the finest day I ever had

[xshilox]

I think I’m finally losing it. Blame it all you want on hormones, but there’s something wrong with me. I’ve been suicidal since the age of eight. There’s nothing normal about this. I can’t control these emotions much longer. I fear I am going to snap. So many vicious words and unsaid retorts that I could have said. Soon, soon they’re all going to

Comments

[righteous_twist]

Please don't throw in the towel. I barely know you, but your individuality, intelligence, and amazing personality jumped right out at me through your photos on adayinmylife. I wanted to be your friend immeidiately. I can tell that you are a wonderful person! Please don't forget this.

I went through something similar a few years ago, and after finally telling my parents they got me some couselling. It did wonders, and I have never been happier.

Please feel free to email me any time. ♥ (flailing.csi.freak (at) gmail (dot) com)

[hauntingdream]

From reading your post, there are certainly sentences there that tell me that you can write.

It seems to me that you need to find help. Some things in life one can simply not go through alone.

I didn't realize that we are fighting the same disease.

[abstractlife]

I am so sorry that this has to be a part of your experience of life. It is and will be the hardest thing you go through. Sometimes it seems like it will never get better. And sometimes it seems that you are just hurting everyone around you and they would be better off without you. The fact is that, that isn't true....cause without you, they would have to deal with the pain of losing you. And the pain you are feeling now, is the pain they would feel if they lost you. So you have to ask yourself if you want the people around you to feel that kind of pain. It's not easy, it's not fun....and unfortunately you will probably fuck a lot of things up along the way. (My whole experience with your brother is a great example of that. Me fucking things up, I mean

[planetcaptain]

I'm sure he would remember you and other complete strangers are always here for you to talk to, me for example.

I recently started seeing a counsellor as I've had some issues I've been carrying round for pretty much forever. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I did it and I'm so very glad that I did. Even after just the first session everything felt so much better. Just speaking to a stranger about everything that was in my head was amazing.

Life is hard but there is help out there, you just need to ask for it. I would never have gone to counselling if someone who was pretty much a stranger at the time gave me the push I needed.

You are not alone and never will be, just remember that. Everything you said rang a bell with me and I know how you feel. I'm always here if you just want to talk about anything or everything or nothing.

[it_grrl]

From someone who has been under the bell jar before, I can promise you it gets better. At our age, we've got a long time to sort everything out, decades and decades to be happy in, all we have to do is get through this part.
Find someone you feel comfortable talking to and talk to them. A parent, a friend, a mental health professional, whoever. I agree, with planetcaptain, talking to someone about this stuff is a massive relief, and saying it out loud, you sometimes get a new perspective on things.
If you want to talk, my email is (it.grrl @ gmail.com).