Project Revision: Free Fall. Part X. Padmé, Obi-Wan, Anakin, OC.

[wyncatastrophe]

Author's note: So this is a revised version of a draft my f-list saw several days ago. I have left the Padmé opening as it was, largely thanks to the timely advice of

Comments

Ouch

[chameleon_irony]

thanks to the timely advice of chameleon_irony, to whom I owe thanks for her insights

This is incredibly awkward, but... *is not a she*

Re: Ouch

[wyncatastrophe]

Oh, sorry! That is a totally heteronormative and also sexist assumption. I'm so used to other fanficcers identifying as women that I did not even think about it! That was wrong of me, and I apologize. Let me rectify the situation as much as I can by editing the entry. Would you prefer "his," "zir," or some other pronoun?

[ETA: I went ahead and changed it to "the insights," just so that it doesn't still say "her." I'll change it again once you let me know your preferred pronoun. How incredibly awkward of me! As if, after all this time in a field that studies gender, I have any excuse for not knowing any better! I really do apologize! *embarrassed*]

Re: Ouch

[chameleon_irony]

It's OK. I don't blame you for not knowing what I've never said. Some people make their gender identity the center of their self-concept, but I'm closer to the other extreme. I don't think gender has much relevance in making people who they are, so I tend not to talk about mine.

Until recently, I had convinced myself I really was a woman, but denial doesn't last forever, especially when you're learning psychology. I'm FtM. So it's "he", except in real life where I pretend, for career's sake, to be what I appear to be (female).

ETA: seems comment notifications (both email and LJ Inbox) are down again.

Re: Ouch

[wyncatastrophe]

Comment notifications are down - I know estora is experiencing the same problem.

Thank you for being so understanding. Even if you've never pointed it out, it is totally not fair for me to make that kind of assumption - just because most ficcers perform their gender as women, that still does not absolve me of the responsibility to acknowledge that not all of them are, or want to be.

It's an interesting point you make about gender. I think my sister would probably agree with you, re: not important to identity. And yet, for me, it has been very formative - being identified as a woman every time I show my face in public has had a literally incalculable on my sense of self-in-relation-to-others; it makes a big difference in my daily life. I'm not saying that this is always a negative difference, but on a day-to-day level the way I am treated by other women (let's not even start) and the way I am treated by men (it varies, but notice that my father-in-law refers to me as "Little Miss Pretty") does impact what I expect going into a social

[chameleon_irony]

I like the part from Ryn's point of view that you've added, and the omissions you've made in this verison.

The sequence that started with “I’m sorry, Kit, I’m so sorry ..” was too confusing. I had no idea who was talking or about what. And the paragraphs with Anakin and Obi-Wan that you've removed were interesting, but not really necessary at this point in the story, and one rule of writing I've been taught and agree with is "if the story works without it, cut it".

icon love!

[wyncatastrophe]

Thanks for this comment. I think you're right about it being too confusing the first time around. I toyed with the idea of writing more around it, to explicate, but then that just seemed all heavy-handed, and in the end I decided that the real problem was: there was just no good reason why the audience should need to know about Ryn's family issues at this point in the story. Better off to wait until they come up in a way that a) adds something to the story other than general angst; and b) permits an explanation that doesn't feel so out of place. So: later for that.

I had a poetry prof who used to say, "if it can be cut, lose it." Same idea, really. Usually right, but so frickin' painful sometimes! Hehe.

Thanks again for commenting!

[wyncatastrophe]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. That's pretty much the line of reasoning I was trying to trigger, to, so it's good to know it worked.

Thanks so much for commenting!

[pronker]

And they did have to eat.

So many things come out when we dine together, like whether or not someone starts in before everyone is seated, etc.

[wyncatastrophe]

I always feel super-awkward in dining situations.

[pronker]

How about a Jedi course in eating at treaty banquets or Senatorial whingdings and all the other formal things they attend?