The Hidden Law of Probable Outcomes (3/?)
Title: The Hidden Law of Probable Outcomes (3/?)
Author: Christmas Pterodactyl
Rating: PG-13/R
Word count: Part 3: 4,551 words
Disclaimer: The author makes no claims of ownership to any material that may be recognized by the public.
Spoilers: Through the end of Season 2
Summary: What if…the events of the Pistol Patty’s Paintball Pandemonium had been a result of an entirely different set of choices and actions.
Author’s Notes: Catching up with the rest of the Study Group. They have been active, after all. Setting up for the big showdown.
Part 1 Part 2
Diamonds are Money for This Art
Troy and Britta were speechless. There had been neither hide nor hair of Jeff and Annie through most of the night. They’d heard the beginnings of another fight when they were gearing up and packing as many weapons as they could in several bags. But an hour later, after leaving instructions with Craig Pelton on their base of operations, they’d started having doubts on two’s chances of survival.
“Where the hell have you been?! We’ve been hiding all night from those psychos, and you go waltzing off. Abed might as well put a notch in the Classic Winger tally.” Britta punched him the arm, with no response from Winger. He looked around the trashed Anthropology class room, taking in everything. His mind was in lawyer mode, analyzing every detail, planning everything.
“I need a map.” He was monotone. His concentration intensified by the anger he felt towards Steven Spreck. It was becoming clear that Spreck was taking things to the next level. This wasn’t about a joke of a space simulator, or a debate that ended with his and Annie’s first kiss. This was an obsession that City College’s dean needed to be broken of. Abed was already drawing a map on the chalk board.
“I apologize that this isn’t to scale.” Jeff’s was deep in thought as he observed the younger man finish a crude, albeit detailed, sketch.
“What’s that?” Jeff pointed to the object in the center of the quad.
“The Death Star.” Troy replied solemnly.
Winger’s eyebrow rose. “That’s a little exaggerated….”
“It’s true. Chang got sprayed hard by that thing. It’s inside an ice cream truck. Pistol Patty came packing.” More students were circling the survivors of the study group. “They’ve got stormtroopers too.”
“Yeah, we met. I owe a few of them a civil suit.”
“Where were you anyway?” Britta spoke up. “…and where’s Annie?” Jeff looked into Britta’s eyes for a brief moment, and then turned back to the map. The wheels in his mind were turning again, he was feeling more and more like his old self, the part that thrilled at planning the downfall of an opponent. It was an old feeling he’d not felt in a while. And it felt pretty damn good.
“Chalk?” He said aloud, and instantly someone handed him the utensil. A plan was coming together. And it was enough to get him where he needed to go with little trouble. “Abed, gather up a group of your best shooters and place them on the roofs.” Jeff marked the corners of several buildings surrounding the superweapon. “Everyone else, split into teams and flank the truck. Our best chance at beating them is taking that gun out.”
Troy bristled, Britta was just as unenthusiastic. “So you’re automatically the leader now.”
“Troy, I don’t volunteer as the leader, it’s normally thrust upon me, which I take and abuse as much as I can.” The blonde scoffed.
“What’s stopping you?”
“My damned conscience.” Jeff turned back to the map.
“That’s certainly a first.”
Jeff looked at Abed, disregarding the Odd Couple. “Whatever. Can you give me a diversion?”
“You’re not thinking of actually going out there by yourself, are you?” Britta cocked her head, her face scrunched up in surprise once more.
“You’ll need backup.”
Barnes nodded in sudden understanding, it was a guy thing. “No backup. I…have to do this on my own.”
“Jeff, we all care about Annie, but you can’t do this alone, its suicide.”
“Thanks Britta, your support just warms my heart.” Jeff threw the chalk away. Turning towards the remaining students, he improvised a speech he’d modified from their time in the failed Simulator. “Look, this is our campus. I’ll say it again, no one but us has the right to mess up or mess with our school. They look down on us; they despise us because we have something they’ll never have. We accept each other for who we are, and we’re stronger than these douche bags realize. They want to come on our turf, and expect us to lie down and take it?”
Crickets literally did chirp, and all he got from the remaining student body was blank, confused stares.
Shaking his head, he sighed. “Uh, yeah…you’re supposed to answer in a loud voice ‘no.’ Forget it. Abed, Troy, take care of business.” Jeff started out the door. The remaining three study group members looked at each other, and then Britta huffed and followed the tall man.
___________
“Hey, what about me? You think because I’m a woman I can’t lead a motley band of rebels?”
He wasn’t speed walking, but Perry found she was having trouble keeping up with his long strides. “Britta, I don’t have time for this. This isn’t about you or equality, or shit like that.”
“Then tell me what it’s about. Because you’re douchiness is getting on everyone’s nerves.” He stopped and whipped around to face her.
“Spreck tried to make a deal with Annie once. In a moment of weakness, she almost sold us out.”
“Annie wouldn’t do that.”
Winger retorted. “Do you not remember our ride in the Winnebago?”
“I meant she wouldn’t do it again.”
“She’s been captured by him. He’s lied already about the ice cream company. He’s ging to again.”
“Oh just say it already.” She huffed, crossing her arms and getting snippy.
“What do you want me to say?”
“That you think you’re the only one who can save her.”
“I’d do this for anyone, and you know it.”
“Pierce is right. You two should just do it and get it over with.” She did her sarcastic gasp, feigning complete surprise. “Jeff, do you love Annie?”
“Don’t push it Squirrel….”
“Then why are you taking this so personally?!”
“I was just like Spreck at one point in time. I’d do anything to win. I know how he thinks. And it’s easier for me to sneak in and out.” The worst part was that Britta knew Jeff was right.
“Anything else?”
“I lo…love her. God I hate you sometimes.”
Unexpectedly, and somewhat out of character, Britta hugged him. He was surprised more than anything. “Then bring her home Jeff. And trust her, she won’t turn on us.” When she let go, she kept her gaze on him.
“You sure you don’t want back up, man?” Troy walked up behind Britta, joining the two in the hallway. He’d taken off the tan colored shirt, sporting a sleeveless undershirt and carrying one of the green blaster pistols.
“They need you three for the big push.”
“We’ll clear out the admin building with a diversion, and hold up in the library. If you need to fall back, the rally point is Fort Hawthorne. And there’s a weapons cache in your closet.” Abed was behind him, having slunk in behind them.
“Troy, when you get a chance, put a bell on him.”
“My father tried that. He forgot I had opposable thumbs. I brought you something.” Nadir handed two small spheres to Winger. “Paint grenades. Pull the pin and run.” Abed’s head tilted to the side. “It’s dangerous to go alone Jeff.”
“I know Abed… if I don’t make it back, take care of everyone. Win it for us.” Jeff puts hand on Abed’s shoulder and the other on Troy’s. “Troy, you’re in charge. The odds are against us guys.”
“Never tell me the odds.” Abed rarely smiled but he was completing the Han Solo persona he took on. Jeff smirked at the thought. For the tall geek, it was a dream come true. “May the Force be with you Jeff Winger.”
“See ya on the other side.” And he was gone again. The three watched him round the corner, and then turned to plan their final gambit against the thugs from City College.
Attention Greendale Students, this is Dean Spreck. I have taken control of Greendale Community College. Your college will not be harmed, but you will surrender your weapons and give up this foolish resistance, and we will leave your school. Any resistance will be crushed. I am also placing a bounty on the head of Jeff Winger. I will reward you five thousand dollars for his capture. That is all.
___________
Jeff was under fire, again. He’d already taken down two fire teams that roamed the various buildings. The Social Sciences building alone had been a travesty, where professional paintballers fell to the akimbo-style Winger was becoming more and more proficient at. When he was done with this madness, Jeff vowed to himself that he’d keep the gun and put small notches into it for every kill he made this weekend. He’d avoided the other teams as much as possible. Stealth had never been a strong point, but the darkened halls were a godsend when your enemy was wearing white suits.
But he was running now, not by choice. Skipping through buildings, he was avoiding the super weapon as much as possible. And with the announcement of the bounty on his head, things had gone from bad to worse. He dared not show his face in the courtyard, or near any large groups. The temptation for the weary Greendalians, he guessed, would be too much. Jeff wasn’t stupid, and on occasion, he could play it safe.
The muscle bound lugs had been lying in wait in the Gym building. He hadn’t expected seeing the Steroid Brigade after the debacle that was the 2009 Holiday Battle. It was three on one though, and the odds weren’t in his favor. The whole time, he’d heard the lead idiot taunting him.
“Come on big head, come on out and play!”
“Why don’t you guys go back to the gym and…find more reasons to shrink those brains of yours!” Winger popped out from cover and blasted one with a shot to the shoulder. It was the female body builder that Britta had taken on last year. He wondered if Perry would have enjoyed the kill. He was back under cover just as quickly, hearing the splats of paint against his refuge.
“That the best you got forehead!”
“Not when I’m outnumbered.” Jeff mumbles to himself.
“Bird head isn’t going to save you now! Come on out and we’ll get my money!” Mike and his crony were approaching the makeshift barricade, flanking Winger. With only seconds to spare, both guns were reloaded and Jeff was ready to face his end, guns blazing. He was mentally kicking himself about this.
“Hey nancy boys!” A new voice, a British voice, and a couple pops of a paint blaster rang out. Jeff poked his head up and watched Mike turn around. The figure in the distance shot again at the bully, hitting him in the forehead with a blue paintball, his cohort already taken out of the game.
Winger heard the clomping of shoes, and the figure that appeared was already given away by his accent. “Duncan.”
“You Yanks know how to have a good time, don’t you?”
“I appreciate the save. Didn’t know professors were allowed in the game.”
“Jeff, I, like all educators will be an eternal student; we are constantly learning.”
“You rehearse that in the mirror everything Duncan?” Jeff snarked in retort.
“Shut up Winger. Come along. My office is nearby.”
___________
They both sat down in front of Duncan’s desk, Jeff on the couch, Ian in a chair. The respite was nice, and Jeff had honestly not been here since the ‘episode’ that Abed had in December. “Redecorated?”
“Wouldn’t be a proper office without the flag of my countrymen.”
“Yeah, sure. Look, Duncan, have you seen anything in the admin building?”
“You mean other than the white clad stormtroopers and the occasional student scavenger, and let’s not forget a campus ruined by an ice cream company? No, nothing of the sort is strange here, just another day at lovely Greendale Community College.”
“And you haven’t seen the Idiot Dean around?”
“Man does like his Dalmatians.”
“Agreed.”
“No, he’s been missing ever since your looting of the paintball supplies. Brilliant idea by the way.” Jeff was silent. “Winger, I know we’ve had our disagreements, but I want to help you win this. Just think how you and I can split $100,000.” Duncan steepled his fingers.
“It’s already spoken for.”
“Ah, the sarcastic blonde and the crazy kid? Winger, we go back several years. You and me, we’re mates.”
“Duncan, I got you off on a technicality with a load of bullshit about. And you gave me a ream of paper when I asked for test answers. Way I see it, you still owe me. And let’s not even talk about what you were going to do to Abed.”
“So you’d split it with the busty brunette? Do you honestly think you can save her?” Warning bells went off. Jeff’s hand tightened around the blaster at his side.
“That’s my plan.”
“You’re one man. I know you’re a loner; your tendency is to take the solo approach. I’m wondering why you’re even thinking about this course of action. Ms. Edison would want you to win.”
“You’re absolutely right Duncan. She would. Thing is, I didn’t say a word about rescuing her.” Duncan paled for a moment. Then, out of arrogance, Ian started the slow clap. Why was everyone being a smartass today?
“Good show Mr. Winger. Now,” he pulled the gun from his lap and aimed at Jeff. “We’re going to take a trip to the Dean’s office.”
“You think Spreck’s going to actually GIVE you money?”
“He’s good for it. Now let’s go see the good Dean.”
“Yeah, that’ll be over my dead body.”
“That’s the idea. I’ve been looking forward to this since Christmas.”
“I’ll bet you have.”
Jeff shot first.
“What the hell Winger.”
“Deal with it. Now where is she!” Jeff was towering over Ian Duncan, the barrel of the blaster two feet from the professor’s face.
“I don’t know! They said something about the library. Please, just don’t hit the Union Jack!” Winger patented grin appeared.
He shot Ian in the chest.
“Are you quite done you lunatic?”
“Sorry for the mess.” Jeff chuckled as he left the office.
___________
Troy and Britta had hunkered down behind the bushes on the outskirts of the courtyard. Jeff’s speech had inspired the masses enough that, while they would fail and receive no money, they still had enough pride in their school to take down some City College Invaders. The truck itself was covered by enough guards that any frontal assault would be futile. Troopers had been patrolling the grounds more frequently then before , and Britta cringed. The patrols had increased in the last several hours, and this one proved that Spreck was getting smarter. The two person team was meandering about, taking their time.
“You hear Spreck’s announcement?”
“Yeah, that Winger guy’s a hot item.”
“I met that guy once.”
“I heard he was some sort of douche.”
“I heard he took down the Black Rider team though earlier this morning.”
“Frank’s team?”
“Yeah.” Britta was sick and tired of the chit-chat, and decided now was the time for action. Slowly raising the pistol, she was about to pop over the hedge bush when a twig snapped. “What was that?” Troy rose up and shot them both, then ducked back down.
“That was so close.”
“That stick wasn’t there a second ago.”
Troy dismissed it. “Blue team, fan out. Pick your shots.”
___________
He’d successfully traveled from the building housing Duncan’s ‘painted corpse,’ into the library building again. He was creeping slowly along the walls, when the science room caught his eye. Leave it to Greendale to have ONE functional lab space. He entered to find it pristine, a series of ropes hanging over the ceiling and down to a pegboard wall with cans attached. Each was labeled to different parts of the building. The work area nearby was meticulously clean, and a familiar backpack was under the table, along with a box of unloaded pistols.
“What did you create here Annie?” He looked around the room. The table was an island of calm in a sea of chaos. The room had been a casualty of a small skirmish, colors everywhere, graffiti on the blackboard. He could see the battle play out in his mind. Annie, determined to hold up, in her long dress with hair pinned up. There was a table with no gas hookup overturned, paint splashes all over. Intermittent splotches around the perimeter. He saw the tattered remnants of the long dress she’d worn, smiling briefly to himself about seeing her the first time wearing the short black bloomers. His eyes wandered across the room. And that’s when he spotted a clamp on a rod used to hold beakers over the Bunsen burners. The clamp held a small piece of paper, which he carefully unclipped and unfolded.
Jeff,
I know what you’re thinking right now. I know that you’re going to come after me, to rescue me. Demons run when a good man goes to war.
You’re that good man.
Please trust me,
Annie
“I remember.” Abed made Jeff watch some British show once, about some tweed jacket fool who wore a stupid bowtie, and only one thing stuck with him. Annie had watched with him. And that a roman soldier scoured the galaxy for his wife.
Trust me. He heard in his head.
Winger sat down on the stool she’d had set up. He was so damn tired of this; so damn tired of this school, of the game, but not of Annie. His thoughts turned to her, something that over the last several months happened again and again. He couldn’t leave her though. He couldn’t let Spreck have any control over her. It maddened him that she would allow her capture. Jeff had seen her fighting last night. She knew she could have escaped at any time. What she’d done was keep him paint free and in the game through the night. And maybe, maybe she had plotted this. The scenarios playing out in his head were starting to give him a stress headache. Annie just had to be so damn infuriating. But he knew what he had to do. Her message was coded. His Annie was smart.
And he’d never admit to Abed that he thought Tennant was a better Doctor.
“Look! There’s one over there.” Jeff was snapped out of his thoughts, falling backwards as paintballs flew, pelting and shattering beakers. Jeff had one of the golden guns out already and started shooting while diving to the floor. Ducking behind the overturned table, next to Annie’s dress, he pulled the gold twin of his blaster and fired in retort. His first salvo went wide to the left of the first gunman. Hiding again, he heard the whirring of their automated weapons firing another salvo. Running out of options, he saw a tray next to him, and a plan came to mind.
“Come out Winger, you’re outnumbered.” He flung the tray to the side and lunged out the opposite direction. Both troopers glanced in the direction of the clatter. Jeff’s aim was true this time. Three blue splotches on two torsos.
“You’re one lucky sonuvabitch Winger.”
“I know.” He holstered his left hand weapon, and left the room.
A good man was going to war.
___________
“Starburns, report!”
“Team Alex is under heavy fire, but we’ve led them out of the administration building. AH! Dammit!” Starburns was out. A new voice came on.
“T-Bone, this is Ducane, we’ve lost half our squad and are falling back to the cafeteria. We’re under heavy fire. We need assistance now-” Britta and Troy heard yelling in the background. “Scatter, scatter!” Then static.
“Ducane, DUCANE!” Troy had his fingers around the mic and was loudly whispering into it. “I’ve lost him. Britta, I’ve killed them all!”
“Snap out of it Troy.” She slapped him. His hand went to his cheek, and that cleared the confusion. They were leaning against a low wall, the super weapon going off in random spurts. He could hear exclamations and explicit words as the remaining student body was slowly being winnowed down. His hurt expression almost broke her heart. “Troy, stay focused. Duca- Neil can take care of himself. He and Abed had a plan, and I know those two can keep themselves and others alive. We need you here and now.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be this way.”
“I know. I’m sorry I slapped you.”
“It’s cool, Abed would have done the same thing.”
___________
“Totally drop your weapon.”
Turning the corner of the hallway, Jeff stopped as guns were pointed at his chest by five girls in Greendale Cheerleading uniforms. An interesting fact about Greendale Community College is that many of the cheerleaders were normal human beings, albeit rather attractive ones. It offset the horrendous nature of their sports teams. Granted, they weren’t very coordinated. They weren’t very bright either.
“Jeff Winger, you are hereby ordered into custody of the Greendale Cheerleading Squad, and will be escorted to Dean Spreck.” He didn’t recognize a single one of them. And with the heat he was packing, he could probably dive out of the way and take at least two out before the initial shock wore off.
“Yeah, that isn’t happening.”
Of the day’s annoyances, the cheer squad had grown brainstems. “Like, you don’t get a choice in the matter. And we know you don’t like paint on those clothes, so just give up.” They were right about the paint on clothing.
“How about you teeny boppers pry it from my cold dead hands.” He tightened his grip on the paint blaster. Jeff didn’t want a standoff, but when it came down to it, he didn’t care enough anymore. He’d tear the school apart for Annie. Winger was ready to spring; he would not be taken down by this clique.
Something flicked into his field of vision, and the gold blaster was yanked out of hand suddenly. He barely had time to pull his hand back from the snap. His left hand went to his hip to draw the other but the hammers cocking on five revolvers stopped him cold. He turned around to see a sixth girl in hooded cloak, holding his firearm, pointing it at Jeff’s head.
“Don’t make this harder than it is.” He knew that voice, and it shouldn’t have surprised him. Heart sinking yes, surprise no. “Squad, fall in line, keep him guarded at all times.” Jeff relinquished the second blaster to a redhead in a tight outfit, and felt the barrel of another jabbing him in his back. He grunted. It wasn’t worth the escape attempt for now. And he had to see how this was going to play out. The smaller woman in the cape and cowl lowered her hood, brown hair cascading down. She betrayed no emotion.
“Why?” Annie wouldn’t turn her head, wouldn’t look into his eyes.
“I’ve made a deal to keep Greendale safe.”
“And the cheerleaders?”
“My personal guard.”
“I thought there were ten on the cheer team.” He turned to her. She kept looking straight ahead.
“Some of them didn’t like the change in leadership. They are no longer a concern.”
“You don’t have to do this.”
“This is what I want Jeff.”
“But this isn’t you.”
“It’s too late for me.”
“Then where are you taking me.”
“To my new dean.” Jeff stopped suddenly and turned to Annie. She in turn swiveled her head, looking up at him. He thought for a moment, his mind playing every scenario possible. Her eyes were cold, harder than any other time he’d looked at them. And in an instant, he knew exactly what had happened.
“Please tell me you didn’t.”
“It’s already done. I go to City College, Dean Spreck will stop his assault on Greendale. It’s for the best.”
“You don’t honestly believe that.”
“I had no choice.”
“Oh give me a break. You always have a choice.”
“Move scumbag.” One of the cheer squad pushed him forward, despite his larger frame. He would have to play along for now.
“Alright, alright.”
“Take the prisoner to the dean’s waiting area, I will be along momentarily.”
“Yes Mistress.” The head cheerleader walked off with the prisoner, leaving Annie alone in her thoughts. Looking down at the golden gun in her hand, she started her end game.
___________
“The bomb is ready. Setting the timer now.” Troy and Britta had snuck up to the ice cream truck. Defeating the guards had been luck and a matter of Abed’s sniper teams helping along the way.
“You think this will work?”
“Uh, doy. If Spreck says that you can’t get paint on you, then coating this thing with the paint in this bomb will take care of this thing.”
“But are you sure?” Britta looked at him with a grimace.
“Trust me.” Memories of Chang’s laughter floated back into her head, and a sneer crossed her face. Pellets suddenly splattered against the sides of the truckand both lunged behind it. “Crap!” Troy looked at her, confused. “I was just about to hit the button.” He returned fire, hoping a few pellets shot from above would take out another guard. The coverage from the teams on the buildings was becoming less dependent from ten minutes ago.
“Can you reach it?”
“No.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes!” He lunged forward, shooting wildly as he swung around into the truck’s back. The detonator was in his hand when suddenly his arm was splashed with blue paint.
“TROY!” Britta took down the last guard and kept shooting until the clip ran dry, then sat next to him as he leaned against the truck.
“It’s okay, I thought I was gonna make it this time.”
“At least it wasn’t the Glee Club…”
“FREEZE!” Five guns were pointed at the couple. Troy looked into Britta’s eyes, and then motioned to the dead man’s switch. She took his hand as other guards formed around them.
“I so love you right now.” Troy said. She never liked hearing those words, Britta had never found love before. But Troy was too naïve, too innocent to not mean it, despite his wanting to be a ‘player.’ She knew it was sincere. It wasn’t a spur of the moment thought that just blurted out of his mouth, like many things. He’d changed, matured, and she liked that.
“I know.” She leaned in and kissed him as both pressed the detonator.
Green paint exploded, taking the inside of the van, the two Greendale students, and the surrounding guards.
Paint in my hair this time is totally worth it. She thought to herself.
___________
Abed looked down at his friends in the quad, their mission and ‘happy ever after’ completed. He felt good about it. Over the last several months, after Troy saying he fell into Britta during the KFC Simulator Incident. It was uncustomary for him to smile so much, but he was in a good mood. He may not have been Han Solo, and maybe no one would remember Wedge Antilles, but he still played an important part.
“Freeze!” He dropped the gun and put his hands up slowly. “You rebel scum.”
“Strike me down, and I’ll come back more powerful then you can ever imagine.”
“Whatever kid.”
Pop. Pop.
___________
Author: Christmas Pterodactyl
Rating: PG-13/R
Word count: Part 3: 4,551 words
Disclaimer: The author makes no claims of ownership to any material that may be recognized by the public.
Spoilers: Through the end of Season 2
Summary: What if…the events of the Pistol Patty’s Paintball Pandemonium had been a result of an entirely different set of choices and actions.
Author’s Notes: Catching up with the rest of the Study Group. They have been active, after all. Setting up for the big showdown.
Part 1 Part 2
Diamonds are Money for This Art
Troy and Britta were speechless. There had been neither hide nor hair of Jeff and Annie through most of the night. They’d heard the beginnings of another fight when they were gearing up and packing as many weapons as they could in several bags. But an hour later, after leaving instructions with Craig Pelton on their base of operations, they’d started having doubts on two’s chances of survival.
“Where the hell have you been?! We’ve been hiding all night from those psychos, and you go waltzing off. Abed might as well put a notch in the Classic Winger tally.” Britta punched him the arm, with no response from Winger. He looked around the trashed Anthropology class room, taking in everything. His mind was in lawyer mode, analyzing every detail, planning everything.
“I need a map.” He was monotone. His concentration intensified by the anger he felt towards Steven Spreck. It was becoming clear that Spreck was taking things to the next level. This wasn’t about a joke of a space simulator, or a debate that ended with his and Annie’s first kiss. This was an obsession that City College’s dean needed to be broken of. Abed was already drawing a map on the chalk board.
“I apologize that this isn’t to scale.” Jeff’s was deep in thought as he observed the younger man finish a crude, albeit detailed, sketch.
“What’s that?” Jeff pointed to the object in the center of the quad.
“The Death Star.” Troy replied solemnly.
Winger’s eyebrow rose. “That’s a little exaggerated….”
“It’s true. Chang got sprayed hard by that thing. It’s inside an ice cream truck. Pistol Patty came packing.” More students were circling the survivors of the study group. “They’ve got stormtroopers too.”
“Yeah, we met. I owe a few of them a civil suit.”
“Where were you anyway?” Britta spoke up. “…and where’s Annie?” Jeff looked into Britta’s eyes for a brief moment, and then turned back to the map. The wheels in his mind were turning again, he was feeling more and more like his old self, the part that thrilled at planning the downfall of an opponent. It was an old feeling he’d not felt in a while. And it felt pretty damn good.
“Chalk?” He said aloud, and instantly someone handed him the utensil. A plan was coming together. And it was enough to get him where he needed to go with little trouble. “Abed, gather up a group of your best shooters and place them on the roofs.” Jeff marked the corners of several buildings surrounding the superweapon. “Everyone else, split into teams and flank the truck. Our best chance at beating them is taking that gun out.”
Troy bristled, Britta was just as unenthusiastic. “So you’re automatically the leader now.”
“Troy, I don’t volunteer as the leader, it’s normally thrust upon me, which I take and abuse as much as I can.” The blonde scoffed.
“What’s stopping you?”
“My damned conscience.” Jeff turned back to the map.
“That’s certainly a first.”
Jeff looked at Abed, disregarding the Odd Couple. “Whatever. Can you give me a diversion?”
“You’re not thinking of actually going out there by yourself, are you?” Britta cocked her head, her face scrunched up in surprise once more.
“You’ll need backup.”
Barnes nodded in sudden understanding, it was a guy thing. “No backup. I…have to do this on my own.”
“Jeff, we all care about Annie, but you can’t do this alone, its suicide.”
“Thanks Britta, your support just warms my heart.” Jeff threw the chalk away. Turning towards the remaining students, he improvised a speech he’d modified from their time in the failed Simulator. “Look, this is our campus. I’ll say it again, no one but us has the right to mess up or mess with our school. They look down on us; they despise us because we have something they’ll never have. We accept each other for who we are, and we’re stronger than these douche bags realize. They want to come on our turf, and expect us to lie down and take it?”
Crickets literally did chirp, and all he got from the remaining student body was blank, confused stares.
Shaking his head, he sighed. “Uh, yeah…you’re supposed to answer in a loud voice ‘no.’ Forget it. Abed, Troy, take care of business.” Jeff started out the door. The remaining three study group members looked at each other, and then Britta huffed and followed the tall man.
___________
“Hey, what about me? You think because I’m a woman I can’t lead a motley band of rebels?”
He wasn’t speed walking, but Perry found she was having trouble keeping up with his long strides. “Britta, I don’t have time for this. This isn’t about you or equality, or shit like that.”
“Then tell me what it’s about. Because you’re douchiness is getting on everyone’s nerves.” He stopped and whipped around to face her.
“Spreck tried to make a deal with Annie once. In a moment of weakness, she almost sold us out.”
“Annie wouldn’t do that.”
Winger retorted. “Do you not remember our ride in the Winnebago?”
“I meant she wouldn’t do it again.”
“She’s been captured by him. He’s lied already about the ice cream company. He’s ging to again.”
“Oh just say it already.” She huffed, crossing her arms and getting snippy.
“What do you want me to say?”
“That you think you’re the only one who can save her.”
“I’d do this for anyone, and you know it.”
“Pierce is right. You two should just do it and get it over with.” She did her sarcastic gasp, feigning complete surprise. “Jeff, do you love Annie?”
“Don’t push it Squirrel….”
“Then why are you taking this so personally?!”
“I was just like Spreck at one point in time. I’d do anything to win. I know how he thinks. And it’s easier for me to sneak in and out.” The worst part was that Britta knew Jeff was right.
“Anything else?”
“I lo…love her. God I hate you sometimes.”
Unexpectedly, and somewhat out of character, Britta hugged him. He was surprised more than anything. “Then bring her home Jeff. And trust her, she won’t turn on us.” When she let go, she kept her gaze on him.
“You sure you don’t want back up, man?” Troy walked up behind Britta, joining the two in the hallway. He’d taken off the tan colored shirt, sporting a sleeveless undershirt and carrying one of the green blaster pistols.
“They need you three for the big push.”
“We’ll clear out the admin building with a diversion, and hold up in the library. If you need to fall back, the rally point is Fort Hawthorne. And there’s a weapons cache in your closet.” Abed was behind him, having slunk in behind them.
“Troy, when you get a chance, put a bell on him.”
“My father tried that. He forgot I had opposable thumbs. I brought you something.” Nadir handed two small spheres to Winger. “Paint grenades. Pull the pin and run.” Abed’s head tilted to the side. “It’s dangerous to go alone Jeff.”
“I know Abed… if I don’t make it back, take care of everyone. Win it for us.” Jeff puts hand on Abed’s shoulder and the other on Troy’s. “Troy, you’re in charge. The odds are against us guys.”
“Never tell me the odds.” Abed rarely smiled but he was completing the Han Solo persona he took on. Jeff smirked at the thought. For the tall geek, it was a dream come true. “May the Force be with you Jeff Winger.”
“See ya on the other side.” And he was gone again. The three watched him round the corner, and then turned to plan their final gambit against the thugs from City College.
Attention Greendale Students, this is Dean Spreck. I have taken control of Greendale Community College. Your college will not be harmed, but you will surrender your weapons and give up this foolish resistance, and we will leave your school. Any resistance will be crushed. I am also placing a bounty on the head of Jeff Winger. I will reward you five thousand dollars for his capture. That is all.
___________
Jeff was under fire, again. He’d already taken down two fire teams that roamed the various buildings. The Social Sciences building alone had been a travesty, where professional paintballers fell to the akimbo-style Winger was becoming more and more proficient at. When he was done with this madness, Jeff vowed to himself that he’d keep the gun and put small notches into it for every kill he made this weekend. He’d avoided the other teams as much as possible. Stealth had never been a strong point, but the darkened halls were a godsend when your enemy was wearing white suits.
But he was running now, not by choice. Skipping through buildings, he was avoiding the super weapon as much as possible. And with the announcement of the bounty on his head, things had gone from bad to worse. He dared not show his face in the courtyard, or near any large groups. The temptation for the weary Greendalians, he guessed, would be too much. Jeff wasn’t stupid, and on occasion, he could play it safe.
The muscle bound lugs had been lying in wait in the Gym building. He hadn’t expected seeing the Steroid Brigade after the debacle that was the 2009 Holiday Battle. It was three on one though, and the odds weren’t in his favor. The whole time, he’d heard the lead idiot taunting him.
“Come on big head, come on out and play!”
“Why don’t you guys go back to the gym and…find more reasons to shrink those brains of yours!” Winger popped out from cover and blasted one with a shot to the shoulder. It was the female body builder that Britta had taken on last year. He wondered if Perry would have enjoyed the kill. He was back under cover just as quickly, hearing the splats of paint against his refuge.
“That the best you got forehead!”
“Not when I’m outnumbered.” Jeff mumbles to himself.
“Bird head isn’t going to save you now! Come on out and we’ll get my money!” Mike and his crony were approaching the makeshift barricade, flanking Winger. With only seconds to spare, both guns were reloaded and Jeff was ready to face his end, guns blazing. He was mentally kicking himself about this.
“Hey nancy boys!” A new voice, a British voice, and a couple pops of a paint blaster rang out. Jeff poked his head up and watched Mike turn around. The figure in the distance shot again at the bully, hitting him in the forehead with a blue paintball, his cohort already taken out of the game.
Winger heard the clomping of shoes, and the figure that appeared was already given away by his accent. “Duncan.”
“You Yanks know how to have a good time, don’t you?”
“I appreciate the save. Didn’t know professors were allowed in the game.”
“Jeff, I, like all educators will be an eternal student; we are constantly learning.”
“You rehearse that in the mirror everything Duncan?” Jeff snarked in retort.
“Shut up Winger. Come along. My office is nearby.”
___________
They both sat down in front of Duncan’s desk, Jeff on the couch, Ian in a chair. The respite was nice, and Jeff had honestly not been here since the ‘episode’ that Abed had in December. “Redecorated?”
“Wouldn’t be a proper office without the flag of my countrymen.”
“Yeah, sure. Look, Duncan, have you seen anything in the admin building?”
“You mean other than the white clad stormtroopers and the occasional student scavenger, and let’s not forget a campus ruined by an ice cream company? No, nothing of the sort is strange here, just another day at lovely Greendale Community College.”
“And you haven’t seen the Idiot Dean around?”
“Man does like his Dalmatians.”
“Agreed.”
“No, he’s been missing ever since your looting of the paintball supplies. Brilliant idea by the way.” Jeff was silent. “Winger, I know we’ve had our disagreements, but I want to help you win this. Just think how you and I can split $100,000.” Duncan steepled his fingers.
“It’s already spoken for.”
“Ah, the sarcastic blonde and the crazy kid? Winger, we go back several years. You and me, we’re mates.”
“Duncan, I got you off on a technicality with a load of bullshit about. And you gave me a ream of paper when I asked for test answers. Way I see it, you still owe me. And let’s not even talk about what you were going to do to Abed.”
“So you’d split it with the busty brunette? Do you honestly think you can save her?” Warning bells went off. Jeff’s hand tightened around the blaster at his side.
“That’s my plan.”
“You’re one man. I know you’re a loner; your tendency is to take the solo approach. I’m wondering why you’re even thinking about this course of action. Ms. Edison would want you to win.”
“You’re absolutely right Duncan. She would. Thing is, I didn’t say a word about rescuing her.” Duncan paled for a moment. Then, out of arrogance, Ian started the slow clap. Why was everyone being a smartass today?
“Good show Mr. Winger. Now,” he pulled the gun from his lap and aimed at Jeff. “We’re going to take a trip to the Dean’s office.”
“You think Spreck’s going to actually GIVE you money?”
“He’s good for it. Now let’s go see the good Dean.”
“Yeah, that’ll be over my dead body.”
“That’s the idea. I’ve been looking forward to this since Christmas.”
“I’ll bet you have.”
Jeff shot first.
“What the hell Winger.”
“Deal with it. Now where is she!” Jeff was towering over Ian Duncan, the barrel of the blaster two feet from the professor’s face.
“I don’t know! They said something about the library. Please, just don’t hit the Union Jack!” Winger patented grin appeared.
He shot Ian in the chest.
“Are you quite done you lunatic?”
“Sorry for the mess.” Jeff chuckled as he left the office.
___________
Troy and Britta had hunkered down behind the bushes on the outskirts of the courtyard. Jeff’s speech had inspired the masses enough that, while they would fail and receive no money, they still had enough pride in their school to take down some City College Invaders. The truck itself was covered by enough guards that any frontal assault would be futile. Troopers had been patrolling the grounds more frequently then before , and Britta cringed. The patrols had increased in the last several hours, and this one proved that Spreck was getting smarter. The two person team was meandering about, taking their time.
“You hear Spreck’s announcement?”
“Yeah, that Winger guy’s a hot item.”
“I met that guy once.”
“I heard he was some sort of douche.”
“I heard he took down the Black Rider team though earlier this morning.”
“Frank’s team?”
“Yeah.” Britta was sick and tired of the chit-chat, and decided now was the time for action. Slowly raising the pistol, she was about to pop over the hedge bush when a twig snapped. “What was that?” Troy rose up and shot them both, then ducked back down.
“That was so close.”
“That stick wasn’t there a second ago.”
Troy dismissed it. “Blue team, fan out. Pick your shots.”
___________
He’d successfully traveled from the building housing Duncan’s ‘painted corpse,’ into the library building again. He was creeping slowly along the walls, when the science room caught his eye. Leave it to Greendale to have ONE functional lab space. He entered to find it pristine, a series of ropes hanging over the ceiling and down to a pegboard wall with cans attached. Each was labeled to different parts of the building. The work area nearby was meticulously clean, and a familiar backpack was under the table, along with a box of unloaded pistols.
“What did you create here Annie?” He looked around the room. The table was an island of calm in a sea of chaos. The room had been a casualty of a small skirmish, colors everywhere, graffiti on the blackboard. He could see the battle play out in his mind. Annie, determined to hold up, in her long dress with hair pinned up. There was a table with no gas hookup overturned, paint splashes all over. Intermittent splotches around the perimeter. He saw the tattered remnants of the long dress she’d worn, smiling briefly to himself about seeing her the first time wearing the short black bloomers. His eyes wandered across the room. And that’s when he spotted a clamp on a rod used to hold beakers over the Bunsen burners. The clamp held a small piece of paper, which he carefully unclipped and unfolded.
Jeff,
I know what you’re thinking right now. I know that you’re going to come after me, to rescue me. Demons run when a good man goes to war.
You’re that good man.
Please trust me,
Annie
“I remember.” Abed made Jeff watch some British show once, about some tweed jacket fool who wore a stupid bowtie, and only one thing stuck with him. Annie had watched with him. And that a roman soldier scoured the galaxy for his wife.
Trust me. He heard in his head.
Winger sat down on the stool she’d had set up. He was so damn tired of this; so damn tired of this school, of the game, but not of Annie. His thoughts turned to her, something that over the last several months happened again and again. He couldn’t leave her though. He couldn’t let Spreck have any control over her. It maddened him that she would allow her capture. Jeff had seen her fighting last night. She knew she could have escaped at any time. What she’d done was keep him paint free and in the game through the night. And maybe, maybe she had plotted this. The scenarios playing out in his head were starting to give him a stress headache. Annie just had to be so damn infuriating. But he knew what he had to do. Her message was coded. His Annie was smart.
And he’d never admit to Abed that he thought Tennant was a better Doctor.
“Look! There’s one over there.” Jeff was snapped out of his thoughts, falling backwards as paintballs flew, pelting and shattering beakers. Jeff had one of the golden guns out already and started shooting while diving to the floor. Ducking behind the overturned table, next to Annie’s dress, he pulled the gold twin of his blaster and fired in retort. His first salvo went wide to the left of the first gunman. Hiding again, he heard the whirring of their automated weapons firing another salvo. Running out of options, he saw a tray next to him, and a plan came to mind.
“Come out Winger, you’re outnumbered.” He flung the tray to the side and lunged out the opposite direction. Both troopers glanced in the direction of the clatter. Jeff’s aim was true this time. Three blue splotches on two torsos.
“You’re one lucky sonuvabitch Winger.”
“I know.” He holstered his left hand weapon, and left the room.
A good man was going to war.
___________
“Starburns, report!”
“Team Alex is under heavy fire, but we’ve led them out of the administration building. AH! Dammit!” Starburns was out. A new voice came on.
“T-Bone, this is Ducane, we’ve lost half our squad and are falling back to the cafeteria. We’re under heavy fire. We need assistance now-” Britta and Troy heard yelling in the background. “Scatter, scatter!” Then static.
“Ducane, DUCANE!” Troy had his fingers around the mic and was loudly whispering into it. “I’ve lost him. Britta, I’ve killed them all!”
“Snap out of it Troy.” She slapped him. His hand went to his cheek, and that cleared the confusion. They were leaning against a low wall, the super weapon going off in random spurts. He could hear exclamations and explicit words as the remaining student body was slowly being winnowed down. His hurt expression almost broke her heart. “Troy, stay focused. Duca- Neil can take care of himself. He and Abed had a plan, and I know those two can keep themselves and others alive. We need you here and now.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be this way.”
“I know. I’m sorry I slapped you.”
“It’s cool, Abed would have done the same thing.”
___________
“Totally drop your weapon.”
Turning the corner of the hallway, Jeff stopped as guns were pointed at his chest by five girls in Greendale Cheerleading uniforms. An interesting fact about Greendale Community College is that many of the cheerleaders were normal human beings, albeit rather attractive ones. It offset the horrendous nature of their sports teams. Granted, they weren’t very coordinated. They weren’t very bright either.
“Jeff Winger, you are hereby ordered into custody of the Greendale Cheerleading Squad, and will be escorted to Dean Spreck.” He didn’t recognize a single one of them. And with the heat he was packing, he could probably dive out of the way and take at least two out before the initial shock wore off.
“Yeah, that isn’t happening.”
Of the day’s annoyances, the cheer squad had grown brainstems. “Like, you don’t get a choice in the matter. And we know you don’t like paint on those clothes, so just give up.” They were right about the paint on clothing.
“How about you teeny boppers pry it from my cold dead hands.” He tightened his grip on the paint blaster. Jeff didn’t want a standoff, but when it came down to it, he didn’t care enough anymore. He’d tear the school apart for Annie. Winger was ready to spring; he would not be taken down by this clique.
Something flicked into his field of vision, and the gold blaster was yanked out of hand suddenly. He barely had time to pull his hand back from the snap. His left hand went to his hip to draw the other but the hammers cocking on five revolvers stopped him cold. He turned around to see a sixth girl in hooded cloak, holding his firearm, pointing it at Jeff’s head.
“Don’t make this harder than it is.” He knew that voice, and it shouldn’t have surprised him. Heart sinking yes, surprise no. “Squad, fall in line, keep him guarded at all times.” Jeff relinquished the second blaster to a redhead in a tight outfit, and felt the barrel of another jabbing him in his back. He grunted. It wasn’t worth the escape attempt for now. And he had to see how this was going to play out. The smaller woman in the cape and cowl lowered her hood, brown hair cascading down. She betrayed no emotion.
“Why?” Annie wouldn’t turn her head, wouldn’t look into his eyes.
“I’ve made a deal to keep Greendale safe.”
“And the cheerleaders?”
“My personal guard.”
“I thought there were ten on the cheer team.” He turned to her. She kept looking straight ahead.
“Some of them didn’t like the change in leadership. They are no longer a concern.”
“You don’t have to do this.”
“This is what I want Jeff.”
“But this isn’t you.”
“It’s too late for me.”
“Then where are you taking me.”
“To my new dean.” Jeff stopped suddenly and turned to Annie. She in turn swiveled her head, looking up at him. He thought for a moment, his mind playing every scenario possible. Her eyes were cold, harder than any other time he’d looked at them. And in an instant, he knew exactly what had happened.
“Please tell me you didn’t.”
“It’s already done. I go to City College, Dean Spreck will stop his assault on Greendale. It’s for the best.”
“You don’t honestly believe that.”
“I had no choice.”
“Oh give me a break. You always have a choice.”
“Move scumbag.” One of the cheer squad pushed him forward, despite his larger frame. He would have to play along for now.
“Alright, alright.”
“Take the prisoner to the dean’s waiting area, I will be along momentarily.”
“Yes Mistress.” The head cheerleader walked off with the prisoner, leaving Annie alone in her thoughts. Looking down at the golden gun in her hand, she started her end game.
___________
“The bomb is ready. Setting the timer now.” Troy and Britta had snuck up to the ice cream truck. Defeating the guards had been luck and a matter of Abed’s sniper teams helping along the way.
“You think this will work?”
“Uh, doy. If Spreck says that you can’t get paint on you, then coating this thing with the paint in this bomb will take care of this thing.”
“But are you sure?” Britta looked at him with a grimace.
“Trust me.” Memories of Chang’s laughter floated back into her head, and a sneer crossed her face. Pellets suddenly splattered against the sides of the truckand both lunged behind it. “Crap!” Troy looked at her, confused. “I was just about to hit the button.” He returned fire, hoping a few pellets shot from above would take out another guard. The coverage from the teams on the buildings was becoming less dependent from ten minutes ago.
“Can you reach it?”
“No.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes!” He lunged forward, shooting wildly as he swung around into the truck’s back. The detonator was in his hand when suddenly his arm was splashed with blue paint.
“TROY!” Britta took down the last guard and kept shooting until the clip ran dry, then sat next to him as he leaned against the truck.
“It’s okay, I thought I was gonna make it this time.”
“At least it wasn’t the Glee Club…”
“FREEZE!” Five guns were pointed at the couple. Troy looked into Britta’s eyes, and then motioned to the dead man’s switch. She took his hand as other guards formed around them.
“I so love you right now.” Troy said. She never liked hearing those words, Britta had never found love before. But Troy was too naïve, too innocent to not mean it, despite his wanting to be a ‘player.’ She knew it was sincere. It wasn’t a spur of the moment thought that just blurted out of his mouth, like many things. He’d changed, matured, and she liked that.
“I know.” She leaned in and kissed him as both pressed the detonator.
Green paint exploded, taking the inside of the van, the two Greendale students, and the surrounding guards.
Paint in my hair this time is totally worth it. She thought to herself.
___________
Abed looked down at his friends in the quad, their mission and ‘happy ever after’ completed. He felt good about it. Over the last several months, after Troy saying he fell into Britta during the KFC Simulator Incident. It was uncustomary for him to smile so much, but he was in a good mood. He may not have been Han Solo, and maybe no one would remember Wedge Antilles, but he still played an important part.
“Freeze!” He dropped the gun and put his hands up slowly. “You rebel scum.”
“Strike me down, and I’ll come back more powerful then you can ever imagine.”
“Whatever kid.”
Pop. Pop.
___________