It's not suicide if we're already dead
Supernatural fanfiction
Title: It's not suicide if we're already dead
Characters: Sam, Dean
Word count: 884
Summary: Written for counteragent's prompt at What is Dead Should Stay Dead
"When you think about it rationally, Dean, it's simple. We're fated to have shit lives here on earth. We know heaven exists, and that we'll go upstairs when it's our time. We'll be together there."
"What are you saying exactly, Sam?"
"That I want to make it our time." Sam pulled his gun.
It takes place at just after 7x17 The Born-Again Identity.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warnings: suicide
Author's note: It's my first time answering a prompt and I've got to admit that I didn't think I was really gonna write it when I started! It's pretty short but I hope you'll like it anyway...
It's unbetaed so if anyone wants to beta it please tell me!
It was a quiet night. Dean was driving for hours, casting glances at his sleeping brother on the passenger seat. He couldn't bring himself to stop the car. Afraid that it would wake Sam up.
They were 6 hours away from the hospital. Sam was gonne be fine. Dean kept telling himself that. Sam is gonna be fine.
It was five in the morning when Dean finally parked the Impala in front of a motel. He didn't dare leave Sam alone in the car so he woke him up and they went to the clerk, rent a room and settled in together.
Dean started unpacking his things while Sam sat on his bed and didn't move for a while.
"You okay there Sammy?', he asked.
"Yeah..."
"Okay let's do it again with a little more conviction!"
"I'm fine Dean. Just tired, that's all..."
"Yeah the thing is: I know you Sammy. So, what about you tell me what's going on in this giant brain of yours and then we can both hit the sack?", Dean tried.
His brother sighed loudly but finally answered.
"When you think about it rationally, Dean, it's simple. We're fated to have shit lives here on earth. We know heaven exists, and that we'll go upstairs when it's our time. We'll be together there."
"What are you saying exactly, Sam?"
"That I want to make it our time." Sam pulled his gun.
Dean raised his eyebrows and knelt in front of his brother.
"Wow, wow, easy buddy!", he said, taking the gun from Sam's hand. His brother didn't fight him and Dean couldn't figure if it was because Sam wasn't convinced of what he said or if he just didn't care since he had plenty other weapons in his bag.
"Listen to me Sam", Dean cupped his brother's chin in his hand and forced him to meet his eyes. "I know it's been a few hard months but it's okay now. You're okay"
Sam let out a humorless laugh.
"A few hard month Dean? You're kidding me right?", he didn't let his brother any time to answer, "Try a few hard years maybe! Or a few hard lives! When was the last time life wasn't hard Dean?"
Dean got up, a hand on his mouth, unable to say anything. But Sam waited for an answer.
"When Dean?!", he asked again more forcefully this time, "When I didn't have a soul? When you cried for me in your suburban house? When I cried for you in Ruby's bed?! When Dean?!", the last words were softer, almost murmured, "When was the last time we've been happy?"
"I don't know okay?!", Dean's voice wasn't soft. "I don't fucking know!". He sat on his own bed, across from Sam, his eyes on the ground. "But I can't do it without you man... You can't do that. You can't leave me here..."
"I don't want to! I'm just saying... It was all written right?", he started, "Everything. From the beginning... Dad, mom, their marriage, their deaths, Jess, Cas, Michael, Lucifer... Everything... I'm tired of this man... I want us to take the lead. To make our own choices."
Dean sighed, "I can't believe your way of screwing up destiny is to commit suicide!", he raised his eyes, watching his brother's face. His brother's pale and tired face. "I don't know what to tell you Sam..."
"It's not suicide if we're already dead, Dean...", he paused, "we died what? 4? 5 times?", he asked, expecting no answer, "We did our time Dean... We saved people. We hunted things... I think we're allowed to go now...", he said gently. "I would better end this on our term than wait for destiny to pick up the worst time ever to kill one of us!", he leaned forward and grabbed another gun in his bag, "If you die, I'll never dare kill myself. And I know that if I die you'll keep going, get even more reckless and eventually get killed slowly and painfully."
He took Dean's chin in his had and forced his brother to meet his eyes, "I don't want to be alone, Dean. And I sure don't want you to die alone."
Dean bit his lips and lied down, his feet still on the ground, his eyes on the ceiling. "What about the Leviathans Sam? We fucked up, we let those things invade the world, we've got to take care of them!"
Sam sighed, "we did our best. We didn't fuck up Dean! Cas did. And believe me, he is paying for his mistakes!", he shook his head, he didn't want to think about the Leviathans, "Other hunters will find a way. We're not the only ones Dean! We already lost everyhing in the battle, don't you realise that the next person we're gonna lose is each other?!"
Dean straightened up, playing with the gun in his hand. "If we come back this time, I swear I retire!", he took the safety off. "You sure you wanna do this?", he asked, meeting Sam's eyes.
Sam simply nodded, exhausted. He knew his brother wouldn't say anything else. That last joke was already an effort.
He took the safety of his own gun off and put it on his temple, mimicking his brother's gestures.
"See you on the other side..."
Title: It's not suicide if we're already dead
Characters: Sam, Dean
Word count: 884
Summary: Written for counteragent's prompt at What is Dead Should Stay Dead
"When you think about it rationally, Dean, it's simple. We're fated to have shit lives here on earth. We know heaven exists, and that we'll go upstairs when it's our time. We'll be together there."
"What are you saying exactly, Sam?"
"That I want to make it our time." Sam pulled his gun.
It takes place at just after 7x17 The Born-Again Identity.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warnings: suicide
Author's note: It's my first time answering a prompt and I've got to admit that I didn't think I was really gonna write it when I started! It's pretty short but I hope you'll like it anyway...
It's unbetaed so if anyone wants to beta it please tell me!
It was a quiet night. Dean was driving for hours, casting glances at his sleeping brother on the passenger seat. He couldn't bring himself to stop the car. Afraid that it would wake Sam up.
They were 6 hours away from the hospital. Sam was gonne be fine. Dean kept telling himself that. Sam is gonna be fine.
It was five in the morning when Dean finally parked the Impala in front of a motel. He didn't dare leave Sam alone in the car so he woke him up and they went to the clerk, rent a room and settled in together.
Dean started unpacking his things while Sam sat on his bed and didn't move for a while.
"You okay there Sammy?', he asked.
"Yeah..."
"Okay let's do it again with a little more conviction!"
"I'm fine Dean. Just tired, that's all..."
"Yeah the thing is: I know you Sammy. So, what about you tell me what's going on in this giant brain of yours and then we can both hit the sack?", Dean tried.
His brother sighed loudly but finally answered.
"When you think about it rationally, Dean, it's simple. We're fated to have shit lives here on earth. We know heaven exists, and that we'll go upstairs when it's our time. We'll be together there."
"What are you saying exactly, Sam?"
"That I want to make it our time." Sam pulled his gun.
Dean raised his eyebrows and knelt in front of his brother.
"Wow, wow, easy buddy!", he said, taking the gun from Sam's hand. His brother didn't fight him and Dean couldn't figure if it was because Sam wasn't convinced of what he said or if he just didn't care since he had plenty other weapons in his bag.
"Listen to me Sam", Dean cupped his brother's chin in his hand and forced him to meet his eyes. "I know it's been a few hard months but it's okay now. You're okay"
Sam let out a humorless laugh.
"A few hard month Dean? You're kidding me right?", he didn't let his brother any time to answer, "Try a few hard years maybe! Or a few hard lives! When was the last time life wasn't hard Dean?"
Dean got up, a hand on his mouth, unable to say anything. But Sam waited for an answer.
"When Dean?!", he asked again more forcefully this time, "When I didn't have a soul? When you cried for me in your suburban house? When I cried for you in Ruby's bed?! When Dean?!", the last words were softer, almost murmured, "When was the last time we've been happy?"
"I don't know okay?!", Dean's voice wasn't soft. "I don't fucking know!". He sat on his own bed, across from Sam, his eyes on the ground. "But I can't do it without you man... You can't do that. You can't leave me here..."
"I don't want to! I'm just saying... It was all written right?", he started, "Everything. From the beginning... Dad, mom, their marriage, their deaths, Jess, Cas, Michael, Lucifer... Everything... I'm tired of this man... I want us to take the lead. To make our own choices."
Dean sighed, "I can't believe your way of screwing up destiny is to commit suicide!", he raised his eyes, watching his brother's face. His brother's pale and tired face. "I don't know what to tell you Sam..."
"It's not suicide if we're already dead, Dean...", he paused, "we died what? 4? 5 times?", he asked, expecting no answer, "We did our time Dean... We saved people. We hunted things... I think we're allowed to go now...", he said gently. "I would better end this on our term than wait for destiny to pick up the worst time ever to kill one of us!", he leaned forward and grabbed another gun in his bag, "If you die, I'll never dare kill myself. And I know that if I die you'll keep going, get even more reckless and eventually get killed slowly and painfully."
He took Dean's chin in his had and forced his brother to meet his eyes, "I don't want to be alone, Dean. And I sure don't want you to die alone."
Dean bit his lips and lied down, his feet still on the ground, his eyes on the ceiling. "What about the Leviathans Sam? We fucked up, we let those things invade the world, we've got to take care of them!"
Sam sighed, "we did our best. We didn't fuck up Dean! Cas did. And believe me, he is paying for his mistakes!", he shook his head, he didn't want to think about the Leviathans, "Other hunters will find a way. We're not the only ones Dean! We already lost everyhing in the battle, don't you realise that the next person we're gonna lose is each other?!"
Dean straightened up, playing with the gun in his hand. "If we come back this time, I swear I retire!", he took the safety off. "You sure you wanna do this?", he asked, meeting Sam's eyes.
Sam simply nodded, exhausted. He knew his brother wouldn't say anything else. That last joke was already an effort.
He took the safety of his own gun off and put it on his temple, mimicking his brother's gestures.
"See you on the other side..."