Title: untitled Pairing: suho centric, dad!suho/kid!kai, eventual slight krisho Rating: PG-13 Genre: slice of life Length: ~4k for now, will be around 7k when everything is done? Summary/Warnings: Junmyeon gets a surprise on Christmas
(I'm sorry it took me this long to actually leave a comment u.u)
First of all, kid!Kai is all kinds of cute oh god this killed me: His face is all scrunched up and his eyes are shining with unshed tears which Junmyeon presumes comes from the fear of not being able to find him after he wakes up. and I like how you wrote Junmyeon's character, he seems like the type of guy who's okay with kids but doesn't know he could actually be a great dad and I'm pretty excited to see if I'm right about that, hehe. (also omfgudhuiwtdc;; PAPA)
There are a few grammatical errors here and there but judging from a large portion of the fic I'd guess they're simply typos you can easily correct~ I also noticed that you spelled it as boss' instead of boss's, and that there were times you capitalized the next letter after a comma during a dialogue (eg. "Don't cry," A sleepy looking boy reaches out to Jongin) so just letting you know
( ... )
thank you for your help (: i'll take note of them when i re-edit the fic! (:
kid kai killed me too when i was writing him
to be honest, i've so many versions of the ending that i don't really know which one i should proceed with. but i hope it'll be something that you'll like! (:
First of all I would like to say that the Junmyeon/Jongin interactions are adorable!! You could really see Jongin beginning to warm up to Junmyeon. The events in the story also show the development of their familial bond :>
Grammar-wise, it could use some revision. Contractions could probably be used in place of “cannot”, “are not” etc. because for the tone of the fic, which is pretty casual, the expanded forms seem a bit too formal. There are some subject-verb and verb tense disagreements also. (ex. “bones … is digging”; “while Junmyeon continuously worry”).
(lol the rest of this review is just me spazzing i just noticed)
there’s sekai friendship and maybe future krisho too?? yes
“You are my papa right?” “Do you want me to be?” OMG SO CUTE I CAN’T
“You can probably use him as bait to attract a potential partner.” Baek pls
this fic is so cute?????? i'm looking forward to seeing what happens next!
Comments 3
First of all, kid!Kai is all kinds of cute oh god this killed me:
His face is all scrunched up and his eyes are shining with unshed tears which Junmyeon presumes comes from the fear of not being able to find him after he wakes up.
and I like how you wrote Junmyeon's character, he seems like the type of guy who's okay with kids but doesn't know he could actually be a great dad and I'm pretty excited to see if I'm right about that, hehe. (also omfgudhuiwtdc;; PAPA)
There are a few grammatical errors here and there but judging from a large portion of the fic I'd guess they're simply typos you can easily correct~ I also noticed that you spelled it as boss' instead of boss's, and that there were times you capitalized the next letter after a comma during a dialogue (eg. "Don't cry," A sleepy looking boy reaches out to Jongin) so just letting you know ( ... )
Reply
kid kai killed me too when i was writing him
to be honest, i've so many versions of the ending that i don't really know which one i should proceed with. but i hope it'll be something that you'll like! (:
Reply
Grammar-wise, it could use some revision. Contractions could probably be used in place of “cannot”, “are not” etc. because for the tone of the fic, which is pretty casual, the expanded forms seem a bit too formal. There are some subject-verb and verb tense disagreements also. (ex. “bones … is digging”; “while Junmyeon continuously worry”).
(lol the rest of this review is just me spazzing i just noticed)
there’s sekai friendship and maybe future krisho too?? yes
“You are my papa right?” “Do you want me to be?” OMG SO CUTE I CAN’T
“You can probably use him as bait to attract a potential partner.” Baek pls
this fic is so cute?????? i'm looking forward to seeing what happens next!
Reply
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