Thirty-Five Things I've Learned From X-Files Fanfiction
This is an idea I came up with, and have been thinking about with namarie24 for a while. She helped me come up with & edit this list, which was great fun to make!
Before you read, a disclaimer: This is all tongue-in-cheek. Not only do I love X-Files fanfic in general and like reading fics with some of these cliches, I freely admit to using some of them in my own writing. Also, I believe some of them are "true".
Feel free to comment & add your own!
Thirty-Five Things I've Learned From X-Files Fanfiction
Before you read, a disclaimer: This is all tongue-in-cheek. Not only do I love X-Files fanfic in general and like reading fics with some of these cliches, I freely admit to using some of them in my own writing. Also, I believe some of them are "true".
Feel free to comment & add your own!
Thirty-Five Things I've Learned From X-Files Fanfiction
There is no situation or episode after which it is too improbable or even impossible for Mulder and Scully to have sex. Cancer, for example, is a good aphrodisiac, as is the death of a family member.
Mulder and Scully often have long, in-depth, open conversations about their feelings, though these always happen off-screen. These also, invariably, lead to sex.
What we see on screen only scratches the surface of how crazy Mulder actually is. It is amazing he can function at all on a day-to-day basis, much less still be an FBI agent, with how much insanity is lurking in his head.
Much of this insanity is related to Mulder's profiling ability, which isn't just spooky, it's darn near supernatural. Mulder often loses himself in the mind of a killer, and Only Scully Can Save Him from the Abyss (And Then They Have Sex, aka ATTHS).
Mulder and Scully suffer almost constantly from nightmares. These always require comfort from the other, which means sex.
Mulder and Scully are magnets for car crashes. It is a rare car trip that does not result in an accident, a hospital stay, recuperating at home - ATTHS, of course.
In fact, Mulder and Scully are constantly being shot, stabbed, or otherwise critically injured, even beyond what we saw in the show. Again, this results in time spent being cared for by the other, ATTHS.
Both M&S have numerous past lovers waiting in the wings to come back at the most inopportune moments. This will lead to fights between the two, angst, ATTHS.
It is possible that even at the end of the series, when Mulder and Scully have kissed passionately, talked about the child they had together, and end up holding each other on the same bed, that they still never had sex. (Though this goes against all the fanfic evidence stating that they were having sex every time they were off-screen for nine seasons.)
Any character could be in a sexual relationship with any other character - again, there is no such thing as this being too improbable or even impossible. (True for any fandom!)
No character that we saw die is actually permanently dead. (True for any fandom, and Chris Carter actually pretty much said this.)
Mulder and Scully spend long hours listening to songs and thinking about the ways in which they are true for their lives. (Can also lead to declarations of love ATTHS.)
Mulder is constantly wildly jealous of any man who so much as speaks to Scully, though this also mostly happens off-screen. The same is true for Scully, about Mulder - for example, the experience of Dr. Bambi Berenbaum wounded her deeply.
Quite apart from “Never Again”, both Mulder and Scully are prone to having one-night stands with random people just to make the other jealous, especially after feeling particularly taken for granted. As is only natural, this leads to a huge fight, apologies, ATTHS - not necessarily in that order.
The FBI holds frequent balls which all agents are required to attend. Scully secretly yearns for them, though she would never tell Mulder how much she dreams of dressing up for him and being on his arm. Mulder cherishes similar dreams, although he knows he can never be worthy of Scully. These often lead to declarations of love ATTHS.
Using the elevator to reach the basement office (or any elevator, for that matter) is dangerous, as it often breaks down, leaving our intrepid agents trapped inside. They can make the best of it, however - ATTHS.
Bill Scully is one of the most evil, unreasonable people on the planet. He is extraordinarily sexist and does not accept that his sister can be a good FBI agent and enjoy her job. He will never, ever accept Scully's feelings for Mulder (or vice versa), and it is a wonder Scully ever speaks to him.
Mulder was definitely married to Diana Fowley back in the day - the infamous wedding ring was certainly not just David Duchovny playing a trick/being a jerk to viewers. This leads to much angst from Scully when she finds out, which means Mulder must convince her how much of a mistake it was, ATTHS.
Both Mulder and Scully used to smoke, and pick up the habit again whenever they are over-stressed or experiencing relationship angst.
Besides the unbelievably excruciating amount of trauma we saw Scully go through on the show, she has also been kidnapped, abducted, mugged, molested, and raped countless times. This almost always leads to Mulder-comfort ATTHS, naturally.
If Mulder and/or Scully don't feel up to actually having long, honest, moving conversations with each other in which they finally spill all their pent-up feelings, one or both of them will write it all down in a letter or email. This affords them the opportunity to try to formulate it so it can be as flowery and lyrical as a Chris Carter voiceover. Though neither M nor S actually wants the other to find said document, they will, ATTHS.
Mulder and Scully often are forced by circumstances beyond their control to share a bed at the end of the day, or, in the case of having been in a plane crash/being otherwise lost in the wilderness, having to huddle together for warmth at night. Far, far more often than not, ATTHS - especially if they have been having an increasingly hard time denying their primitive urges for each other throughout the day.
Once Scully finally began to remember what happened to her when she was abducted, the only possible outcome was to start constantly having paralyzing flashbacks and go catatonic. Of course this happened off-screen, and Mulder had to comfort her, ATTHS.
During the three months Scully believed Mulder was dead after “This Is Not Happening”, she was either hovering on the brink of insanity/suicide, or learning to love Doggett or Skinner (or both). Even if Scully did not fall for either of them, one or both had fallen head over heels for her by this time, but they both knew It Can Never Be because of her undying love for Mulder, and it was very angsty.
Everyone who sees Mulder and Scully together instantly notices that they are incredibly close - in fact, that they have a special bond never before seen and that could never be seen again. This will be so obvious to the random outside observer that the person cannot comprehend how Mulder and Scully themselves do not see it.
Scully is constantly thinking about how beautiful Mulder's expressive leaf/dark/forest/verdant/emerald green/hazel eyes are. She also often thinks about his attractiveness in terms of the appropriateness of his namesake animal. Mulder, on the other hand, fixates on Scully's beautiful fiery/titian/strawberry red hair (despite the fact that he is red/green colorblind), and her sapphire/deep/startlingly/piercing/summer-sky/ocean blue eyes. He also is haunted by the alluring floral/fruit scent of her shampoo.
Mulder and Scully must either have met before the show began, or been at the same place at the same time without knowing it but felt a strange connection, or at very least their families were connected. This must be, because Their Love Transcends Time And Space.
Mulder and Scully learned quickly to call each other Fox and Dana, though this really only happens off-screen. It often accompanies declarations of love (ATTHS).
Mulder continually thinks about how small/delicate/fragile/tiny/dwarfed Scully seems to him, especially in comparison to his clumsy/lumbering/hulking figure alongside her. Despite this, they both also always remark to themselves how well they fit together - particularly, of course, when they are having sex.
Mulder always refers to his sister as Sam, although this only happens off-screen.
If Mulder and Scully have a child other than William (which definitely happened or will happen later), he or she will be named Sam.
Emily is really Mulder's biological daughter as well, as are any similarly-created children.
Mulder and Scully never have a home-cooked meal together, only takeout or pizza. If one of them tries to cook for the other, especially Mulder, disaster will result and hijinks will ensue.
The Lone Gunmen can do absolutely anything Mulder or Scully need them to do in order to further the plot. Money is never an object.
Christmas almost always reminds Scully of Emily and makes her depressed. Mulder, on the other hand, always forgets and doesn't understand until something forcefully reminds him, and then he feels horrible guilty about it. He tries to cheer her up, ATTHS. This all happens off-screen.