Comments | xsleepdeprived: (без темы)

xsleepdeprived

(Untitled)

Mar 03, 2005 21:39

Didn't make anything in the musical, musical revue, or play. Tomorrow better be better. I wrote a vignette for my English projectthing we have to do...I'll cut it.

( Englishproject vignette, about when Michael met 'Dante'. It's not really Dante, he's actually based on a boy at school, but I mention Dante in later vignettes, so I thought it would be cool if this vignette happened to be Michael meeting Dante. )

Comments 1

The longest comment ever. Er, I tried to keep it short? earthward March 3 2005, 20:49:14 UTC

Umm this was verygood. I don't like commenting in comments unless specific commenty things spring to mind, but as I have no other options *martyred sigh* haha ^_^;; I like your writing style with the run together "justcheese" and the hostesses name, and just the voice you have in your narration. It's very distinctive which was the point of your assignment I believe? Well you win. Yayy. Very neat and smooth, begins nicely, ends nicely without a sense of "oh shit this is getting too long!", which is hard to do in vignettes, jumps you in right off and eases you out gently. Your narrator was well done too, she didn't jump in and take over the piece, but you got a good sense of her feelings, character, and friendship with Michael in certain sentences. Showing not telling= madrad haha. Overall well done and enjoyable to read *thumbs up ( ... )