It's gonna be okay...
Supernatural fanfiction
Title: It's gonna be okay...
Characters: Sam, Dean, Bobby
Word count: 920
Summary: Written foramber1960's prompt at What is Dead Should Stay Dead
Season 2 AU - Sam dies and no demon will make a deal with Dean, so Sam stays dead and Dean has to cope (or not) with life without his brother.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warnings: suicide
Author's note: It's unbetaed so if anyone wants to beta it please tell me!
You think about what the crossroad demon said.
"I'm not a big fan of Lucifer you know, Dean? No crossroad demon will take your deal poor little thing. We know it would mean the end of our jobs...", she said just before vanishing. And you don't get it! You can't even start to understand what she meant. And you don't even want to... If crossroad demons can't help you then you'll find something else. You'll find a way. You always do!
You know you're not suposed to react like that. You're not stupid!
You know normal people would definitely not be driving on this shitty road, holding the wheel so tight, their knuckles hurt.
You know it and still. Here you are. Driving back to your brother. Thinking, searching through your fucking useless brain a solution, a way.
How to wake him up.
Yeah! Wake him up. You know he's not sleeping yeah, thank you! But what are you suposed to say? Resurrect him? It sounds wrong! Even you know that! You don't wanna end up with a zombie or a ghost. You want Sam. You want him back! Is it too much to ask?! You want your brother back. Who wouldn't?
You know everyone already thought at least once in their life that they would like someone back.
The thing is you also know that for them it's just a dream. Some kind of crazy hope. But you know it's possible. You know you can. And you won't rest until you find a way to be with him again.
And yeah maybe it's sick. Maybe you should stop this madness and go back to Sam. Bury him. Mourn. Start living again. Yeah! Who are you kidding?! You won't. You can't.
It's not your fault, no. It's not even Sam's. Maybe it's your dad's. Maybe you weren't suposed to grow up thinking Sam was your responsability. Maybe...
Maybe it's the yellow eyes demon... And when you start thinking about it, going back so far, you know things would have been different and it hurts. You know that your mom would never have let you grow up like this. You would have been a regular kid. You would have been a normal big brother. Caring, not insane!
Your mom would have taken care of Sam while you lived your life. You would have made friends. You would be married maybe... Sam would be at Stanford. Engaged to Jess. He would be happy.
He would be alive.
You would be alone. That doesn't change.
And there are tears on your cheeks when you park the car in front of the cabin. You rest your head on the wheel. You don't wanna go inside. You can't go inside...
Bobby's gonna come back soon. Check on you... Make you eat. Make you go out of this haunted town... Make you leave your brother. And you're thinking. You're trying to find a reason. Your honestly trying to figure out why you could want to do that. But there is no reason. You're not able to do that.
It's weird how, when you think about your mom, you can see her, you remember her, you remember a life when Sammy was not there. But you can't think about it as your life. It's like you're remembering another kid's mom. Another childhood. Another life.
Because when you think about your life, you know exatly the minute when it started. It started with a fire. It started with a little thing moving in your arms. Big hazel eyes filled with tears, looking at you.
And you remember hugging it tighter and murmuring "It's gonna be okay Sammy...".
You laugh.
"It's gonna be okay Sammy..."
How could you say such a stupid thing. How could you believe it?!
It's not gonna be okay. It's never gonna be okay ever again!
But you know what to do now.
You get out of the car and in the cabin and you sit by your brother.
"I found a way, Sammy", you say and you smile.
"I couldn't make a deal... I guess you already know that. Or not... I don't know how things work up there... I don't even know if you're still here, playing hide and seek with your reaper or if you're gone... I don't know..."
You take his hand. It's cold and you hold it tight, warming it.
"I wanted to bring you back... I couldn't. And I tried to think, I tried to find a way but you know... I'm not the brain of the team... But I know what to do now Sammy! I kept thinking about our lives. About how they started together. How they have to end together..."
You play with the safety of your gun for a minute. You know Sammy wouldn't like this idea but who is he to tell you what to do?! He's still the little brother after all!
You hear the motor of a truck and you know you have to do it now. You know Bobby will hate you for this. But you also know that he would be able to make you change your mind. You don't want to.
There is a loud bang.
The motor stops.
Bobby runs. He is too late. He runs and he's not in the cabin yet but he knows. He's too late.
Sam's body is still lying on the mattress. Dean is on the chair. His gun on the ground. Blood pouring from his mouth.
Bobby picks the gun up. Closes Dean's eyes.
"Idjits!"
Title: It's gonna be okay...
Characters: Sam, Dean, Bobby
Word count: 920
Summary: Written foramber1960's prompt at What is Dead Should Stay Dead
Season 2 AU - Sam dies and no demon will make a deal with Dean, so Sam stays dead and Dean has to cope (or not) with life without his brother.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warnings: suicide
Author's note: It's unbetaed so if anyone wants to beta it please tell me!
You think about what the crossroad demon said.
"I'm not a big fan of Lucifer you know, Dean? No crossroad demon will take your deal poor little thing. We know it would mean the end of our jobs...", she said just before vanishing. And you don't get it! You can't even start to understand what she meant. And you don't even want to... If crossroad demons can't help you then you'll find something else. You'll find a way. You always do!
You know you're not suposed to react like that. You're not stupid!
You know normal people would definitely not be driving on this shitty road, holding the wheel so tight, their knuckles hurt.
You know it and still. Here you are. Driving back to your brother. Thinking, searching through your fucking useless brain a solution, a way.
How to wake him up.
Yeah! Wake him up. You know he's not sleeping yeah, thank you! But what are you suposed to say? Resurrect him? It sounds wrong! Even you know that! You don't wanna end up with a zombie or a ghost. You want Sam. You want him back! Is it too much to ask?! You want your brother back. Who wouldn't?
You know everyone already thought at least once in their life that they would like someone back.
The thing is you also know that for them it's just a dream. Some kind of crazy hope. But you know it's possible. You know you can. And you won't rest until you find a way to be with him again.
And yeah maybe it's sick. Maybe you should stop this madness and go back to Sam. Bury him. Mourn. Start living again. Yeah! Who are you kidding?! You won't. You can't.
It's not your fault, no. It's not even Sam's. Maybe it's your dad's. Maybe you weren't suposed to grow up thinking Sam was your responsability. Maybe...
Maybe it's the yellow eyes demon... And when you start thinking about it, going back so far, you know things would have been different and it hurts. You know that your mom would never have let you grow up like this. You would have been a regular kid. You would have been a normal big brother. Caring, not insane!
Your mom would have taken care of Sam while you lived your life. You would have made friends. You would be married maybe... Sam would be at Stanford. Engaged to Jess. He would be happy.
He would be alive.
You would be alone. That doesn't change.
And there are tears on your cheeks when you park the car in front of the cabin. You rest your head on the wheel. You don't wanna go inside. You can't go inside...
Bobby's gonna come back soon. Check on you... Make you eat. Make you go out of this haunted town... Make you leave your brother. And you're thinking. You're trying to find a reason. Your honestly trying to figure out why you could want to do that. But there is no reason. You're not able to do that.
It's weird how, when you think about your mom, you can see her, you remember her, you remember a life when Sammy was not there. But you can't think about it as your life. It's like you're remembering another kid's mom. Another childhood. Another life.
Because when you think about your life, you know exatly the minute when it started. It started with a fire. It started with a little thing moving in your arms. Big hazel eyes filled with tears, looking at you.
And you remember hugging it tighter and murmuring "It's gonna be okay Sammy...".
You laugh.
"It's gonna be okay Sammy..."
How could you say such a stupid thing. How could you believe it?!
It's not gonna be okay. It's never gonna be okay ever again!
But you know what to do now.
You get out of the car and in the cabin and you sit by your brother.
"I found a way, Sammy", you say and you smile.
"I couldn't make a deal... I guess you already know that. Or not... I don't know how things work up there... I don't even know if you're still here, playing hide and seek with your reaper or if you're gone... I don't know..."
You take his hand. It's cold and you hold it tight, warming it.
"I wanted to bring you back... I couldn't. And I tried to think, I tried to find a way but you know... I'm not the brain of the team... But I know what to do now Sammy! I kept thinking about our lives. About how they started together. How they have to end together..."
You play with the safety of your gun for a minute. You know Sammy wouldn't like this idea but who is he to tell you what to do?! He's still the little brother after all!
You hear the motor of a truck and you know you have to do it now. You know Bobby will hate you for this. But you also know that he would be able to make you change your mind. You don't want to.
There is a loud bang.
The motor stops.
Bobby runs. He is too late. He runs and he's not in the cabin yet but he knows. He's too late.
Sam's body is still lying on the mattress. Dean is on the chair. His gun on the ground. Blood pouring from his mouth.
Bobby picks the gun up. Closes Dean's eyes.
"Idjits!"