LJ Idol Season 11 Week 1: Resolution
Every night, as Gertrude got ready for bed, her Momma combing out her tangled hair, she thought, "Tomorrow will be the day where I make a friend." She pictured so many different scenarios in her mind in how this could play out for her. She thought about how maybe, finally she'd be invited to play on the monkey bars with the other girls instead of being stuck kicking around the uninflated ball or playing with the dented hula hoop that was left out at recess after the boys took all the good equipment. Sometimes, she imagined striking up a conversation with the girls who were assigned to sit at her table and being able to chime in on all the cool things they were talking about and then they'd invite her to play and come to sleepovers. No one would care that her clothes were dirty and that she had such thick glasses, she'd have friends who loved her for her. Her favorite scenario was that a new girl would move to her school and she'd be assigned to show her around the school and they'd become the best of friends. This way, Gertrude rationalized, by the time they became friends, the new girl wouldn't have time to learn about how everyone called her Dirty Gertie or if she did, because they were friends, she'd come to her defense. For once, she'd love someone to come to her defense. She would tell her Momma about her thoughts as she closed her eyes and Momma would tell her how loving and kind she was and that one day the girls in her class would see it.
Every day, however was a different matter and she'd come running home to Momma crying.
One time she was almost invited to play on the monkey bars. She was so sure it was finally happening that when Sabrina waved at her from her throne on top of the bars, she came running....only to realize when she got there that Sabrina was waving to Melani who was behind her. Sabrina and her friends teased her all that week afterwards. "Ewww, Dirty Gertie actually thought she was going to play with us?" Sabrina scoffed. "No one wants to be your friend Gertrude because no one wants all that dirt to come off on them." Rileigh and Melani jeered. Gertrude bit the inside of her cheek as her older sisters taught her to stop her from crying at that moment but it didn't stop her when she got home and curled up in ball in her room as her momma rubbed her back and told her it was going to be okay.
Her wish for a new girl to be a new friend almost came true one day. A new girl, Lisa, had moved in from out of town and the only seat left in the class was next to Gertrude. Gertrude offered the new girl a small smile and the girl smiled back. But by recess, Sabrina and her crew had gotten to the new girl and the next day Lisa made sure to move her seat as far as she could away from Gertrude. Her Momma told her that she didn't want to be friends with such a mean girl anyways but what did Momma know when Momma had friends and family?
Another time, the girls sitting around her at the lunch table were talking about their new Barbie dolls that they got for their birthdays. Gertrude had begged her momma for a new doll but as usual was told there was no money for a new doll. She did have a hand-me down doll from her sister Mable that she did love but it wasn't shiny and new but a doll is a doll and she could talk dolls. She took a deep breath and broke into the conversation. "I have a doll that I named Bee. I made her a cute dress last night. Do you make dresses for your dolls?"
The girls stared at her in silence for a moment before bursting into laughter. "Do we make dresses? That's why there's stores for that!" Rileigh informed her.
Sabrina nudged Melani and Lisa. "She makes dresses because her parents can't afford to buy her clothes let alone her doll clothes! Gertrude, you should worry about your own clothes before making doll clothes. Is that a hole in your shirt?" Sabrina snickered.
Lisa added, "I bet her doll is as dirty as she is! And I bet her doll has stupid glasses just like her!"
As Gertrude got up tears in her eyes to storm off, she heard Sabrina inform the girls, "I bet her doll is as ugly as she is." Lisa giggled and added, "Her doll probably is missing all of her hair and maybe an arm!"
That night as she got ready for bed, her Momma trying to make some of sense of her tangled hair, she lost herself in her thoughts. "You're awfully quiet tonight. What are you thinking about, darlin'?" Her momma asked her gently.
"Momma, I'm tired of being picked on. I'm tired of being nice and kind and waiting patiently for someone to be my friend. I'm tired of hurting."
"Oh, honey," Momma kissed the top of her head. "Tomorrow will be the day where the girls see how wonderfully amazing and loving you are. It will happen. You'll see." Gertrude didn't answer as she got under the covers. "Good night, darlin'. Think happy thoughts."
"Good night, Momma," Gertrude replied absently. She knew differently though. Tomorrow was not going to be the day where she made a friend. That day would never come. Tomorrow was going to be the day she stopped playing with the deflated ball and broken toys and figure out how to push Sabrina off the monkey bars without getting caught. Even better if she could get Lisa to take the blame. For the first time in a long time, Gertrude fell asleep with a smile on her face.
Note: This is for LJ Idol Season 11 Week 1. The topic is resolution and one of my previously seen characters wanted to make an appearance again to tell her story. If you'd like to see the previous stories about Gertrude, you can read from season 9: A Terrible Beauty is Born which is what happens once she makes her resolution and from season 10: Trolley Problem which is a story about her as an adult.