked. Frowning, she stepped inside. “Lana? Are you here?”
“Not for long.” The other girl’s voice was clipped, distant.
Chloe paused just inside the doorway, closing the door behind her. “I think we need to talk.”
“We have nothing left to talk about.” Lana was busily stuffing her suitcases with clothes from her closet.
She sighed softly, then tossed her purse onto her bed. “Look, Lana, I know you think what you heard before, but--”
Lana turned to look at Chloe. “So you’re not pregnant?” Her eyebrows were raised.
Chloe couldn’t help but feel cornered by the bluntness of the question, by the cold look in Lana‘s usually warm eyes. “Yes, I am,” she admitted. “But--”
“So how long have you and Clark been going out behind my back?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”
“Well, I heard you tell Lois you were about six weeks along…Clark and I haven’t been broken up for that long.”
Something occurred to her and her reporter instincts took over. “Wait…how the hell long were you in the barn before you spoke up anyway?”
“Long enough.”
“So your new hobby is eavesdropping on your friends?” Chloe demanded.
“I guess I learned from the best,” Lana retorted, glaring at her.
Her eyes darkened. “I don’t eavesdrop on you.”
Lana actually laughed.
“Contrary to popular belief, I have my own life and I don’t need to obsess over Lana Lang like the entire male population of Smallville,” Chloe snapped. “So get over yourself.”
“Get over myself?” Lana shook her head, her hands on her hips. “I’ve been a good friend to you even though most of the time you didn’t deserve it. You always wanted Clark and me to break up so you could have a shot with him. You were never really my friend and you proved it over and over again.”
“I was never…” She shook her head in disbelief. “Yeah, I’ve been such a horrible friend to you, Lana. Asking my dad if you could move in with us so you didn’t have to change schools, listening to you go on and on about Clark and how much you loved him even though you knew how I felt about him, letting you move into my dorm room so you could go to college at the last minute. God, I’m such a bad friend!”
“You don’t get it do you? Clark and I broke up because of you!”
Chloe stared at her in disbelief. “What?”
Her eyes were dark, full of anger and she took a step toward Chloe. “No matter what was going on, you’re the one he went to, not me. For whatever reason he trusts you more than he does me, and that’s why I broke up with him, Chloe. Because of you!”
Guilt washed over her momentarily, but she shoved it away. No way was she going to let Lana pin this whole thing on her. No way in hell. “It’s not my fault that Clark doesn’t trust you,” she said harshly. “But you’ve sure as hell given him plenty reason not to. You weren’t broken up two weeks and you were going out with Lex Luthor, of all people! So don’t pretend that this is my fault when you only have yourself to blame!”
“Maybe if you weren’t always around, things would have been different,” Lana said every bit as harshly, causing Chloe to flinch.
“And the truth comes out,” she said, her voice flat.
“Excuse me?”
“You’ve wanted me out of the picture from the beginning. You never wanted to be my friend. You were just keeping me close so I wouldn’t try to take Clark from you.” The sudden realization stung deeply.
“Like you could have.” Lana glared at her.
“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” Chloe murmured.
“Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You know as well as I do if Clark had ever shown any interest in you, you would’ve betrayed me in a second and gone after him, Chloe. Stop acting so innocent.”
“You know what’s ironic? You never really loved Clark at all.” She shook her head. “You just wanted him because you didn’t wanna be alone. You don’t know what love is.”
“And you do?”
“Yeah. I do. Love is letting someone go so they can be happy. Letting them be happy even if it’s not with you. Even if you don’t ever get what you want, all that’s important is that the person you love does.” Chloe’s voice was quiet, serious. “It’s not making that person miserable and second-guessing them all the time. If you’d ever really loved Clark, you wouldn’t have jumped to the next available warm body time after time,” she finished harshly.
Lana’s eyes widened and her hand raised to slap Chloe’s cheek, but Chloe caught her wrist and stopped her.
“I trusted you, Lana. I thought of you like a sister and I thought you felt the same. Obviously I was wrong.” She let go of the other girl’s arm and moved to get her purse off the bed.
“You’re pretty self-righteous for someone who had sex with your ‘sister’s’ ex-boyfriend while they were still dating,” Lana snapped.
Chloe turned to face her quickly, and started to reply when a sharp pain in her abdomen made her double over, a faint cry escaping her lips as she pressed a hand to her stomach.
“Chloe?” The anger was gone from Lana’s voice in a split second and she quickly moved to the blonde’s side. “Are you okay?”
She winced, feeling ill. “Need to sit down,” she whispered and Lana quickly helped her ease herself onto the edge of her bed.
Looking worried, Lana moved to the phone. “I think I should get you to the hospital.”
Chloe didn’t argue as another sharp, stabbing pain racked her body, causing tears to form in her eyes. Oh God, what’s happening?